**THAT
LITTLE SECRET OF YOURS**
PART 1
Buffy's pace was very rapid as she was heading to Faith’s motel. The Sisterhood of Jhe were about to unleash an apocalypse and they were gonna need Faith soon for the coming fight. She was on the passage leading to Faith’s room, almost at her door when that one opened and Buffy instinctively stepped backwards and on her left, hiding without knowing why, in between Faith’s room and the neighbours'. She listened.
“That was great. I gotta shower.”
Buffy frowned with curiosity; it was Faith, her tone betraying the exact opposite of what she’d just said. The door closed immediately, almost slamming. Buffy took a quick glance and hid again; she couldn't believe what she’d just seen, or rather who she’d just seen.
She started wondering and the surprise was very fast replaced by sadness that she didn’t know the origin of, and then jealousy...
She felt jealous and then confused about her jealousy. She’d always been Xander’s slayer, Xander’s crush since she arrived, there had been Cordelia but in her mind; he’d always been in love with her and though she never cared about him that way it still bugged her. But what was disturbing her the most was that she felt jealous of Xander as well.
Thoughts of Faith being her friend, Faith and the others barely spent a few evenings together, it was most of the time her and Faith, and despite the fact that she kept telling the others to be less reluctant towards the brunette slayer she knew she liked the fact that they were just two of a kind. And she didn’t really like sharing her with the others.
These thoughts were crowding her mind when she realized Xander had started his engine and left. She was still in her thoughts and began to walk away when she noticed the little light on the opened little window from Faith’s bathroom. She went under it and remained a short while there, hearing the water run. Then it stopped. Buffy frowned, she moved closer and remained a short while frozen when she was sure of what she could hear; Faith was crying. That fact froze Buffy’s blood, she shook her head and walked towards Faith’s door. She slowly opened it and walked silently to the bathroom. She could guess Faith’s silhouette through the Plexiglas door around the shower, Faith was either squatting or sitting, Buffy wasn’t too sure but what she was sure of was that Faith really was crying. Buffy knocked on the bathroom’s door, Faith immediately got up and Buffy very fast started to talk before the brunette could worry about who it was, “Faith, you in there?” She innocently said.
“Yeah in the shower, what are you doing there B?” Faith replied with her most natural tone.
“Looking for you? Can I step closer?”
“Don’t move, I’m coming out.”
Faith stretched her hand to take her towel and stepped outside of the bathroom. Buffy realized she’d gulped at the sight of the almost naked brunette but she focused her attention on Faith’s face.
“Were you crying?”
Faith looked at her in surprise and laughed, “Me? Crying? What are ya on today?”
Faith was acting very naturally but she looked aside then turned around to take another towel for her hair, Buffy smiled too, “Yes of course, don’t know why-“
“So the fury sisters are up I guess, ‘bout time.”
Buffy smiled, “Well, I’d have preferred they stay asleep.”
“Come on B, last night in the cave was wicked funny!”
“If you say so, anyway you’re ready? I mean you’re ok to come? I mean after you’ll get dressed, you... don’t have any plans, do you? I mean you weren’t- I mean what were you doing before I came in?”
Faith looked at her
suspiciously for a while then smiled again with her natural seductive
smile,
“Obviously showering... otherwise waiting for you to
call me for the fight... wasn’t counting on a personal visit,
but that’s pretty fine by me too.”
Buffy smiled then
frowned,
“Wait, you shower just before going into a
fight?”
Faith looked up for a minute as to think, “Well...I do shower afterwards too but well... who knows? Each time could be our last fight... If I die, I wanna be clean.”
Buffy smiled then they both laughed, Buffy left the bathroom.
“I’ll be waiting for you outside.”
“’K, coming in a minute.”
~~~~
“Is it... gone?”
“I think it is. We’ve pushed back the apocalypse one more time.”
The librarian helped Willow to get up as he said that, the redhead was slightly shaking.
“Great, no cause, I was feeling......I am ok you know… just need a week or two at the hospital and then, brand new.”
Giles gave her a knowing smile. ,
Buffy got up in her turn, “You’ve been wonderful Willow; you’ve all been prodigiously admirable.”
Buffy's lip was cut; Giles gave her a proud smile, “You’ve been very courageous too, Buffy.”
“Yes, but it’s my job.”
“And mine. When is someone gonna tell me how extraordinary I’ve been.”
Buffy rushed to Faith who had been pushed against a cupboard during the last attack and was under a pile of wooden bits. Buffy helped her with a smile, “You’ve been great, Faith.”
“Great? That’s all I get? Hey if I had not jumped on that beasty, Red would've never cast her spell correctly.”
Buffy smiled even more, “We wouldn’t have done it without you Faith you know that, you were incredible, as always... I mean, when you fight, you are, I mean, you know what I mean.”
Faith smiled then cleaned herself, she grimaced, “Ouch.”
“Are you hurt?” Buffy queried, with worries.
“T’s ok, probably a rib or something... it’ll be gone tomorrow... after a good sleeping night, or sleeping day considering the time it is. So people, guess I leave you now, that was fun ‘night guys.”
“Faith, wait?”
Faith turned around, “Yes?”
“Nothing, just gonna walk you home, make sure you’re ok.”
“Told you B, t’s ok I’m fine.”
“I need a walk anyway.”
Buffy looked at Giles and Willow.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, have a rest”
She winked at them and she and Faith headed to the exit.
~~~~
They talked a lot about the battle once outside of the library but slowly a silence took hold of their walk and they remained very quiet for most part of the way to Faith’s motel. Buffy wanted to speak to Faith but didn’t really know what to say. Faith could feel Buffy’s hesitations but didn't really understand what was on the blonde’s mind so she kept it quiet too... not much of a talker so that was fine by her.
Faith opened her door; Buffy kept following instead of saying goodnight, she still didn't begin the talk so Faith kept acting normally, without saying anything either.
They entered the room. Faith got rid of her jacket and shoes and observed Buffy a little bit. The blonde didn’t seem comfortable.
“Something you want B?”
“Err no.”
Buffy looked aside, her eyes fell on the bed, still rumpled. Buffy immediately looked the other way. Faith noticed and frowned, “Not feeling sleepy tonight I guess.”
Buffy frowned, “Huh?”
Faith smiled, “Yes, I mean, with you not going home and all, not that I mind... at all, I mean if you wanna stay here for the night it’s no prob for me B.”
Buffy unwillingly blushed, “Err no, I mean in fact I- I’m gonna get home but I-“
Buffy cleared her throat and tried to sound more serious.
“Listen Faith I-. I have to admit something; I saw you, I mean I was there when... when Xander got out- I know.”
Faith sighed, “I see.”
She went to her bedside table to take off her rings and earrings and put them on then turned around to look at Buffy.
“Look Buffy I know he’s your friend I- I honestly didn’t mean to do it with him because of this... I know you think I used him too like the others but well... ok I did, but I didn’t mean too, I'm sorry so don’t jump on my-“
“No it’s ok.”
Faith looked surprised.
“I mean, it’s not ok for him because he probably meant more to it than this, but he’s a big boy and I think he’s figured it out and I’m not worried for him... I’m worried for you actually.”
“That’s new. And what for?”
“You tell me.”
Buffy stared at Faith with an intense piercing gaze. Faith wasn’t used to that but she even had to divert her gaze from the blonde’s, pretending to arrange some clothes on her drawer.
“I’m five by five, you know me. He kind of picked me up after a fight with one of these demons and I kind of was... wild and high by the fight, you know. I needed to let steam off, sorry that it was him but it wasn’t a defined choice, it just happened... had fun for a while, I’m ok Buffy really.“
“Funny things that happened... It’s just that... you don’t seem that ok. And when I came you didn’t seem to have had that much fun.”
“Well, he was a virgin so...” Faith sarcastically replied.
Buffy couldn’t
help a smile that Faith gave back. The brunette took on before Buffy
could say any more things,
“I’m completely ok, you
know him better than me, he’ll be cool too so we’re all
cool, ok? I think you should go home now... because I won’t go
to school in your place if you can’t get out of your bed, you
know.”
Faith was smiling but the tone didn’t let room for anymore questioning, Buffy knew it, she smiled to her.
“Ok then... See you later Faith. Good night and take care.”
"Ya, you too blondie.”
Buffy waved and left. Faith remained a while thoughtful and wondering about Buffy’s questions and interest before going to bed.
PART 2
Buffy was somewhat absent minded at school the next day, not really focused though doing her best not to let the others notice. She acted a bit weirdly with Xander, looking at him more than usually, he noticed. It was the afternoon break, they were in the courtyard, Willow left for the restroom.
“So what’s wrong?” He finally asked.
Buffy gave a jump, “What?”
“I don’t know, looks like you wanna ask something or maybe I grew horns but... did I?”
He began checking his head and that made her smile, then she looked more serious and he listened.
“Xander I- Well it’s not my business I know but... well yesterday I-I kind of saw you going out of Faith’s room.”
He looked embarrassed and she very fast added, “I’m not gonna say anything you know... to anyone, just, I wanted to tell you that I knew.”
“Ok.”
He remained silent.
“Well in fact I’d like to ask you some details about it.”
He raised his brows suspiciously.
“No, I mean not details about it, more about Faith, I mean, how she acted?”
“What do you mean exactly?”
“Well, was she... was she ok?”
“I don’t really understand that question Buffy, I understand the words but really not the meaning, sure she was ok. Well ok is maybe not the word to describe her; too bland for her, but what do you want to know?”
Buffy looked embarrassed, she didn’t really know what to ask, she even wasn’t sure about what she was looking for.
“I don’t know, I talked with her right after and she didn’t look fine that’s all.”
He looked hopeful, “You talked? Did she say something about me?”
“Err, not really, she just said it was just-“ Buffy trailed off.
“Just that I happened to be there, right? Nothing serious, I’d already get that anyway, was hoping that maybe... but I guess not. Not that bad after all and... it was rather cool.”
He gave her a goofy smile and she slightly smiled too.
“Glad that you take it that way, don’t be mad at her, she didn’t mean wrong, you know.”
“Yeah, she was just wild, unbridled.”
Buffy looked interested, “So what did she do? I mean this is how it happened? How exactly?”
“Well Buffy, I’m sorry but you’re right; this really isn’t your business."
Buffy could tell in Xander’s voice that he was disappointed all the same and a bit sad, but she couldn’t help having this thing, this bad feeling inside of her telling her she needed answers.
“I’m sorry Xander, I know it’s not easy for you but I really think there’s something wrong and you could help. Just, how did she act?”
“What can I tell you Buffy? That she threw me on the bed?”
“She did?”
Xander looked a bit exasperated, “Are these the kind of details you want? Sounds kind of sick to me Buff do you know that? Ok she jumped on me and led the dance that’s all I’m gonna say.”
Buffy remained calm and very resolute, “She remained on top of you all the time?”
Xander looked annoyed and embarrassed but Buffy’s serious tone kept him calm.
“Yes, I tried twice to turn her around and switch position, you know, but my move wasn’t really welcomed, I barely touched her, she really led the dance all the way.”
Buffy looked thoughtful, “She didn’t let you touch her.” she spoke almost to herself.
Xander took his bag.
“Well now if it’s ok detective I gotta go, next time I sleep with Faith, I’ll video it.”
He left, not very pleased, but Buffy knew he wouldn’t hold a grudge against her for that since he was in fact madder to know that it really wasn’t more than a one night stand.
Buffy was even more thoughtful during the last classes, she decided to go see Faith right after the end of school.
~~~~
She knocked at her door.
“Ya who’s there?”
“It’s me.”
The door opened, “B?”
Faith stepped aside to let the blonde in.
“What are you doing here, wasn’t expecting to see you that soon, not that I mind but, don’t you have school today... err it’s over already?”
Buffy looked all around, Faith was barely dressed; she hadn't been up since long obviously.
Buffy smiled, “Yeah, it’s kind of the end of the afternoon for the update.”
Faith raised her brows carelessly, “Yeah.”
She sat on her bed to put her boots while adding, “Gotta problem? Some beasties to kill, I’m ready.”
Buffy smiled, “No, no fight. I just wanted to talk to you a bit.”
Faith looked aside
already not liking the talk already, she gave her a fake
interested smile,
“So? What do you wanna talk about?”
“I talked to Xander today.”
Faith got up from the
bed looking mad,
“Can’t you just mind your own
business Buffy, now he’s gonna feel real bad... and when you’re
at it tell Red the whole thing too so that I’ll sure get the
best of her feelings for me... at least now I’d know why.”
“I didn’t do that. He’s my friend, I preferred that he knew th-“
“Yes he’s your friend but he’s also not a kid anymore. Look I won’t touch him again ok? Don’t worry for him, you should have said nothing.”
“I’m not worried for him.”
Faith sighed, “What now? Thought I told you yesterday I was fine. So again, I am. Now you gotta let this story fade away by itself, ok?”
“No.”
Faith sighed in
exasperation but Buffy took on before the brunette could say
anything,
“And it’s not about that specific story,
it’s about you. You keep pretending that you’re ok but I
know you Faith. It’s just like when you came here, you
pretended that you were five by five but you really weren’t.
I wasn’t either at the time and I can say that I’m much
better today; it’s in big part thanks to you. It has been kind
of a change of mind for me and a real help having you beside me. I’m
better... I don’t think you are.”
Faith looked at her very seriously, “Listen Buffy I’m cool, of course I still think about my watcher but life goes on, I’m fine.”
“I don’t mean about your watcher, not only that at least, I mean about your life... all the things you’re not saying... there’s something you’re- the way you act with boys, you don’t let them get close both sentimentally and physically and-“
“Stop Buffy, I’ve listened to you now your turn; you probably don’t mean wrong and I appreciate the thoughts but you’re gonna stop right now. Whether you’re right or not, the things I’m not saying; I don’t wanna say them, and you’re not gonna change that, so please stop trying to get the dirt on top, leave it under the carpet, will you? There’s nothing I wanna talk about with you or with anyone else.”
Buffy was upset but Faith’s tone was very clear.
Buffy swallowed, “I’m sorry, didn’t mean to- I just thought that... we were close, closer now and that... we could share some stuff, you know.”
Faith still look very calm, “I don’t think you’re ready for what I’d like to share with you Buffy.”
Buffy was too caught up on the whole conversation to note the ambiguous meaning of this sentence.
“Ok, I won’t talk about it or Xander anymore, didn’t mean to bother you. I’m your friend you know, I really am. Just wanted you to know it’s not only for the slaying, we’re two of a kind Faith and I’m feeling that bond more and more so just know that... I’m here for you, if I can do anything to help you.”
Faith’s gaze was already softer, “You already did.”
Buffy frowned, unconvinced, “Yeah, apart from pissing you off I don’t see what I did.”
Faith smiled, “You cared. You care.” She calmly said.
Buffy stared at her.
“This is more than anyone as ever did for me.”
Buffy smiled at her and finally left, trying to erase the thoughts crowding her mind.
~~~~
Several days went by. They forgot about any deep talk and focused only on slaying and having fun. They kept spending more and more time together, and not only in cemeteries, to Willow’s growing disappointment. Giles beeped Buffy while she was in a dancing frenzy, it was about a possible gathering of Eliminati which she and Faith had fought the night before in the sewer.
Both girls went there and found them, Faith insisted on taking them now therefore broke into the armourer’s, Buffy willingly followed until some cops arrived and arrested them. Faith convinced her to get free.
“Come on! B come on!!”
Faith moved backwards to take Buffy’s hand and dragged her away from the broken police car. They ran to Faith’s motel. Faith got rid of her jacket and went to wash her hand when she came back Buffy still looked shocked.
“It’s over now, they’re gonna be fine just relax.” Faith sounded very casual.
“Relax? Relax!”
Faith looked aside, bothered, but remained silent.
“Are you mad? It’s far from fine, we could’ve killed them, you could’ve- God I can’t believe I did all of that.”
“Yeah, well you’ll know for next time.” Faith just said, without putting too much emotion in it and without looking at her.
Buffy remained silent for a while, observing Faith. The brunette didn’t look like someone who doesn't care, she rather looked very upset but remained silent as if waiting for Buffy to either keep on yelling at her or go away.
Buffy sighed, “What is wrong with you Faith? Why don’t you tell me something? I don’t think you’re really happy about tonight either so talk to me, are you trying to make me walk away or something, is that it?”
Faith looked aside, swallowing but remained still sitting silently on her bed.
Buffy shook her head negatively, “I thought we were... Can I... Will I ever reach you Faith?”
Faith looked up at Buffy, surprised and touched by the words she used and the sincerity in her voice and also a slight despair.
“I really want to be your friend but you... don’t want me in I guess.”
Buffy moved backwards to the door, Faith couldn’t help but finally getting up, “No Buffy don’t go.”
PART 3
Buffy turned around and looked at her expectantly. Faith looked hesitant.
“I’m doing everything wrong I- But... chasing you away... really not what I want. I know we went too far, I think I do know but I just... I didn’t want it to end.”
“What Faith? What was going to end?”
“I don’t know, this, that bond you talked about last time, I mean you were... we were having fun and we were together and it was cool and I don’t know I-“
Faith stepped aside a bit then backwards again, a bit uneasily.
“I’m not good with words you know, and I’ve never been close to anyone before, that way I mean, I just don’t know... I thought I had to- I mean I don’t know what you really-“ Faith trailed off.
Buffy moved forward with a smile, “Always knew that tough self-confident image was just a cover.”
Faith looked a bit
aside; Buffy went on still smiling gently,
“You have such a
low self esteem it’s hard to believe sometimes. I thought I'd
told you some days ago, I’m not hanging around with you for the
slaying; of course I love patrolling with you because I don’t
have to hide or explain anything, you just feel it. That’s one
thing but I thought it was kind of clear that I like spending time
with you; Faith the girl. Why would I be going to the bronze with
you? Why would I have asked you sooner today to go to the movie with
me tomorrow? These are things I do with my friends, you are my friend
Faith. You don’t have to do extraordinary things to be
interesting to me. Don’t need to play the bad girl, no need to
fight with alligators”
The emphasis on the last words made Faith smile, the brunette sat back on her bed with a naughty smile.
Buffy sighed nicely, “You’re exasperating you know that.”
Faith smiled even more as Buffy went to sit beside her, the blonde looked at Faith’s forehead, “You’re hurt?”
“It’s nothing, must be in the car.”
Buffy raised her hand to the brunette’s face.
“Let me see.”
Faith moved her head backwards automatically.
“I’m just gonna look.”
“It’s ok B, slayer healing, remember?”
Despite her cool tone she was ill at ease. Buffy got up and headed towards the drawer to grab some bandages and antiseptic.
“Please.”
Faith didn’t move this time and Buffy put a lock of hair backwards, her fingers brushed against Faith’s skin, they both shivered. Buffy began to clean the cut and put a sticking plaster on it. The more Buffy was touching her and being closer to her, the louder Faith’s breath was becoming. Buffy found herself gulping involuntarily several times at the brunette’s closeness then she moved a bit away, “Done.”
“See, we can share more than fighting; bandaging is cool too.”
Faith looked at her hands thoughtfully, “Yeah.”
“What are you thinking about Faith? Can’t you just tell me? You said that I’m the closest person to you right now so what is wrong with sharing a bit... you can speak to me, you know.”
Faith looked at her
intensely,
“I told you, I don’t think you’re
ready for... what I’d like to share with you Buffy.”
Buffy stared at her, that sentence finalle getting to her; she frowned trying to understand as Faith diverted her gaze.
“Is there something you wanna tell me? I-I don’t, what do you mean exactly by that?”
Faith looked at her again and moved forward placing her lips on Buffy’s ones. Buffy moved backwards as a first reaction, giving Faith an incredulous look at first, but then she felt unable to move as the brunette moved closer again. Buffy's breath was heavy, so was Faith's. She placed her lips on Buffy’s once again but this time the blonde slayer didn’t move away.
Faith kissed her lips gently, Buffy closed her eyes as Faith touched her face and deepened the kiss, Buffy seized Faith’s arm. They kissed languorously for a while, Faith’s hand caressing Buffy’s neck, the blonde felt her heart rose in her chest when Faith lied her down the mattress, still kissing her, exploring her mouth. It feels so good was the only thought Buffy could think of.
Faith was on her side, glued to Buffy. Her hand moved down, Buffy moaned as Faith began massaging her breasts and kissing her neck. Faith’s hand kept moving further down while she started moving herself more on top of Buffy. She slid her hand under the blonde’s shirt and moved up to her bra, she began caressing her breasts once again while keeping on kissing Buffy who gasped for air shortly after.
“Faith please I-“
Faith immediately stopped, breath ragged, she looked at Buffy watchfully while the blonde was trying to gather her thoughts, “I- I’m still very confused right now, I-I think-“
“Oh yes yes err I-I’m sorry I didn’t mean to rush anything or to-to, don’t leave I just-“
Buffy silenced her by placing a finger on her lips.
“I’m not gonna leave. I really don’t want to Faith. I can't totally believe what is happening but right now, I really don’t want to think about it, but I guess more confusion wouldn’t be good either. I-I’d just like to sleep now... close to you. I don’t wanna move away, and I don’t want you to either.”
Buffy was looking at her with an amazed gaze. Faith smiled, she opened the sheets and they both moved under and gently fell asleep, snuggled up into each other.
Faith was looking at her and caressing her head when Buffy woke up, the blonde slayer shyly smiled. They were both on their side, still snuggled up. Faith stopped caressing her when Buffy opened her eyes and she now looked a bit anxious, in anticipation of her reactions now. Buffy guessed she was afraid she would yell at her now and run. She raised her hand to Faith’s cheek and caressed her. Faith inhaled deeply.
“Does that mean... I can kiss you then?” she asked, her tone half sensual-half hesitant.
“I could get violent if you didn't.” Buffy sensually replied too.
They kissed lovingly for a long moment and decided to let things follow their way, but to keep it to themselves for now.
~~~~
Buffy had been completely daydreaming all day long at school, only waking up when Faith came to get her after school, Willow was really sulking about it this time.
After a little kissing session at Faith’s they went back to the alley meaning to fight Balthazar but the eliminati found them first. They fought them one at a time until a man got caught in the fight. Buffy noticed at the last minute he was human and screamed and Faith stopped just in time, only hitting the man’s chest but thanks to Buffy’s help and Faith’s focus on the blonde slayer the worse was avoided. The guy was shaking but ok. Faith was the most disturbed by that. Buffy first talked to the guy who was in fact looking for them, saying he was deputy mayor Allan Finch and he wanted to warn them about his boss who was messing with dark stuff for all he knew. Buffy thanked him and said they’ll take care of it soon. The guy left but the slayers didn’t go search for anything against the mayor as Faith felt really bad.
Buffy walked her to the motel and soothed her, calmed her down as the brunette started really doubting about herself, her calling and everything. The accident had been avoided only just. Buffy stayed with her all night and Faith felt safer and appeased about it. Things looked much brighter in her mind the next morning.
They reported the news to Giles, Wesley and the gang (about Allan’s revelations, not the accident of course, which would remain between them). They all began researching about the mayor.
A few more days went by. Buffy spent one more night at Faith’s, she chose to keep her clothes, thinking to herself the temptation would be too much. Faith’s touching were already more and more marked. Sometimes pressing her hand on Buffy’s crotch over her pants or teasing her nipple with her thumb over her bra, making the blonde moan and leaving her wanting for more, but both girls didn’t want to make any mistake. They felt too good together to break anything; they were just waiting for the right time to come if it was to come.
The afternoon and evening after Buffy remained with Willow to study for an exam, knowing the red head would be happy about it. Buffy was glad too cause now she knew everyone’s place. When she and Faith were growing close she started doubting; Willow was her best friend but she was enjoying the time spent with Faith so much that it made her feel bad. So now she was glad to know it wasn’t the same affection. Though in Buffy’s mind, her relationship with Faith was still very confusing. But anyway, Willow was her best friend. She could show it to her, or at least try since she couldn’t explain her and Faith's relationship right now. But the it’s just a slayer thing was really getting on Willow’s nerve now.
She went back home after studying, and didn't see Faith until the next day, before AND after school. She then spent the night at home again so that her mother wouldn’t notice as she’d been wondering a bit, though not too much since she was used to not check Buffy’s going and comings from the house due to her slaying duties, but she always knew all the same when her daughter didn't sleep at home at all.
Two nights in a row; Faith was getting crazy, turning round and round in her motel room; she decided to leave for a walk.
It was 4 p.m. Buffy was daydreaming; she was in study room with the other twelfth graders for the last 2 hours of class since they had exams all week. Xander was talking with some friends and Willow was studying, of course.
Buffy was looking out the window, Willow called her name for the second time when a smile spread across Buffy’s face, Willow looked outside and noticed Faith opening the window. Buffy got up from her chair and left without a word. It was the second time she and Faith did this in a week.
“Check out the girlfriends, aren’t they cute?”
Xander looked at Cordélia with a surprised frown, “Huh?”
“Well not surprising, it’s probably better she switches considering the record, safer for us at least but Faith... Well, she already didn’t know how to pick her men so I guess some things remain unchanged.”
Willow looked down at her book again, preferring not to think about all of this while Xander was still trying to understand Cordelia’s innuendos but the cheerleader was back into chatting and talking shit about people with her friends.
Buffy and Faith went to the Summers’ house to be alone, Joyce being at the gallery all day and late at night since there was an inauguration.
The front door opened
and Joyce walked in.
“Why do I have to always forget about
the main piece on the big day?”
She walked the stairs in her thoughts and was about to enter her room when she heard giggles coming from Buffy’s room, Joyce checked her watch; it was not 6 yet, Buffy was supposed to be at school at this hour. She walked to her daughter’s room. The door was ajar, she didn’t hear any more sound so she slowly pushed the door opened and saw Buffy and Faith stretched out on the bed kissing and caressing each other’s neck and back through their clothes.
“Buffy?!” Joyce looked completely stunned.
“Oh God mom!”
PART 4
The slayers immediately pulled apart; Faith sitting on the side of the bed looking in front of her and Buffy already up face to her mother.
“Err mom I, I thought you were, I mean-” she stuttered out.
Joyce looked mad.
“What was that?! What were you doing here? What did you do? You’re gonna tell me!”
“No mom it’s not, I mean it’s- let me explain.”
“Well that's true you’d better explain Buffy!”
Faith got up, “Gotta go, see you.”
“No Faith.”
The slayers looked at each other, Faith gave Buffy a reassuring look; she was leaving more because it was better at that moment, but she let the blonde girl know she was ok. Buffy nodded.
“Ok, see you later.”
Faith passed by Joyce who didn’t give her a single gaze, once gone, Joyce went on, “You are so not gonna see her later Buffy, you’re not gonna see her again in fact.”
Buffy couldn’t help a nervous smile before speaking,
“Sorry mom but I don’t think you gotta decide about this kind of stuff.”
“And what kind of stuff is it exactly? What were you doing? How long has it been going on?”
Buffy tried to remain calm, she didn’t understand her mother’s aggressiveness,
“Well, we just became closer lately that’s all; I don’t think it’s such a big deal.”
“Not a big deal? Not a big deal?! First you tell me that you’re a slayer and I have to cope with that; that I don’t have a choice anyway and now that?! And you think it’s not a big deal? I’m not super mom, I’m sorry Buffy but it’s not ok to me to do such things.”
Buffy sighed,
“What kind of things exactly? Mom, I used to date a vampire! I’d say I'm in progress.”
Buffy’s little joke didn’t have any effect on Joyce’s anger.
“You really think it’s that bad? I didn’t think you were so narrow-minded.”
“You can call me that if you want but I’m not gonna change my mind.”
Buffy gulped,
“And what does that mean exactly?”
“Right now, that I’m late for the inauguration and I don’t want to spoil that evening again with one of your little mess but I sure hope this thing will pass you soon or we’ll have a problem.”
Joyce left, Buffy was completely stunned. She left the house, went to Faith’s motel but the brunette wasn’t here. Buffy knew her enough to guess where she was. She searched through town and eventually found her in a cemetery. They didn’t need to talk, Faith understood by Buffy’s face that she needed to unwind as much as she, herself, did so they hunted for a long part of the night, focusing on their work, slaying in unison before going back to Faith’s motel.
Faith after a shower put a long shirt and crept under the sheets, Buffy showered too and put a pair of Faith’s shorts and a t-shirt and followed, they immediately hugged each other for a while then began kissing before lying side by side and they started talking.
“If you’d seen her, I don’t get why she was so mad and the things she said.”
Faith caressed her face, “I’m sorry Buffy.”
“It’s not your fault. I can’t help thinking...” she trailed off and Faith went on,
“That it’s wrong? I mean, what we’re doing, that is what you think, right?”
Buffy looked at her helplessly.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t think that- I mean... I was thinking about it as something that made me happy and feel good but now... I can’t help seeing the expression on her face and now I get to think about all this stuff.”
Faith was very gentle, touching Buffy’s locks playfully and being very calm, “What stuffs?”
“You know stuffs... I start putting names on it, lesbians, dykes. I’m imagining people’s reactions, my friends’ reactions, I think about all this moral stuff and I wonder. I wasn’t thinking about it before... It was so simple but I’d like to know; how were you thinking about it? I mean did you tell yourself I’m a lesbian and what did you feel about that?”
“Well, I know that I’m the same as I was, no in fact I think I’m even a better person since I’ve known you, at least I feel better than I was, so if a lesbian is what I am then let it be. It’s just names Buffy you know, the feelings are just the same as they were before they had names. It’s still you and it’s still me, but I understand that you feel that... You have more to lose than I do so I’d understand if-”
“I’m not gonna lose anything. There’s nothing wrong in what we’re doing, deep down I know that.” Buffy cut her, “Ok mom and I argued and it shook me a little but Faith... I know, I know there’s nothing wrong with the way I care for you, nothing wrong with the warmth I’m feeling, right now, right there in your arms, and nothing wrong with wanting to lay there forever.”
Faith looked at her like she was shining, ”You’re so beautiful.”
She kissed her tenderly, then their kiss became more passionate, Faith’s hand started wandering on Buffy’s back and she slowly lied her down on her back but Buffy reverse the movement and Faith looked at her with a questioning gaze as the blonde lied her down.
“I wanna see you.” Buffy whispered.
She removed the cover from over Faith, the brunette’s shirt was up to her thighs. Buffy lifted Faith up and got her rid of her shirt, Faith looked uncomfortable under the intense gaze of Buffy on her body.
“Buffy I-I-”
Buffy bent over and kissed her, Faith tried to take the upper hand again and switch position but Buffy gently kept her on her back on the mattress while whispering, “I wanna touch you.”
Faith’s breath had increased, like Buffy’s but the brunette’s one was more irregular. Buffy felt it; she caressed her face and kissed her again,
“Do you trust me?”
They were staring intensely at each other,
“Yes, yes I do I- I just- I think.”
Faith had trouble to speak as Buffy’s hand was wandering on her stomach. Buffy kissed Faith’s neck, the brunette shivered at Buffy’s warm breathing on her but also started to shake a bit, unwillingly.
“I wanna be the one to reach you Faith... would you let me touch you?” Buffy said as she caressed her face again.
Faith put her hand on Buffy’s face and pulled her into a kiss before letting her grip.
“Just you... only you can. You are the one Buffy.”
They kissed passionately, Buffy was propped on her elbow, bent over Faith and her hand kept moving up and down Faith’s stomach and chest, feeling the brunette either quiver or tense under her touches. Faith couldn’t help it though she wanted Buffy so bad.
She had the reflex, a few more times, to try and switch positions but Buffy always gently kept her lying on her back, Faith let her do each time, knowing she was safe. Buffy wasn’t asking anything, asking for any reasons about these impulses right now; she just kept observing the brunette’s reactions and working on them, working slowly Faith’s body and mind. And she was in complete admiration, she’d never felt something so intense. She moved her hand further down, Faith prevented herself from getting up or moving away or any rush movement she would have done usually; instead she clutched on the blonde’s arm and gasped at the soft touch. Buffy’s finger was exploring, finding its way between Faith’s curls to her clit and began working on it.
Buffy was unsure of her motions, trying to think about when she was doing that to herself but it was like her mind was blank, it was totally different, she felt a panic for a short while but then focused her attention on Faith’s face, preferring to consider her reactions to her touches, and it suddenly became much more natural, her finger started moving according to Faith’s moans or sighs or the always increasing movements of her hips. Buffy’s breath had noticeably increased too. She bent over again and placed soft kisses on Faith’s chest, then moved up still letting a trail of kisses on her way up to her neck. Faith was breathing raggedly, sometimes shaking but each time she just looked at Buffy and then had to take a deep breath so much hers was taken away at what was happening. Buffy’s kissing journey ended up on Faith’s lips, she pulled away and looked at her. Faith held her arms and shoulders tighter as the pleasure was becoming very intense.
“Buffy.”
She just whispered in between two heavy breathing. Buffy kissed her gently and her finger naturally slid further down. Faith slightly arched her back and gasped. And Buffy closed her eyes and exhaled, “God.”
She felt the warmth surrounding her finger overwhelm her whole body at the same time. She kissed Faith who held her closer to her; Buffy’s hand following and matching naturally Faith’s hips and pelvis' pace as the brunette finally gave herself totally, body and mind, to Buffy. Her moans were getting louder, sighs and exhales as well... The next wave of pleasure was the last; Faith dug her nails in Buffy’s shoulders and screamed loudly, crushing Buffy against her very tightly as she climaxed. Buffy wasn’t moving, she kept her face buried in Faith’s neck while Faith was trying to catch her breath...
Buffy heard slight nervous sobs suddenly from the brunette... the tension was falling down. She looked at Faith who pulled her closer once more.
“It’s me, just me Faith, I’m here.” Buffy whispered.
Faith held her tight, “Don’t leave.”
Buffy only held her tightly too, she put the cover back on them and caressed her face until Faith fell asleep soon after.
~~~~
Faith started slowly waking up under Buffy’s caresses on her face.
“Faith? Faith beautiful?”
“Huh... Buffy?”
Faith opened her eyes slowly; Buffy smiled at her and kept on whispering,
“I gotta go, gotta pick stuff at home for school, got two exams today.”
Faith began to settle a bit more straight on the bed and looked at the clock,
“Yes I know, you should go fast, you’re gonna be late.”
“I’ll run don’t worry but... are you gonna be alright?”
Faith smiled at Buffy’s consideration and caresses on her face, she closed her eyes, inhaling deeply her skin perfume then nodded positively.
Buffy smiled, “Ok, why don’t you come pick me up after school, we could go to the cinema together, ok?”
Faith nodded once more, still silent. Buffy moved closer and kissed her softly then got up and left with a last warm smile at the brunette who lied down on her back again shortly after.
~~~~
Buffy entered her house and climbed the stairs to her bedroom and picked up the books and stuff she needed when the door opened behind her.
“Where were you?”
Buffy didn’t look at her mother as she replied, “At Faith’s.”
“All night?”
“Yes mom.”
“What did you do?”
Buffy turned around, trying to remain calm,
“I’m eighteen mom, I don’t think this is any of your business anymore.”
“You’re my daughter of course it is.”
“Look mom, I’m not taking any drugs, I’m not in any cult or stuff like that, so who I’m seeing and who I’m sleeping with is my private life.”
“So you’re sleeping together, you’re having sex with her? I can’t even... you’re gonna stop doing that.”
Buffy smiled and moved forward, passing by her mother,
“I gotta go, gonna be late for school.”
Joyce followed her in the corridor,
“And whose fault is that? Faith is not the kind of person you need.”
Buffy turned around.
“Ok mom, next time Spike comes back in town I’ll screw him; maybe that’ll please you more?”
“See the way you’re talking to me?! The language you’re using? She’s having a very bad influence with you, I’m sure she forces you to do that.”
“Mom please wake up! I doubt anyone would be able to force me into anything I don’t want, and I don’t want to talk about it anymore, Faith is my business.”
“And you’re my daughter so you’re gonna do what I tell you to!!”
Buffy stopped as her mother looked really mad; Joyce tried to calm down.
“Buffy this isn’t the life for you, she isn’t a girl for you, all this, you deserve much more Buffy, you deserve a life, not this life. All this is nonsense, you can get out of this town and have yourself a normal life with a normal job and everything. She is the kind of girl for this life, she can’t do anything else but you can do much more than this.”
“What life is this mom? Sorry that it disappoints you so much that I’ve been chosen to only save the world... Again wake up mom, this IS my life... Because she’s had a shitty life, a lonely life till now means for the rest of it she just deserves to die for us, and us to let her alone, forget about her in the meantime. This is what you ask of me? It ain’t gonna happen mom. You’re talking about her like you know her, she’s not the type of girl for me right? Let me tell you, you don’t know a thing about the type of girl she is... No one does, I’m only just beginning to and I like the type of girl she is very much... So you’d better get used to that because I’m not gonna stop seeing her.”
Joyce swallowed hard,
“Fine, but she’s not stepping a foot in this house anymore, I don’t wanna see that in my house.”
Buffy swallowed too and opened the door,
“Well if that's the way it's going to be, I guess you won’t see me a lot in your house anymore too.”
And she left, letting Joyce very bothered.
PART 5
Buffy had to hold back several times the urge to leave school to go join Faith during that day. It seemed like it would never end but finally the bell rang.
“Buffy wait!!!”
Willow called her as Buffy was already in the corridor.
“Yes Will, what do you want?”
Buffy kept looking at the door, she looked in a hurry.
Willow frowned, “Where are you going? You don’t come to the bronze with Xander and me?”
“Err, not tonight Willow, maybe tomorrow.”
She was about to leave but Willow asked again with a disappointed tone,
“But Buffy, this is Friday AND the end of a long exam week; we always go to the bronze to celebrate usually.”
Buffy looked embarrassed suddenly,
“Oh yes err... yes sure, err I've got a thing to do first and I’ll join you there, ok?”
Willow nodded, not that she really had a choice.
“Err, Faith will probably be with me, hope you don’t mind.”
“Like you care. ” Willow mumbled to herself as Buffy was already out.
Buffy run to the exit, Faith was nowhere to be seen, Buffy waited for a while, worried. The last students were out of the building and Faith was still not showing up, Buffy left running without waiting any longer, she couldn’t help being very afraid.
~~~~
Buffy didn’t even knock; she opened the door and remained standing as she looked at Faith. Buffy could finally breath again as the brunette was here, she was safe, she was just... lost, she was still on her bed, back against the headboard. She was looking in the void before Buffy walked in, now they were both staring intensely at each other. They didn’t need to talk to understand each other. Buffy closed the door behind her and slowly went to the bed; she moved on it, sat just in front of Faith, silently, and waited for the brunette to talk. She just gently brushed her hand against her cheek as to put a lock of hair behind her ear. Faith had cried it was obvious but she didn’t look sad.
She was looking at Buffy with amazement; she opened her mouth but closed it as soon, inhaling deeply. Buffy took her hands and Faith finally started,
“I started getting up this morning, I went to the bathroom and took a shower, I started to get dressed. I wanted to do what I used to do... routinely you know, but then I came back to the room and I finally realized... nothing is like it used to be, it can never be... and I couldn’t move anymore. I just sat on the bed and the images of last night kept playing in my mind and I started to cry and everything I kept hidden inside of me I couldn’t anymore, and I cried and I cried."
Buffy squeezed her hands. Faith’s tears started coming back, Buffy wiped them away and her eyes became teary too.
“You’re right I don’t let them touch me, reach me, don’t let anyone in. Ever since my first boyfriend when I was fourteen, we did it in the backseat of a car, he was on top of me when we began and I started to shake uncontrollably, he was pissed off. I was already acting tough, like the bad ass of town at this time, I didn’t want to let this image fall so I just told him to switch position, he said whatever, in a whatever-as-long-as-I-get-laid-soon way and that was fine by me cause I’d already shut myself out to everyone, so I was on top and I just blocked any thoughts, I just let the pain or pleasure, not sure what it really was, but anyway, I let the thing take over and focused on it and it became easier and easier; the more I was doing it, the less I liked the people I was doing it with, but the pleasure, the urgency became the only thing that mattered... It was like that, it became worse or I thought better when I became a slayer but then I met you and I... I didn’t mean to but somehow you got to me, the walls I’ve built weren’t strong enough for a slayer I guess, and it started to hurt again... this is why I cried after Xander left... What I’d been trying to erase from my mind had slowly found its way back to the surface.”
Buffy moved closer, squeezing her hands and caressing her face.
“My mother was a drunk this I already told you, she didn't care much for me, not as much as for her drinks at least and her mood changed as fast as her boyfriends... One of them,” she paused for a while, Buffy gave her the gentlest, supportive gaze she could.
“I was eleven, one afternoon I- he came into my room and... she was asleep, or passed out probably cause she... she didn’t come, I called her but she didn’t help me, she let him do to me all the things... until the night fall and I couldn’t make him stop, I tried but... I couldn’t.”
Buffy took her in her arms and held her tight, Faith could finally let the held back tears, fears and hurt from all these years go out.
They held each other for a long while before settling more comfortably on the bed on their side, entangled with each other and looking at each other. One of Buffy’s hands was still caressing Faith’s face and the other one was holding Faith's one.
“I’m here now; it’s only gonna get better, I’m here for you.”
Faith smiled,
“It’s already better. I told you that Buffy because it is over; I mean strangely, now that it hit me back it’s really over. Last night was so beautiful, I never felt such intensity, it was sometimes hurtful because of all these images from my past that kept coming back in my mind but you washed them away... I felt completely yours and completely safe being yours. I’ve never been touched or looked at that way... and feeling so good about it. This morning I- all these emotions, it was kind of too much and I knew it was time for all of this to go out and... go away then... I feel so free now, like I had to carry a truck each day and now, God I’m gonna sound syrupy but I feel like I’m flying suddenly.”
Buffy was smiling but also she also began to breath with difficulty; this intense talk, these intense emotions they were sharing. Faith caressed her face and moved closer, their lips touched in a soft kiss. Faith laid Buffy on her back and kissed her more deeply, her fingers passing through the blonde’s hair and caressing her nape. Faith licked her way down Buffy’s neck then moved her face to the blonde’s once again, they were both breathing a bit more heavily.
“I want to make you feel that way Buffy; the way I felt last night. Like you’re melting in me... I want us to merge.” Faith whispered and Buffy shivered.
She kissed Buffy once again and pulled away, looking at her, waiting for Buffy’s agreement which Buffy’s gaze told her she didn’t even need anymore. Buffy raised her hands to Faith’s shirt and began to lift it; Faith looked at her in amazement. She was naked on top of the blonde girl; she moved one of her hand to Buffy’s shirt and began to undo the first button, then the second, going all the way down, never quitting her gaze off of Buffy’s eyes. Buffy was doing the same then Faith undid her bra. She slowly opened the shirt and inhaled deeply, almost missing air.
“You’re so beautiful Buffy.”
Buffy smiled then looked at her intensely.
“Touch me Faith... I want your skin on my skin, all of your flesh on my flesh... burning me... You’re too far.”
And as she told her this she pulled her closer into a passionate kiss. Faith began to caress her breasts, after a while she kissed the blonde’s neck, still teasing her nipples with her hand before replacing it by her mouth on them, licking widely on her breasts, making Buffy vibrate already.
Faith started undoing, slowly too, Buffy’s pants’ buttons, once done she helped the blonde slayer to get totally rid of her shirt, her bra and her pants. Buffy lied herself down on the mattress again, letting Faith lick her way up to her face starting by her left leg, her hand passed over Buffy’s crotch over her panties, her tongue dwelled on Buffy’s navel then on her breasts then down again to her crotch, kissing Buffy’s center over her panties. Buffy moaned, Faith slowly removed her panties and licked her way up to Buffy, slowing down a bit on her inner thigh, almost touching her hot center but never doing so.
Buffy started to whimper slightly, Faith smiled and moved on top of the blonde slayer again, in between her legs and kissed her as she pressed her pelvis on the smaller girl's crotch getting a long moan from her. Buffy’s hands were all over the brunette’s back and her hips were already moving in a slow rhythm to meet Faith’s pelvis movements. They were breathing loudly, kissing and licking each other’s mouths, cheeks, neck and shoulders.
Faith’s movements became more and more marked as if she was trying to enter inside of Buffy, and Buffy kept squeezing her tighter each time as if to help her get inside... There wasn’t any space in between the girl’s bodies.
Buffy’s moans were getting more and more loud. Faith moved one leg aside and therefore could press harder on Buffy’s crotch with her thigh. Buffy sighed and groaned heavily as she gripped Faith’s shoulders and head tighter. She kissed her, they looked at each other.
“Do you feel it Buffy, do you feel me?” Faith whispered sincerely within two breaths.
Buffy was out of breath,
“Never felt anyone, anything more than you Faith... please Faith, please more, I need you more, always more.”
Faith kissed her and moved her hand in between her thigh and the blonde’s crotch and slowly slid it inside of her. Buffy gave a slight cry of pleasure and dug her nails in Faith’s shoulders, clutching to her very tight while Faith’s finger started going in and out of her, always deeper with her thigh pressing harder on Buffy.
Buffy let a loud cry out as she climaxed, Faith felt the orgasm shoot through her as soon as she felt Buffy’s inner walls clenched around her finger and the blonde’s scream of pleasure as she gripped her tighter. She climaxed too and let her head rest in the crook of Buffy’s neck and shoulder, breathing heavily.
Buffy was shaking from her orgasm and the warmth of the brunette on her sweating body. They held each other for a while then Faith pulled away a bit, not wanting to crush Buffy, she kept on kissing her, she was about to withdraw her finger from Buffy’s center but Buffy put her hand on hers, maintaining it, she caressed Faith with her other hand.
“Stay, stay inside of me.” She whispered.
And she pulled Faith closer to her once again, they kissed for a while before snuggling up into each other’s arms, on their side and staring at each other for a long while without saying a word, just looking at each other and caressing each other.
“This is unbelievable... is there a word for what happened, for what is happening between us?” Buffy finally said after a long moment.
Faith smiled, “I guess there’s one, I never believed in it though, never used it... I thought it was just something made up for the weak people. Now I know that it does exist and I just wanna say, God let me be weak!”
Buffy slightly laughed and caressed Faith’s face again.
“If someone had told me this a few months ago I would have... it’s astonishing.”
“Well if someone had told me I’d found happiness on the Hellmouth I would’ve have-“
“What did you say?” Buffy cut her.
Faith was surprised, “Yes you know, Hellmouth, rather a place for pain and hurt.”
“Not this, what you said before, you... you’re happy Faith?”
Faith gave her a huge smile,
“Yes, yes I am, I don’t think I could be happier than I am right now.”
Buffy smiled genuinely at her,
“Then now I can say my life is worth something.”
They kissed again and slowly fell asleep into each others arms.
TBC
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