**UNINTENDED**

PART 15

Faith took a few steps back and headed to the door that she opened. Buffy pulled away from her mother, "Faith?"

 The brunette stopped in her track.  Buffy looked confused.

 "Just leaving you with your mother B. Catching up or whatever."

 "But, err. We're going to get ready anyway."

 Joyce nodded. She and Buffy moved away from each other. Faith walked back inside.

 Joyce turned to Faith, "I thank you very much for what you did for Buffy."

 Faith shrugged in a -it-was-nothing- but Joyce now knew that it wasn't nothing at all. And she was glad someone was here for Buffy to cool her down and not let her make any mistake.

 "Mom?"

 "Yes, Buffy."

 "Err, when this is, I mean, after the clinic, could I…. Could I stay with Faith, a little more?"

 Faith looked surprised, in a good way.

 Joyce was obviously upset by this but more because she felt bad for not being here and wanted to make up for it. She already knew it was going to be hard so if Buffy wasn't even here… Harder.

 She nodded though. She wasn't in a position to deny this to Buffy if it made her feel good.

 "I'm gonna get ready." Faith told them and headed to the bathroom.

 Buffy and Joyce talked a little then Buffy went to get ready in her turn.

 They took their time. Joyce brought the two girls at a coffee shop to buy them breakfast. Buffy wasn't hungry at all, too stressed and Faith felt a little awkward, not used to being in family. Joyce asked her a few questions but Faith stayed evasive. But from what Joyce had understood, she wasn't in a good familial situation.

 Faith stayed very nice to her though and very polite. But she was ill at ease. She and Buffy kept glancing at each other.

 Then it was time to go.

 The two girls settled in the back of the car.

 Both Joyce and Faith could hear Buffy's breathing increased as the distance lessened between them and the clinic. Faith's instinctive reflex was to hold her hand. Buffy squeezed it tightly.

 Joyce could see the scene in the rear view mirror.

 This girl that she barely knew seemed to be closer to her own daughter than she was. Joyce felt bad but she was still Buffy's mother and she knew Buffy needed her. It was a hard time to go through but the hardest part of it was behind them. It would get better; things would go back to normal.

And maybe she and Buffy would have a stronger relationship, more communication; that's what she hoped for.  That's what she and Buffy had talked about in the room, Buffy so wanted that too because she never wanted her mother to not believe her ever again that way.

 "Damn they chose their day." Joyce sighed and the girls looked by the window.

 There was a protest anti abortion in front of the clinic.

This clinic was the only one doing abortions in town. Those were only done during the morning so it wasn't rare to see small groups of people turning round with their placards or trying to block the access to the clinic.

 Which is what happened today.

Joyce wrapped her arms protectively around Buffy's shoulders while Faith strongly made a way for them through the couple of exited people who didn't miss to throw at them a couple of sharp remarks.

 It made Buffy feel even worse and very nervous.

Faith and her kept holding hands once inside the clinic while Joyce was talking to several people.

 Then it was time, a thirty some woman came with a nice smile and asked for Buffy.

 The slayer tensed.

 "It's going to be ok honey."

Joyce rubbed Buffy's back.

 Buffy squeezed Faith's hand very tight. Faith squeezed back with a gentle look. She wished so much she could go in there with her.

 The woman gave Buffy a reassuring smile.

 Buffy took a deep breath, "Ok."

 Faith reluctantly let go of her hand.

 Buffy walked in another room with the woman who just told her how it was going to happen and got her ready. Buffy tried not to think about what she was here for. She just let herself be put here, wear that or do that. She knew that's what she had to do. It was the best thing to do so she didn't want to think much about it in other terms or thoughts than those.

 And it went pretty fast actually. Buffy was led to a resting room afterwards. There was another girl beside her. The two of them were given a basin. The other girl puked in it as soon as she had it.

 Buffy felt sick too but she didn't throw up. She felt rather dizzy but more like she was in a daze. Spiritually talking she was at least.  She smiled when Faith and her mother walked in.

 "Hey," Faith immediately reached for her hand, "How are you feeling?"

 Buffy gestured with her hand that it wasn't all that great.

 "It's going to be better soon, sweetheart."

 Buffy nodded, "I… Can we go? I just wanna go."

 "Yes, we can. But you need to rest today."

 Buffy nodded.

 Joyce hesitantly tried, "Are you sure you don't want to go home, to rest quietly maybe."

 Buffy shook her head with pleading eyes.

Joyce caressed the back of her head, "Ok. I'll drive you two back to the motel room."

 Joyce walked into the motel room with them.

 She so wanted to stay and comfort Buffy but... Buffy didn’t need her to, unfortunately. She could feel that in the two girls’ expectant look. Joyce knew it would take time for them to rebuild a solid mother-daughter relationship but there was nothing she wanted more. This young teenager had been right; this was her biggest mission in life, being Buffy’s mother.

 Joyce smiled at them, breaking the awkward scene.

 "Here, take this, Buffy."

Buffy shook her head and didn't take the pile of dollar notes her mother was handing her.

 "You need to eat correctly, the two of you. And in case you need anything else."

 "It's ok, mom, I have money."

 "I have money too, Miss Summers."

 Joyce took Faith's hand and put the money in it then, "Please."

 Faith nodded, "Thanks. I'll make sure she eats and everything, Miss Summers, don't worry."

 Joyce nodded. She took Buffy in her arms and gave her a soft kiss on the top of her head.

 Buffy kept smiling at her, trying her best to look ok, to look strong.

 Joyce smiled at them, "I'll call the motel a little later tonight, ok?"

 "Yes mom."

 Joyce walked out and closed the door.

 "Buffy." Faith just said before Buffy turned around and into Faith's arms as she broke down crying.

 "It's ok, it's ok now. It's gonna be ok."

 Faith kept caressing her back soothingly and she led her to the bed on which they laid, side by side. Buffy cried for a while. She cried the tension, the fear, the moral dilemma, the fear of those past couple of weeks out of her system then she calmed down.

 She let the gentle caresses of Faith's hand on her hair and back soothe her.

 They stayed a couple of hours like that until Buffy moved away and they just stared at each other.

 Faith's hand that was previously on her back moved closer and she gently caressed Buffy's face for a while. Buffy closed her eyes.

 Faith checked at the clock, it was 5 pm.

 "How are you feeling?"

 "I think the dizziness is gone." Buffy said and she slowly sat up to verify, "Yes, it feels better I guess. I mean stomach wise."

 "You took the best decision, Buffy. I know it's hard but-"

 "Yes, I know. I really do now. Don't worry."

 Buffy gave her a nice smile and Faith caressed her face once again.

They both shivered.

 "Do you feel like eating something?"

 "I'm not sure. I feel a little hungry but… I'm afraid of not keeping it."

 "Then we'll go take something light ok?"

 Buffy nodded but sighed, "I don't really want to go out."

 "Then I'll go get you something."

 "No stay. I mean…"

 Faith smiled at her, "You know what, I'll go get us some cookies at the vending machine in the lobby and I'll be back. And later tonight, when you feel better, we can go out and eat something more substantial. What do you say?"

 "Sounds good." Buffy nodded with a smile.

 "Ok I'll be fast."

 Faith came back shortly after with two pack of chocolate cookies.  They sat on the bed and ate a couple of cookies silently.

 Buffy then lied down on her back.

 Faith laid beside her, propped on her elbow.

 Buffy moved on her side to face Faith who was staring at her. She slowly reached for the brunette's face; she ran her fingertips on Faith's arc of the eyebrow.

Faith took deeper inhales but didn't move.

 Buffy then gently brushed her fingertips on Faith's cheeks until she arrived at the brunette's lips. Buffy swallowed as she remembered the feel of those lips on hers.

 Faith's breathing had increased considerably over the last five minutes.

 Slowly, they moved closer to each other and soon they felt the sweet taste of the other's lips on theirs once again.

 They kissed softly for a long while. Lips closing on lips. Heads barely moving from the pillow.

 After about ten minutes, Faith tentatively started tasting Buffy's lips with the tip of her tongue and gradually slid it inside of Buffy’s mouth when the blonde girl innately let her access.

 Buffy’s heart rose in her chest when their tongues met. Faith started circling the tip of hers gently, slowly.

 She tasted so good.

 Buffy couldn’t think of anything else than the warmth taking hold of her entire body and mind right now.

 Faith’s hand moved to the blonde girl’s neck as the kiss deepened some more.

 She caressed her neck and they stayed half an hour kissing like that without stopping for other reasons than for real, and brief, inhales of breath.  

 After a long moment of languorous kissing they finally pulled away ever so lightly.

 They stared at each other.

Faith caressed the side of Buffy's face gently and Buffy smiled.  She lightly bit her lower lips with the realization of what they'd just done. She blushed.

 Faith couldn't help but smile genuinely at her, she just found Buffy so beautiful. She lightly brushed her fingertips on Buffy's cheekbone.

Buffy shivered.

 They stayed silent but intensely staring at each other, as if having a soundless conversation.  A deeper conversation.

 They stayed a while like that.

 "Should we… go out? I mean go eat something?"

 Buffy shrugged, "I'd rather stay here, but you can go if you're hungry."

 "No, no I'm... I’m really ok here." Faith told her with a very quiet tone.

 Buffy smiled at her and Faith couldn't help but move closer.  She gave Buffy a very soft kiss until Buffy parted her lips some more to allow it to deepen.

Faith was always gentle, almost apprehensive in her gestures, as if she always feared a sudden rejection.

 They kissed for about 5 minutes then Buffy snuggled up in Faith's arms and closed her eyes.

 Faith held her tight and soon they fell asleep, fully dressed, above the covers.

PART 16

The room's phone rang at 8.30. The two girls woke up with a jump. They stared at each other briefly then Faith went to take the call.

 "Yes? Miss Summers, good evening. Yes she's alright, we-she was sleeping actually. No no it's ok, she's awake. She's coming."

 Faith handed the phone to Buffy with a brief smile.

 "Good evening mom. Yes, no. It's ok now I think. Yes we did, just a little though. I don't know. I know mom thank you. I think I'll try to go though. I know you do mom, it’s ok now don’t worry. Me too. I'm pretty tired in fact. Yes I think. Ok mom. I'll call you tomorrow from school or here. Ok, yes me too. Night mom."

 Buffy hung up.

 The slayers looked at each other. They seemed hesitant.

 Buffy smiled so Faith smiled back.

 "So, you're going back to school tomorrow?"

 "Yes. It's the last day of the week. I'll let the gang know I'm fine. I want to get my life back as soon as possible."

 Faith lowered her head unwillingly at this. Buffy looked upset suddenly, "I mean, school wise mostly."

 Faith nodded, "I understand. And it's good, I mean you should, I mean, put this behind you. I'm going to go wash and then we can sleep. You still need to rest."

 "Ok."

 "Or maybe…"

 "What?"

 "Well, I think I'm gonna go on patrol tonight in fact.”

 “Really?” Buffy sounded disappointed.

 “Yep. Town needs a slayer out. Lots of work to do as I saw the other night.”

 “Yes but... I’d rather be with you, you know. It’d be safer.”

 “Hey I’m a slayer too, ok? I can handle it.” Faith already regretted the somewhat dry tone she’d used.

 Buffy looked a bit confused, both by Faith’s tone and by the fact Faith didn’t want to stay at that moment when she wanted her to stay so much. No, she needed her to stay. She didn’t understand how she could feel so confused by that.

The blonde slayer didn’t reply anything. She looked down at the mattress.

 Faith looked upset and moved closer, “I... err, I’m sorry, Buffy.”

 “No, it’s-“ Buffy trailed off.

 Faith knelt on the bed, she looked hesitant.

They looked at each other.

 “I just thought you’d rather have me away.”

 Buffy looked confused, “But why?”

 “I don’t know I... Sometimes I, I think too much I guess.”

 Faith looked away, she couldn’t really say what she had in mind.

 “Is it... is it because of... what we did?” Buffy spoke the words very low, almost like she didn’t dare to.

 Faith nodded and swallowed, “I didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable or... look I’m sorry.” Faith said as she looked away.

 “But why? I mean...”

 “I don’t want you to think I took advantage of the situation or tried to-“

 “No, no it’s... that’s not how it felt.”

 They stared at each other.

 “How... How did it feel?” Faith hesitantly asked.

 Buffy lowered her gaze and looked embarrassed a little, “Well it- it felt good. You... You feel good,” she told her, staring straight at her this time, “And I don’t know how or why... But it feels good... being close.”

Buffy lowered her face shyly again.

 Faith swallowed, “So, err, do you want me to stay with you. I mean right now?”

 Buffy nodded shyly.

 Faith took a deep breath, “Ok, I’ll stay. I’ll just go to the bathroom then.”

 They exchanged a brief smile and Faith got up from the bed.

Faith was very confused too by what she was feeling. Never before had she cared so much about how what she was doing or saying might affect someone. But with Buffy that’s how it was. She’d talked way more harshly to people like her mother, teachers or watchers and never cared she might have hurt them by doing so, but with Buffy, she’d regretted it as soon.

And then, Buffy needed her, admittedly needed her and Faith felt overwhelmed again but she didn’t know how to handle this without causing a mess; that’s what she was the most afraid of, doing something wrong, one bad gesture, one caress or kiss too much and having the blonde girl running away from her. She couldn’t handle how that fact scared her so much. So she just casually said she’d stay here but went to the bathroom to take a little step away from their closeness of the moment.

Trying hard to stay in control.

 Buffy then went to the bathroom in her turn after Faith was done.

 Faith tried once again to avoid looking at Buffy's legs when the slayer crept into the bed beside her. She gave her an awkward smile.

 Buffy looked a bit gauche too.

 They lied on their sides, staring at each other as usually.

 Faith turned the light down, "We should sleep now."

 "Yes."

 Buffy switched her bedside lamp off too.

 They stayed face to face but the half dark made it easier for them to feel more comfortable towards that awkward evening.  None of them could sleep at the moment.

Buffy couldn't help thinking about how much she wanted to move closer to Faith, but she felt somehow uncomfortable about that. 

Faith was still in her thoughts about what she could, should, shouldn’t do or say and it wasn’t getting any less confusing as the minutes were passing by. Right now she wanted to tell Buffy she was beautiful, she wanted to caress her face and be so much closer than they were at this moment.

But she didn't know if Buffy wanted the same thing.  She'd said it; she wanted things to go back to normal. The kisses had probably been part of some much needed comfort.

Faith didn't want to risk getting hurt. She could feel so many feelings inside already. And for once she was afraid of this very new thing in her.

 Buffy tried to get Faith out of her mind. She thought about her mother, about this hard time she’d just gone through, she thought about Angel. She knew she had to talk to him. Her Angel, she was so in love with him. It was impossible to have feelings for two persons at the same time, was it? And Faith was a girl. That was disturbing, but maybe that's what it was. Girls are close sometimes, and with her situation, they'd gotten even closer. And Faith's sweetness, the way Buffy felt her heart melt when the brunette held her, the goodness of Faith's perfume, the wonderful sweetness of her taste; all this was just Buffy's imagination.

 Buffy shivered at all these thoughts.

 "Are you cold?"

 Faith flinched herself at how closely she was looking at Buffy to notice. Buffy, after a first hesitation, smiled at that fact.

 "Err no, I … Yes a little." She finally said, rather than explaining the real reason for her shiver.

 She felt Faith moving the cover up to her face.  Buffy couldn't help the warm feeling at that gesture.

 "Thank you."

 Faith just lightly smiled. She couldn't help it though, as her hand brushed against Buffy's cheekbone, she lightly caressed the side of the blonde girl's face.

 She saw Buffy shiver again so she smiled at her then removed her hand and pulled backwards a bit, always afraid to overstep the boundary but then Buffy moved closer and rested her head against Faith's chest.

Faith put her arm around her and they fell asleep this way.

Buffy felt tender caresses on her nape and shoulder blade as the morning sunshine woke her up.  She pulled away to look at Faith and their faces were inches away only.

All the will Faith had been putting together for the last hour about taking a little more distance with Buffy just flew away in one second and their lips touched, gently first, then more passionately as the kiss deepened.

 Faith caressed Buffy's neck and nape.

Faith kept moving closer and Buffy ended up on her back. Faith left Buffy's mouth for her neck and Buffy moaned.

 Faith's hand moved to the blonde girl's waist. She caressed it and moved her hand up. She stopped only just before reaching Buffy's breasts.  She pulled away; they were both flushed.

 "I'm sorry, Buffy. I'm I'm-"

 Buffy stopped her before Faith pulled away, "It's ok. I mean, you didn't do anything bad, I mean… anything that I didn't want." She admitted, hesitating between shame and shyness.

 "Really?"

 Buffy swallowed and nodded, "I-I don't know what's happening, Faith. I can't figure it out, it's too confusing… But you didn't do anything wrong. I wouldn't want you to think that."

 Faith smiled and slowly reached for Buffy's face to caress it.

Buffy bent her head in the caress but swallowed again, "I really don't know what or how or I mean I-"

 "Ssh, it's ok, Buffy. I don't think you have to know anything. As long as you're feeling good. I don't want you to do anything you don't want to. You so know I would never force you to anything, not even if I could. So just… I'll just… I'm here, and you don't have to do anything but being ok. That's all that matters. Let things go. Take your time. I think you've been through enough of a hard time so just take your time and forget about everything else."

 Buffy smiled at her then reached for the brunette's face, "Thank you, you've been so wonderful to me. I know I wish what happened to me didn't. But I want you to know that if there's one thing I don't regret in all this; it's meeting you, Faith. I don't have any regrets about that. I don't know how you're doing it but… you always made me feel good through each step of this. I don't know if anyone else could have done that."

 Faith smiled, "I'm glad then."

 Buff hesitantly moved closer and they kissed gently once again.  They pulled away when the kiss heated strongly again.

 "I think we should… get ready for school."

 Faith nodded, trying hard to forget how turned on she was at this moment.

 They got up and got ready then went out to have breakfast in the closest coffee shop.

 Buffy went to class. Faith trained with Giles in the morning. He taught her how to fight with a baton.

 Willow couldn't help but notice that Buffy was quiet, very quiet. And she seemed sad too.  All of them knew she had the abortion the day before and they hadn't mentioned it. Giles had simply asked her warmly how she was doing.

Truth is, physically she was ok.

 But right now she was confused and mentally she wasn't feeling very well but not that much about the abortion anymore. This fact disturbed her too.

The thing is, she knew this was probably the best solution for both her and the unborn child.

Morally it had been hard but she knew she didn't want a child and she would have been unhappy about this and therefore would’ve probably made that child unhappy as well. Even if she could never know for sure, she knew that it was somehow the worse condition to have a child, and the memory of how it was created…

Buffy closed her eyes tightly at those memories, as vague as they were, they still hurt too much. She wished to be reminded of that the less possible so she knew what Faith had told her on that specific topic was probably right. The probably hurt the most though. She wished she could be sure of that but could never be. It was done now anyway and Buffy knew she had to take her life back where she’d left it and not think about this because there was nothing to do about it now. So she would believe it was the best solution and therefore she knew she would soon feel more serene about that decision.

 So what was on her mind and confusing her the most was…. Faith of course. She couldn't shake her off of her thoughts.

It felt to Buffy as if their kisses were engraved on her lips and in her heart. She could still feel her warm embrace. She couldn't understand how it could feel so strong if it was just the situation, the need for comfort leading to those kisses. Then why was her chest rising so much as she was staring at Faith by the window at this moment? Buffy had been thinking about her all morning long. She'd been silent at lunch while Faith joked a lot with the others.

 It was the afternoon now and Buffy was on study hour and she was still thinking of Faith. She'd even given a jump when Faith exited the building to go lie down on the grass outside.

 "Buffy?"

 "Err yes, Will?"

 "Are you ok?"

 "Yes."

 "Are you sure? Are you thinking about yesterday?"

 "No I… I'm really ok Willow. I know now that it was the best thing to do."

 "Well, that's what you told me this morning but you don't look that ok right now, Buffy."

 "I-…" Buffy looked by the window and lowered her head.

 "Please tell me, I want to help you."

 "And I wanna tell you, Will… I really do but I don't understand what's happening to me."

 "Then just tell me, you know you can, right?"

 "I don't know, I mean, I know you think so but… God you're gonna think I'm asking for it. I mean, after what just happened what are you going to think of me now?"

 "Ok, I don't know what it is but I'm your best friend so I just… I just hope you can have more faith in me than this."

 Buffy took Willow's hands in hers immediately, "I know this, I didn't mean-" Buffy stopped and looked down.

 "Tell me." Willow told her with a nice smile.

 Buffy nodded.

 "It's…" Buffy looked by the window again.

 "Is it about Faith?"

 Buffy nodded, she looked at her best friend, "We…. Something happened and… I don't know what to think of it."

 "Is it about the two of you?" Willow asked, starting to have a pretty good idea.

 Buffy nodded.

 "It's ok, Buffy, it's nothing bad. You've been going through a hard time."

 "But I…. don't think that's what it is."

 Willow nodded, "Ok then, if I knew exactly what happened then it might help me to help you, or well, you know what I mean."

 "We- we kissed. More than once."

PART 17

Willow looked in front of her. She didn’t look shocked though. She’d expected this from what Buffy had already said anyway and the complicity she’d witnessed between the two slayers. Right now she was just trying not to get the mental picture because it made it hard for her to stay quiet.

 "When?" She calmly asked.

 "The first time was the night before the abortion; I'd just had another nightmare related to the night at the frat house. She held me and… it was really soft, you know. I fell asleep in her arms then and I… felt really good." Buffy kept looking at Willow for some shocked face but so far there was none.

 "And then?"

 "And after it. I was so drained when we came back from the clinic yesterday, I cried for so long, still in her arms. Then I fell asleep and then, when we woke up we kissed again. It was deeper kisses. We kissed for, I don't even know how long Will. It just felt so good. And this morning we kissed again, it became even more intense than intense. She was almost on top of me at some point and…. I think I wanted her even closer.” Buffy gave the same fearful gaze to Willow. But the redhead stayed calm.

 "You can say it, Will; I'm a slut, and now I'm a lesbian with that."

 "Kissing someone you have feelings for never made anyone a slut, Buffy."

 Buffy looked almost stunned, "You think I?"

 "Well yes, Buffy, I think you do. I've seen how you two bonded from the beginning. After a slight worry I very fast got it that it wasn't bestfriendly type, I told myself it was slayerytype of relationship. Defining your relationship with her was hard in fact but it seems obvious to me that you have feelings for her and she does for you. I feel kinda better about that somehow cause, you know me, always fear that you're gonna realize how uncool I am and go away, you know. So I'm glad she didn't steal the friendship part of your heart but just the lover's part."

 Buffy couldn't help but smile, "You're the coolest Will. I could never let go of my Will."

 They smiled then Buffy looked sadden again, "But then what about the second part of what I said?"

 "You know, 20th century here. Gay, straight, lesbian. It's just words. Who cares, really? Not me, Buffy. Not when it's about my friends. I admit I never thought about something like that but now that I do, honestly, it doesn't matter that much. But on the other hand, what about Angel?"

 Buffy took a deep breath, "What about Angel. That's the question; I'm not even sure about what I feel for Faith, or what she feels for me."

 "It seems obvious to me, Buffy."

 "Maybe, but I don't know, and for Angel, I love him still. It's Angel. I don't…. I think I must talk to him but… I've been pushing this away cause I… don't know what I'm going to say. What…. I don't know what I'm feeling enough to know what to say…"

 Willow looked upset by her best friend's slight distress. She wished she knew, she wished she could tell her but no one could know what Buffy felt but Buffy.And the blonde slayer seemed very lost at that instant.

 "I wish I could help."

 "It's ok, Willow. I already feel much better now that you know, and that you don't think I'm, well, you know."

 "No one would ever think that, Buffy. It has nothing to do with it."

 "I know but it's just, so soon after messing up it seems like I'm already onto something messy too, you know. I mean, I'm scared that people will see it like that." 

"Hey, no one knows about what happened Buffy but us, and we're not people. You know we never doubted of you, me Xander and Giles. And Giles was so concerned about you. I know that it was hard with your mom but now it's better, I mean from what you told me."

 "Yes, she said she was really sorry, and she was really nice on the phone. She really wants me to come home I guess. But what is she going to say when, if… I'm so scared that she turns her back to me again."

 "No, no, Buffy." Willow couldn't stand seeing the tears in Buffy's eyes, she took her hand, "I… Well, I have a mother who doesn't really pay attention to me so I… I understand a little how you feel but your mom; she's not like that, Buffy. She didn't react well, yes, but she feels bad and really regrets it. I don't think she'll do the same mistake twice, you know. But the thing is… maybe you should just talk to her, more."

 "I know, I mean that's what we'd settled but… I'm scared of what she's going to say. And then I think that maybe I'm doing my head in for nothing, maybe it was just comfort, maybe there's nothing going on cause I know I love Angel but then…." Buffy looked at Faith lying under the sun, "Then I look at her and…. I just want to be close to her. I…"

 Buffy sighed, she felt really confused.

 "Maybe you should just wait a little then and see… Try to relax, you've been through a hard time, you don't need to stress yourself about that."

 "I know, I mean I'm trying. I will try. Will, I really thank you. You don't know how it meant to have you by my side all this time. It let me know I was not crazy, you know."

 "I'll always be by your side, Buffy. I'm your friend and nothing will change that."

 Buffy smiled at her.

 Willow could still see many questions in the blonde girl's mind but it made Buffy feel really better to know that she could talk to her best friend this way. Made her feel less alienated by everything happening to her these days.

 They studied history together for the rest of the hour. Buffy couldn't help but glance by the window several times. Faith was still lying down happily under Sunnydale's sun.

 School ended. They'd settled for hanging at the mall the next afternoon all together since it was supposed to rain therefore fire and smores at the beach would have to wait for another time.

Buffy still felt a little tired to go to the bronze tonight and she didn't really want to anyway.

 Faith and her were walking quietly to the motel.

 "What's wrong?"

 Buffy frowned, "What do you mean?"

 "You've been really quiet today, at lunch and right now."

 "No, it's, it's nothing."

 "Did I do something bad? You just need to tell me, Buffy, you know. You don't have to avoid looking at me. I can leave you alone if you want, just tell me." Faith said in a trying-to-sound-casual tone.

 "No, no it's not that at all." Buffy said, very fast holding Faith's hand.

 Buffy looked upset, "Damn, I really have to get this honest talking deal done. I… It's not that I don't want you around or that I’m avoiding you. It's really the other way around Faith. And actually I… I hope you won't be mad but I told Willow what happened between us… I just… I just needed, God I'm just so confused, I just needed-"

 "It's ok." Faith said, moving very close. She lifted Buffy's chin to make her look at her. Faith looked upset, "I never meant to confuse you that way. It's ok you told Willow. If you feel better. I'm just sorry. I should have never-"

 "No, it's…. It's not your fault. Those feelings… I. I don't know what to say but like I told you last night, you didn't do anything wrong. It's my fault if I can't handle what it does to me to just look at you."

 "Maybe I didn't do anything wrong but… it doesn't make me feel any better knowing that you're not feeling ok. I can't help it. I like to see you smile. I…" Faith lowered her gaze, "I can't stand to see you down or crying."

 Now it's Buffy who pulled Faith's chin up to make her look at her. She gave her a sweet smile that Faith returned.  They moved closer, almost about to kiss when they realized they were in the middle of the street.

 Buffy took a deeper breath, "I don't know what it is you're doing to me."

 "And you didn't have the full Faith treatment yet." Faith told her wickedly with a wink.

 Buffy couldn't help but smile, and blush at the thought of more of Faith's touch…

 She looked away again then.

She didn't know if she could handle more, but she knew in her heart she wanted more even if she wasn't entirely sure what more was. However, the less disturbing for now was to stay on known territory, kissing, already intense but still handable.

 Buffy told herself it had to stay that way.

 Faith, for her part, knew she wanted to try her best to keep it that way too for now because Buffy seemed way too confused already.

 Faith smiled at her, "We should probably get home now. We could have a pizza tonight what do you think?"

 "That's a good idea, I'm kinda hungry."

 "Ok, let's go then."

 They started walking and held hands very fast till they reached the motel.

 They ate their pizza while watching a movie. They were sitting against the headboard of the bed, side by side.

 They kept laughing at the movie’s funny jokes. The atmosphere was really good.

 Faith checked out the clock when the movie ended, "It's still early, do you want to take a sweep outside, I mean, if you're up to?"

 "Slaying's really itching you, isn't it?" Buffy told her with a smile.

 Faith smiled back, "Yeah kinda. I mean, it's ok if you're not up to it, but yeah, I admit it."

 "Well, I kinda liked patrolling with you I must say, made it much more pleasant. But I… I'd rather not, just one more day. I'd rather not do something too physical, you know. But if you, I mean, I would understand if you wanted to go tonight and I know you can totally handle yourself but otherwise, I mean if you can wait, I’m pretty sure that tomorrow I'll go on patrol. But if you still want to go tonight I'd understand."

 Faith smiled, "We'll go tomorrow. I'd rather go with you too. So what do you wanna do then?"

 Buffy thought of the morning kisses at this instant. As she looked at Faith she could tell the brunette had the exact same thought in mind.

They looked away awkwardly when Buffy cleared her throat a little.

 "Maybe another movie?" Offered the blonde slayer.

 "Good idea."

 They settled against the headboard once again and started switching channels but nothing seemed to keep their interest.

 "Wish we had the cable."

 "Huh huh." Buffy replied absent-mindedly as she was looking at Faith's lips, her hair as well, locks falling on her partially uncovered neck. Buffy realized she was totally captivated by the brunette girl. How could it be possible? Faith had to be a witch and not a slayer, couldn't be anything else.

 "What about-" Faith stopped when she noticed Buffy staring at her that way. Buffy lowered her gaze at that moment.

 "Are you ok, Buffy?" Faith asked her gently.

 "You're- you're beautiful." Buffy told her without looking at her.

 She stayed silent for a while and finally looked at Faith as the brunette hadn't said anything.

Buffy swallowed and looked away again until she felt Faith's hand on her face.  Buffy closed her eyes. She felt her heart rise in her chest just by the feeling of the mattress sinking as Faith moved closer.  It felt like her heart exploded when Faith's lips touched hers.

 Buffy put her hand on the back of Faith's head to pull her closer and the kiss deepened.

The knowledge that it was the only thing they'd wanted to do all night long felt rather overwhelming at this moment. And they really didn't want to stop.

 "You feel so good Buffy." Faith whispered when she finally left the older slayer's mouth for her neck.

Buffy felt shivers coursing through her entire body at the warm exhale on her flesh.

 Faith licked on her neck while her hand moved to Buffy's waist, going partially under the blonde girl's night dress.  Faith caressed Buffy's outer thigh.

Buffy moaned at this and Faith nibbling on her earlobe as well.

 They could feel the heat rising.

 Buffy could feel her wetness growing. Faith's hand started moving up, lifting her nightdress.

 "Faith I-"

 Faith stopped and pulled away, "I'm sorry I'm sorry, Buffy. God I can't even control myself. I'm so sorry."

 "No, it's ok. I mean, it's not your fault, I just, it's just-"

 "We need to slow down; I know. That's what I told you earlier. God I'm just so… It's like I can't help it, you feel just so good."

 Buffy couldn't but smile with a hint of blushing, and pride as well.

 "Really?"

 "Ooh yes."

 Buffy smiled at Faith's honesty.

 They smiled at each other and Buffy reached for Faith's face. She lightly ran her fingertips on the brunette's face as if trying to decipher her. Exploring new territory in a way. Faith tried to calm her breathing down at Buffy’s fingers caressing her every facial features.

 They both moved closer. They were about to kiss but the phone rang.

 Buffy checked at the clock. It was almost ten. She frowned and picked up, "Mom? Hi no, no we were still awake. No, it's ok mom don't worry. I'm fine I told you at school. Yes, ok what is it? Err, well, err yes of course but, oh, well we're going at the mall with the others. No just the afternoon. Err, yes why not. I think she will. No mom I know you do, I know now mom, it’s ok, don’t worry I know. Yes, me too mom. See you tomorrow, bye."

 "So, you're going to your mom's tomorrow?"

 Faith tried hard not let show her squeezed heart every time she felt the moment Buffy would go back to her past life getting closer.

 "Well, we are in fact. I mean if it's ok with you, she'd like to have us both for lunch tomorrow. I said it was ok but if you don-"

 "No it's ok. I mean, I'd like to."

 They smiled at each other.

 “She was so... She feels so bad. I think she really regrets what happened. She was so nice and I could tell she still feels really bad about it. I think it should be fine now.”

 Faith lightly brushed a lock of Buffy’s face away from her face, “Yes it will.”

 Buffy smiled shyly at her.

 "I guess we should better sleep then.”

 "Yes probably."

 "Ok."

 They both crept under the sheets.

 "Good night, Faith."

 "Night, B."

 They turned off the lights but after 2 minutes Buffy moved closer.  She didn't know where it came from but she placed a soft kiss on Faith’s lips and snuggled up in the brunette's arms.

 Faith smiled and held her close. She lightly caressed her shoulders until they both fell asleep.

PART 18

Buffy woke up slowly. She smiled as she felt the warmth emanating from Faith, squeezed very tightly against her. It was something that amazed her; how warm she was and how much it made her feel good. From the first time Faith had held her, Buffy had noticed this fact. It was the first time she'd ever compared Angel's body temperature from human’s.

Usually, the love between her and the vampire was enough to get this warm feeling or so Buffy had always thought. But ever since Faith…. The difference showed so much now.

 Buffy swallowed at the thought. How did things get to there? She thought Angel was the love of her life and suddenly all the little things that were wrong in their relationship kept coming to her mind. And as Buffy realized; they were not little things in fact.

 But she loved him so much, or she did barely just one week ago. How could things change that much? Right; they couldn't. She could still feel how his embrace could make her melt.

But then why did she feel this way?

Was it just because of his reaction? Maybe she’d been hurt more than she'd thought by that but it would just slowly fall into places soon...?

But then, what was it with Faith?

 Faith. Buffy opened her eyes and saw her still fully asleep.

 Buffy propped herself on her elbow slightly and stared at the brunette slayer sleeping on her stomach.

 God she is beautiful was Buffy's first thought. Buffy swallowed at this, yes she was finding her beautiful right now. There was definitely something not right there and it wasn't about Angel. Buffy couldn't deny it as her hand found its way to Faith's shoulder and back naturally and she started caressing her lightly. And feeling very good about it.

 Buffy somewhat pulled the cover down a little and kept staring intensely at Faith's curve as she caressed the crook of Faith's back and kidneys.

 She heard a slight moan.

Buffy was surprised that she didn't feel bad about getting caught as she now knew Faith was awake.

 The brunette slowly turned around till she was on her back so Buffy's hand was now resting just above Faith's pelvis.

Buffy took a deeper breath.

 Faith put her hand on Buffy's and caressed the back of it then let it run all along Buffy's arm to her face.  She caressed her face and Buffy moved closer.

 Faith pulled her face closer when their lips met and they kissed passionately for a long while.

 They pulled away.

 Faith smiled, "I really like your new way of saying good morning, B."

 Buffy blushed profusely and smiled. She then stared at Faith intensely, "I don't know what you're doing to me, Faith." She whispered.

 Faith caressed her face and they moved closer to kiss again.

 They pulled away once again.

 "I really don't. But I know I don't want you to go."

 "Hey it's ok." Faith gently whispered when she saw Buffy's teary eyes.

 "I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm crying now. I just feel so… overwhelmed. I…"

 "Ssh…" Faith put her finger on Buffy's lips, "God you're just so beautiful. And ok, I'm not helping there, am I?"

 Buffy couldn't help but smile.

 Faith looked at the clock, "It's almost 10.30, I think we should probably start moving if we don't want to be late at your mom's." 

"Yes, you're right."

 They could have stayed there forever at that moment but both of them felt a little anxious somehow about where it could lead them. Every time they started kissing they could never tell when or if they were going to stop. Every time it became harder for them to part and each time their kisses kept becoming more intense.

 They got up, took their time in the bathroom one after the other.

Buffy gathered the few clothes she was bringing back to her house. They got ready and left the motel room then.

 They walked quietly to the Summers’ house hand in hand. It somehow felt like the most natural gesture for them to hold hands. It felt like something missing if they were not.

 Joyce was very impatient to see them. Mostly Buffy of course. She still felt so bad about what happened, and she missed her daughter very much. She didn’t want to lose her in any sense of the words. Even if the break had been hard she knew there was still and always a way to prove to Buffy that she loved her and that Buffy still needed her.

 As she was looking by the window from upstairs, Joyce saw the girls arrive hand in hand. She saw them letting go of each other’s hands before getting too close. Joyce frowned a little but walked downstairs, taking deep breaths. She couldn’t help being a little anxious.

 A knock at the door and she opened.

 Buffy looked as anxious as her mother and stayed at the door step. It almost seemed as if she didn’t dare to walk in.

 Joyce couldn’t help it and she pulled her into a tight hug. Buffy held her tight too.

Faith smiled at that with a small squeeze of the heart though.

 Joyce welcomed them in and led them to the couch where she’d settle little junk food for them to wait till lunch was ready.

 The atmosphere was a little awkward at first.

 Buffy and Faith were sitting side by side. Buffy seemed nervous. It almost seemed to Joyce that she was about to take Faith’s hand at some point but shook her head suddenly and pulled her hand back to her.

Joyce couldn’t help but being intrigued by the way the girls kept glancing at each other.

 She brought them some coke.

 “So, Faith, Willow told me you’re not going to school? How old are you?”

 “Err yes, kinda dropped a few weeks ago. I’m 16.”

 “You said the other day you were from Boston, right?”

 “Yes Miss.”

 “What did your parents say about you dropping out school?”

 The slayers glanced at each other.

 “I’m sorry if I’m being intrusive.”

 “No, it’s ok Miss Summers.”

 “Please, call me Joyce.”

Joyce knew there was something she didn’t know there. But whatever it was, she felt like she somehow had to know this girl better. Like she was the key of the mystery.

 “Right, Joyce. Err, well, my mother died last year. I never knew my father. I’m staying at, err, an aunt. We’re, well, to tell the truth we’re having trouble adjusting and... I’m here on a break, an official break, don’t worry; she knows I’m here. We just needed to give each other some time apart I guess.”

 Joyce nodded, “And that’s where you met Buffy.”

 “Yep, at the bus station.”

 Joyce’s heart squeeze again as the thought of Buffy leaving crossed her mind.

 “And you two bonded quite fast from there.”

 The slayers looked at each other then ahead of them without responses.

 Joyce could see a small veil of sadness in Buffy’s eyes. Buffy was very silent. Things almost seemed like before in the bad sense of the way; that is, Buffy having lots on her mind and not letting Joyce in. But Joyce was decided to break this wall of silence. She didn’t want to risk anything like what just happened to occur again. She needed to let Buffy know she could trust her.

Joyce knew she needed to be ready to compromise as well.

She didn’t know why but she already knew in her mind that her daughter’s life didn’t resemble any of her little comrades’ lives. She didn’t know why but this fact made no doubt to her.

But it wouldn’t stop her from loving and helping her daughter.

 “Well, I guess lunch is going to be ready soon. You should go sit down at the table.”

 Buffy nodded and the girls got up from the couch.

 “Err mom. I’m going to go put my bag up in my room and take a few other things.... if that’s ok with you.”

 Joyce nodded though she truly hoped to keep her daughter home from now on. But she wouldn’t force her if things didn’t go as planned though.

 Buffy walked upstairs.

 “Can I help you do anything, Miss, err, Joyce?”

 Joyce smiled nicely at the young brunette, “It’s fine, thank you. Just sit here and relax. Do you want some water or another glass of coke?”

 “Oh err water please. Thanks.”

 Joyce poured some water in Faith’s glass.

 “Would you excuse me for a minute?”

 “Of course miss- Joyce.”

 Faith watched as Joyce walked upstairs, knowing too well where the older woman was heading. But Faith couldn’t step into this now. She had to let them in family.

 Joyce knocked at Buffy’s door room.

 “Err yes.”

 Joyce opened the door in time to see Buffy wiping a single tear from her face. Joyce moved closer very fast and sat on Buffy’s bed beside her.

 “I hate to see you like that, Buffy.”

 “Oh no, it’s just; it’s nothing, really. I’m fine now.”

 Joyce caressed her daughter’s face, ”Please Buffy, talk to me.”

 Buffy swallowed, she was trying hard to hold back her tears.

 “Buffy I don’t ever want something like what we’ve just lived to ever happen again.”

 Buffy couldn’t hold back her tears anymore.

 “Please, Buffy. I know I’ve made a mistake but you have to trust me.”

 “Oh I want to. God mom.” Buffy hugged her mother tightly, “If you knew how much I want...” Buffy choked on her tears.

 “Ssh, I’m here, Buffy.”

 Joyce rubbed Buffy’s back gently.

 Buffy pulled away after a while. Joyce wiped her tears away.

 “I said I wouldn’t hide anything. I wanted... I want so much to... I want you to trust me mom. I need you to trust me.”

 “I do... I do so much Buffy. You need to believe me. You can talk to me.”

 “I can’t.” Buffy said, crying some more and looking away.

 Joyce kept caressing her face, trying to understand.

 Buffy looked so bad right now, “You can tell me, Buffy.”

 “I-I... I know I promised I would tell you the big things... The things that matters. As much as I can mom.”

 “Buffy I... You’re almost seventeen now and... I know you can’t tell me everything. I know that. But if what you have in mind makes you so sad then it’s something that you can tell me.”

 Buffy held back more tears, “It doesn’t... make me sad mom... But I... I’m scared.”

 “About what, Buffy? Tell me, what’s happening? You can trust me Buffy.”

 “I’m scared you won’t love me anymore...” Buffy broke down crying in her mother’s arms once again.

 Joyce held her tight.

How she regretted her reaction face to Buffy’s revelation now. Those words hurt her more than anything.

 She made Buffy look at her, “Buffy I will NEVER stop loving you. No matter what, you are the most important person to me. I can’t stop loving you, Buffy; this is impossible.”

 Joyce caressed her daughter’s face softly till Buffy calmed down.

 Buffy lowered her face.

 “Just tell me, Buffy. You’ll feel better. Is it because of what they did to you, or the abortion? I know you didn’t feel comfortable with this and I.... didn’t let you the opportunity to say anything about that. One more thing I’m sorry for.”

 “No it’s, yes it was hard but.... Faith helped me understand that it was probably the best thing to do. She...” Buffy swallowed.

 Joyce gave her a compassionate gaze, “So, it’s about Faith and you then.”

 Buffy looked up at her with surprise, ”You- you know?”

 “Well, I don’t exactly know what’s to know but... I’m starting to understand, yes.”

 Buffy swallowed, “I... It wasn’t anything I.... I don’t even know how. I’m not trying to piss you off or anything mom I swear it’s....”

 “Hey hey, ssh, it’s ok, Buffy. I know. God Buffy I never want you to think I could stop loving you for something like that.”

 “It’s just... after the incident.... It seemed like, I thought you would think I was doing it on purpose, you know.”

 “Buffy, the incident as you say; nothing was your fault in that. You didn’t do anything wrong. I was wrong to react the way I did. It’s my fault now if you’re thinking this right now but you have to trust me, Buffy. I love you so much and I’ll never stop. And I.... I’d very much like you to tell me about Faith. I can understand these things, and even if I don’t understand, I can still help you. This is what I want Buffy. And not seeing this confused look on your face. I don’t ever want you to feel like you have to hide yourself from me. Never. Do you understand?”

 Buffy nodded.

 Joyce waited patiently for a moment till Buffy started,

 “It’s intense. We’ve gotten so close. I never meant for this to happen but... we feel just so close and... so good together. And we... we kissed.... more than once.” Buffy swallowed, still afraid of her mother’s reaction but Joyce kept caressing Buffy’s hair.

 “I like being with her mom... a lot.”

 Joyce nodded.

 “Is Faith, err, I mean was she already?”

 “Oh err, yes, but she never forced me or influenced me I swear.”

 Joyce nodded “I know.”

 “It came naturally.” Buffy said, lowering her gaze again.

 Joyce made her look at her, “It’s alright Buffy. See, I’m not mad or yelling or anything. It’s ok for you to have these feelings, that it is something temporary or definitive, I’m still your mother and I will always love you. No matter who you’re dating. I don’t want to lose you over such details. You mean more to me than things like that, Buffy. As long as you’re healthy and happy, God knows I don’t care about the rest now.”

 They hugged tightly for a short while then pulled away.

 “It’s going to be ok now, Buffy. Because now you know I’m on your side.”

 Buffy nodded hugely to that much needed information.

PART 19

 Joyce put a lock of Buffy’s blonde hair away from her eyes.

“What about your boyfriend Angel? You and him were rather serious, weren’t you?” Joyce then asked her daughter.

“We were, but we never-“

 “I know, I know, Buffy. You told me so and I know it was the truth.”

 “Good, cause we never did anything but kiss... But it was pretty intense too and... God I don’t know anymore, I thought he was....  I still love him mom but I... I don’t know, I don’t know anymore. I haven’t talked to him since the night you chased him and I ran away. He didn’t react very well when I told him too. That’s kind of why I went crazy and wanted to run away cause with the two of you it was just too much, you know.”

 Joyce nodded sadly, “I should’ve been by your side.”

 “It’s ok mom. Now you are and.... it means the world to me. I.... I can’t ever go through this again; I need you.”

 “And I’m here now, never letting you down ever again. No matter what you will decide.”

 They nodded with a calm smile.

 “I guess I need to talk to him and see from there. He came to the motel actually. Though I learnt it afterwards,” A smile formed on Buffy’s lips, “Faith kind of chased him away too. She thought I was gonna be mad at her, she was so cute, I mean, sorry. I just meant, well, I wasn’t ready to talk to him yet anyway.” Buffy looked serious again.

 Joyce kept smiling nicely at Buffy, “She’s very protective of you, isn’t she?”

 “Yes, yes she is.”

 “I’m glad she was with you through this. And as surprisingly as it will sound, I’m glad that she was so straightforward with me when we talked. She sure did put my ideas back in place.”

 Buffy looked ashamed a little, “She didn’t mean to be rude or anything, she’s...”

 “She’s honest, Buffy. She was witnessing something she found truly unfair and just couldn’t stand it. Mostly since you were hurting. As harsh towards me as it sounded, it was the best proof to me that she cares for you. She’s... different from your friends. She doesn’t talk much about her, does she? Though I suppose you know more about her than this, don’t you?”

 Buffy nodded, “She’s had a really though life. She’s never had anyone on her side. Lots of stuff happened to her that made it easy for her to understand what I was going through.”

 “I see.”

 “And so I guess that’s why we bonded so quick and... so much. I know she might seem a little tough but she’s very sensitive in fact and tender and-“

 “Everything a sixteen year old is Buffy. I’m not blind. I know how it is. She doesn’t even seem so tough to me, you know. I’m a mother Buffy, not a teenager, I don’t judge and place people in the like/don’t like column just by a simple look. I think Faith is probably a very nice girl. And I hope that I’ll get to know her better.”

 “Me too.”

 They smiled at each other, Buffy took a deep breath, “I can’t believe we just talked about... this.”

 Joyce smiled, ”I think it went rather well, don’t you think?”

 Buffy nodded with a smile, ”I feel, I feel like I can tell you... everything I need to... and I will. When...” Buffy trailed off, “I mean, when there’s something to say.”

 Joyce meant to say something but she didn’t. There was still this mystery about her daughter’s life but she knew they’d both made a big step forward with the getting closer in their mother/daughter relationship. Joyce would be patient but she trusted Buffy to tell her whatever it was that was so big in her life since two years. Joyce had started to put the pieces together now and wonder about it.

 But she felt confident that things could only get better now.

 Buffy, on her side, started to see coming for the first time the moment she would tell her mother who she was. And what’s more, now she wanted to.

But for now, she had to calm her personal life down. Fix it somehow and then, then she would tell her mother...

 “We should probably get back downstairs; Faith must be waiting for us.”

 Buffy nodded hugely.

 They started lunch.

Faith wondered what they’d talked about for so long. Joyce still seemed very nice with her, asking some questions about her life, trying to get to know her as if lunch was about her being the guest. Faith had felt it’d be about Buffy and her mother re-bonding and seeing each other, so that’s why she kind of guessed the two had discussed Buffy and hers growing relationship.

Faith was glad that Joyce didn’t seem upset about it.  She couldn’t be sure though that it was what they’d talked about so she stayed careful in everything she said.

 Joyce brought the chocolate cake she’d made for desert.

 “Mmm it looks delicious.”

 “It is delicious, Faith. You’ll see; mom makes the best chocolate cake in the world.”

 The slayers smiled at each other.

 “Well, let’s rather say mom follows the best recipe in the world then.”

 They smiled at Joyce’s comment.

 “So you’re going to see your friends this afternoon?”

 “Yes, we’re going at the mall. All together. Faith invited this new guy, Oz. Willow kinda has a thing for him and... Well, she was afraid to meet him alone so Faith just got up at the cafeteria and went straight to him. Willow was red you should have seen this. But anyway, she invited him and he said yes. Willow kept talking about this all afternoon. She still couldn’t believe you’d done that, Faith.” 

“That’s me; I’m nosy like that.” Faith said with a fake ashamed tone.

 Buffy and her smiled at each other.

Joyce looked at them with a nice smile but looked serious again.

 “Faith I... I’ve come to learn that you and Buffy had gotten closer.”

 Faith tensed at this, so did Buffy somehow, not sure how Faith would react to the fact she’d told her mother. But Joyce went on very fast,

 “To which I have nothing to say, be reassured. But eventually I’d like to get my daughter back home one of these days.”

 Buffy looked at her mom, she hadn’t thought about this.

 “I get that.” Faith said very low, putting her fork down. She couldn’t keep Buffy with her forever. She knew that but it was hurting, hurting way too much to think of being without Buffy.

 Joyce could see the same feeling in Buffy’s gaze.

 Joyce smiled, “So I was thinking about something that could maybe satisfy all of us.”

 The slayers looked at her at the same time, waiting expectantly.

 “Well Faith, I’d very much like to have you here while you’re in Sunnydale. I think it’d be a better place to be for a sixteen year old girl, don’t you think?”

 Faith and Buffy looked at each other alternating between surprised, delighted, stunned and wondering gazes.

 “Really mom? You’d do that?”

 “Well like I said, I want you back I won’t lie about this. But also I truly think that a motel room isn’t a place for a sixteen year old girl so I’d really feel better if Faith came here for the duration of her stay.”

 Both Summers women looked in the direction of Faith now.

 Err, err, well, yes, I mean, I’d very much like that too, yes.”

 “That’s settled then. We’ll go pick up both of your clothes later today.”

 “Well, tonight’s already paid in fact Miss Summers.”

 “And err, well mom, actually we’d planned on going to the bronze tonight, after the mall so... we’ll just come back tomorrow then. We’ll check out in the morning and come straight here, is it ok with you mom?”

 Joyce nodded with a smile at her daughter. Joyce felt very glad that Buffy was finally coming back. One more day to wait wasn’t going to kill her.

 Joyce looked a little more serious now, “Just one more thing though. Taking the risk to sound old fashioned I’m going to have to add a little condition to this. I will not interfere in your relationship be sure of that. If you need advises I’ll gladly give them to you but I promise I’ll let you sort it out on your own, but Faith will have to stay in the guest room. I have a responsibility to her aunt and to you Buffy as you’re both underage. I hope you understand that. I mean in no way to-“

 “No, no it’s totally ok, miss- Joyce. I understand. It’s ok. And it’s your house. Guest room is fine.”

 Buffy nodded too even if she already missed Faith’s warmth, but somehow she thought maybe it was best till she cleared her feelings.

 Buffy and Faith gave each other a knowing smile and the three women ate their piece of cake quietly. Talking about school and the mall.

 Buffy hugged her mother tightly and they left an hour after lunch.

 They were walking side by side.

 “Wow, I wasn’t expecting that at all, B.”

 Buffy looked at Faith with a worried look, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I wasn’t sure I was going to tell her but it felt... And she reacted really well.”

 “Yeah I’ve noticed, so much better than my mom did. Can’t believe she wants me in the house.”

 Buffy smiled then Faith stared at her, “What did you tell her exactly?”

 Buffy looked in front of her shyly, “Well, just that we were close. I mean... I told her that we kissed too AND... that you were kind of important to me.”

 “Kind of?”

 Buffy looked at her worriedly but saw that Faith looked amused so she relaxed.

 “Kind of.” Buffy repeated while taking Faith’s hand in hers.

 They both walked ahead silently with a smile on their lips.

 The afternoon went very well.

 Oz was cool. He wasn’t very talkative but Buffy and Faith could tell he was definitely interested in Willow. The redhead was very shy too but the two of them got to talk together quite a lot as the afternoon went by. The slayers made sure the two of them sat side by side when they went to see a movie.

 Xander kept checking with jealousy on Willow and Oz so keeping him busy enabled the slayers to not think about each other too much. But they couldn’t help and hold hands during the movie, discreetly rubbing tenderly each other’s palm and back of the hand with their thumbs.

 Oz left later but Faith made sure to let him know that they, Willow included, would be at the Bronze that night. He hinted quite overtly that he’d be there then.

 The group went to see Giles and when night fell they headed to the bronze.

 Faith dragged Buffy on the dance floor and they had fun.

Oz arrived and him and Willow started talking, mostly after Buffy and Faith dragged Xander out of his staring at them phase and on the dance floor.

 They danced for a while then Buffy went to the restrooms.

 Faith followed her.

 “Are you ok, Buffy?”

 “Yes, yes sure, don’t worry.”

 But Faith moved closer and gently put her hand on Buffy’s stomach, “Does it hurt?”

 Buffy shivered at the touch and then looked surprised that Faith noticed as she’d held back a grimace twice during the last half hour. Her stomach indeed hurt a little.

 “No, no it’s ok. I felt something but it’s ok now. Don’t worry.”

 “You know I can’t do that.” Faith said as she reached for Buffy’s face.

 Buffy smiled shyly, “But seriously, I’m fine. I guess I just danced a little too much for tonight.”

 “We should go home now.”

 “No, not now, we’re supposed to go patrolling tonight.”

 “No not tonight, Buffy. You need to take it easy for a while plus it’s raining, won’t be fun.”

 “But I swear I’m gonna be fine. I know you really want to patrol tonight.”

 “I don’t care, Buffy. What I want is to be with you in fact, I mean...” Faith lowered her head then looked at Buffy.

 They stared at each other.

 Buffy caressed Faith’s face.

 Their hearts rose in their chest as they moved closer. They kissed languorously for a long while.

 Buffy’s eyes were still closed when they pulled away.

 Faith took a deep breath, “God I’ve missed this so much today, Buffy.”

 Buffy smiled and pulled her into a deeper kiss.

 They pulled away when they heard a glass breaking on the floor coming from the dance floor. It took them out of their passionate embrace.

They smiled at each other.

 “We should go back now.”

 Faith nodded.

 They left the restrooms.

PART 20

The slayers walked quietly back to the motel, hand in hand.

 They talked about Joyce and the house. Buffy also told Faith about their latest history class. She’d noticed Faith seemed interested in history the last time she’d done her homework with Faith beside her.

 They reached the motel room. Faith asked Buffy how she was feeling and the older girl replied she was ok now.

 Buffy headed to the bathroom first.

 Faith was putting some of her stuff in her bag, to be ready to check out the next day when suddenly she heard a big noise coming from the bathroom.

 She rushed in it. Buffy very fast put a towel in front of her as she was naked.

Faith tried not to think of the heat that spread over her at the sight, even brief, of Buffy’s nakedness. She rushed to her and put one hand on Buffy’s face and the other on her stomach, afraid she still hurt there,

“Are you ok?”

 Buffy swallowed. Faith was so close. And the brunette’s hands on her naked skin made it almost impossible for her to think straight.

 “Err, yes. I-I... tripped when I went out of the shower and-and I-I just, I kicked the small trash can... is all.”

 Buffy was dripping wet. Drops still running heavily on her body, from her dampened hair mostly.

 Faith swallowed, she found it impossible to move away right now.

 The hand that was on Buffy’s face caressed her cheek softly, and put the wet locks away, “I’m sorry. I thought. I got scared.”

 “I-I know. I... Thank you... But I’m fine, don’t worry.” Buffy tried to steady her breathing at Faith’s gaze lowering to her naked chest and body. Buffy was holding the short towel over her breasts. The towel was falling and covering her crotch too but only just. Her thighs, her buttocks, her legs, her back; everything was uncovered.

 Faith stared back at her face, ”Yes, fine.” She caressed her cheek and moved closer, unable to stop herself until they kissed.

 Faith moved even closer, she was pressed against Buffy who moved back just an inch as her back reached the glass door of the bathroom. She gasped somehow at the coldness of it, mostly compared to the warmth emanating from her and Faith.

 The kiss deepened and Buffy wrapped her arms around Faith’s head. Faith’s body pressed on hers was the only thing holding the towel in place.

 The kiss kept becoming wilder as the seconds passed by. Buffy moaned when she felt Faith’s hands on her waist and hips.

Faith caressed her face once more while kissing her neck and her hands moved on Buffy’s back, on the small of her back.

 “You’re gonna be wet.”

 Faith looked at Buffy after she breathed out those words. Buffy realized the double meanings they could have but Faith didn’t smile or wink or joked about how wet she already was like she would have with any other girl. It was not any other girl. It was Buffy. And she knew she hadn’t said those words teasingly either.

It was just....

 Faith caressed Buffy’s lips and Buffy couldn’t help but pulling her into another deep kiss.

 It took Faith ALL of her will to stop kissing Buffy and move away just an inch. She didn’t forget to hold the towel in place or she knew she’d have been unable to maintain this last bit of will of hers needed to pull away.

 Buffy was panting. Faith was trying hard to take deeper breath, “I’m sorry, Buffy.”

 Buffy looked somehow stunned. She felt like she was burning inside, she’d never felt that turned on.

Her breathing was heavy.

 “It was.... I guess we should, I mean.... Wow...”

Buffy didn’t know what to say anymore. Looking at Faith right now she only wanted the brunette to kiss her this way again and to never stop.

 Buffy shook her head, “It’s ok. Err I... I should get dry now... I guess.”

 Faith looked away to try and gain more composure, “Yes or-or you’ll catch a cold, or something.”

 Buffy nodded while swallowing.

 Faith moved away some more.

 “I-I’ll leave you the bathroom now.” Buffy said while wrapping another towel around her and moving to the door.

 “Yeah. Cool. Err, later.”

 Faith closed the door behind Buffy and exhaled loudly.  She was in for a long cold shower right now.

She didn’t want to spoil everything but at the same time she couldn’t help but feel that Buffy wanted it as much as she did when she stopped.

Faith didn’t know what to think.

She knew she wouldn’t be able to resist much longer. She was trying to find some reasons to resist, but it was becoming hard mostly as she couldn’t help thinking of Buffy’s moans and shivers at her caresses. The way she’d held her tight and kissed her back.

Faith tried hard to tell herself she was imagining this and Buffy was still just very confused, but the souvenir of Buffy’s skin under her fingers and mouth. The warmth of the other slayer.

Even a cold shower couldn’t put out the fire Buffy’d set in Faith.

 Buffy tried to calm herself down while packing her stuff too. She tried to tell herself she couldn’t possibly want to do with Faith what she even had no idea how to do...

They were supposed to take things slow weren’t they? Buffy hadn’t even talked to Angel since they’d argued. And tomorrow was Sunday; she will have known Faith for only just one week.

How did it feel like she’d been in there with her forever then? How could she feel so intensely drawn to her? How could she feel these feelings that she was unable to stop right now.

Buffy wanted so much to understand, to be sure she wasn’t messing with her own life but she had no doubts on Faith’s honesty and care about her so it made it difficult. If only she could doubt, but every time Faith was looking at her it felt to Buffy that she was all that Faith had.

And Buffy knew that fact made her held Faith even tighter every time because she wanted to be that for Faith. She wanted to let Faith know that she did have her. Oh my God, Buffy wondered if she wasn’t going to faint at that realization.

 But yes, right now there’s no one else she wanted to be close to. She wanted Faith to have her. She wanted to have Faith as well.

 Buffy swallowed, she tried to take deep breath.  She couldn’t mess things up. Maybe the water, the nakedness and stuff had turned them on. And they hadn’t slayed in a while. Buffy thought maybe it had to do with it.

They had to keep their heads cool.

 Buffy put her panties on. As if it could help. She dismissed that thought.  She didn’t need clothing; she and Faith were almost grown-ups now.

 They knew what they could or couldn’t do, should or shouldn’t do and they would both understand that they really needed to slow down.

It was best if they both knew what they wanted and how they were feeling before doing... stuff that Buffy, once again, told herself she didn’t even know what it was... She couldn’t be thinking of stuff that she didn’t even know now, could she?

 Faith walked out of the bathroom in a long t shirt. They stared at each other.

 They smiled shyly.

 Faith was surprised once again as she felt herself blush. She never used to blush before Buffy.

 “How is your stomach?” Faith gently asked to cut the silence.

 She moved closer to her side of the bed, the left side.

 “It’s ok now; it was really too much dancing. That’ll teach me good.”

 “Well, you do know how to move your booty on the floor, that’s right.”

 Buffy couldn’t help but smile, and blush. She seemed to do that at least ten times a day with Faith around.

 Faith smiled at that then gave her that look. That admiring look Buffy could always feel herself melt into.

Those dark brown eyes...

 Buffy took a deep breath and looked on the side. So did Faith as she spread the sheets open.

 Buffy did the same on her side; she made sure her nightdress stayed in place when she crept under the sheets.

 They were both on their back, staring at the ceiling.

 Faith glanced at Buffy then back at the ceiling when Buffy glanced at her.  They looked at each other with a brief smile before looking up again.

 Buffy took a deep breath.

 “Are you ok?”

 “Yes. You?”

 “I think.”

 “You think?”

 “I mean yes.”

 Buffy inhaled deeply and moved on her side to look at Faith.

 Faith swallowed and did the same so they were face to face. The blonde girl then propped herself on her elbow.

 Faith looked expectant, she knew Buffy wanted to say something but she couldn’t help but being scared of what it could be. Maybe she was going to tell her to back off, or even to sleep on the floor.

 “Was it like that?”

 Faith raised her eyebrows, not understanding.

 “With the others, the two girls? Was it how... was it like that?”

 “No.” Faith replied before even thinking of the question.

 Buffy didn’t know if she was relieved or not by the answer.

 Buffy swallowed, “It was intense... It is intense but that’s how it is, I mean, how it has to always be, right? It’s always like that cause-cause we’re girls, right?”

 Faith shook her head negatively, “No, it’s never been like that. Never. Just with you.”

 Buffy lowered her gaze, she seemed thoughtful.

 Faith moved a tiny bit closer and gently reached for Buffy’s face, “So you... felt it too. I mean, you found it intense... You...”

 Faith swallowed and tried to move backward but she only just pulled her hand away and stayed close.

 Buffy closed her eyes, she tried to avoid looking at Faith so she moved her pillow up against the headboard a little and leaned against it to stare at the ceiling.

 “I’ve never felt this with An-” Buffy paused then looked at Faith, “Is this...” She trailed off.

 “Buffy I-“

 Faith moved closer, Buffy swallowed, trying hard to look at the ceiling.

 “I know I can’t... I shouldn’t be asking this but I.... Tomorrow we’ll be in separate rooms. It’s like I can’t even stand the thought of it, but still; it’s tomorrow and now is...”

 Faith paused when Buffy looked at her while her heart seemed to beat extra hard in her chest at Faith’s words. It almost hurt so much it was beating fast.

 The brunette swallowed but went on, “Tonight we’re here and I.... I know I have no rights to but I can’t... I can’t lie to you and I... I need... I want to touch you Buffy, so badly.”

 Buffy felt like her heart had gone to the ceiling so much it beat strongly.

 “I don’t want to hurt you, I swear I... God I... I need...” Faith trailed off, she almost didn’t dare to look at Buffy now, thinking she’d blown it totally.

 Buffy was silent and so Faith finally looked back at her.

Buffy swallowed. She hated that she was so frozen while Faith looked that insecure. Buffy wanted to tell her that she wanted it too but the words wouldn’t come out.  She reached for Faith’s face though and caressed her cheekbones. Faith still looked unsure but she moved closer very slowly.

 They both took a deeper breath before their lips touch. They kissed softly first then more deeply.

Faith couldn’t help but feel the same eagerness in Buffy’s kiss that she’d felt in the bathroom. But still, she knew Buffy meant too much. How to be sure she wasn’t forcing herself on the blonde girl?  With any other girl Faith would already be on top of her, taking her completely, not caring that much if it was a mistake. But with Buffy...

 The kiss deepened and they both moaned at the growing desire in both of them.

 Faith placed a gentle kiss in Buffy’s neck and she felt Buffy’s hand tighten her grip on her nape.

 Faith pulled away just an inch.

 “Would you... let me... touch you, Buffy?” She whispered against the blonde girl’s lips.

 Buffy nodded slowly, not quitting her gaze off of the brown pair of eyes in front of her.

 Faith placed a soft but tender kiss on her lips, “You know I’d never hurt you, Buffy.”

 “I know.” Buffy whispered in her turn, realizing she could barely speak so much desire and anticipation had taken hold of her.

 Faith kissed her more deeply while her left hand reached Buffy’s waist, above her nightdress. Buffy shivered ever so lightly.

 Buffy moved her hand to Faith’s hair.

Faith was still propped on her elbow on Buffy’s left side. She kissed her neck while her hand moved up; she brushed against Buffy’s breasts over her nightdress. Buffy inhaled deeply.

 Faith’s hand was on her neck now but moved down again. Buffy moaned when Faith started massaging her right breast.

 Faith kissed Buffy’s neck while she pulled on one of the string of the short opening on the front of Buffy’s nightdress. Buffy shivered.

When the sides of the nightdress parted a little, Faith slid her hand in. Buffy moaned as Faith’s fingers started caressing her naked breasts, teasing her nipples, already hard under the desire and Faith’s ministrations.

 Faith pulled away just an inch to look at Buffy, making sure she wasn’t doing anything Buffy didn’t want.

 Buffy moaned at that moment and when she opened her eyes, Faith captured her lips in a soft kiss first, that deepened then.

Buffy felt so good.

 Faith wanted more. She started kissing Buffy’s neck again then licking her way down to the blonde girl’s collarbone.  Faith took her hand out of Buffy’s nightdress to slide it under the covers where she quickly found Buffy’s naked thighs and caressed them.  Faith moved her hand up again to part Buffy’s nightdress enough so that she could take one of her nipple in her mouth.

 Buffy shivered and moaned while her grip on Faith’s head tightened.

 “God.”

 Faith moaned too.  Her hand moved back to Buffy’s thighs and once there she moved it up, moving Buffy’s nightdress up at the same time.  She lightly brushed her hand against Buffy’s panties on her way to Buffy’s stomach that she caressed.

 Faith sucked on Buffy’s breasts for a while before moving up to kiss her mouth. Her hand moved to her breasts for another long while as they kissed before moving down again until it reached the hem of Buffy’s panties.

 Faith pulled away to look at the smaller girl.

 They stared intensely at each other.

 Faith swallowed, “Can I?” She gently whispered.

PART 21

Buffy stared at her intensely and nodded.

 Faith swallowed again, “I don’t want you to do anything you do-“

 “No I.... I want to. I want you to... touch me. I do.”

 Faith filled the gap between their lips and gave her an ardent kiss. Her hand gently slid under Buffy’s panties.

 “Faith.” Buffy almost felt like she couldn’t breathe at the intensity of what she was feeling at that moment.

 “Faith.” She moaned as Faith’s finger found the right spot that she started rubbing softly.

 Buffy couldn’t help it and she wrapped her arms around Faith’s back, clenching at the brunette’s t-shirt.

Faith therefore moved closer, one leg slightly bent in between Buffy’s legs.

 “God Faith.”

 Faith couldn’t help but moan at the feel of Buffy’s wetness spreading all over her inner lips and her own fingertip.  Faith had to take deeper breaths too at the wave of feelings invading her as she could feel Buffy’s nails sink into her flesh through her t-shirt. She had trouble to realize what she was doing to Buffy at that moment; how she was touching her, so intimately. And Buffy kept holding her tighter as ever.

Buffy loved her touches, she loved her presence against her body, on her body. Faith knew she’d never felt this way before. She couldn’t stop, she wanted more, she wanted to give her more, to feel her more.

 Buffy kept moaning and needing her to go on. She could feel it.

 Faith didn’t know if she’d ever be able to pull away from Buffy’s embrace one day. She realized she was partly on top of her now.

 Buffy shivered when she felt Faith’s wetness on her left thigh.

 Faith started to rub her crotch lightly on Buffy’s thigh.

 They stared at each other. Buffy lacked air at the feelings that went through her mind.

 Faith couldn’t stop her movements and she moved completely on top of her, their legs intermingled. She kissed Buffy deeply and the blonde girl bent her knees slightly.

Faith moaned even more.

 She then looked at Buffy, “Buffy I... I need... Please... I need to be....”

 “Yes.” Buffy told her without Faith could even find the words to ask...

 Buffy caressed the brunette’s face and Faith smiled then kissed her again.

 Buffy tensed ever so lightly when she felt Faith’s finger sliding inside of her. Even just a bit, Faith was going very slow, making sure she wasn’t hurting her even if Buffy was completely wet after Faith’s long ministrations of her sensitive mound.

 Buffy gasped when Faith’s finger was finally deep inside of her.

Faith withdrew it and slid it in again deeply but slowly, curling it inside while watching Buffy’s face intently.  She felt Buffy tremble at some point, Buffy even whimpered. Faith smiled, knowing she’d found THE right spot. And boy she wasn’t going to let it at peace now.

Buffy moaned loudly as Faith kept brushing hard against that spot at each and every one of her gentle thrusts.

 Faith propped herself higher on her elbow and started rubbing her crotch really hard on Buffy’s left thigh.

 Buffy held her closer. She tried to think of what was happening but it was too intense to grasp.

 There was no way she could rationalize or analyse what it did to her than to feel Faith’s finger inside of her, or the spreading stickiness on her thigh or even the incessant hardness of her breasts at Faith’s moans and inhales against her neck.

 None of this could be explained, thought or spoken... It could only be felt.

 And so far it felt like the biggest thing in Buffy’s life, the hugest feeling.

 Buffy moaned again, she had trouble to breath now.

 Faith was very close. Buffy held her tighter when she felt the brunette’s entire body tremble on top of her.  Faith was still panting when she looked up at Buffy, still thrusting rather fast inside of her, following Buffy’s pelvis movement.

 “Buffy you’re... you’re the one.... what I was looking for... my whole life... It’s you.” Faith breathed out.

 Buffy felt a blur in her mind all of a sudden as the only thing she could do was hold Faith tightly while her orgasm shoot through her and she cried out her pleasure.

 Faith held her tightly, kissing her neck gently. Faith’s eyes were closed as she focused on Buffy’s breathing and the feeling of Buffy’s walls clenching around her finger.

 Buffy was breathing so loudly, her eyes were still closed.

Slowly she started feeling her surroundings again, mostly the gentle caresses of Faith on her face and chest.

 Buffy opened her eyes. She saw Faith looking at her with once again that insecure gaze.

 Faith was propped on her elbow, not wanting to crush Buffy, plus she wasn’t sure how she was going to react now.

 Buffy shivered, “You’re too far.”

 Faith willingly let Buffy pull her closer. The brunette rested her head on Buffy’s chest.

 Buffy realized Faith was shaking even more than she was. The blonde girl started caressing Faith’s hair. She pulled the cover up their bodies and they stayed a while like that. Almost an hour.

 Buffy kept caressing Faith’s hair and Faith didn’t move from Buffy’s body.

 But then the discomfort created by the wetness of her panties brought Buffy back to the real world and the big reality of what they’d done. She started getting really thoughtful about her mother, Angel, school, her friends, the world...

 Faith swallowed but moved away when she felt Buffy starting to move a little.  She moved away just a little and propped herself on her elbow to look at Buffy.

Their gaze met and they were unable to say anything for a moment.

 Faith swallowed, “How... How are you feeling?”

 Buffy meant to smile but it didn’t reach her lips. She felt too overwhelmed at that moment.

 Faith lowered her gaze at this.

 “I...”

Faith looked up at her but Buffy stopped.

 They stayed silent for a moment.

 “I need to go to the restrooms.” Buffy simply said then.

 “Oh, err, sure.” Faith moved away to let Buffy sit then get up. Faith felt like her heart was crushed when the blonde girl left the room.

 Faith looked down at the sheets, the mattress, she could still smell the perfume of Buffy’s skin, Buffy’s sex all over her, all over the place, invading everything.

Faith looked at her hand for the last trace of their passion. The last.... The word echoed in her mind. She feared, really feared...

 Buffy closed the door behind her and felt tears on her face as soon as she did.

She took her panties off and stayed stuck as she looked at the trace of her desire for the brunette, the heavy trace of their passion.

She took a deep breath trying to understand and think about what they’d done.  She sat on the stool and took her head in her hands. She then looked at her thigh and let her fingertips ran on it, above the dry remains of Faith’s heat.

Buffy took a deep breath as she remembered how it felt when Faith came above her. How it felt holding Faith when she trembled and clung to her.

Buffy thoughts of how overwhelmed she’d felt when Faith gave her her first real orgasm.

That’s what it was; they’d made love. She’d made love for the first time of her life. She’d made love with a girl, what’s more a slayer who was probably going to leave this town as suddenly as she’d gotten in.

Buffy didn’t know why she thought about this suddenly, but all she knew was that it mattered, really mattered because she didn’t want her to leave.

 But what if she had to, what if Faith was meant to leave and all this was just for Buffy to get on with her life, get back on her feet... What if they’d crossed a line tonight that they weren’t supposed to cross?

 Buffy wished she didn’t have to always think so much about things.

 She washed herself a little while telling herself she and Faith needed to talk. Or maybe she needed to talk to Angel now. But she still had no idea how that talk was going to go. Or where it was going to lead them.

 Buffy told herself she had to keep her head up a little. She needed to stay in control.

She was decided to, not that this night felt like a loss of control, this night felt like... nothing else in the world. But she felt so overwhelmed when thinking about it, thinking about Faith.

What she wanted was to not get overloaded by this. Not after what had just happened. Things were only just coming back to normal, with her mother, with her stomach and her mind over that whole thing.

The Faith emotions were really unexpected and somehow felt too much in Buffy’s mind right now.

 That’s why she wanted to try and calm the game.

 But when she opened the door, all this reasoning seemed bullshit faced to what she felt as she heard Faith crying, tucked in bed on her side. The brunette hadn’t heard the door opening.

 Buffy knew, then, that it was no game. And that whatever happened before; now, and Faith, was what mattered the most.

 Buffy very fast headed to the bed. Faith quickly swallowed her tears when she finally heard Buffy but it was too late.

She didn’t have the time to turn around though as Buffy held her tight from behind, kissing her neck and cheek gently, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry Faith. Please don’t cry, please.”

 Faith couldn’t hold back her tears any longer. She turned around and held Buffy very tight while crying some more.

 Faith calmed down after a while but they stayed in bed, snuggled up into each other’s arms for a moment. They fell asleep after a while.

 When Buffy woke up, Faith was watching her, propped on her elbow.

 Faith swallowed, she was about to speak but didn’t.

 Buffy reached out for her hand.

 Faith swallowed again, “How- how are you feeling?”

 Buffy smiled at her this time and squeezed her hand.

 Faith still look pretty unsure, “I-I never meant to hurt you o-“

Buffy silenced her with her finger on her lips.

 “Faith I.... This was the most beautiful night of my life.”

 Faith took a deeper breath, she almost had trouble believing this but Buffy kept smiling at her.

 “How are you feeling?” Buffy asked, with a hint of worry.

 “I...” Faith realized she didn’t have more words to express what she felt than Buffy did immediately after *it*.

 Buffy reached for the brunette’s face and Faith let her head rest on Buffy’s chest for a while.

 A knock on the door gave them both a jump and they realized they’d fallen back asleep. It was past 11 and they were supposed to have checked out already.

And mostly, Joyce was at their door room at this very moment and knocked for a second time.

 “Girls? Are you there?”

 “Mom?? Yes, we’re coming.”

 They were already out of bed. Faith tried her best to arrange the rumpled sheets while Buffy very fast put her pants and a top on.

When Faith headed to the bathroom Buffy went to open the door.

 “Mom, hi. We’re late.”

 “I’d figured that.” Joyce told her while hugging her. Buffy held her tight in return.

 “Where’s Faith?”

 “She’s in the bathroom. She slept in. And I was out, went out for a walk. We weren’t together- I mean, yeah.”

 Joyce raised her eyebrows.

 “So, how was... err, work?”

 Joyce nodded to herself, “It was good mostly since it’s Sunday morning and therefore the gallery is closed.”

 “Right of course, silly me. Do you want something to eat? We have cookies?” Buffy moved on with an anxious gleam.

 “I’ll be fine, thanks.”

 “Miss Summers, hi. Didn’t know you were coming, I mean yes you told us, but I thought you wouldn’t come up here, I mean, like we would go downstairs and-and wait. And but yeah we’re late so I guess you were waiting, right, and so you came up, right?”

 “That’s exactly that.” Joyce told her with the beginning of a smile.

 She didn’t really want to think where the girl’s extra nervousness was coming from.  There was definitely something in teenagers nowadays that was hard to grasp.  But what mattered was that Buffy seemed fine and was coming home today. So even if Joyce had a slightly disturbing thought crossing her mind on why they were acting so suspiciously and were late, she didn’t want to let it matter more than this.

 “If you’re ready, I guess we can go.”

 “Yes, ok. I’ll just check the room to see if we didn’t forget anything.” Faith told them.

 “Ok. I’ll bring our bags downstairs.” Buffy told her.

 “Ok.” Faith handed Buffy her bag and their hands touched. Joyce couldn’t but feel the electricity that passed between the two young girls. And the smile in their eyes as they looked at each other.

 Joyce shook her head inwardly; no, she definitely didn’t want to know why they were late...

 She smiled though as she walked out with her daughter. This was part of her private life that had to stay Buffy’s private life and she wouldn’t say anything about this. She was going to hope though that Buffy, maybe, will openly talk about it when she feels ready.

Because Joyce knew she was ready herself to hear it now.

PART 22

When they walked into the Summers house, Buffy directly went upstairs to put the clothes and other stuff she’d taken to the motel back into her room. Faith helped her.

Alright, she didn't have that many things to put back but still… she could still use a hand, couldn’t she?

 "Here, it's done."

 Buffy nodded, they looked at each other.

 "Do you want me to help you put your stuff in the guest room?"

 "My stuff? Oh you mean my two tops and my pair of jeans? Didn't take long, you know."

 Buffy smiled at Faith's gentle sarcasm but then she looked curious, "What about your leather pants?"

 Faith looked surprised, "How do you know…?"

 Buffy looked embarrassed, "Oh err, well, just, I saw you, err putting them in your bag."

 "Oh ok."

 "So… Why don't you, err, wear them?" Buffy asked, trying to sound casually.

 "Do you want me to?"

 "No, I mean yes, I mean. I just thought… well, you must probably look good with that, I mean you always look good but, I mean." Buffy blushed.

 Faith moved closer and put her hands on Buffy's waist, "I look more than good in it, B. Kinda hot in fact." She whispered on Buffy's face.

 Buffy's heart rose in her chest.

 She put her hands on Faith's arms and caressed her way up on them till she reached Faith's face, "Then why did you never wear them with me? To make me melt…"

 Faith's lips brushed slightly against Buffy's and they kissed softly. They pulled away when they heard a noise. Joyce cooking downstairs probably.

 They smiled shyly at each other and Faith finally replied,

 "Well, I said I looked hot but some did say I looked slutty so… didn't want to look that way to you."

 Buffy rubbed Faith's jaw line with her finger, "I've never thought that, and never will."

 Faith moved closer and kissed her eagerly, roaming her hands under Buffy's top, on her back.

 Buffy had to take deeper breath at the feeling. Their night together came back rushing all of a sudden and she had to break the kiss to take another deep breath.

 Buffy swallowed as she looked at Faith. She still couldn't believe what happened last night, what they'd done. And how looking at Faith right now could still make every part of her body melt.

 Faith kept staring at her, waiting for Buffy to make a move as she wasn't sure of what to do.

 "I'm sorry." Buffy told her with a smile.

 "No, it's, it's ok. Are you ok?"

 "Yes I-" Buffy stopped once again when her eyes met Faith's.

 They filled the small gap between them and kissed lovingly once again.

 A knock at the door and they pulled away.

 "Err, yes mom."

 Faith ran the back of her thumb discreetly on her lips.

 Joyce smiled at them, "Lunch is ready; I made you lasagna."

 "You're the best, mom." Buffy hugged her mother who held her back, so glad to have her daughter home again.

 They had lunch and talked for a while then the girls cleared the table and did the washing up.

 They walked hesitantly into the living room afterwards. They didn't dare to leave Joyce to go upstairs despite their desire to be together now.

 Buffy wanted to fight this because it was too overwhelming. She always wanted to be alone with Faith…. And alone with Faith tended to be way too intense for her. She couldn't get the magic that was last night out of her mind.

 Faith knew pretty much all that mattered to her was Buffy and she'd be upstairs with her right now if she could, making love to her would be a plus but she knew this would hardly happen what with them being in Buffy's house. But mostly Faith didn't know how Buffy was truly reacting towards their night together. They hadn’t really talked about it. Faith realized it was probably the first time she was the one eager to talk about *this*.

 Was it a relationship? Buffy was still in love with Angel and officially with him. This wasn't solved at all. Plus the others. They were cool but they were Buffy's friends most of all, not hers. So Faith really didn't care that much how they could react to this. But she knew it would matter to Buffy. Could she handle people's gazes on them?

 So many questions Faith feared the answer of. She feared it enough not to ask, or not to wonder too much about it. She just decided to take whatever she could. That's usually what she was doing, enjoying while it lasted. Faith didn't want to think of what it would do to her when/if this were to stop. Because this time it would matter. It would matter way too much, but it was too late to take a step backwards anyway.

 She was in love with Buffy, she knew that. It was the first time it ever happened to her but she'd known from the very beginning.  It was the most beautiful thing that had ever happened to her, that's why she knew it could become the worse as well.

 But it was too late to take this distant-tough-girl barrier out again, barrier that she'd not even showed Buffy. She hadn't been able to, and probably never would. This feeling of being helpless emotionally speaking was very disturbing for Faith but that's how it was and she accepted it. Buffy could now hurt her more than any demons or vampires… And all Faith could do was wait and see…. And love.

 Buffy walked to her mother who had started ironing.

 "Do you need help mom?"

 "I'm fine, thank you honey."

 Faith looked around at the living room, observing the framed pictures, the art pieces with a somewhat perplexed frown at most of them. Her gaze kept falling back either on the pictures of Buffy or on the real thing and the two of them would look away with a shy smile every time.

 "So, how is school, Buffy?"

 "It's ok. I still have a few classes to catch up but we worked a lot on study hour Willow and I and she'll have me caught up by next week."

 "Good. I'm glad Willow's helping you with it. So Faith, what are you going to do tomorrow while Buffy's in class?"

 "Oh I'll probably hang out with Giles."

 "Mister Giles, your librarian?" Joyce asked giving Buffy a perplexed look.

 "Oh right we didn't tell you mom, err."

 "Mister Giles is my aunt's, err, best friend. I mean childhood friend. That's kinda why I got here to take a break. He's supervising my stay somehow. But err, I stayed at the motel cause well, you know it's better; old man, young girl. You know how people talk sometimes."

 Joyce nodded with a slight frown though.

 "So you're going to stay in the library all day long?"

 "Well, a little while, then I might… hang around in town."

 "And what about Tuesday?"

 Buffy and Faith glanced at each other sensing Joyce wanted to say something specific with this speech.

 "I don't know, Miss Summers."

 "I already told you, please, call me Joyce."

 "Yes, sorry Joyce."

 "So anyway, I must admit I've thought about this. I know this isn't my business, you're not my niece I know, but if you were I must tell you the truth; I would force you to go back to school."

 Faith lowered her face a little.

 "And it wouldn't be to bother you but I just find this to be such a shame. I know it's hard sometimes. Life gets in the way but school is an opportunity that you'll never be able to catch up if you stop now. You're only sixteen, Faith. What are you going to do?"

 "I…"

 "Listen, I'm not responsible for you, I'm not ordering anything, just suggesting. You're going to stay here for a little while now probably, so I was thinking, what about going to Sunnydale High whil-"

 "With Buffy??"

 Joyce couldn't help but smile at Faith's instinctive comment, and her first interest.

 "Yes, with Buffy, though you wouldn't be in the same class because she's a junior there."

 "Yes I know, err, well I don't know in fact. I mean, what to say. I'm kinda behind."

 "I know you've been out for roughly a month now, but I'm sure Willow wouldn't mind helping you to catch up, would she Buffy?"

 "Totally not. She so likes to teach. And I could help too. But would you really do it?" Buffy sounded really hopeful as she looked at Faith.

 "Err yes, I guess yes, but, can we?"

 They both turned to look at Joyce.

 "I'll go with you tomorrow and see about that with Mister Giles. Hopefully we'll have you register before the end of the week."

 The slayers looked at each other and smiled with excitement.

 "Tomorrow after class I’ll pick you up both and we'll do a little school shopping, is it ok with you?"

 "Yes mom. I mean." Buffy looked at Faith with a shamed look for answering for the both of them but Faith smiled hugely at her, "Yes Miss-Joyce, it'll be great."

 "That's settled then. So, what are you going to do this afternoon?"

 "Err, we don't know yet. What about you?"

 "I'm going to the gallery as soon as I finish this shirt. Do you want to come with me? We could show Faith the gallery."

 Joyce smiled at the look on the slayers’ face, "I take it you're not much more fan of art as my daughter is. Alright, do you want me to drop you at the Sun cinema?"

 Buffy and Faith smiled at each other.

 Joyce put her iron down and unplugged it, "Alright, go get your jackets and I'll drop you there."

The girls walked into the movie theatre with a box of popcorn.

 They settled down before the trailers started.

 "Are you ok? Do you see enough?"

 "Yes I'm good. Here." Buffy handed the box to Faith who picked some in it.

 "So how are you feeling about going back to school?"

 "Strangely, kinda eager to."

 Buffy smiled at her, "That's not strange, you kind of like it in a way and dislike it in the same way I do too but I think… I think you belong there. You're so not stupid."

 "We'll see about that when I'll have to do that year again."

 "No way; Will and I are going to make you catch up with everything."

 "Do you really…  Are you really ok with this, me going to school with you?"

 "Of course." Buffy took Faith's hand in hers, "Why wouldn't I be ok with that?"

 "No I… I just… I guess I really like that idea."

 "Me too."

 "We'll be like… together all the time."

 They stared at each other but then Buffy swallowed as this sentence echoed again in her mind.

 Together all the time.

Yes, Buffy knew she did want to be with Faith all the time, but no she didn't like that she wanted it because she could absolutely not think straight with Faith around, no pun intended.

When Faith is here, Buffy knows she only wants to hold her tight and kiss her.

 Just like right now, Buffy was unable to let go of Faith's hand. What if someone saw them? What would they think? Wasn't she still dating Angel after all? Was it over? Maybe then he should know. A slight panic took hold of Buffy at that thought. Not being with Angel? Over.

 Buffy realized she'd let go of Faith's hand at that moment. She swallowed; Faith looked unsure.

 Buffy doubted she was ready to not be with Angel, or… to be with Faith. So what would it do to have Faith around all the time? It would simply make it impossible for Buffy to keep her head straight and take the time to know what she truly wants.

 She realized Faith was still staring at her. The brunette looked a bit uncomfortable.

 "I-I'm sorry; I… was just…"

 "T's ok." Faith just said and stared ahead of her at the screen.

 Buffy swallowed and settled in her seat too.

 The trailers then the commercials rolled on the screen during which they stayed silent and looking in front of them.

 **Some time to know what I truly want? Right. Don't I truly want to hold her hand right now? God I do. Is it… Are we… God we made love; I can't believe this. We can't be anything else than together since we slept together… God I slept with a girl…  It's just so weird. I can't believe how all this happened. What if I was still under the shock of… Oh God I really just want to hold her hand, the Hell with the rest for the moment.**

 Buffy gently moved her hand to reach for the back of Faith's.

 Faith looked at her, surprised.

 Buffy gave her a shy smile and Faith turned her hand to squeeze Buffy's.

 The lights turned completely off and the movie started.

 Both of them realized how much they wanted to be much more closer than the seats allowed them to. But they focused on the movie.

Buffy mostly. She needed to focus. She needed to feel she wasn't as dependent of Faith as she felt she was.

 They just stayed this way during the entire movie.

 Buffy let go of Faith's hand when the lights turned on though.

 Faith didn't say anything to that.

 They got up and went to restrooms.

Faith held back the urge to kiss Buffy. They hadn't kissed since early this morning in Buffy’s room. She felt like an addict in withdrawal already. 

But she didn't make a move, she could feel Buffy's shaky feelings towards the two of them today. She knew she couldn't push. She wanted to ask, to talk. It seemed like they managed to talk more easily at the beginning, when things were really bad.

Buffy needed someone then, maybe it was just what it was. She didn't need her, just someone. Now, Buffy was alright, better at least and maybe she was wondering what she was doing with Faith. How she could have done something like this. Maybe she just liked her but not more and that's why she seemed reluctant to talk or be close as they were.

Faith kept having those thoughts in mind.  She didn't dare to ask in case those were true.

But it could also simply be the return home stressing Buffy.

  And Angel. The one Faith tried so much to forget about.

PART 23

It wasn't very late when they walked out of the theater so Buffy suggested that they go to the gallery finally. She said it would make her mother happy and it would be great to show it to Faith.

 Buffy sounded enthusiast and Faith agreed with a smile but inwardly she took this as a sign that Buffy didn't want to be alone with her.

 Indeed Buffy purposely suggested to go to Joyce to avoid being alone with Faith but not for the reasons Faith thought. Buffy so wanted to be alone with her but feared so much that she could not control those intense feelings invading her then. And there were too many things she wanted to clear first.

Buffy didn't like to be overload, mostly on the emotional level. She had to know exactly what she was feeling and who she was feeling it for… everything had to be organized somehow. Friends, best friends, lovers, and on that last part there was one too much.

 And it couldn't stay this way, this was a certainty for Buffy, but how? How to fix this? Who…. would it be?

 That was a question she wasn't even ready to truly ask herself. Some choice she really wasn't eager to make.

 It was messing with her mind right now so she wanted to take a step back and try to clear her mind because if she did not, her heart felt like it was beating out of her chest at the memories of Faith's fingers on her body, in her body. Faith's skin on hers, Faith's breathe on her, Faith's gaze on her… Faith, Faith, Faith.

 She was everywhere…. If she let her be, Buffy knew Faith was everywhere.

 While her memories of Angel were tarnished by their last encounter and that's also why Buffy tried to block the intensity that was Faith in her mind and heart, so that she could remember the intensity that was/is her and Angel. She needed, she wanted to be fair to him.

 She needed to see him that was sure. But what she was going to tell him then, she had absolutely no idea.

 The girls stayed with Joyce until she closed the gallery and drove everyone back home.

 They helped Joyce in the kitchen, Buffy helped her to cook and Faith set the table since Buffy didn’t seem eager to go upstairs.

 Faith started getting almost nervous.

 She knew she’s been way more patient with Buffy than she’d ever thought possible for her to be, sexually speaking. But that’s not how it had seemed anyway. It hadn’t been difficult to go very slow and let her, let them, take the time to get *there*.

Though for some 1 week could seem short, for Faith it was long.

Mostly with an attraction as strong as the one she’d felt with Buffy, 1 week was an exploit.

But again, it hadn’t been hard.

But the thing is that, now it was done. Now she knew the softness of Buffy’s skin, she knew the sweet taste of her blonde counterpart. She knew the tremors of her body before it gives into this finale exhale as it comes, as she comes.

 And now Faith knew that waiting, holding back was going to be really hard. Mostly if it were to never happen again. But Faith didn’t want to blow it because of a sex story. That’s why she didn’t know anymore if it was her or Buffy, if there was really something going wrong or if it was just her hormones playing with her head.

 Faith, even if she didn’t want to admit it, knew that whenever she was in an emotionally unstable state, sex was sort of an exit way. She was feeling threatened right now by Buffy’s distance and it only made her want to have her in a purely sexual way more than before. It was as if the sex came out first as a way to push the feelings behind, as a protection act.

Faith was scared of her own behavior on that level, but she couldn’t help her inner turmoil.

 Faith stayed very silent all dinner long. Buffy noticed but didn’t know what she could do. If she tried to talk to her he knew that closeness, feelings will emerge again… She didn’t know what to do anymore…

 Buffy went to the bathroom while Faith talked about school a little as Joyce asked her more questions about it, like her old school’s name, the exact day she’d dropped; Joyce wanted to be ready to go see Sunnydale High’s principal. She’d already met him once and it wasn’t exactly a good memory. He hadn’t seemed especially fond of Buffy so if Faith’s record was as colorful as her daughter’s, Joyce preferred to be ready.

 Faith then walked to her room.

 She waited till Joyce was in the bathroom to knock at Buffy’s door.

 “Hey.”

“Hey.” Buffy gave her a shy smile, she then tried to look somewhere else, “So, do you have everything you need?”

 “Almost everything.”

 Buffy looked away with a blush at Faith’s explicit stare on her.

 Faith couldn’t help checking Buffy out. The blonde girl was wearing a short nightdress. She was ready to go to bed.

 “So, err, your mom is the bathroom.”

 “Really? Cool. Are you going after her?” Buffy tried so hard not to look at Faith who moved closer a little.

 “Err I –I suppose. And then I’m going to bed, in-in my room. I mean the guest room.”

 “Good. You should sleep well there. The mattress is new, and-and it’s a good brand.”

 They both hesitated to look at each other during their respective babbling, trying to think about anything else than each other.

 Buffy almost gave a jump when Faith put her hand on her arm, “Buffy I… Can I have like…. a goodnight kiss… while she’s in the bathroom?”

 There was something in Faith’s pleading tone that would always get to Buffy. Every time Faith sounded so hesitant Buffy could never resist putting her hands on her face reassuringly.

 She smiled at her and Faith moved closer.

 What started as a soft goodnight kiss turned into an untamed kiss. Almost fierce even when Faith moved forward until Buffy’s back hit the wall. The brunette pressed herself hard on Buffy while moving her lips to her neck.

Buffy moaned when she felt Faith’s hands on her breasts.

 “Faith, no we…”

 “God I want you so bad Buffy.”

 Buffy moaned again but then panicked a little when Faith’s hand slid under her nightdress on her thigh.

 Buffy stopped her just in time before the brunette reached her heated core, “No Faith. We can’t.”

 “She’s in the bathroom, B.” Faith kissed her neck again. Her breathing was heavier already.

 “Faith.”

 “We can be real quick.”

 Faith regretted saying this instantly, for more reasons than one. First, Buffy had told her to stop but she’d kept on insisting, and secondly, making love to Buffy wasn’t fucking her against a wall in five minutes.

 Faith took a few steps backwards.

 “I’m-I’m sorry.”

 Buffy was still silent. She didn’t really know how to react.

Yes, she really wanted Faith to touch her, but this was still so knew for her. She still needed to take things slow and she could feel such a strong desire coming from Faith right now… It was somewhat scaring her a little.

 “I’ll just-“

 Buffy still held her back though when Faith started walking away, “Faith I… Is everything ok?”

 “Yes, yes sorry. I guess coming here, school and stuff… I’m a little on edge. Sorry about that.”

 “No it’s, it’s ok. And it’s not that I don’t… But-“

 “It’s cool, B. I get it. Your house, your mom just across the hall. I understand…”

 “Ok. Good night then.”

 “Yeah.”

 Buffy held Faith back one last time to give her a soft kiss on the lips.

 Faith finally smiled at her, “Night B.” And she walked to her room.

 Faith felt really bad, she kept pacing in her room, so many things crowding her mind. And she was really pent up at this very moment. She heard Joyce closing her bedroom’s door. She went to lock her own room and decided to get out of the house.

She used the window and headed straight to the first cemetery she found.

Anything was better than those thoughts.

Yes she felt bad about wanting Buffy so much and showing it to her, coming so strongly on her. But she couldn’t help the rage inside at the feeling of rejection she kept feeling from Buffy. It seemed to be growing but Faith didn’t seem to be able to accept it like she’d always accepted it her entire life. And it made her mad.

She wished she was wrong. She maybe was but it was too much in her mind anyway. That’s why she unleashed on the undeads because it freed her mind. She needed that.

 She felt better as she came back to her room around 2 in the morning. She headed discreetly to the bathroom for a quick silent shower. She masturbated under it. Patrol usually had a turn on effect on her but rarely like tonight’s patrol did. But Faith knew she was already really juiced up before the patrol so…

 She finally felt quieter when she reached her room again.

Not so many thoughts anymore. But an immense feeling of sadness instead and emptiness, mostly after coming in the bathroom. Masturbating had never left her so empty, never had that effect on her, but after feeling so complete with Buffy… how else could she feel?

Faith was really upset about this.

 Faith sat on the edge of her window and stared at the darkness outside. God she wanted so much to smoke a cigarette right now. And why couldn’t she? Right; Joyce wouldn’t like it. And Buffy didn’t like it either. Before, Faith never used to care. She was free before. She didn’t have to sneak out to go on patrol, she didn’t have to hold back from smoking if she wanted to. And she was going back to school? Whose brilliant idea was this? Right, Joyce.

Faith wasn’t taking orders from her watcher; it wasn’t to take orders from a woman she didn’t even know.

 Faith sighed, she really needed a cigarette. She was getting mad but then not. She couldn’t even really be mad at Joyce. It wasn’t working. She couldn’t even put the blame on anyone for her situation.

 Faith knew a part of her had craved all her life for everything she’d gotten in a week. A real home, real good friends, but most of all, love, falling in love and feeling it or so she thought. She didn’t know anymore...

 Faith went to her jacket and found the last pack of cigarette she hadn’t thrown. There was just one cigarette in it.

 She settled back on the window and lit it.  This was probably her last cigarette if she stayed in this house. Faith wasn’t sure about this either.

She knew it would mostly depend on how things would go with Buffy. Faith could very easily turn back to this freedom of hers that very much resembled a prison of its own in fact.

 She would give up on her past life only if she had the one thing she desired more than anything. Home, friends, normal life, none of this really meant anything if she didn’t feel this passion inside; if she didn’t feel her heart beating like it did for Buffy.

 For a very short moment Faith felt that she hated Buffy for this, hated her for making her dependent. For all these feelings she made her feel. All these feelings that made her unable to leave right now. That made her unable to protect herself from this pain inside. From those uncertainties that seemed to be killing her at this moment.

 It was past 3 am when Faith finally went to bed.

 Buffy woke up all of a sudden. She looked at her alarm clock, it was 4.10. She didn’t know why she’d awakened at this moment. But suddenly she felt like she heard something.

Her slayer earring did at least.

 She got up and instinctively headed to Faith’s room. She could hear more clearly now Faith’s pleas and whimpers. She seemed to be having a nightmare. Buffy opened the door very fast right when Faith woke up with a scream.”

 Buffy rushed to her and Faith started struggling.

 “Faith? Faith it’s me. Faith??”

 “What? B? Buffy.” Faith was trying to catch her breath back.

 Buffy was taken aback by how damp Faith was as well as her entire pajama. She’d told her she had some nightmare of her own that night Buffy had her first nightmare in the motel. Faith hadn’t joked about this as Buffy briefly thought.

 Pearls of sweat were still running down the brunette slayer’s forehead and she was shaking hugely.

 “It’s ok. I’m here.”

 “I’m fine, B.” Faith refused to look at her.

She even pushed Buffy’s hand away when the blonde girl tried to make her look at her.

 “Hey Faith it’s me. You-”

 “Leave me alone Buffy.”

 Buffy swallowed. Faith’s reaction wasn’t exactly alike her own on that one. Where Buffy had found comfort in snuggling into Faith’s arms, the brunette didn’t seem eager to let her return the favor that Buffy SO wanted to return.

 She wanted to hold Faith tightly right now but there was such coldness in Faith’s eyes. She was completely on the defensive right now.

Buffy knew Faith’s experience was much more violent and somehow traumatic than her own. She really wanted to help but right now she had no idea how.

PART 24

The light turned on suddenly as Joyce stepped in.

 “What’s happening?”

 “Faith had a nightmare.”

 “Faith? How are-”

 “I’m fine.” Said the young girl, without looking at Joyce or at Buffy.

 “It’s ok mom. I’m going to stay with her and-”

 “No.”

 “But Faith I-”

 “It’s your faul-” Faith stopped herself and closed her eyes tightly.

 “Faith? What-”

 “Just go to your room.” Faith was shaking so much that she had trouble to speak.

Joyce saw how tightly she squeezed her fists, she almost seemed in a daze somehow.

 “But Faith-”

 “Buffy, I think you should leave her alone and go back to sleep now. She just needs to rest.”

 “But I...”

Joyce could hear the beginning of tears in Buffy’s voice. She wanted so much to help Faith. It hurt her to see her in that state. But it hurt her even more that Faith didn’t want her to help.

And it was her fault??

 Buffy felt even worse, what did it mean? Was it because of last night? Or was it because she’d left Faith in the void all day long? Buffy realized she was well aware where Faith’s uneasiness had come from this evening.

 Buffy swallowed, she slowly got off the bed and walked away, never quitting her gaze off of Faith who didn’t look at her.

 Buffy held back her tears while her mother walked her back to her room.

 “She’ll be ok, Buffy.”

 “But she hurts. I want…” Buffy trailed off.

 “She’s not totally herself right now Buffy. She’s very shaken by her nightmare.”

 “That’s why I should be with her. She always comforts me when… If you knew, mom. She’s… Why doesn’t she…” Buffy sounded very confused.

 “She’ll talk to you tomorrow, Buffy. I’m sure she’ll feel better tomorrow.”

 “But what they did to-”

 Joyce listened attentively but Buffy trailed off, afraid of betraying Faith’s trust if she told her secret.

 But Joyce wasn’t stupid, Buffy had said enough in the past for Joyce to understand. By Faith’s speech to her the first day in the motel room, then Buffy telling her that Faith could understand because she’d lived the ‘same things’. With all of this and Faith’s state right now, it wasn’t hard for Joyce to understand what the two girls had in common, or rather, what bad thing they had in common since they seemed to have a lot in common.

But really on this, Joyce wished none of them shared these types of memories.

 Joyce kissed the top of Buffy’s head, “I promise you she’ll be ok. Go back to sleep now.”

 Joyce caressed Buffy’s head and walked out of the room. Buffy closed her door.

 Joyce looked upset. She wished Buffy would tell her about what she remembered from the night at the frat house. But she understood now how much easier it probably was for her to tell Faith. As long as she had someone to share this with then it was what mattered.

 Joyce turned to look at Faith’s door room. Faith, on the other hand, was alone. She apparently refused to share but Joyce had no intentions on letting this as it was.

 She walked downstairs to put some water to warm.

She walked back upstairs five minutes later and knocked at Faith’s door room. She walked in when she had no responses. The bed was empty.

Joyce put the mug of hot herb tea she’d made for the young girl on the bedside table.

She heard the shower running and decided to change Faith’s sheets in the meantime. The covers were damp so much she’d sweated.

 As Faith was still in the bathroom when Joyce was done, the older woman stepped into it. The shower was still running.

 Joyce’s heart squeezed in her chest at the sight of the young brunette curled up in the corner of the shower, arms around her knees and head under the shower ray.

 Faith hadn’t heard her come in but Joyce could hear Faith’s sobs and see how strongly she was still shaking.

 Joyce took a towel and walked closer, she turned the water ray off.

 Faith looked up with surprise. She couldn’t stop shaking. She was speechless, almost taken aback to see Joyce here.

The older Summers knelt and wrapped the towel around Faith, starting to rub her shoulders.

 Faith started to react a little, trying to wipe her tears away. She seemed to not understand Joyce’s attitude which made Joyce feel even worse, feeling as if Faith truly never had the attention of a mother.

 “What- what are you doing?”

Faith pulled the towel closer and closed her arms tightly around herself, almost as if protecting or hiding herself. She was naked in the bathroom.

 “I’m taking care of you.”

 “I didn’t ask you. Just go away. Why-why are you here? I thought-”

 “I made Buffy go, yes. But...” Joyce paused and made Faith look at her, “I know the impression I gave you because of the situation you stepped in when you met Buffy. Raising Buffy isn’t always easy but I will never forgive myself for the reaction I had. But no matter what you thought of me then, you need to know there is NO way I would ever let a sixteen year old girl in that state and go back to bed simply, that it be my daughter or anyone else. So no, I won’t go away and let you in this wreck of a state.”

 Faith swallowed and looked away, “But I’ll be ok. I’m used to it.”

 “This is certainly NOT a good reason, believe me. You might not have had people that cared but you do now. You have Buffy, and me. And no I’m not your mother, I’m not even pretending, I have no rights on you but you’re just in too much pain right now for me to leave you alone. So you can stay silent, you can even stay right here if you want, ignore me or anything; I can’t force you. But I won’t leave this room. You’re not alone.”

 Faith swallowed, she tried hard to hold back her tears, and stop her shaking. She tried hard to avoid Joyce’s intense sympathetic gaze while she ran her hand through the brunette’s damp locks, but she couldn’t and broke down crying.

 Joyce took her in her arms then; she could still feel the brunette’s reluctances. Faith was still trying to stop herself, to pull away somehow. But the suffering, the loneliness was too much and the aftermath of her nightmares had left her exhausted and unable to pull out this wall she wore face to everyone, everyone but Buffy of course.

 Even if Faith’s pain made Joyce feel bad, the older woman was still glad of the fact it enabled her to reach Faith a little right now, because this young girl clearly needed help and support. She needed to let somebody in and if it was too hard for her to let Buffy in right now because of their relationship, Joyce knew she had to be the one. For both girls’ sake.

She could not leave her alone with all this pain. She could not.

 Faith pulled away at some point, “I’m sorry.” She said, wiping her tears away once again.

 Joyce smiled at her and held her hand to Faith for them to get up. Faith took it. They stepped out of the shower.

Faith reluctantly let Joyce dry her back and hair a little.

 Joyce then led them to the guest room.

 Faith looked at the bed and was surprised to see it was all made up with clean sheets. She looked at Joyce with the same surprised gaze.

 Joyce smiled gently at her while bringing her a long t shirt.

 “You can put this for tonight. Go to bed now.”

 Joyce turned around to leave Faith some privacy to change.

 Joyce could still see so many wonders in Faith’s eyes towards Joyce’s attitude.

Joyce really wondered how things had been at home for this girl. Was it possible that she really knew none of motherly love and gestures? That she’d been left alone to grow up by herself somehow? This thought just horrified Joyce.

 Faith noticed the mug on the bedside table. It seemed to be hot.

 “It’s herb tea. It should help you to sleep. I have sleeping pills but I’m reluctant to give this to a teenager. But if you want.”

 Faith shook her head, “Thanks. I’ll be fine now.”

 Joyce moved closer to sit on the mattress. She saw Faith’s hands were still shaking when she took the mug.

 Faith noticed Joyce’s gaze.

 “It’s ok. It’s always like that; it’ll pass.”

 Joyce gave her a soft nod.

 “I can’t pretend to know what you’re feeling, or… anything but… I can listen, if, whenever you want to talk, you know there’s someone here to listen. There’s more than one person actually.”

 Faith lowered her gaze at the thought of Buffy.

 Joyce smiled at her and nicely put her hair backwards. Faith flinched ever so lightly at the tender gesture but didn’t back away.

 “I know what it is, teenagers, love, feelings. It can get really intense. It’s hard sometimes to keep all this inside. I know. Buffy really cares about you. She was really worried tonight. If you can’t talk to me you must know that you can talk to her. I believe you two had a very strong and opened relationship from the beginning.”

 Faith nodded and lowered her gaze.

 “I know that some things are harder to share, but if you can trust her, if you can trust; I promise you it’ll only bring more happiness to your life, Faith.”

 Joyce smiled, “Alright, enough advises you did not even request for one night.”

 Faith gave her a feeble smile as Joyce got up.

 “I’ll be in my room. If you need anything you know I’m here.”

 Faith nodded.

 “Thank you.” She told Joyce before the older Summers opened the door. Joyce smiled at her and walked away.

 Faith drank her herb tea slowly, letting the tremors of her nightmares slowly fade. She let the lights on for a while before finally trying to fall back asleep.

 Buffy was awake long before her alarm clock rang so she just stopped it half an hour before the time and got up earlier. She wanted so much to go see how Faith was doing. She went to the bathroom to get ready instead. She was pacing in her room waiting for it being time to officially get up.

As soon as it was she walked to Faith's room.

 "Yes?" Faith replied to the knock.

 Buffy opened the door and shyly stepped in, "Hi. I just thought… I'd made sure you were awake, you know, not missing school, or, hanging with Giles, whatever. You know, just like that."

 Faith smiled at her the way she usually did so Buffy moved closer.

 "Are you ok?"

 "Yes. I-I'm sorry, Buffy."

 Buffy sat beside her, "I just…. I don't understand. I mean…"

 "I know, I'm sorry. I feel really awful when I dream of that. It's… I'm not used to having someone around. I…. I just…"

 "But you already told me about this and... we shared… stuff. I thought we were…"

 "Me too." Faith said very low.

 Buffy lowered her gaze then, "So it's really my fault then."

 "No, no it's… That's not what I meant, or…. look it's confusing. I'm sorry for how I reacted. I'm always in a weird state when I'm like that. It's… I can't change in one day, ok?"

 "I'm not asking you to change I'm…."

 "What are you asking of me then, it would help if I knew."

 "Faith why are you-"

 "Good morning girls." Joyce stepped in and realized it probably wasn't the best time to interrupt.

 "Morning, mom."

 "Good morning, Joyce."

 "Well, I'll go downstairs make a good breakfast for two girls craving for knowledge."

 "Wait mom, I'll help you."

 "It's fine, Buffy. You can stay here."

 "No, I'll let Faith get ready. I'm all done already."

 Faith looked on the side, talking to Buffy was getting harder and harder, mostly when Buffy slipped away at that moment.

 Buffy walked out of the room. Joyce looked bothered.

 Faith knew she'd sounded a bit aggressive maybe, but she felt like she was losing it, like she was losing her.

Faith knew she’d talked to Buffy as if the blonde girl was already rejecting her. Faith hated the way it made her feel, she felt like she had no control over herself. It made her feel awful.

And everything was related, she felt so dependant of Buffy, like she needed her so much. And feeling alone, feeling like she didn’t really have her anymore like she’d felt the day before was a big part of why her nightmare had been so hard on her tonight.

 It was all linked. Faith felt like she couldn't hold all this inside anymore like she'd done all of her life. Her feelings for Buffy blocked every protection she used to have and this irritated her even more. She knew she’d sounded angry, she knew she felt angry about that. She didn't know how to reverse the process.

She felt so…. insecure right now. Scared somehow.

PART 25

The drive school was very silent.

Joyce kept looking in the rear view mirror. Both girls were staring at the window, each on their side. They looked deep in thoughts, anxious even.

 Joyce felt bad about this but didn't know what more she could do for now.  She wasn't sure now that registering Faith to school wasn't adding to the pressure both girls seemed to be putting on themselves.

 Joyce couldn't back away though. She wasn't sure of what was happening but there sure seemed to be less communication between the two girls, so if she didn't register Faith now it might looked like another backing away, another rejection from the Summers to Faith.

 Joyce had given lots of thoughts about Buffy being in a relationship with a girl, what it meant for her, how she was reacting to this. At first, when Buffy told her Joyce had tried not to think about it because it could be just a flirt, not how it looked like though, but teenagers change so much, so fast sometimes so she couldn’t be sure. It could have been just the moment creating this. So she'd held back any serious thinking about her daughter's possible inclination.

But last night she'd considered it more seriously despite the apparent tension between them. She knew it was serious between them and honestly, seeing them in pain with their relationship didn't please Joyce. She realized she was rather hoping for a solution for them rather than Buffy going back to her boyfriend. Joyce understood then that the straight or lesbian factor didn't matter to her after all. She rather wanted her daughter with a girl, with Faith more accurately, than Angel.

True, she didn't know the man and she didn't have anything against him in fact, but he was an older man. An experienced man. Joyce knew that even if Faith might have been more or less seriously involved with other girls before, she still was a teenager and Joyce felt Buffy had as many things to teach her as Faith did. They were younger and they would have time to grow up together on a personal level and in their relationship.

With Angel, it seemed to Joyce that Buffy was already a woman, or had to be. It seemed to her as a much more adult relationship. And Joyce didn't mean this about sex, Buffy and Angel hadn't even consumed their relationship when Buffy and Faith probably had to Joyce's opinion. So it wasn't about sex, but this is the feeling Joyce had about Buffy and Angel’s relationship. But Buffy was not an adult. That's what was wrong.

 Buffy acted so often as if she had grown-ups responsibilities and sometimes, the way she talked, the way she acted… Joyce knew she didn't know anything but what was for sure is that no matter what it was that Joyce didn't know, Buffy was seventeen, not even yet.

 Joyce wanted to preserve Buffy’s youth and innocence as much as she could. And with Angel, she felt like something was slipping away from Buffy. She hadn't seen them much but this feeling had hit her immediately.

 Not with Faith… With Faith on the other hand, it had seemed like Buffy had gained some of her youth back, some of her past free smiles… Some of her teenage attitude back.  And now was the time to be a seventeen year old girl. Not an adult.

 Joyce stopped her engine and the two girls looked at the building. They didn't seem very enthusiast. Buffy seemed really thoughtful. Faith felt out of place.

 "Alright, I'm going to see Principal Snyder. I had mister Giles on the phone yesterday and he said he'll call your aunt. If everything went fine I think your files have been transferred to him already. I need to take you there Faith to see the terms of your registration with Principal Snyder now. Mister Giles said he will be waiting for us in front of his office. He said it was on the second floor?"

 "Yes, err, wait, I'll take you there."

 They walked quietly to the Principal’s office.

 Giles welcomed the two girls.

Joyce noticed, like she did the first time, the warm gaze Giles gave his daughter. The first time it had somewhat disturbed her. Too many perverts and danger for children in this world not to be sceptic and distrustful about a middle aged man looking this way at a young girl he supposedly just lends books to.

But way too often Joyce had heard Buffy and her friends mention him or the library in a way that made him part of the gang. Joyce had never tried to listen to their talk purposely but too often they hadn’t paid attention to her being close or in a room beside. So she’d gotten from what she’d heard many times that hanging at the library, hanging with Giles, was part of their daily life. 

That's also what made Joyce believe that Buffy wasn't messing up, wasn't doing bad stuff and teenage trouble like she once thought, like they thought she and Hank back in Los Angeles. She knew Buffy wasn't wrong somehow because she knew they were all part of what made Buffy's life different. So as much as she didn't know what it was, she knew Buffy wasn't a bad kid or playing her.

 So now, Giles’ warm gaze didn't worry her anymore. She was more sceptic about him not giving the same look to Faith. He'd welcomed the young brunette nicely but not like she was his best friend's daughter, not like he knew her at all while it seemed he knew Buffy perfectly. Somehow maybe better than she did, was Joyce's sad thought. But again; seventeen, not yet. Never too late.

 Joyce was somehow thankful about the events that happened recently. Sure, thinking that her daughter had been close to, either run away or worse, kill herself was still a thought she wished for no parents, but at the same time it had made her realize a lot of things and mostly, that she loved her daughter to death. And nothing was more important than Buffy's happiness, and to not waste time; telling her and proving her everyday that she loved her.

 "I think he's waiting for us." Giles politely told them.

 "Let's go then."

 Faith couldn't help but turn to Buffy at this moment and Buffy smiled at her, "I hope it'll go fine. I-I hope you can stay here."

 Faith swallowed and her smile finally reached her lips even if it was a light one. Those words made her feel good even if she still had trouble to believe they were true. Not that Buffy was lying…. But it was complicated to know what Buffy truly felt.

 The three of them walked in and Buffy headed to the library.

 She was sitting thoughtfully on the stairs when Willow and Xander walked in.

 "Hey Buff."

 "Hi." She told them sternly.

 Willow looked sad, "Oh no, Snyder didn't let her come here?"

 Buffy frowned, "How do you know she...?"

 "We saw Giles earlier, he said Faith might be registering here. That sucks that Snyder is such a-"

 "No he... They're still in his office. I don't know how it's going.”

 "Oh, ok."

 "What's with the end of the world look then?" Xander asked her with a smile.

 "Me? No, I'm ok."

 Willow stared at her, she wanted to ask her about Faith and her but not in front of Xander. What's more, Buffy looked indeed very sad.

 "Oh Xander, I saw Cordelia in the Hall, she said something about a closet, door's blocked or something and she's let her make-up bag in it. She said she was like dying to get in to get it back."

 Buffy was surprised that Xander was up in the second at that.

 "Well, Cordelia and the word dying in the same sentence; how could I resist that? I'm going to delight myself with how much trouble this girl is ready to go to look like a hooker."

 Xander left the library very fast.

 Buffy frowned, "What's that all about?"

 "Honestly, I don't know, but the two of them, well, they’ve been acting really weirdly for a couple of days now and they don't miss any occasion to piss each other off. Well, more. Don’t know if he’ll find her in fact cause she kinda told me this yesterday but I wanted him gone to talk to you, you know. And hey, it worked."

 "Oh, ok."

 Willow could already tell Buffy wasn't especially in a talking mood. That was never a good thing.

 "So?"

 Buffy looked at her best friend as if she didn't know what she was talking about.

 "How is it going? And she's coming here maybe, isn’t that cool?"

 "Yes, I guess."

 "You… guess? You don't want her to come to school with us?"

 "I don't know."

 "Ok. What happened this weekend, did you two argue?"

 "No, yes. I mean I don't know. I mean…"

 "Ok, I'm kinda lost so let's just start from where we left it. The other night at the bronze. Saturday things seemed so fine-“

 Willow stopped when she saw the deep inhale Buffy had to take at the mention of Saturday.

 Saturday night...

 "Buffy?"

 "Yes, things were fine. They still are, it's nothing, really."

 "It doesn't seem like it. What happened Saturday night? Did you kiss her again, I mean did you two kissed again?"

 Willow's face started changing colors faced to the expression on Buffy's face as she swallowed and looked away at this.

 "Oh my. You. Oh. Oh."

 Buffy looked away ashamedly at that moment.

 "Err no Buffy it's… I mean, it's, wow, but it's ok I mean just wow, you know. But it's ok. I'm ok. I mean I'm not freaked. Ok obviously I'm like shocked but just because it's, well, *it*. But it's ok. I mean I'm still your friend, I still love you, in-in a friendly way of course cause cause but, so… what did she say? How? What did you-"

 "Willow, please I…"

 Willow looked more composed now as Buffy trailed off.

 "Look I… I'm still your best friend and you can still very much talk to me. I'm sorry if you thought I-"

 "No Willow it's ok. I get that it's… shocking news in a way, don't worry. I just don't want to talk about it.

 "Oh, ok. But… are you alright, did it not go-"

 Willow stopped as she saw tears in the back of Buffy's eyes.

 "Did she hurt you?"

 "No, God no. She… It was… God it was so… so beautiful. So… perfect… So much. Too much… It's too much, I can't talk about it."

 "Ok, ok. I understand, don't worry. But I don't like to see you like that."

 "I'll be ok, don't worry. I just… I need to see Angel."

 “Oh, well, yes, I guess you do."

 "God Willow, everyone's waiting after me to… I don't know what. It feels like my head's gonna explode."

 Buffy bent her head to her knees and put her hands through her hair.

 Willow gently rubbed her back, "Ok, don't panic. Just relax, just... I mean it's not that bad, I mean it's not bad at all. Ok, Angel/ Faith; it's complicated but it will be better once you've talked to Angel, you'll see clearer I'm sure."

 "I don't know. I'm in the complete darkness as to what I'm going to tell him. What I'm feeling it's… I don't know and Faith…"

Buffy sighed.

 "What does she say about… what happened?"

 "Nothing we... haven't really talked much since, I mean… mom picked us up and then it's been… and when we could I guess I…  I kinda bailed from that talk too. That's what I'm good at lately."

 "I think you don't have much choice now but do it, the talk I mean, not that you can't do *it* again. I'm totally cool with that. I mean, you know what I mean."

 Buffy took a deep breath, "I need to stop being a coward."

 Willow gave her an encouraging smile.

"First, Angel. Then… Faith."

 "Yes. I think it's important that you do that."

 Buffy nodded.

 Giles, Joyce and Faith walked inside at this moment.

 Buffy got up and they could all see the hopeful yet expectant gaze she gave them.

 Joyce smiled at her, "She's registered. She should start tomorrow."

 Buffy couldn't help but reach for Faith's hand at this. They smiled at each other. They then let go of each other's hand but Giles didn’t fail to notice the warm touch.

 "Well, probably won't stay long, B."

 Buffy's heart almost stopped beating at this, or so it felt.

 "Don't say this, Faith; we'll get you caught up very fast. I'll make sure of this." Joyce then turned to Buffy to explain her the real reason for Faith's sentence before Buffy fainted.

 "Your principal is really not easy to deal with. I’m really thinking he's got the wrong job working with kids seeing how enjoying and encouraging of them he is. He said Faith had to have the level. If she's too much behind at the end of the trimester they won't take her back in spring. We have three months to get her caught up."  

Joyce looked at the redhead student, "Willow, I'm assuming mister Giles told you about this already. I know you have lots of classes this year but–"

 "No, no, I will love to help Faith. I love tutoring. I'll get you caught up in no time, Faith. I'm sure we can do it."

 "You're nice, Red, but school and I… I was already behind before I dropped, you know."

 "Buffy says you’re much smarter than you think, and I believe her."

 Faith stared at Buffy.

The blonde slayer looked at her, "I know you can do it. And I'll help you too."

 Faith returned her smile, she felt much more wanted at this moment. Sure, they still hadn't talked about anything and nothing was really solved about Angel and their closeness, but she could see in Buffy's eyes that the blonde girl really wanted her here. She'd kind of come to a point where she doubted about that, just this morning even.

She felt a little better.

 Joyce smiled, "Well, I'm going to go to work myself now. Girls, I'll pick you up after work to go do this little school shopping we'd settled for, alright?"

 "Yes mom." Buffy felt much more enthusiastic too.

 She realized she was truthfully happy, relieved that Faith was registered, it felt like she was… going to stay and Buffy realized she really wanted her to stay.

 But she needed to stay focused. Tonight, or maybe for lunch, she would try and go look for Angel. She needed to talk to him as soon as possible.

She didn't dare to say that to Faith though.

She could tell how insecure Faith felt towards the two of them and she could absolutely not reassure her right now. Not till she'd seen Angel, not till she could truly decide or... be sure…

 She wanted to reassure her because she hated to see her like that, she hated it more than anything else but what if what they had… what if…

 She needed to see Angel.

PART 26

The bell rang, Joyce left and the two best friends went to class while Giles started giving Faith the book her class was currently reading so that she could start catching up.

 Xander arrived late and so did Cordelia. The young boy looked paranoid when his two friends looked at him. They frowned; he was just being Xander. Well actually he was being extra Xanderish lately but that's why they loved him so much after all.

 Buffy was still thoughtful in class but strangely, she felt better, relieved now that she'd taken the decision to take the bull by the horns; to talk. Well, relieved was a good word but she knew real relief would only come once she's fixed her situation one way or another.

 So now it was a totally different deal for her; she was eager to talk, so eager that she decided she would indeed leave during lunch break to go talk to Angel.

 Her chicken side briefly came back when she thought of asking Willow to bring the news to Faith but she very fast dropped that idea. She needed to tell Faith herself. She was only going to talk to him after all. There was nothing bad with talking. *Now I'm getting that?* was Buffy's short thought before discarding it.

 They walked in the library after their last class of the morning.

 Faith was training with Giles. She was wearing a short pair of training short and a black top.

The watcher was training her with the pads. Giles seemed relieved to see the three friends arrived as this meant the end of his torture…

 Training a slayer wasn't an easy thing. Mostly when said slayer had a lot on her mind that she needed to let out one way or another…

 Buffy's gaze followed a single drop of sweat that came from behind Faith's ear to get lost in her cleavage, and how lost in it Buffy suddenly was as well.

Willow noticed, she didn't know how she really felt about this, it was certainly weird and would take a little time adjusting, but it seemed interesting to her; it was exotic. Alright, Willow told herself that she REALLY needed a life. She hoped so much that Oz would make another move towards her. She wasn't sure he really was interested. It had seemed so but then it's not like she was the big expert now, was she?

 Buffy got out of her pleasant thoughts, and sight mostly, to head towards Faith. She dragged her further on the corner.

 "What's up, B? You ok?"

 Buffy smiled inwardly at the concern she always felt first thing from Faith to her. But she stayed serious. She didn't really want to tell her what she had to and she knew it showed on her face but she couldn’t help it.

 "I'm fine, don't worry. Err, you?"

 "Ok. Guess I could use a little more than watcher's training, I mean, like patrolling with you? Tonight maybe?"

 "Yes, yes I'd like that."

 They smiled at each other but then Faith tensed again at Buffy's nervous face.

 "So, what did you want to tell me?"

 "Me? Nothing."

 "So what’s with the moving away from the others then?"

 "Oh err, yes, yes in fact I was going to tell you, err, I, err, I kinda of need to go out right now."

 "Cool, where? I mean, can I go with you?"

 "Err, in fact, err, I can't, I mean you can't come… right now I mean, but tonight we'll patrol. I just gotta go somewhere right now that you can't go but but, tonight yes. Great, it'll be great."

 Buffy felt like someone was trampling on her heart with giant’s shoes at the look on Faith's face at that moment. She'd understood, she knew where Buffy was going and she looked… She was trying hard not to look dismantled but that looked like it… And this sight was a torture for Buffy.

 "It's just… I'll be back this afternoon. I just need to-to talk to him."

 "Yeah, talk. It's cool." Faith gave her the most detached smile she could but Buffy could still see the tension behind it.

 "I won't be long."

 "Take your time; he's your boyfriend after all."

 Buffy swallowed; there was so much bitterness behind this casual statement.

 "I'll see you later, B. Hey guys what's for lunch, I'm starved."

 Faith passed by Buffy without a look then.

Buffy had to take a deeper breath. How she never liked Faith walking away from her. When she was away from her… It never felt good.

Buffy closed her eyes tightly and decided to focus.

Willow waved goodbye and the three of them were gone when Buffy turned around.

 Giles put his hand on her shoulder, "Buffy, are you alright?"

 "I'm, I'm yes it's nothing."

 "Is there something I can do?"

 "No, really, I'm fine. I'm… I'm going to see Angel right now… I need to talk to him."

 Giles nodded.

 Buffy still looked somewhat distressed but she knew what she had to do and he didn't have to say anything about her personal life.

Buffy walked away and Giles remained thoughtful. Because he wouldn’t say anything didn't mean he wouldn't think any. And admittedly he'd already wondered about the two slayer's strong bond. And with the scene he'd just assisted at; Faith walking away really carelessly after probably being told where Buffy was going, Buffy's sadden face at this...

Giles couldn't help but wonder even more about the true nature of the slayer's relationship now. They seemed more than just friends, much more.  It was a little surprising or mostly, unexpected, but there was nothing sure. In any case they both seemed far less happy than the last time he'd seen them the previous week. He didn't really know what to think but he seriously thought that Angel, and therefore Buffy's relationship with both him and Faith, was the center of the problem.

They were at the library when Buffy walked back in a little before the afternoon classes start again.

 Faith tensed but relaxed as soon, looking casual.

 Willow looked expectantly at Buffy who sat down with a pout.

They all knew where she’d been by now.

 Willow hesitated but couldn't help it, "So... I mean... is everything ok?"

 "He wasn't there."

 "Oh."

 "It looked weird, I mean, it looked like he hadn't been in for a couple of days, or nights. His stuff is still here but it really felt… I don't know."

 "Do you think something happened to him?"

 Faith stared at Buffy to gauge her level of worry.

 "I don't know, maybe. It’s not like there are many places for him to hang, middle of the day and all. It's weird. But sometimes he takes off and I guess with what… but still, he would have left a note or something. I mean he knew I would... we would talk about it. I don't know. I have a bad feeling about this."

 "It's ok, Buffy, you'll go back after school, or tomorrow, I'm sure he'll be there."

 "The blood sucker's gone; fine. Now can we please move on to my impending failure in chem test?" Xander said.

 "Join the club, except I'm gonna fail all tests."

 Xander moved closer to Faith, "Great, I won't be the only one then. We should like study together, so we can fail with the best of our energy put into it."

 "We'll definitely work around this." She smiled at him.

 The two of them were standing up already and started and going to the library’s exit. The bell had just rang. Faith wasn't registered yet but she still walked away with Xander. Laughing and smiling at him.

 Giles was watching the scene from the step of his office.

 Willow gave Buffy a compassionate gaze as Buffy swallowed.

 "Are you ok?"

 "No, no, I'm not ok. I haven't seen Angel in almost two weeks and leaving like that without any words isn't like him. I just have this feeling something bad happened, and I wasn't there, it's my fault or maybe he left and-and God I'm jealous of Xander!!" She ended before tensing and raising her eyebrows sheepishly while she and Willow turned around, so hoping Giles hadn’t heard this last bit.

 Giles gave them a polite smile, "I'll be in my office."

 He closed the door and Buffy put her hand to her forehead, "Oh God I can't believe I said that. He so knows."

 "And so what? It's ok, he's cool. He's English but he's cool. He must know about these stuffs and I think he's cool about it. See, he didn't even say anything. And anyway people, well, they're going to know, Buffy. I mean if you and her… you know, get together."

 Buffy was of course not comforted at all by the end of Willow's speech.

 Willow gave her best friend her well known resolved face, "And whatever you decide if you let this be a decisive factor for this choice, I will never, like never ever speak to you again because you're like way cooler than me and I don't care. So, ok, it's not me whose gazes are going to be on but if it's love, I know it wouldn’t matter... much, I mean, God it's not something wrong?! You can't let this matter."

 Buffy finally smiled at Willow, "I'm glad that you're my best friend, Will. You're the only person who can make me smile while telling me this."

 Willow nodded proudly at herself, "That's because it's true. You need to do, or choose what your heart chooses. What your heart desires and settled for. You won't be happy otherwise. And I want you to be happy, you're my best friend."

 Buffy couldn't help but hug her precious best friend.

 "I love you, Willow, you know that."

 "And when you say love? I hope-"

 Buffy poked her shoulder while Willow started laughing at her face.

 "Better get used to these kinds of jokes because Xander…"

 "Oh boy… He's going to be unstoppable. Well at least he'll stay away from my girlfrien-I mean, wow, what did I just say?"

 "How did it sound?"

 "I don't know… well, not so bad after all. Alright I need to stop thinking I'm getting a headache now. The first thing I need to do is find out where Angel is."

 "Well, I think the first thing WE need to do now is go to class, Buffy.”

 "Oops, yes."

 They both got up and finally joined the rest of their class, late of course.

 Faith took off downtown in the afternoon as Giles told Buffy after their first class of the afternoon was over.

Buffy didn't seem joyful about this news but her main worry stayed Angel's absence. She tried to call him but no one answered.

 An hour later, Giles grabbed Cordelia in the corridor and sent her after Buffy for an emergency meeting.

 The four students arrived immediately.

 "What's going on? Is Faith back? Did Angel call? Are they ok?"

 Giles gave Buffy a sceptic frown.

 Buffy was a bowl of tension.

 "I didn't hear anything from the two of them, but I know what's going on… with Spike."

 Buffy tried to look casual, "Oh. Right of course, when I think things can't get worse. Anyway, I'm over it, hit me; what is he doing this time?"

 "Well, I've researched the artefact he'd stolen in Du Lac's tomb and the book that they stole from the library earlier this year, also from Du Lac."

 "Let me guess; not a coincidence. So, what's that book about?"

 "Well, to resume what long, very long sleepless nights of research led me to find; it is about restoring a vampire's strength and the cross they stole is the key to performing the ritual correctly, so I’m presuming Spike has everything he needs now to...."

 Buffy and Willow glanced at each other, "Restoring Drusilla’s strength."

 "Exactly. And we need to prevent this from happening at any cost."

 "Ok, how do I stop this? How does it work?"

 "Well, unfortunately we don't have anymore time to figure out the details because it is happening tonight. On the full moon."

 "But how can I find Spike? That must be why he stayed so low profile these past days. Ok, do you know something about this ritual, how or what he needs and stuff like that? Might help us locate him."

 "I'm afraid there was nothing specific on the location. I could just find out the ritual had to take place on a full moon and Spike needed the blood of Drusilla's sire. We ne-" Giles stopped at the look on Buffy's face.

 She looked very pale suddenly.

 "Buffy?" Willow moved closer.

 "Angel. He's Drusilla's sire."

 "Man that's-"

 "Xander!" Willow interrupted him immediately. Buffy didn't need his comments right now.

 "Giles, will this ritual kill him?"

 "I'm afraid it will, Buffy."

 "We need to find Spike. You three go to the docks, be careful, just try to see if there's some movements."

 Cordelia was about to protest but she decided not to with the look Buffy gave her.

 "I'm going to try and see some crypts they could be in. Giles, keep researching, try to find a way to stop the ritual from happening from here maybe with magic or something, anything."

 "What about Faith, Buffy?"

 Buffy looked at her best friend then at Giles, "If she comes back, tell her what happened. Oh and Giles, could you call my mom and tell her that you've decided to take care of the school shopping so that she doesn't come and get us here. Alright, now let's move, we don't have much time."

 They all walked out very fast.

PART 27

Faith arrived 50 minutes after the end of their class. She was surprised not to find them all at the library, plus Joyce too who she was expecting to be angry at her for making them wait.

 Giles saw her and with the look on his face, she knew she'd missed an emergency there. He quickly explained her everything then suggested that she go to a bar downtown, Willy's. He said he might know something and Buffy had probably gone there so if she'd learnt anything, Faith could learn it too and join Buffy before she reaches Spike.

Buffy had lost lots of time in the many cemeteries the town owned, she’d run into several demons and vampires in their crypts and she had to fight. She came back downtown and headed directly to Willy's as she'd planned a visit to him, only she'd planned it earlier.

 Faith walked into the bar just in time to see Buffy punch him.

 "I swear to you. My buddy Angel, come on, if I knew of any threats to him I'd tell you in the second."

 "He's lying, B."

 Buffy let go of Willy as she turned around at Faith's entrance.

 Faith walked in closer.

 Buffy turned to look at Willy again with a distrustful look.

 "What no? Who’s that chick anyway? I've helped you before, slayer. I'd tell you if I knew."

 Faith moved closer and punched him. He got dizzy for about ten seconds and really understood Buffy never really 'hit' him before.

 Faith's gaze was extremely dark at this moment. She moved closer to him.

 "Please come on, Spike's going to kill me."

 Buffy's eyes widened. True, Faith really didn't go soft on him but hey, she was right?!

 Buffy pinned him to the wall,

"Tell me where Spike is?"

 Willy could see in her gaze that the next time she wouldn’t spare him anymore if he didn't have the right answer.

 "An old church on the East Hills... Look, I can take you there if you want.”

 "Let's go."

 "Buffy wait. We gotta tell the others."

 "Sun’s going down, we gotta go now or Angel could die."

 "And if it's a trap, or if they're ready for you and you fail, that chick is gonna raise and plenty more will die. We need to leave them no way to win this.”

 "It's two of us, Faith. The gang can't do much more. Come on now we don't have time; he's going kill him!"

 "I'm going there to kill the vamp and his bitch, B, not to save him. Where's your priority?"

 "Does it really matter?? Saving him will stop Spike and Dru. It's all the same."

 Faith walked away, “No it's not. But I got it anyway."

 "Faith??!"

 Buffy sighed but dragged Willy out of the bar with her.  Buffy was welcomed by a friendly comment from Willy to Spike and mostly, 15 vampires all ready to get a bite on her.

 Buffy spotted Angel, tied to Drusilla, a knife was run through their joined hands.

 Buffy was held in place by three vampires as Spike moved closer in order to bite her when an arrow pierced the heart of one of the vampires holding Buffy. She took this opportunity to free herself and immediately started to fight the vampires around. Faith jumped right in the middle and started kicking Spike really hard.

Giles moved closer with his crossbow and dusted another vamp while Willow, Xander and Cordelia took another one apart.

 Vampires started turning to dust one after the other on Buffy's side of the fight. The two slayers instinctively switched sides when they came back to back, not even talking.

 Buffy finally got to give Spike a good trashing then but other vampires came in the fight and he managed to leave his place in the battlefield to them. He went to the altar and took Drusilla back with him without the ritual being complete but with the hope it would have been enough.

 A couple of vampires ran away as the fight was clearly lost for them with two slayers and a bunch of really good sidekicks what's more.

 Buffy hurried to Angel when she saw him lying on the floor but she didn't miss knocking Spike and Drusilla with the censer to block their escape. Spike fell in the organ which fell under the couple’s weight, the console keyboard fell onto them too and soon the entire superstructure of the church’s organ collapsed and buried them. Fire spread all over them and the place.

 Buffy and Angel were on the other side of it.

 Buffy knelt at Angel's side as he was coming to. She couldn't help but reached for the torture burns all over his chest.

 "Buffy." He feebly called her name.

 "It's ok. I’m here." She told him gently.

 "Buffy!!" Faith called out her name and managed to jump over the fire to get to them.

 She couldn’t help but swallowed at Buffy's hands on Angel's naked skin.

 Buffy took them away though when she came back to the situation with Faith’s call.

 The brunette knelt, "We gotta get out." She just said while putting an arm behind Angel's nape.

Buffy did the same and they got him up. They got out by smashing a back door while the others ran away by the front door.

 Faith was very silent outside of the church when they regrouped.

 Buffy didn't want to part but she had to bring Angel home and make sure he would be ok. And there was still this talk…. Not sure this was the moment though, mostly right at this moment… things were really... intense... Well, she was too much still in action to really think about feelings right now.

 Faith said she would bring the others home in case the vamps that escaped were waiting for them to be slayerless. Even Xander felt it was only an excuse. Faith didn't seem to like Angel more than he did, but of course to him it was only due to the vampire/slayer factor. But in any case, it showed that Faith didn't want to stay. She could barely look at the couple.

 None of them knew how much it was killing her to see Buffy close to him. Not even Buffy as she was too caught up into completing her mission of the day; bringing Angel safe at home. She’d been so worried when she’d found out Spike’s plan. She wasn’t back from the adrenaline and the fear yet.

Things and decisions were taken very fast outside, not letting her time to cool down from this. She didn't get to see Faith's gaze carrying the saddest gleam known in history.

Angel was more awake when they reached his place.

 Buffy laid him on his bed.

 He took deep breaths to hold back whimpers caused by the pain.

 She walked to his little bathroom and came back with bandages and a wet washcloth as well.

 She started by bandaging his hand. He kept staring at her.

 Everything came back to her then, every feelings, everything crowding her mind and heart these days slowly came back now in the silence that took over the place.

 None of them spoke while she bandaged his hand.

 She then took the washcloth and ran it slowly on his hurt chest and neck as well.

 She swallowed when their gaze finally met. He hadn't stopped staring at her but only now she’d looked straight into his eyes.

 "I've missed you." He whispered.

 Buffy lowered her face, "I'm sorry. I should've… come sooner. It's my fault if…"

 "I was fine, Buffy. They only caught me this morning as I was coming back home before sunrise."

 "Really?"

 Angel could see a little of relief on her face.

 Indeed Buffy felt it in her heart that this was a big part of her rushing to save him; guilt. Guilt because she’d been cheating on him while he was being tortured, only now she knew he was not, apparently. She couldn't exactly say that Faith and her had been connected in a lover’s way today so… made her feel better in a way…

And worse in another way because…. She regretted this. She'd missed Faith so much today. And she felt so bad because of the last two days course of actions. How much she wanted to be back to Saturday….

Buffy closed her eyes for a moment.

 And that was it; she'd thought about her for one second and couldn't get her off her mind right now.

But now was Angel's time, not Faith’s. Now was the time to clear all this and make this all better, not confuse it even more, was it?

Buffy shook her head yet she couldn't help thinking about Faith's feelings right now, what she could be thinking at this very moment, knowing she was alone in Angel’s place with him. Well, she knew what she was thinking...

Buffy decided it was time to know if Faith was right, for all three of them.  Somehow she felt that she knew it already but…. It was so hard … so hard that maybe it wasn't true…

 She felt Angel's hand to her face.

 "I've missed you, Buffy." He repeated.

 Buffy swallowed.

 "If you knew how horrible I feel for the way I made you feel Buffy. I wish.-"

 "Don't. Don't it's…. It's past. I know how you feel about this; I know you're sorry and I'm sorry too and now it's past. No need to come back to this."

 Angel struggled to sit on the bed, he was very close to Buffy, he caressed her cheek and she closed her eyes.

 "I love you, Buffy."

 Buffy took a deep breath at this.

 She felt his lips on hers and they kissed softly. She put her hands on his face and nape and he deepened the kiss.

 A rush of images of her and Faith came running back at this moment. She could feel the way she felt the first time Faith held her hand, held her tight at night, their first kiss... and every feelings she’d felt *that* night came back running too.

Buffy felt her heart rose in her chest at those memories.

 Buffy had come to think of the word cheating earlier because technically, it was what she’d done since Angel is her official boyfriend, but strangely it hadn’t felt like cheating, not until now... towards Faith... It felt like cheating now.

 Buffy closed her eyes when Angel pulled away, trying hard to understand, to think that maybe it wasn’t... Maybe it didn’t mean what she knew it did.

 Buffy opened her eyes again and Angel stared at her teary eyes.

 The vampire half smiled as he looked away.

 He then looked back at her, "I'm glad that you can do it, Buffy."

 The slayer frowned.

 "That you can walk away."

 Buffy frowned even more, "What are you talking about?"

 "You're going to walk away from me, Buffy, and I'm going to leave."

 "What? No, why do you think? What are you saying?"

 "This is what I have to do, this is what the only thing to do is and this is what I've been too weak to decide to do till now…. But you decided for me, and I thank you for that because the only thing I wish for is your happiness and I... I can't give you that. But I've always been weak Buffy. You've always been the strongest, and you've just proven this to me once again as you're going to leave."

 "No stop saying this, I, we… You. Don't. I…" Buffy swallowed then looked back at him a few seconds later, "Yes, yes I am." She swallowed even more when she felt a tear falling down her cheek.

 "I wanted to leave you space Buffy, after what she told me. I kept thinking, praying to find the strength to leave because she was right. But I couldn't resign to leave you. I stayed around. I've seen you two interact with each other on levels the two of us can never achieve. I've seen a smile and a light on your face I'd never seen before. But yet I stayed because like I said, I'm weak. A part of me probably even hoped that she would leave, that it was just a moment in your life and that I would get you back afterwards. But I realize I've never had you, never truly had you, not the way she does. I can see her in your eyes right now. And still in your eyes, deep down, I see this light that shone with her only. You shone so brightly God it was so beautiful. You were so beautiful shining this way. And I want you to shine forever this way, Buffy."

 Angel wiped the many tears falling down Buffy's cheeks now.

 "I'm sorry."

 "Ssh." He pulled her closer and she held him tight, "I love you, Angel. I really do."

 "Ssh," He whispered again, caressing the back of her head.

 "God this is so hard."

 "I know. But it'll be better when you get home." He didn't need to say to her.

 Buffy pulled away and wiped her tears away.

 "You should go now." He couldn't help but swallow as he told her this.

 She swallowed too with a nod.

 She moved closer and they kissed softly, she moved her lips just an inch away from his then, "You'll always be in my heart, my Angel." She whispered before moving away.

 Buffy gathered her will and got up to walk away.

 "Good bye." She whispered without turning around.

 It was better not to look at him because at this moment his pain was hard to hide, even for him. She preferred to keep in mind the softness of their last kiss that carried all the love and tenderness he'd always been to her.

 She walked out of his place.

Angel lied down on his back with a deep exhale.

PART 28

Buffy was walking like she was in a daze right after leaving Angel’s place, trying to understand that she‘d said goodbye to... Angel, her Angel. How did this happened?

 But very fast, what she was trying to understand the most was why the pain caused by this goodbye was getting overcome by her eagerness to go home. And it was true, she’d considerably increased her pace and she could feel her chest rose with anticipation... She could clearly see the street in front of her now. She didn’t feel so much in a daze anymore... but oh so impatient to go home indeed... Go home to her....

 Buffy opened the entrance door quite fast.

 "Faith??" She called enthusiastically.

 She checked on the living room and headed to the stairs.

 "Buffy?"

Buffy stopped mid stairs.

 "Mom? Hi." She told her with a bright smile, "Have you seen Faith?"

 Joyce looked perplexed, "No, why aren't you together? I thought mister Giles was supposed to drop you here after shopping at the mall? And what is this??" Joyce said as she reached for Buffy's arm. She had a small burn and soot on various places on her clothes.

 "Oh err, yes this err, it's nothing. There was an experiment in chem class, it kind of blew up. There was this small fire, but I put it out, don't worry. No one was hurt. I hadn't even noticed, you know."

 "Still, we need to disinfect it. And where is Faith?"

 "Oh, err, cause of the explosion and stuff, classes got a bit jumbled up. They went without me. I guess they're just not done yet. I'm sure they'll be here soon."

 Joyce could feel Buffy was unconvinced by the tone in her voice. And she could tell the young blonde really counted on Faith being here already.

 Hell Joyce counted on both girls to come back much more sooner than this too, so as much as Buffy's explanation held water, she still had suspicions just like every time those weird stuffs happened. It wasn’t doubting Buffy in the way she’d done about the pregnancy thing, no, really not, but doubting as in ‘knowing that there was something Buffy wasn't telling, something that would clear all these mysteries’.

 "Ok, I'll go get change."

 "I'll bring some disinfectant."

 "I'll be fine mom. Ok do it." Buffy finally surrendered faced to her mother resolved face.

 Buffy could feel how much Joyce still felt bad for her reaction. She could feel it in every one of her gazes and actions. She really intended on taking care of Buffy the best she could now.

 Buffy had mixed feelings about this.

A big part of her rejoiced and felt warm about this, but also it complicated a bit her task as a slayer. She was asked a lot of things, she had to be tough, she couldn’t be momma’s girl. She didn't need as much taking care of as any 17 year old girl, almost 17 as she thought, but still, to her mom she did.

It only reinforced Buffy's desire to let her mother know…

 That would probably be her next step sometimes after talking to Faith.

 Buffy looked somber then as she walked back upstairs.

 Faith…. She should be home by now.

 Buffy's mind started racing as to why she wasn't… Where she could be, what she could be thinking… doing.

 Buffy felt this weird feeling as she reached her room, she glanced at the guest room and headed to it.

 She opened it and froze.

 Faith stopped in her track from what she was doing, her hands were still in her bag.

 Buffy frowned as if she didn't understand. She looked lost.

 "Faith?" Was all she could say.

 Buffy then looked at the opened window.

 "What-what's going on? Why did you come by the window?"

 Joyce stopped at the top of the stairs when she heard Buffy talking. Buffy stepped closer into the room so Joyce moved closer to the door.

 Buffy had almost closed the door behind her but it was still ajar and her mother moved right beside it, listening. She knew she should probably not, but she really wanted to help the girls, and she wanted to know… so much.  She thought it'd make their life so much easier if she knew… everything… So she stayed closed.

 "Faith? Say something? Why did you climb by the window? And what is that??"

Joyce could hear a panic deep in Buffy's voice. Buffy was indeed looking at Faith's packed bag.

 "Seems obvious to me, B what I'm doing. And the window, well, your mom was home and… she's been really nice to me. I guess I'm a coward; didn't really want to see yet another person disappointed with me."

 "Disap, God Faith I don't understand. Why-why- don't, stop. You can't…"

 "Come on, B. You know that's the best thing to do."

 "No!" Buffy claimed.

"No I don't, and no it's not. It's really not."

 "It'll only make you feel uncomfortable B if I stay, and honestly, it's not going to work for me that way."

 "What way? You don't have to go to school if you don't want and-"

 "You know that's not what I'm talking about. I can't stay here while you and him… It's just not working for me."

 "So you think him and I…"

 "I don't think; I saw. It's cool, you don't even have to say anything. I know how to take a hint and I don't need a detailed map thanks. It's my cue to leave."

 "Well obviously you need glasses and as far as hints goes, God you need an extra detailed map and a compass."

 "Oh please, Buffy; all that mattered to you all day long was Angel, Angel and again Angel, and saving him from Spike, it was him all the way. I've seen the way you touched him when he was on the floor."

 "Yeah cause I thought he was dead. I mean of course I was worried but-"

 "I know what he means to you, how Xander tried to get in between but you only had eyes for him from the beginning. Between you it's… Look it's cool ok. Let's not make a big deal out of this. Just let me go back same way I came ok? That was the deal from the beginning, wasn't it?  I guess I should have done that when you came back here. Guess that's what you wanted."

 "Not a big deal out of this? Faith, were you there with me *that* night?"

 Faith looked away; she didn't need to ask what night Buffy was talking about.

 But she looked at her, "Look, Buffy I know you meant it. I mean, I know it meant something. You're not this kind of girls, don't worry I'll never think that of you. So really you don't have to justify yourself. It was a very emotional time for you. And I was there and we got close…. And being slayers we have this bond we can't deny…. And it made us get closer than we should have I guess, but I know it's not what you want so it's cool. This is behind you now, you’re back home, back at school and back with your boyfriend, makes sense.  Don't worry for me, I got it."

 Joyce was still listening attentively behind the door.

 "God Faith, if I didn't know that my actions since I came back here are a big part of this crap you just said, I'd want to smack you down right now."

 "B you-"

 "I gave myself to you."

 They stared at each other intensely.

 Buffy swallowed, "I gave myself to you, Faith. Entirely. It was the first time so I guess you'd say I can't really know, but this isn't the kind of things I do if I don't want to. I did, I wanted to do it, I wanted to do it with you."

 "But Angel is your-"

 “No, Faith, you are. Yes I love Angel, I loved him so deeply. Between us it was… I thought we were so close, and I guess we were but I kind of redefined close since I’ve met you. Anyway, we were getting to that point him and I. Yes I think we were. I know I was thinking we were at least. I was slowly getting myself to this because I knew that's where it leads people, right? Being in love, being in a relationship, that's where it goes. So we were getting there because I knew it would happen eventually. But with you it happened because whenever I'm in your arms I understand why I'm alive, I understand who I am. It wasn’t because it was a supposed step to take but because it so strongly felt like the obvious only way to be. That’s how being with you feels; obvious. You are a part of me Faith and I don't think it comes from the fact that you're a slayer too. Cause yes I felt it strongly when we slayed together but I feel it just whenever you look at me. Whenever you're close and most of all; whenever you're far, because then I feel just incomplete… “

Buffy moved closer,

“When you touched me Faith, when you were inside of me I…. I felt so whole that now it's like there is this huge hole inside of me whenever you're not around. But I know it's always been there only I didn't know. And I'm sorry, you knew it before I did. When you first came you told me you were looking for something, you said you knew there was something more, there had to be. You were more aware of yourself, of our feelings, of a lot of things in fact. And *that* night you told me… you told me I was what had been missing from your life and I'm sorry that I didn't tell you then that you were my life, Faith. It was so strong it scared me. And yes it was an emotional time, a confusing time and things were on stand by with Angel, but it was so obvious that you were my destiny, that you were mine just like I was yours. It was so big, so right in front of my eyes that it blinded me. I couldn't look at it. I tend to get like that… But I know now… And there's no way you're leaving this house now cause that would be the death of me."

 Buffy moved even closer to Faith who was struggling to hold back the tears in her eyes,

 "And I know you Faith, more than you think. I know you deep into my soul so I know you won't believe I love you as much as you do, well then, just believe I love you more… Cause I do."

 "I doubt this is possible." Faith said, still holding back her tears.

 "Wanna bet?" Buffy told her with a smile.

 A tear started to fall on the blonde girl's cheek and Faith put her hand to her face automatically.

 "It can't be true. I'm going to wake up and you'll be gone. I can't have something that beautiful. This story… you, it can't be mine."

 Faith's tears started to fall on her cheeks too.

 "Blood, violence, fights, death, it belongs to the darkness. I was chosen to fight this and it became a part of me. But since you came into my life I truly understand why and what is this life of ours. And you and me weren't chosen to fight it because this darkness was to become a part of us, no; we were chosen to fight it because we shine."

Buffy understood the full extent of Angel's words.

 "We shine together so much. That's why we're here; to bring some light to this darkness. To bring light to each other. I know now that our life is meant to be beautiful. I understand why I'm here, I'm here to shine with you; I'm here to be happy, and not live this lonely, hard and short life I was told I would. And I feel like it's going to be long and good and wonderful. God I've never so much felt like life was the greatest gift ever than since I’ve met you. So yes it is Faith, it is all yours; I belong to you like you belong to me."

 Buffy caressed Faith's cheek, "I love you. This is the first thing I should have told you that night. But you knew it. You just never believed because it's never been great before in your life, but you knew it. Deep down. And you know it right now."

 Faith nodded, "God I love you so much Buffy it's frightening in the best way possible."

 They smiled at each other while moving closer, forehead against forehead. Their hands were on each other’s face.

 "I've made you wait, I've made you worry I know, but I'm yours Faith. I need you, I want you cause I love you like I've never loved anything and anyone in my whole life. And I never will again because you're the one. I'm so not afraid of it anymore. I so feel it in my entire body and soul and mind and heart and everything and everywhere is just all about you. I love you."

 Buffy brought her lips to Faith and they kissed tenderly then a bit more passionately.

 Buffy moved her hands to Faith's shirt and started unbuttoning it slowly, "I want to undress you right now; I want to look at you like I didn't dare before because you are the most beautiful person I know, Faith. I want to see you, I want to feel you, I want to make love to you. I want to merge with you and let it feel like it's supposed to. I want to love you, Faith."

 She kissed her tenderly once again and Faith started caressing her neck, "I'm going to love you like no one ever has, Buffy. I’m gonna take everything and give you everything. God it feels.... "

 They pulled away and Faith smiled at her, “Ever jumped from a cliff where you can barely see the water from? Well, that’s pretty much how it feels right now. And I should know cause I did that plenty of times in Boston. Never sure I was going to survive the jump but never really caring that much. How I care now and God how I know I’m going to survive this and want more, and you baby... you’re going to take off and never lend again.... I’ll never let you a chance to get away... or want to... ever again, Buffy. Never.”

 Buffy kissed her lips again and they reached the bed on which they laid, still kissing.

 Buffy stared at Faith while still undressing her, “You know I never wanted to go away... I’ve found my home there with you and nothing could ever break those sweet silky chains that so pleasantly tie me to you. Never... I love you.”

 Faith stared at her and placed a soft kiss on Buffy’s lips.

 “I’m so in love with you, Faith. How could I not... How could I even try...” Buffy trailed off.

 Faith smiled, “You’re blonde.”

 Buffy smiled and pulled Faith’s face closer into a kiss before their hands became more adventurous.

 Joyce chose to leave at this moment. House rules have to be adapted sometimes, don’t they?

 Joyce wasn't so much focused about what was going to happen in this bedroom right now, more focused on what she'd learnt somehow. Fights, violence, darkness, death…. Slayers… slaying…?

 It sounded really crazy talk but Joyce couldn’t say it didn't make sense though. Buffy's burnt clothes, today really wasn’t the first time… Blood too sometimes. Buffy taking care of everyone on Parents/Teachers night while going out to take the bad guys out? Plus Joyce remembered their faces and really... masks? And so many other details that didn’t make sense unless what she’d just heard was not crazy talk...

 Joyce really had a hard time to admit this but it wasn't crazy talk.

 Joyce walked to the kitchen, somehow her haven when she needed a little peace of mind. She was going to make the girls a good dinner. They would probably be hungry after… Joyce preferred not to think about it too much but she knew she was ok.

 She was ok because the rest of Buffy's speech stayed in her mind even more. Buffy was happy in her life, she was happy with herself, she was in love and Faith loved her back.

 And she was matured enough to know about those things, more than Joyce even suspected apparently as she realized.

 She would drop a word about this during the evening. She would ask… what a slayer is, and she knew Buffy was going to tell her. Now she was.

 Now she had nothing to hide from. Nothing to be afraid or ashamed of.

 She was who she wanted to be and Joyce was proud of who that person was, no matter the rest. No matter if she didn’t know that person very well.

 Joyce would let Buffy know all this and that she very much wanted to get to know this person a little better too because she was sure she was a great person to know. They both were.... and Joyce would tell them.

 Joyce smiled as she looked at a couple of recipes for chocolate cakes. The girls love chocolate...

THE END

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