**UNINTENDED**
September/october 2006
**UNINTENDED**
September/october
2006
PART
1
Willow and Xander exited their first class of the day when they spotted Buffy in the corridor.
"Hey Buffy!"
"Oh hey guys."
"That's not nice leaving us all alone with Miss Bleach's boring speeches. You bad friend."
Buffy lightly smiled.
They started walking.
"Slept in?" Willow wondered.
"Yeah a little. Couldn't wake up this morning."
"You look tired. Heavy patrol last night?"
"Not really. Just one vamp."
Willow raised her eyebrows teasingly, "Ooo I know; late smooches with Angel?"
Buffy smiled with a hint of red on her cheeks.
"How late?" Xander asked with a frown.
The two girls smiled at Xander's jealousy but Buffy started again, "Anyway no, I didn't see Angel last night. Guess I’m just tired."
"You didn't look good yesterday either at the movies."
"It was probably something I ate. I'm feeling better now."
"Really? Cause your hair is all flat and you look like you didn't sleep in a month with those rings." Said Cordelia as she joined in the talk.
"Thank you Cordelia. I really appreciate your concern."
"What? What did I say?" Cordelia asked as the three started walking again.
"You just talked. You not doing that ever again would be the greatest thing EVER. So girls," Xander said as he turned to his two friends while Cordelia sighed and walked away, "Monday; do we Bronze tonight?"
"Yes, why not?"
"But if you're tired, Buffy it's maybe not the best thing to do."
"No, I'll be alright. I usually never get sick so it was probably just something I ate. I'm feeling good right now. And I need my dose of smooches as you say."
"He coming tonight?" Xander asked, clearly not liking that idea but knowing it wouldn't change anything.
"I'll walk by his place before sunset and we'll meet later with you guys. What do you say?"
"I say the bell rang five minutes ago."
They turned around to see Snyder standing straight behind them.
"Don't you have classes to go?"
"Yes, of course, we were searching for the classroom actually. They change math class. Forgot what room they changed it for but here it is."
Snyder sighed with a clear disdain at Xander and the girls around him then he left while they walked in to their class very fast.
The next morning at the Summers’.
"Buffy? Buffy?!" Joyce knocked on her daughter's door but got no responses.
She headed to the bathroom, "Buffy, are you in there?"
"Err, yes mom."
"You're late for school, hurry up. I'll drive you."
"Ok, I'm, err, just one minute."
"Hurry!"
Buffy got up from her spot over the toilet's pan with difficulty. She wiped her mouth as she'd just thrown up, and pulled the flush.
She turned to put some water on her face and looked at herself in the mirror. She sighed at the look of sickness she was currently wearing.
She very fast pulled herself together and tried her best to look better with make up.
"Buffy! Get out now!"
"Ok ok, I'm coming."
Joyce looked irritated.
"I'm coming. What's the hurry? It's not that late."
Joyce crossed her arms on her chest, "Well, I wouldn't want to get another call from your principal today."
Buffy looked up at her with a frown.
"You didn't tell me you missed a class yesterday?"
"Oh, err, it was nothing, I mean, my alarm clock didn't ring."
"Oh you mean you didn't hear it. Maybe if you'd stop going out that often you wouldn't be so tired, now hurry we need to get going."
"I didn't even go out on Sunday evening mom." Buffy complained but her mother just sighed.
Buffy pouted on the way to school but she was mostly worried about her state, she'd rarely felt so uncomfortable than these days.
Buffy arrived 10 minutes late to her first class of the day.
~
They were having lunch at the cafeteria and talking nicely about their latest evening at the bronze.
"How was patrol after that?"
"Well, still no Spike. I wonder what he's up to these days."
"Maybe he left." Willow hopefully stated.
"That'd be great but Angel says it's not his style. He's here for something and won't leave till he's got it. Or so he thinks cause we'll stop him. In time."
"You know Buffy, maybe if you spent less time kissing Angel and more time searching for Spike, maybe you'd have found him already. Just sayin, you know; maybe you should take some time apart from Angel until this Spike deal is over."
Willow and Buffy glanced at each other with raised eyebrows at Xander's casual tone. But they didn’t comment.
They kept eating and talking casually until Buffy pushed Xander's arm away.
"Argh, what's that smell?"
The slayer looked disgusted.
"Huh, it's my coffee, Buffy." Xander replied with raised eyebrows.
"No, it's not, what, don't you smell it?"
Buffy checked inside and got up. They almost thought she was going to throw up so Willow checked on Xander's coffee but gave Buffy a skeptic gaze.
"Buffy are you ok?" Willow asked her with concern.
Buffy looked disturbed, "Yes, err, I just need to, I'll be back in a minute."
She left for the restrooms and took deeper inhales to hold back the urge to puke.
She put some water on her face then locked herself in one of the cabin as a bunch of girls walked in.
She stayed in after they left. She was sitting on the toilet's pan. She started crying.
She pulled herself together after a while, "What's happening to me?"
She wiped her tears away.
"Buffy? Buffy are you in there?"
"Yes, Will. I'm coming."
"Are you alright, Buffy?"
"Sure, Will."
Buffy got up and straightened her clothes. She put her hand on her stomach but shook her head.
She walked out of the bathroom.
The rest of the day went by casually.
Buffy walked home directly after school.
She was sitting on her bed, reading a chapter for her homework but she was very unfocused. She couldn’t help certain thoughts in mind and those were way too disturbing.
She couldn’t deal with them. There was probably something else making her tired and feeling that way than what she had in mind.
She realized a tear fell on her cheek, "Damn, what is wrong with me?"
She wiped it and lied on her bed, staring at the ceiling.
"Buffy?"
She sat on her bed at Angel's voice.
He walked in by the window, "Are you alright?"
"Yes, of course. What are you doing here?"
"Well, it's rather late. I was hoping you would go out and patrol but when you didn't show, I thought of checking on you as you were tired yesterday."
Buffy checked at her clock, "Oh yeah, didn't see what time it was."
"You didn't see the sun go down 2 hours ago, Buffy?" Angel looked skeptic but more concerned than actually doubtful.
"Oh, err, I was working, I have this very hard homework but anyway, give me one minute and I'll be ready."
Angel moved closer and put his hands on her face, "I think you should rather stay in tonight, Buffy. I'll patrol."
"No, I'm good."
"You still looked tired, Buffy. And you're not very focused, I wouldn't want you to get hurt."
"But you'd be with me so…" She teasingly said while hinting for his lips. They kissed softly but he pulled away then.
"I still think you should stay in and get some rest."
Buffy finally nodded.
They kissed once again and Angel left.
Buffy decided to put her book down. She'd had it in hands for apparently several hours but had not even finished reading the chapter they had to read for the next day.
Better give up for the night; she would try the next morning.
Buffy had trouble sleeping, too many thoughts and questions in her mind.
But she dozed off in the early hours of the morning and felt much better when she woke up. Until she walked in school where she headed directly to the restrooms and threw up.
As much as she hated that idea, she pulled out something she'd bought on her way to school today. Although it made no sense since it was impossible.
Buffy shook her head; she needed to be sure. She had to do that test to be sure it couldn’t be.
Maybe it was a Sunnydale trick. She needed to be sure she wasn't losing her mind. It had to be something else.
Willow walked in since she didn't see her coming back from the restrooms.
Buffy walked out with a sweaty and pallid face.
"Buffy, I think you're sick."
"No. I…" Buffy looked at the window up on the wall as she stopped.
"Buffy?"
Buffy looked at Willow again. The redhead swallowed as she saw the tears running down Buffy's face.
"Willow…. I'm in trouble."
Willow hurried them outside of the building so that they could be quiet.
It wasn't time for school since they gathered earlier pretty much everyday to get the daily news from Giles if any work, of the demony kind, had to be done.
So the girls walked to the small park behind the high school and sat on a bench, in a quiet spot.
"What's going on, Buffy? You already threw up last week?"
"Yesterday too." Buffy admitted.
"But did you ask Giles? What's causing this? Maybe Spike cast a spell of some kind."
"I'd like that to be true. Well, maybe it is cause I just…. God this can't be happening."
Willow put her hand on Buffy's thigh, "What is it? You can tell me, you know."
"I know, I just…. I don't know how it… happened."
Willow looked expectant and worried.
Buffy swallowed, "I think I'm… I think. I'm pregnant, Willow."
PART 2
Willow's eyes widened and she looked in front of her at her best friend’s shocking revelation. She then looked back at Buffy with an attempt at a comforting gaze despite her surprise.
"Are you sure?"
"I-I did a test this morning. And I'm late. Two weeks late."
"Wow Buffy I, I don't know what to say. I didn't know, I mean err, does Angel know it?"
Buffy burst out in tears all of a sudden and Willow took her in her arms, "I'm sorry, Buffy. Didn't mean to-"
"It's not him." Buffy cried even more.
Willow kept holding her despite the amazement at the second revelation though now that she thought about it, made sense; from what they knew, vampires couldn’t have children.
They pulled away.
"I… I," Willow was looking for words but obviously not finding any.
"Willow you have to trust me."
"I-I, yes, Buffy."
"I didn't sleep with anyone."
Willow's eyes widened in confusion.
"You have to trust me, Will. Please."
"I do, Buffy but how… I mean, it's, well."
"I don't know how it happened but I swear I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't sleep with Angel or anyone."
Willow nodded, "Then it's ok. We just gotta go see Giles and-"
"No, no they can't know. I can't-"
"Buffy I know, it's… personal and intimate but, since you didn't *you know*, then it means it's something demoniac and we gotta get you rid of it."
Buffy lowered her gaze and Willow understood there was more.
Buffy looked up at her, "I don't think it's something demoniac, Will. It's worse."
Willow let her talk without pushing her.
"Remember the frat party?"
"How could I forget something like that? Ugly snake and all. Oh my God Buffy, the frat guys? Did you-"
"No, no I told you, I didn't do anything… or not deliberately."
Willow looked paler as she began to understand.
"I was unconscious for a little while and I woke up chained to the wall. Everything went pretty fast after that so I didn't give it much more thoughts."
"More thoughts to what?" Willow didn't dare to ask.
"It hurt." Buffy didn't need to specify which part of her body hurt at that moment.
"When I woke up, mostly the next day. That whole area hurt but I just… I discarded it cause I just… really I didn't think something like that could happen and with the fight. I’m bruised so often after slaying…"
Willow swallowed, "Buffy, this time it's the police we need to go see."
"What for? They're already in jail."
"Well, they deserve a couple more years for what they did to you. Do you know who-"
"I don't remember anything, Willow. Nothing. It's blank. I tried but it won’t come."
"I still think you should go to the police."
Buffy put her hand to her forehead with a sigh, "God what am I gonna do, Will? Mom doesn't even know I was there. How am I…"
Willow put her hand on her friend's shoulder, "I'm glad you told me Buffy. I feel bad that I can't do much though. But I…. I think you're gonna have to tell her, you know."
"What is she gonna say?"
"Buffy, you, you're the victim here."
"What if she doesn't believe me?"
"Buffy, she's your mom."
"But she doesn't know… any of this. Who I am, what I'm doing… How can I…"
"You don't need to tell her you're a slayer to explain this. She'll understand, she'll believe you, Buffy."
Buffy nodded absentmindedly.
"What about Angel?"
"I'm seeing him tonight. I mean, we're supposed to patrol together."
"You're going to tell him tonight then?"
"No. I… honestly I'd rather not. If I can… find a solution before he knows."
"He would be supportive Buffy and… you could use that. Well, of course he could break into the prison to go kill them, that's another option. But I think he'd most likely stay by your side and comfort you."
"I don't know; I'll probably tell him but… right now I'm still hoping to wake up tomorrow and realize it was just a bad dream, you know."
"I understand. Well, you do need to be extra sure though before you tell anyone, who knows, maybe it's just stress or something."
"I'd so like that."
"You should go see your doctor, that's the only way to be sure."
Buffy nodded, "I know. I've thought about it. I can't go see the family doctor though. I'll go to one of these youth center or clinic whatever and get an accurate diagnosis."
Willow nodded.
They heard the bell rang.
"We should go. Now's not the time to have Snyder call my mother again. I need her in good mood for when I…"
"Yes."
They got up from their spot in the park and headed to class. They were both very quiet and the day went by casually after that.
Buffy walked out by her window to go find Angel that evening.
The vampire took great care of Buffy though she told him she was alright. He was always very caring with her.
They found themselves pretty busy with slayage for once so they didn't get much time to talk.
Buffy had decided that indeed, she wouldn't tell anyone anything until she was sure.
It was 2 am when they approached Buffy's house, hand in hand.
He'd found her very silent but hadn't said anything. She seemed in need of hugs so he'd willingly complied. He had his arm around her shoulder and she was snuggled into his arms.
"Angel?"
"Yes, Buffy." He lightly caressed her cheek.
"I love you, you know that."
He stopped walking and looked at her, "Tell me what’s wrong, Buffy?"
"Nothing. I… I just wanted you to know it."
"I know, Buffy. I know… And I love you too."
He pulled her into a passionate kiss that lasted… until they heard a car stopping right beside them.
"Oh my God! I forgot she was coming home late tonight."
"Buffy?!"
"Mom, it's… I…"
"What are you doing up at that hour?"
Joyce moved closer very fast while Angel and Buffy moved apart.
"I was… I just went out for a walk… a minute ago."
"Don't lie to me, I'm tired of that."
Joyce pulled Buffy by the hand.
"And you," She looked at Angel, "you're lucky I'm not calling the police; she's sixteen for God sake. It's 2 am. Go away!"
Joyce dragged Buffy inside.
The slayer glanced at her lover who couldn't say much, which was better for now.
Joyce slammed the door, "I can't believe that. I just can't leave you alone one minute, Buffy??!"
"No mom, it's-"
"He's too old, Buffy."
"Mom??!"
"Is he your boyfriend?"
"Mom."
"Don't mom-me-now. I find you out at 2 am heavily kissing a boy much older than you and you dare say anything? So now you're gonna tell me. Is he your boyfriend?"
Buffy nodded.
"How long has it been going on? Since that time I found you two in the house last year?"
"No, after…"
"When?"
"A couple months ago but it wasn't-"
"Serious? Cause it is now? How old he is? He must be at least 25 or more."
"Mom, it's… I'm sorry."
"I can't even go out for one show that you sneak out. How do you want me to react? I can absolutely not trust you. What am I supposed to do with you Buffy??"
Buffy started crying and walked upstairs.
"Buffy?! Buffy?!"
Buffy's door room slammed close.
Joyce sighed and shook her head negatively; she didn't know how to talk to her daughter anymore.
She didn't know how to interact with her. They seemed on two different planets.
Joyce went to bed.
Buffy cried in her room for the most part of the night. She felt terribly alone and terribly scared right now.
For one second she even wished she wouldn't wake up the next day.
She wished she didn't have to deal with all of this.
~
"That was a really bad timing your mom catching you out with Angel."
Buffy sighed, "I'm a moron, I knew she would be coming late after cleaning the mess from the inauguration party of the new exhibit. I SO didn’t need that."
Willow gave her a sympathetic gaze.
The day went by casually. Buffy looked rather sad to Xander's observation but Willow didn't let show that she knew anything about this.
Buffy called and had an appointment at the clinic for the next day.
She stayed home to try and make amends to her mother but the older Summers still looked upset.
The next day went by casually except for Buffy being highly tense all day long; she’d stopped by the clinic before school to have a blood test done.
Giles worried about her cause she looked very pale. It was one of these days...
Willow came with Buffy at the clinic to get the result after school.
Buffy had to sit down for a while as the result was positive.
One of the counselors there talked to her for a while, introducing her to the various options she now had but he strongly encouraged her to tell her mother first thing. Being underage, she wouldn't be able to decide anything without her mother's consent, and everyone at the clinic really tried to point out that it wasn't a situation to go through alone.
She agreed to everything that was said even if it scared her. She knew she didn't have much choice anyway.
The next step would probably be the hardest; her mother.
PART 3
Buffy was very silent during dinner.
Joyce's temper seemed to have softened a lot, just like it always did. But Buffy knew that it was only to resurface on the next big argument, so now, she never rejoiced too fast.
"Are you going to eat anything tonight, Buffy?"
Her mother's tone wasn't hard.
"I. I'm not really hungry."
"Are you still mad because of the other night? I'm just trying to protect you, Buffy."
Buffy almost looked like she was about to cry at that.
Joyce sat closer, "If you would just talk to me, Buffy. Maybe I'd be more reassured, maybe I would even understand how sixteen years old girl works nowadays cause frankly; I'm lost."
Joyce's light tone didn't cheer Buffy's mood for once.
"Well, I… I do have something to tell you mom."
"Good. I'm always hear to listen, Buffy."
"Do you remember that thing on the news a month ago?"
Joyce frowned.
"About some dead girls’ bodies found in the basement of a fraternity."
“Oh yes of course. They were about to kill another young girl the night they were arrested."
Buffy swallowed and nodded, "Her name is Callie and… she wasn't alone."
"What do you mean?"
"There were three girls and… I was one of them."
"What?!" Joyce got up but sat down immediately, "What do you mean you were one of them?"
"I went out that night. With Cordelia, a friend from school. She needed someone to go."
"Oh and of course you sacrificed yourself. Or it's more likely that the temptation to disobey me and sneak out was just too good to resist. I just can't believe that?!"
"Mom please, I was chained to a wall and about to be sacrificed to a giant… giant bunch of creeps. I think I drew the lesson already."
"Anyone would think so but yet I find you hanging at 2 am outside one month after that. What is wrong in your mind, Buffy?"
Buffy looked away.
"What am I supposed to do? Right, I shouldn’t be so hard. You're telling me now, that's already something."
Buffy swallowed and her mother stared at her.
"Mom I…. there was something else that night. I mean…. You know how she said that she'd been drugged when they'd kidnapped her."
Joyce nodded.
"Well, at the party I… I had a drink, just one." She said before her mother started yelling, "And err, they'd put something in it too. And then I don't remember much until we were chained to the wall."
"Oh Buffy, I still don't understand how you could keep something like that from me. Did they hurt you when you were chained?"
Buffy swallowed, "No, police got there almost right after I woke up. I didn't want to worry you."
"No Buffy, you didn't want to get scolded. Do you realize you could have gotten killed? You were very lucky, what if something worse had happened?"
"Something worse did."
Joyce looked surprised in the non happy way.
Buffy looked up at her, "I'm pregnant, mom."
Joyce looked frozen. Buffy looked at the floor.
The older Summers didn't know what to say.
"I wasn't sure so I went and had a blood test and it’s positive."
Joyce kept taking deeper breathes.
Buffy stayed silent, waiting for her mother to say something. She’d told her now she was waiting for her to decide, waiting for her to be the grown up, the adult and get her out of this awful situation. Out of this Hell she was in.
"When have you known?"
"I started feeling not so great almost two weeks ago. And huge doubts early this week.
"How did you not notice?"
"I… Well, you know my periods are sometimes screwed up. How else could I notice?"
"But that night, when they-he?"
"Don't look at me mom I have no idea. I don't remember anything I told you."
"But you must have felt something-"
"Do you not believe me?"
"Yes, Buffy I do. I'm just trying to understand how something like that could happen without your knowledge of it."
"I was drugged. I was unconscious. So yes, it hurt a little the next day but I hurt pretty much everywhere after the fight, the fright I mean. We were so scared and tense; I thought it was all coming from this. Me neither, mom, me neither could imagine something like that."
"Alright, alright, let's calm down, it's ok. We'll find a solution, Buffy don't worry."
Joyce got up and paced down for a minute, "First I'll bring you to our doctor on Monday. And we'll discuss with him the arrangement, how we can do. You obviously can't keep it, Buffy. You're not even seventeen yet, you'd spoil your entire life."
Buffy nodded. Now wasn't the time to comment. Now wasn't even the time to think. Joyce was reacting, finally, and Buffy wasn't in a position to say anything.
"So we'll go see Doctor Carlson and see how, when we can take care of that problem. And we'll do tests to know if whoever did it was healthy. God I can't believe this is happening. We'll do that first thing on Monday. I'll make you a note for school."
"Yes mom." Buffy said, keeping her gaze low.
"And we'll need to go to the police too."
"Mom I don't want to go-" Buffy stopped at Joyce's perplexed frown, "Buffy, we need to know and they need to pay."
"Yes mom."
Joyce took another deeper breathe, "Well, if you're really not hungry then maybe you should go to your room. Do some homework or something. And you should rest. Now I understand why you look so tired these days."
"Yes mom." Buffy got up and left for her room.
Joyce stayed in the kitchen for a while. She looked really thoughtful.
Willow came by the next day.
Buffy was in her room, brooding.
It was close to lunch but she hadn't gotten downstairs.
Joyce knocked at Buffy's room.
"Yes mom?"
Joyce walked in, "Buffy, I'm going to see Maitre Taggart for what we talked about."
"She knows, mom." Buffy said, pointing out Willow who gave Joyce a knowing smile.
"Right, so err, we'll probably go to the police station right after so I'd like you to stay here today in case we need you there in which case I'll come and get you."
"Ok." Buffy nodded very low.
"There must be some chicken wings and a salad in the fridge for you and Willow. Have a good day, and don't forget; stay home."
"Yes mom." Buffy agreed in a very low tone.
Joyce left.
"See what I meant?"
"She's just upset, Buffy."
"Upset? I rather think she doesn't believe me."
"Of course she does, she's going to see your lawyer and then right to the police so that these boys get what they deserve."
Buffy lied down on her back and stared at the ceiling.
Willow looked upset but smiled, "We should get downstairs and eat something."
"I'm not very hungry."
"I know but you must force yourself."
"Yeah."
"Hey?? What about Cordelia?"
"What do you mean?"
"What if they did something to her too? Your mother wouldn't have any doubts then."
"Probably but I don't know. I don't remember her on the bed. True the bed is the only thing I could barely distinguish cause my vision was very blurry, so maybe she was passed out close but… she wasn't there when I reached the bed."
Buffy paused and went on, "I really hope they didn't do anything to her."
Willow raised her eyebrows slightly, "Even in your situation you still care for others, mostly Cordelia. You really are a super hero."
"I truly wish that to no one. Nobody deserves this, Willow. If only I could remember who, or what or… God this is killing me."
"Well, maybe it's best if you don't remember, Buffy."
Buffy looked away, "I don't know anymore."
Willow took her hand and dragged her out of the bed, "Ok, let's go eat something now."
Buffy gave her a light smile.
Willow kept doing everything she could to lighten up her friend's mood even if it was somehow pointless but she still tried.
They ate and talked about everything but this. Except when they talked about Angel and Buffy said she was going to tell him soon, today if she could get out of the house at some point.
Willow stayed all afternoon with Buffy until her mother's return.
Willow didn't stay knowing well enough Joyce wanted to talk privately to Buffy.
Buffy would probably call her in the evening to tell her how it went with the lawyer and the police station.
Joyce sat at the kitchen's table. Buffy didn't dare to walk in.
"So?" She feebly asked.
Joyce sighed, "Maitre Taggart thinks that we shouldn't lodge a complaint. He says that we have very few, if none, chances to win."
Buffy walked closer. She didn't really want to put this affair in public, she didn't want to go in court but suddenly she became really curious and somewhat upset. She wanted to know why.
She looked at her mother expectantly.
"We have no proofs Buffy."
"After what they did? Isn't that proof enough?"
"They murdered these girls, them or their brothers or fathers before them. They killed, they did not rape any of them. That girl Callie was there for ten days and they didn't touch her. You were there for a couple of hours, Buffy."
"You should really highlight even more how much you don't believe me right now mom cause I think your tone wasn’t clear enough."
Buffy meant to get up but her mother grabbed her arm, "I'm just trying to spare you, Buffy. Maitre Taggart said their lawyers were going to crush us, Buffy. They’re powerful and they will try their best to depict us as opportunists because we didn't say anything when this first went public."
"I didn't know-"
"I know, Buffy. But this is how it is. They'll have access to your police files and school records and everything. They'll try anything to depict you as you’re not. I won't let them drag you in the dirt. It's not worth it."
Buffy looked away, "Right. I didn't want to go to court anyway. I didn’t want any of this."
Buffy got up and walked upstairs sorrowfully.
She walked back down less than an hour ago with her jacket on.
"Where are you going??" Joyce pryingly asked with a frown.
"Out."
"Where?"
"I'm gonna go see my friends, mom."
"Which friends?"
"I don't have that many, you know."
"Willow was there almost all day."
"And it was good since I was locked up here all day. So alone right now; no thanks. Can I go now?"
"Are you going to see him?"
Buffy sighed but didn't say anything.
"I want you back before sunset, Buffy."
Buffy sighed and left.
Sunset was in roughly one hour.
PART 4
Buffy hurried to Angel's place but she started slowing down as she got closer. She felt a knot in her stomach. She was so anxious about telling him.
She finally walked down to his place and knocked.
He opened immediately as he’d smelt her.
"Hi Buffy, come in." He put his arm on her back.
"How are things at home? I'm really sorry about the other night."
"It was my fault and anyway… I’ve reached the point where it doesn’t even matter anymore."
"What do you mean?"
"I… I have something to tell you, Angel."
He took her hand and dragged her to the bed on which they sat, side by side.
"I know you’ve got something on your mind, Buffy. And I'm glad you’ve decided you could finally trust me with it."
"Trust, well, I kinda need that."
"Tell me."
He gently caressed her face.
"Something bad happened at the frat party that night a month ago."
He looked serious.
"Something that I didn't know of cause I… I was drugged but…" Buffy lowered her gaze.
"What happened, Buffy?"
"They abused me while I was sleeping… and also, I'm kind of pregnant."
She decided there was no need to beat about the bush. The hardest; telling her mother was over so…
Angel changed to game face and back to his human face but she could see he was struggling. He looked in front of him, taking unnecessary deep breaths.
"I'm going to kill them."
"You wouldn't last long in jail, with the sun and all. And I wouldn't be able to see you so… not a good plan."
She tried to lighten up his obvious stress.
He looked at her and caressed her face, "Why didn't you tell me before?"
"I felt the first symptoms about two weeks ago but I wasn't sure until this week, you know. And I needed to understand before."
"But how? How did you not feel it or see it?"
"Please, not you. I felt sore but I'm always sore somewhere with the slaying so… I couldn't possibly imagine that."
"Who is it?"
"I don't know; I'm telling you I was unconscious."
"What did the police say?"
"My mom went there with our lawyer but apparently, no proofs, and their lawyers; pretty powerful. She said they would crush us. I guess that's a good thing in a way. I really didn't want to go to court."
"Why? Don't you want justice? Cause I do."
"I just want this over. That’s all I want, certainly not everyone knowing."
Angel looked in front of him, "What about DNA tests? That would prove and find out who it is."
"I don't know, can they do that this early in the pregnancy? I'm not sure and… I won't keep it long enough to find out I guess. Mom took an appointment for Monday with our doctor. If she can, it'll be done in the week."
"I understand. You can't waste your future on this, she's right to hurry. But I don't understand that you don't want to know. Try to remember harder. Who did you talk to before passing out? Who gave you the drink?"
"It was Richard Anderson, and I was talking to Tom Warner."
"Tom, that's the one you flirted with in front of the school."
"What??"
"I was in the sewers; I swing by sometimes to see you. And I saw you that day, talking with two guys. The ones that were in the basement at the party."
"I wasn't flirting. We were talking. He was nice… then."
"Yep." Angel looked away.
"I can't believe you??"
"I'm sorry, Buffy. I trust you."
"It doesn't sound like it."
"Yes I do, it's just. About that drink, was it alcohol?"
"College party, there was hardly anything else."
"You've never drunk alcohol before, did you?"
"No, of course not but… what are you trying to say here?"
"I'm just pointing out you've never drink and it was probably strong alcohol. People react differently to alcohol but non drinkers get drunk pretty fast, you know."
Buffy got up with a shocked face, "God I was drugged, I wasn't drunk!"
"I'm not saying you were but maybe you weren't in the state to really reason properly and some guys really know how to take advantage of that."
Buffy felt her tears coming, "Not you."
"I-I. I don't understand how you could not remember something like that, Buffy. You're a slayer, your senses are highly heightened and… I know how you can be sometimes regarding us."
"What does that mean?"
The knot of anxiousness clenching Buffy’s throat was making it painful for her to keep talking.
"Well, it’s happened in the past that when things got a little difficult, you eagerly showed me how easily you could simplify them… with others."
Buffy couldn't believe it. Tears started falling down her cheek, "How can you say something like that to me? And now? Is that what you think of me?"
"No Buffy it's…. It's just that you have that tendency sometimes and I’m just thinking maybe that’s what happened but it went further than you wanted and now you’re afraid to tell me.”
Buffy had to sit on a stool, “How?”
“Remember last year and that Owen guy you kissed in front of me.”
“We weren’t even dating you and me, you were never there.”
“That’s what I’m saying, things weren’t going your way so... And just like when you came back from LA; anyone who saw you dance with Xander was probably convinced you two were sleeping together I’m sure. And let's not forget your childhood crush, Billy Fordham not so long ago. There also, you'd seen me with Dru and didn’t like it without even knowing what was the what, you just went to another guy's arms."
Buffy was at word's loss.
He got up. He hated that look on her face, "Look, Buffy I'm sorry. I just meant to say that, I know things aren't always easy; I would understand if…"
"If what? If I slept with some random college stud to make you jealous?"
Angel sighed and looked apologetically at her.
"I'm sorry, that's not what I meant."
"Yes it is. You've just pointed out how slutty I am. It's nice to know what you truly think of me. I'm really glad we had that honest talk together. We should really do that again very soon to never."
Buffy walked to the door but he held her back so she hit him, "Let go of me!!"
She walked away and he couldn't follow because the sun wasn't set yet. It would be in less than ten minutes though.
Angel cursed himself. He didn't understand how he could have said those things. Yes, he'd been jealous more than once but the way he’d hurt her just now. If he hadn't wanted so bad to make up for it, he'd have felt like staking himself.
Buffy left running but she slowed down soon after and sat on a bench. She felt like her entire world was crumbling down. She couldn't believe this.
She was probably dreaming, someone had cast a spell and sent her to an alternate dimension of some kind. It couldn’t be possible. Her Angel, the only one who could make her feel so good. Telling her this, thinking this about her.
It couldn’t be.
She felt so alone right now.
She cried for a while before realizing night had fallen. It wasn’t complete darkness but she had to go home.
She hurried.
Angel had gotten out as soon as the last sunrays had disappeared and he'd taken the fastest way to Buffy's house so he arrived before her.
He showed up when she was close to her driveway but she didn't slow down.
"Leave me alone."
"No Buffy, I need to talk to you. I'm sorry, Buffy. Please listen to me."
"I've had my share of listening to you, sorry. Don't think I could stomach more."
She walked to her house but he walked after her.
"I'm sorry. I was so mad at them, at that. It got to me. It drives me crazy what they did, Buffy."
"You don't believe me, so don't pretend."
"Of course I do." He said while taking her arms to stop her before she could open the door.
"Let me go!"
"No Buffy, I can't let you go like that. I feel so bad; I don't know what took me. It was the shock I think."
"I don't care; I just want to go home. Please, leave me alone, Angel."
"Buffy you-"
"I think she told you to leave her alone." Joyce firmly stated as she opened the door.
She pushed Angel and he stumbled at the bottom of the porch's steps.
"If I ever see you close to my daughter again, I'll call the police."
"Miss Summers I-"
"Don't you think you did enough damage?!"
Buffy looked at her mother with a shocked face.
"Mom??" Her voice cracked.
Joyce walked in the house with Buffy and slammed the door.
Buffy looked disbelieving.
"What… What did you say that for?"
Joyce looked upset, "Oh Buffy sweetheart. I love you but I know you. You'd do anything not to get scolded.
"You think he and I…."
"Buffy, you're dating a twenty some young man. I know the pressure they can put on girls your age. And I've seen the way you two were kissing the other night. This story of the fraternity just seems like, a way out for you... without too much reprimands."
Buffy sat on a chair, she couldn’t react.
"Buffy, we both know how fast you run away from responsibilities. So now it's ok. It’s done. I'll just do what I have to do to clean the mess once again and protect you. I can’t let you spoil your life with that mistake."
Buffy swallowed, she got up and walked upstairs.
She closed the door behind her and looked around, trying to focus on one thing in specific.
That was just too much…. Angel, now her mother.
Buffy almost wondered if they weren't right.
She started thinking strongly about that entire night and opened her eyes all of a sudden and no, they were wrong.
She was raped for God sake!
Buffy took a bag very fast while calling Willow. She pulled out a few clothes then walked downstairs.
"Buffy? Buffy where are you going?!"
Joyce caught her on the doorstep.
"Where do you think you're going at that hour?"
"I'm going to Willow's. You can call her to check I don't care."
"No you're not going anywhere."
"I'm not staying in this house with you and your disbelief."
"Buffy you're staying here, and we can talk about this calmly."
"No I'm done talking, or rather, done listening to what everyone has to say of me. You don't believe me so whether I leave or not won't change much. I'm not staying here."
"Buffy?!"
Joyce's call didn't stop the teenage girl from walking away.
PART 5
Willow welcomed her best friend and the two girls settled in the redhead's room.
Willow was trying her best to cheer Buffy’s mood but that day had left the slayer pretty devastated and Willow could only do so much as being here for her.
Willow's mother knocked at her daughter's room.
"Willow, can I see you for a minute?"
Willow already had a bad feeling at her mother's tone. She gave Buffy a warm smile and left the room to join her mother.
Willow walked back in the room about five minutes later.
She smiled at Buffy, a nervous smile.
"It's ok, Willow. You can say it whatever it is, can't be worse than everything I've heard today."
Willow sad beside her friend on the bed, she looked upset.
"Well, you know my mom, she called your mom to make sure she was aware you were here. And I guess they talked about you. I don't think they really talked the frat case but… well, my mom knows you're pregnant."
"What frat case anyway? My mom doesn't believe in it."
Willow still looked down, "And, well anyway, I tried to tell her a little about that but she didn't want to know. And you know how my parents are with some topics. They’re really practising and all. "
"They don't want me in their house, do they?"
Willow looked away, "They said you can stay here tonight only. I'm sorry, Buffy. I tried but they-"
"It's ok. It's ok."
Buffy lied on her side. She closed her eyes. She wanted to erase that day, that entire month from her mind, from her life.
Willow felt really bad, and really mad at her parents, and Angel, and Buffy's mom AND the frat boys.
She stayed close to Buffy and fell asleep after a while.
When the sun woke the redhead up, Buffy was gone already.
She'd left by the window.
Willow felt really sad and worried somehow.
She told herself she would wait till noon to call at Buffy's house. Willow worried somehow about Buffy hurting herself. She'd looked so down that last evening. So in any case Joyce had to know.
Buffy woke up with a grimace, her stomach hurt, now her back hurt too since she'd fallen asleep on a bench in a park in the early hours of the morning.
She'd left Willow's house during the night as she hadn't been able to sleep and felt the sudden urge to leave.
She felt unwelcome everywhere and there was nowhere she really wanted to go.
She knew it wasn't Willow's fault but she'd preferred to leave anyway. Her life was a mess, no need to mess her best friend's life too.
She wished so much she could go find the comfort of her boyfriend's wide arms, but after last evening…
Buffy felt cold in any way possible.
She sat on the bench, bringing her knees to herself and she wrapped her arms around her legs.
A bum came closer and started talking to her. Buffy couldn’t believe it but she got scared. Almost like she'd forgotten she was the slayer.
The one and only. The Chosen one. The strong Buffy.
She didn't know where that girl was. Now she even wondered if she'd ever existed or if she was just a mask to hide from her shallow life.
Yes shallow, isn't it what it was?
If she couldn't inspire her own mother to trust her? If her boyfriend that she loved and who she still believed loved her was able to think and tell her these things… And not trust her totally, completely, entirely when she asked him to because she needed him to.
What did that say about her? What did that say about her life?
It was all nothing.
And Buffy realized it didn't matter anymore. Nothing mattered.
She got up and walked around then finally reached the bus station.
She stayed several hours sitting there, watching buses come and go. She felt anxious but really… going back home now felt above her strength.
She had nowhere else to go.
She finally got up in the afternoon and decided to take the next bus leaving town.
She was at the ticketing desk; three buses were leaving within the next hour. She seemed to hesitate.
"Which one can I take with that?" She spread whatever money she had in her pockets on the desk.
The cashier frowned but checked it, she looked at some paper.
"The one for Austin in half an hour or for Boston in an hour."
Buffy looked hesitant.
"I'd take Boston if I were you. Cool town, I should know; that’s where I come from."
Buffy turned around, surprised at the teenage girl who just talked to her.
The girl had rather long dark hair. She was wearing a pair of blue jeans and a red top. She had a bag on her shoulder.
"But then, Californian girl like you, you'd probably fit better in Austin. Boston at this time of the year; pretty chilly."
"I. Err, thanks. I think."
"I'm Faith."
Buffy still looked hesitant, or confused. There was something somehow familiar with that girl.
"I'm-"
"Buffy Summers, I know."
Buffy frowned, "How come is that?"
"Well, I saw a picture of you dating a couple of years back, and I must say, really not flattering compared to the real thing, but I'd have recognized you anyway. It's like in those highlander movies, you know. I felt something in my stomach, right here."
Faith rubbed her tummy.
"You didn't feel it?"
"I don't really trust my stomach these days." Buffy then shook her head, "I mean, why should have I felt something?"
"Cause I'm a slayer too."
Buffy's face stayed blank, "But no. You-"
"Yeah I know, there's only one, she alone bla bla... well, there was a big snag in their speech there. It's when you killed that Master dude. They said you were dead for like one minute, you drowned I think, right?"
Buffy just nodded, she was completely speechless face to this girl's revelation and mostly her casual attitude and light tone.
"So anyway, guess whoever invented this whole slayer thing didn’t have a brain cause it was enough to call on the new one; and I was the lucky one."
Buffy couldn’t tell if it was sarcastic or not.
"So now, we're the chosen two." Faith casually said with a contented smile.
Buffy, despite the confusion, couldn’t help a light smile.
"You sure take it much better than I did."
"Apparences are deceptive sometimes. So, you takin a vacation?"
Buffy didn't fail to notice that the brunette didn't dwell on her first sentence.
"Err," Buffy looked somber again, "I-I, well…"
"You know what, your bus leaves in a while so why don’t we go grab something to eat cause, well, long trip ahead of you and long trip behind me; I'm kinda hungry. What do you say?"
"Err, well."
"Cool. Let's go."
Buffy followed her. She felt a little on automatic pilot. This girl was refreshing that was for sure and the way she was taking charge right now… So ok with Buffy because she was tired of being the one in charge.
Nothing was going right in her life. She didn't know where to go so, following that girl right now didn't seem as weird as it looked like.
They sat in the closest sandwich shop around.
Faith paid for the sandwich, telling Buffy it was her idea after all, plus she wouldn't be able to go much further from Los Angeles if she spent more money.
They started eating. Buffy realized she hadn't eaten in a good while.
Her situation still cut her appetite somehow but she could feel her stomach growling so she ate willingly.
"So? Why are you leaving?"
"Err, well, vacation as you said."
"Yeah well, I kinda say that to be polite, you know. Didn't want to upset you on our first meeting but… 16 year old girl spreading her money on the desk, not caring where she's going as long as she's going… Pretty much got the runaway child feel. Plus, you've got the look, you know. Despair and weight of the world on your shoulders well, guess being the one and only you kinda have that for real somehow, but anyway, yes the look, and I should know cause I ran away too once. I was 14 though. Not that it did any good but anyway, it's your choice."
Buffy swallowed and looked away.
"So anyway, what's fun to do around here?"
"Well, err, you've got the beach not far. And the Bronze's a pretty cool night club."
"That's it?"
"Well, it's not that big here. You've got the mall too. But err, why did you come here for? You're not on vacation, are you?"
"Nope, well, kinda in fact and since I'm going to be stuck in crappydale without my mentor, I might as well know in advance where the fun lies."
"Your what?"
"I came here to see you in case you didn't get that already. But since you're going to be away… Well, I'll probably check out the town for a couple of days and then go back unless you change your mind, of course." Faith discreetly glanced at Buffy to see her reaction to that.
The blonde slayer lowered her gaze a little then looked back at her, "How old are you?"
"I'm sixteen; only just. This trip is sort of my birthday present. Damn my watcher was glad to see me go."
"So, he's not here with you?"
"She. And no, we would've killed each other on the way there."
"You don't get well with her then?"
"Well, it's still better than my first watcher. He quitted after 2 months. I was kinda mean to him but he was English?! And such a sissy."
Buffy couldn't help but smile, "Mine is English too, but he's cool. Sure, it took us a little time to adjust to each other but I think we're a good team now."
Faith didn't fail to notice the smile on Buffy's lips. Problem with watcher: none.
So the runaway desire must come from something else.
She'd always been curious.
"So anyway, she's American and she's older than he was anyway and she knows how to be mean too. We're always yelling to try and get our points and we never do. The only thing we agreed on is that I needed to come here and see how the other one was doing it. See how you were dealing with your life."
Buffy laughed nervously and Faith could see tears in the back of her eyes at that.
"Hey it's ok. It's kinda good in fact to know others don’t do so much better contrarily to what people often told me." Faith somehow moved closer and softly touched Buffy's hand, "Believe me, Buffy. You're not the only one. Life screws you sometimes, but then it gets better and it screws you again; that's how it goes."
Buffy nodded, trying to pull herself together but she smiled when she saw Faith's smile to her.
Buffy decided to be curious too, this girl was nice and intriguing somehow,
"So, err, why did you run away?"
Faith sat back in her chair with a smile Buffy couldn't read.
She looked at the glass roof of the bus station, "You know what, B. It will be dark here pretty soon. I need to go get myself a room at some motel I have the addy of. I take it you need a break so why don't you just come and stay with me for the night? We go by the agency's desk, take the buses' schedules and that way you can even check for a better destination to head to tomorrow. Plus come on, not nice on you to leave a poor defenceless girl walk all alone at sunset on the mouth of Hell. "
Buffy looked at her with a smile, "I guess... ok then.” She told her with a deep honesty in the voice.
Faith got up with the same smile, "And you know what would be smart to do on our way? Well your parents are going to be looking for you everywhere so why don’t you call a friend so that they can report to your parents. Just so that tonight you know you can take your break without getting them on red alert. Gives you more time to... run away... "
Buffy smiled at her, deeply, “Thanks.” She told her with deep honesty.
Faith smiled back and they left.
PART 6
"Really, you said that??" Buffy looked really astonished, but still smiling, almost laughing like she'd been for a while at Faith's tales.
The teenage girls were propped on their elbows, facing each other, on the bed of the small motel room they'd gotten.
"Yeah, just like that. I said, the Hell with that; if I'm a slayer now then I don't need to go to school. What's the point in doing my head in with math if I'm supposed to save the world? I said I’ll just do the stuff a slayer does from now on, you know; training, learning weapons and kicking butts, mostly that in fact." Faith said with a wicked gleam and Buffy laughed.
"And you dropped, just like that?"
"Yep, haven't been in school for the past three weeks. I think that was the last straw for my watcher."
"One would assume they'd be glad to have someone devoted only to the slaying."
"No cause that meant more hours with me, and even for her, that's hard."
"I've spent a couple of hours with you and you're not that bad, you know."
Faith smiled, "That's because you're cool, and also a slayer. And I like you."
They smiled at each other but Faith looked a little more serious, "But I don't want to pretend you know, don't want to you get the wrong idea cause honestly, sacred duty, calling and stuff, none of this really means something to me. It's cool cause I can really kick asses, and sure, I don't like vamps and I stake them gladly, well, not that I did a lot of that so far but I've liked it a lot. So what I mean is, I don't feel really concerned about that. That's why my watcher wanted me to come in SunnyD. That's what she thought I would learn here. But me, I just wanted to see you. I mean, know how it felt for you being the slayer; know if it was just like me cause… it's intense sometimes."
Buffy lowered her eyes with a slight embarrass, "I guess it is yes."
"I thought it was cool that we were two, you know. And I just wanted to meet you then."
"I'm rather glad you did."
"Me too. I was kind of anxious at first I must say, but you really are cool so that was fine."
"I don't know about that. I think I've lost my 'cool' a while ago."
"And... when would that be?"
Buffy lowered her gaze, not sure she was ready to talk about that right now, she looked at Faith, "But what about your parents, I mean, seems like you've spent the last six months with your watchers. What about them? And dropping school, did they not disagree?"
Buffy saw Faith tried to keep the light expression on her face but the older slayer saw the sad veil that spread, briefly, in her eyes.
"I never knew my dad, and my mother died a year ago."
"Oh, I'm really sorry about that. I didn't know."
"I know." Faith told her with a smile.
"But… what happened?"
"She had an accident. Drove too fast and missed a bend."
"I'm really sorry. If there's anything..."
"No it's cool. It's kinda history now, I mean, well, sometimes I feel sad but my mother and I never really had a great connection so, yes I miss her, but not in the sense that I need her, you know. I kind of grew up on my own somehow so I don't miss a mother; I miss her."
Buffy nodded then put her hand on her stomach.
"Are you alright?"
"Yes, it's ok."
"Are you sure? You look a little pale suddenly."
"I know, but it's normal, don’t worry."
"And what exactly is normal?"
Buffy hesitated but looked at the teenage brunette in front of her, "I'm pregnant."
"Oh, I see. I get the look now."
Buffy raised her eyebrows knowingly.
"Things at home must be hard."
"You don't say."
"And what about the father? What does he say?"
Buffy swallowed, "Well, he's in jail right now with a bunch of other students for the murder of several girls, and attempt at murdering three others, me including. Well, murdering or rather sacrificing us to a giant snake for their prosperity."
Faith looked stunned but frowned at the look on Buffy's face.
"And don't ask me his name because…. I don't know who it was."
Buffy felt her tears coming down.
Faith looked really upset now. She hesitated but slowly put her arm around Buffy and held her slightly, not daring too much by fear of Buffy's reaction.
Buffy wiped her tears as they pulled away.
"Thanks."
"What happened? I mean you killed the snake I guess but… tell me."
"Yes, that's pretty much it, or was. Slayed the beastie and came home. I’d gone to that party because, well, because I was tired of having no time for me with the slaying. So I accepted when a friend asked me to go with her. One little drink and I was passed out on a bed. And… here we are one month later and I get all these weird symptoms and it's like my life just crashed entirely."
"Son of bitches."
Buffy didn't comment.
"Damn if I could just crush their balls right now."
Buffy frowned a little but then smiled.
Faith didn't know where it came from but she wiped a tear from Buffy's cheek and was glad that the blonde girl didn't say anything.
"I'm sorry, Buffy. I wish it was better for you. I wish I could do something, anything. If I could…"
Buffy smiled, "I think you did already."
Faith frowned.
"Do you know that you're the only one who didn't ask how and how come and then more how's and didn't doubt my word."
"How would they do that? And WHO dared do that?"
"Oh no one important, just my mother and my boyfriend."
Buffy was too caught up in her sad sarcasm to notice the way Faith lightly flinched at the word boyfriend. But she didn't show it.
"How come? How come do they doubt? Are they crazy? God I can't believe they're not here comforting you."
"Well, they don't seem to believe me. They almost made me feel like..., God at some point I even wondered if maybe... maybe I'd done something, without realising it so much what they said made me feel like I was just a liar and somewhat of a slut. They almost convinced me, you know. I really started questioning myself."
"You a slut? I'm so much sluttier than you are, give up the title already."
Buffy couldn't help but smile at Faith's comment and Faith smiled too before moving on, "Screw what they think, they're not right, Buffy. They're even very wrong to let you down in a moment like that."
"I don't know. Angel apologized but what he said… And my mom really doesn't believe me."
"Well, she's wrong."
"She's my mom."
"And that's why she's even more wrong. She should so be by your side right now. God that makes me argh! How can parents do that to their children?! Damn we need them and-" Faith stopped, "Sorry."
"No, it's ok. A little self identifying there, weren’t you?"
"Yeah, I guess. But anyway, I do believe you."
"Maybe if you knew me you wouldn't."
"I know you." Faith replied staring straight at her and Buffy couldn't say anything at that moment so much Faith's stare was intense and serious.
Buffy lied on her back then, "So here I am. Pregnant and all alone. Well, except for my friend Willow I told you about, the one I called earlier."
"Yeah it's cool that she's on your side."
"Yes."
Buffy sighed, "It was the first time I ever lied to my watcher. The first time I had a drink. I swear."
"Hey I believe you, remember?"
Buffy propped herself on her elbow, "My mother thinks Angel is the father and that the frat party is a cover up story. I didn't tell her back then for obvious reasons. She doesn't know I'm the slayer, well a slayer."
"I understand but it doesn't matter that she doesn't have all the facts. She should still be the first one by your side."
"I guess. But I've put her through so much since I’ve become a slayer. So many lies I've HAD to say that maybe… Maybe I can understand."
"Well, I can't."
They stayed silent for a little while then Faith hesitantly tried, "What about your boyfriend, Angel is that it?"
"Yes. Angel is… It felt so strong with him. We were getting really close and, but I swear we never did it, we never did anything but kissing. I, well, I’ve never slept with anyone, I mean, not consciously at least."
"You never slept with anyone, period, Buffy."
"Yes. You know I'm still feeling really shaky about that. I'm trying not to think about it in fact. Because then… I get rather scared thinking of…" Buffy had to take a deeper breath.
"It's ok. I understand."
"I'm sorry, you must think I'm stupid, being the slayer and all."
"No I don't… Because you're still a girl and… I really do understand and I know exactly what you're feeling."
Buffy stared at her, Faith swallowed a little, "Something like that happened to me when I was eight. Except that I wasn't unconscious but no less helpless to stop it."
"God Faith you were so young. I'm so sorry. It's worse for you."
"No it's not. In the end it's not. Not knowing, having this part of you stolen, this piece of memory gone and only guessing what was done to you. It's different but the same, do you know what I mean?"
Buff nodded, "I think I do but still,"
Buffy paused as she hesitated, "How.. I mean, no sorry, I shouldn't have asked."
"It's ok. I mean, well, I don't usually talk about it but… It went pretty fast you know." Faith paused, she looked uncomfortable. She took a deep breath and finally went on,
"We lived pretty far from school at the time. It was the only time we've lived in a decent house. My mother was dating George back then. He was really great. I wish she would have kept this one; they almost got married in fact but anyway, beside the point. So, the only bad thing was that the house was rather isolated. Mom forgot to pick me up from school once again; that was her habit. And well, I was walking on the side road when this car pulled over beside me and this guy grabs me. He had a panty hose on his face so I never got to see him. The driver started the car very fast. The one that grabbed me was already done with me by the time they got to the woods and stopped the car.The driver came on the back seat then and that went fast too. I couldn't move, I couldn’t scream. They broke me three ribs when they kicked me out of the car after they were done. I know the whole thing didn't last more than 17 minutes because of my watch, but to me it felt as if seconds lasted hours when I was in that car."
Faith realized she was crying as a tear fell from her cheek.
Buffy gently brought a handkerchief closer for Faith to take, but finally chose to wipe Faith’s tears away herself with it.
"I understand."
"George took me to the hospital when he saw me coming back with my clothes torn apart. He was really kind to me. He had to take the tractor because mom had the car and was wherever the Hell she was that day."
"That must have been so hard for you."
Faith shrugged, it was still hard for her to talk about her feelings.
"I guess they never found who did it?
"I barely saw the car's color but mostly, well, I was pretty silent after that. I… I didn't really want to talk about it, you know. In fact, in fact I've never told anyone anything about it. George, my mom, they don't even know there were two men. You're the only one I've told it actually.”
"Wow, I mean, I'm glad, that you told me not that it happened."
Faith smiled, "I don't know it just… felt easy talking to you. I still wouldn’t dwell too much on it if you don’t mind."
"Of course. So let's talk about something else. How long did your mother stay with George?"
"A little more than one year and that's the best she could do believe me. She'd just found herself a nice guy with some money while Gabriel was a baby."
"Gabriel?"
"That's my baby brother. He's 10 now."
Buffy could feel pride in Faith's voice.
"Where is he now? With your watcher?"
"No, he's got himself a brand new family and it's much better that way."
"How? Why?"
"We went to the orphanage when my mother died. The little ones found new parents almost immediately.
"The little ones?"
"Yeah, I had other siblings; Michael who's 7 now and Hope who just turned 5 last month. They're really with good people I believe. I wish Gabriel would have been taken too but that would have been a miracle that they got taken the three of them together. It was a little hard for Gabe at the beginning but I was still with him at the center at the time so… And just before I was called he was adopted and they seemed really nice too so I'm glad. Now he's got a real chance in life. They didn't have an easy life till now, you know."
"Neither did you."
"Yeah but I'm over it." Faith said with a smile before going on, "And besides, I did a pretty wicked job raising myself. Sure I'm a brat, I'm really stubborn and like I said earlier, I can be pretty slutty, but those are only details, ain’t they?"
Buffy couldn't help but smile. Faith gave her a wicked grin.
Buffy raised her eyebrows, "How slutty?"
PART 7
Buffy was surprised to hear the mischief back in her own tone. Something in Faith’s teasing frown enabling it maybe... Buffy realized she hadn't thought about her problems for a little time while listening and talking to Faith.
"Well, you know… stuff." Faith smiled, almost blushing a little.
Buffy hesitated but finally asked, "Did you ever... sleep with a boy?"
"Yes."
"More than once?"
"3 times, I mean, 3 guys and a couple of times each. Well only once with one of them in fact."
Buffy nodded.
"You're not freaked?" Faith sounded a tiny bit apprehensive.
"No. I mean, I guess we've had very different lives; you were kind of left with your own devices so… But if you're ok, I mean you look ok with it, you're ok, right?"
Faith smiled, "Yes I am. But I've stopped doing that though."
Buffy wasn't sure, "Doing? Being with guys?"
"Well, that too."
Buffy frowned but Faith very fast went on, "Err, what I meant is I've stopped sleeping with guys I barely knew just for the fun of it, you know."
"That's what you were doing?"
"Now you freaked, right?"
"No, I'm telling you." Buffy said with a smile.
"It's not really what I was doing in fact but… I just… used to say yes pretty easily. Dunno if it's because of what happened before but… anyway."
"What made you want to stop?"
"Well, someday I just... I told myself that there must exists something better, stronger. I don't know, maybe all those love story movies finally got to me cause I realized that I wanted more. I wanted that L thing I guess."
"I see. That thing. Well I'd say that L thing is a good thing but it can be the worse thing too."
"Yeah, I never really sought love or anything. It never really mattered."
"But it does now, right?"
"I guess, maybe, I don't know. I'm pretty shaky about that actually. I knew I wanted more but somehow I didn't really believe in more so I kept doing stuff, different stuff. I was 14 at moment and got really confused with all that."
"Is that why you run away?"
"Kinda yes, that and my mom. The atmosphere at home had become quite nasty."
"Yeah, I know what you mean. Or no I guess I probably don't cause… I have arguments with my mother but, I can't say that she acted like yours. She always was there for me, well, till now."
"Most of the time we just ignored each other, but we had this big argument one day and then she was constantly on my back about it."
"It?"
Faith looked hesitant, "Err, well, she caught me and a friend kissing on my bed once."
"Oh I guess that boy was thrown out of the house faster than the trash, wasn’t he?"
Faith lowered her eyes, she looked almost ashamed and really hesitant but she finally admitted, "He was a she, and yes, she was."
"Oh you mean. Oh."
"Still not freaked?" Faith asked doubtful.
"No I… It's not. I didn't know…"
"Well, I didn't tell you."
Buffy didn't really know what to say but she smiled, "How long have you known, I mean, were the three guys in fact girls?"
"No, no they were boys. You can add two girls to the sleeping with meter. Or well, having sex with. Still not too freaked?"
Buffy shook her head negatively, she looked even interested, "So now you do both? Or?"
"No, only girls. That's when I started thinking there was something better in fact."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I met this girl in class, Annabel, and it was like a trigger. She was already into girls but I didn't know that yet. I was attracted to her and, well, she's the one my mom caught me with. And the first time we slept together, well, that's actually how it felt, like sleeping together instead of having sex. So I really started wondering. It opened my mind I guess."
"So you were in love with her, then?"
"I think I felt for her. I mean, I felt something in my heart and it's then I knew that I wanted more. I wanted to feel that but it’s because I knew I wasn't in love but I’d understood I could very well be... one day... and that I could love it."
"I think understand."
"So err," Faith looked somewhat embarrassed and even a bit fearful, "You're still ok to stay here? I mean, with there being just one bed?"
Buff smiled, "Of course, I think I should be safe." Buffy lightly said.
"Well I don't know, B. Ever since I became a slayer I've had these huge urges. Don’t you feel it too?"
Buffy blushed, "No. ok, yes but please don't tell nobody."
They both smiled at each other until Faith straightened up, "And you know I was joking there anyway, I promise I won't jump your bone in the middle of the night."
Buffy laughed ever so lightly then she looked at her watch, "Oh my God check out the time. It's past 3 am?? I can't believe we talked that long."
"Really?" Faith said as she took Buffy's wrist to look at her watch.
They stared at each other at the contact then Faith sat on the bed, letting go of Buffy's wrist.
"Maybe we should get a little sleep then; what with you leaving tomorrow."
Buffy stared at her, "You know I'm not going to leave, don't you?"
"Well, I'm kinda hoping." Faith told her with a bright smile.
Buffy smiled then looked somber.
"You know Buffy. For being there already, you're only going to take your trouble with you. It won't make you any happier if not make you sadder, and the problem bigger. Seriously I'm really not lecturing you or anything, I'm too screwed up myself to do stuff like that but… I kinda know that and I don't want you to hurt… more, you know."
Buffy smiled, "I know, and I also know you're right; I was just… it felt like nothing mattered anymore, like I could just die right now. I think I was at the edge, about to crack."
"I so know what you mean."
"But I'm feeling better now. I mean, my life is still a mess but I hadn't smiled, even less laughed in a while, you know. I guess you were right; I needed a break."
"I'm glad you're feeling that way, as for the rest, it will get better eventually, I mean… did you think of what you're going to do now?"
"My mom already took care of that. We probably already have an appointment at the clinic by now."
"Yeah, I think it's probably what's best to do."
"I guess."
"Hey, we really should get a little sleep now."
"Yes."
"Alright, you keep that side?"
"I don't mind, unless you want it?"
"No I'm cool here."
"Cool."
They both did a quick stop at the bathroom and crept under the sheets.
Shy smiles and brief glances ensued as they settled comfortably. They were still looking at each other. The curtains weren't very thick so the street lamp gave some brightness and they could distinguish each other's faces.
They smiled as they kept staring at each other.
"Night Faith."
"Night, B."
They closed their eyes and fell asleep.
Buffy was woken up by her stomach bothering her. She felt sick. She checked beside her, Faith wasn't there.
Buffy looked at the alarm clock, it was past 10 am.
Buffy put her hand on her mouth, she was feeling really sick. She got up and headed to the bathroom.
She waited till the next wave of sickness took over her confidence that she was not going to throw up and she brought up in the toilet.
When she walked back in the room she saw Faith standing there with a bag from Dunkin Donuts.
Faith frowned, "Ok, guess you won't be eating any of this." She said as she put the bag on the desk.
Buffy smiled, she looked a little pale, "You took that for me?"
"Well, I don't usually eat breakfast but I thought it would be a change to have breakfast with you. Don't think I can eat all of this on my own though."
"You're really nice to me. I'm feeling better already. Give me just one minute to freshen up and I'll be ok."
Faith smiled and took her jacket off.
Buffy walked back in the bathroom where she got cleaned and dressed very fast.
Faith made the bed in the meantime and they settled above the covers to eat their breakfast.
"So… you're staying, right?"
Buffy smiled at the expectation in Faith's tone.
"Yes, I'm staying. You were right; I didn't do anything wrong till now. So I'm not going to start. I'll stay but I…. Well, I'm really, well, I still don't want to see them, I mean my mother mostly so I was thinking, err, maybe if you, well, I have some money on my account so we could share, I mean, if you wouldn't mind, maybe I could-"
"That'd be great."
Faith immediately said, as to stop Buffy's torment, mostly since she was delighted by the blonde girl's request.
"Really? You wouldn't mind me staying here? I mean, it would only be for a couple of days, you know."
"Hey, I came here to see you so… won't complain, you know."
Buffy smiled hugely.
Faith looked at the clock, "You should probably call your mother to tell her then."
Buffy looked reluctant.
"Or call your friend Willow to have her tell the news but-"
"That's better if I call her myself, right?"
"I think so."
They finished their breakfast quietly and got out.
Buffy was anxious as she dialled her house phone.
"Yes mom it's me. No I'm fine. I'm… somewhere close. Of course I'm in town. I couldn't stay at Willow's, she didn't tell you anything? So you know why. No I couldn't come back home, mom. No I can't. I don't want to talk about it right now; mom, don't yell. No I'm not coming back now. No mom stop- I'm fine I'm with a friend, no it's not Angel. Mom stop-"
Faith took the phone from Buffy's hand, "Hi Miss Summers. I'm Faith, Faith Lehane. I'm a friend of Buffy's. No not from school but I'm still a friend. Buffy's staying with me right now. I know, I understand that but she's fine, we have a roof, money, food so she'll be fine. I think she needs a break and maybe you could use one too. Just for a couple of days and you two can sit and talk maybe, but I think it's better you stay away for the moment. She doesn't want to, miss Summers. Yes, just a couple of days, and she'll call everyday if you want. Ok, I listen; right, I'll tell her. 9 am this Thursday. She'll be there. No, today I don't think, Willow will make her catch up. I know but, ok, she'll go tomorrow, yes. Yes ok, thanks."
Faith hung up, "It's cool. You can stay here for a couple of days."
Buffy let out the breath she'd been holding back, "She thought I was with Angel, you know that?"
"Yes, anyway, it's cool now."
"What's on Thursday?" Buffy fearfully asked.
She lowered her gaze as she understood by the look on Faith's face.
The brunette took her hand, "It'll be fine. It'll go fast, you know. And then you'll be able to turn this page definitely, ok?"
Buffy nodded but squeezed Faith's hand tighter somehow then they let go.
"So, what do we do now?"
"Well, didn't you say something about the mall?"
Buffy nodded.
"Maybe we can go see a movie or something."
"Yes, but this time I’ll pay for that AND the popcorn cause you've paid the breakfast, yesterday's dinner and the motel room so far. Plus… you've been really helpful so… I mean, I don't want to look like I'm taking advantage of the situation, you know."
"Hey it's cool. I have money from my watcher. Not too much but enough for at least two weeks and I'm one phone call away from her, you know. She wouldn't let me starve as bratty as I am with her so…"
Buffy nodded, "Ok. Just wanted you to know anyway. I have my debit card on me. I've got some money so we can share."
"Ok. We should have a good time then."
"That'd be great."
"Err, Buffy?"
"I'll have to go back to school tomorrow, right?"
Faith smiled.
"I'd gotten that from the talk."
Buffy said then very fast added, "So let's have a great day today then."
"Cool."
PART 8
The slayers went to see a movie, did a little bit of window shopping, they ate in the mall's Mc Donald.
In the afternoon they walked to the beach, took them an hour to go there and they started talking about school, and life before Sunnydale for Buffy. Life before the calling and after.
And here they were, sun was slowly fading and they were still talking.
"And so we moved to Sunnydale, just mom and I."
"I see. Too bad you couldn't tell anything to your parents. I'm sorry your dad bailed like that. But from what you said, looks like he would have eventually."
"I guess, maybe, I try not to think about it. I, well, I still hope they can go back together, you know."
"I get that."
"And now you think I'm a fool, right?"
"No. I don't think much about this in fact. I guess I'd feel the same probably."
Buffy lied on her back on the sand.
"I can't believe how warm it is here and it's November. It's cold at home right now."
"Well, it can get cold here too, but I guess not the same. I’d like to go on the East coast one of these days."
“Well, maybe you can come visit me when I go back.”
Both girls looked rather displeased about that, not about the visiting part but the going back part obviously.
“I wish you could stay here.”
“That’s because you’ve only known me for 2 days, B.”
Buffy smiled then looked in front of her, “It’s too bad you have to go back.”
“Well, nothing is settled yet. And with your two nasty vamps around here, might stay for a while to help you with that Spike guy you told me about.”
“I’d like that. I really like being with you.”
Buffy looked away shyly then, “I mean, you’ve made me feel... good, better. I mean we talked and all and it’s like I know you so well, like I’ve known you for longer than this, I mean, Gosh I sound mushy, don’t I?”
“I like mushy you.”
They smiled shyly at each other.
“But I kinda feel the same... Those things I told you so easily about myself I still can’t believe it, you know. I guess it’s because we’re slayers. Must be some sort of slayer bond.”
“Maybe. In any case I’m glad I’ve met you.”
“Me too.”
They looked away for a short while then Faith sat on the sand, “We should probably get going now. I mean, don’t want to rush you but I’d like to get back to the motel while it’s still light outside. We could grab something to eat and then... well, I’ll probably leave you to go patrol for a little while. I mean, nobody patrolled for the last couple of nights if I’m right, and with what you’ve told me about the place; I might have some work to do.”
”Yes, sure but err, well, don’t you want me to come with you? I don’t mean to diminish your slayer skills but it might be a good thing to be two in this town.”
“Sure I’d love that. I mean, I just... I didn’t think you’d be up to it.”
“Oh I’m very up. That’s the good thing about being a slayer; kicking ass makes you feel real better.”
“Oh you noticed to?”
They both smiled and got up.
As they arrived close to the motel room, Buffy recognized the silhouette sitting on the steps close to their room.
“Willow? Willow is everything ok?” Buffy rushed to her.
“Yes, yes Buffy. Just wanted to see how you were doing?”
“Oh thanks, Will. I’m, I’m ok actually, err, Will, this is Faith, Faith this is Willow, my best friend.”
“Hey Willow, heard a lot about you.”
A huge smile spread on Willow’s lips, “Oh cool, I mean I heard about you too, well, just a little because it was on the phone and well, time of crisis; never too much detail but I heard about you and I know you’re a slayer too, though I don’t know how but if we’d have had the time, Buffy would have explained to me I’m sure about that.”
Faith smiled and glanced at Buffy with a -you-really-didn't-exaggerate-anything-about-her- look.
Buffy smiled, “You came all this way alone? I was going to call you tonight, you know.”
“I know, but, well, I didn’t really know how you girls were doing or if you had money, if you’d eaten or anything so... I thought I could bring you a little something.”
The slayers noticed the huge bag coming from the Chinese restaurant downtown.
“Wow, that’s... nice.”
Faith just said, she looked a little surprise.
She’d had friends but none would have done something like that; that was a different type of friends as she realized but then, she’d never known anyone like Buffy, maybe that’s what the older slayer inspired in people.
Faith daydreamed for a short while and realized the two friends had moved to the bag close to the door.
“You shouldn’t have done that, Willow. You’re really awesome, you know.”
“Well, I still feel kinda bad about what happened with my parents. I mean, I didn’t do that to compensate or anything, I was truly concerned about what you had or not, but I guess...”
“I know, Will, but really it’s nothing you have to feel bad about. I so know it wasn’t your decision and you know what, it’s better that way. I have no pressure here and you don’t get in trouble. Faith has been really awesome you know so you don’t have to worry.”
Willow smiled, “Ok, cause really, you can count on me, you know.”
“I know, Will. Always.”
“Well, then I’m gonna leave you now. I’d rather go back home before it’s completely dark.”
“No way.” Faith said as she stepped in the talk again, “Way too much food in there; you gotta help us with that.”
Willow smiled shyly, “But I don’t want to bother you.”
“Come on; you bring us food, how bothering is that?”
Willow smiled.
“Now come on, get in.” Faith said as she opened the door, ”We’ll walk you home safely later.”
Buffy and Willow smiled hugely and the three girls got inside.
~
“Really??”
“I’m telling you.”
Willow couldn’t stop laughing and Buffy smiled hugely. Seemed to her she’d been doing this a lot since she’d met the brunette slayer, and now her best friend got the virus too. Faith really was an atypical character.
Buffy looked deep in thoughts about these past two days and her brunette counterpart.
“Hey B you’re with us?”
“Oh yeah, sorry what were you saying?”
“Talking about braces.” Faith then turned to look at Willow, “I’m telling you, Willow, he had a brace bigger than his mouth, he was so very nice but I just couldn’t kiss that mouth of his... God knows I liked hanging there though; his mom made the best waffles ever and she always let us watch cartoons all afternoon.”
Buffy raised her eyebrows, ”Cartoons?”
“I was ten. What? I like cartoons.”
The girls couldn’t help but smile.
“So what about you, Red, you don’t mind me calling you Red, right? I like giving nicknames of my own.”
“I guess... it’s ok coming from you cause you’re cool. So it’s cool.”
The girls kept on smiling.
“So, what about me what?”
“Boys. Is Xander your boyfriend, you keep talking about him?”
Willow and Buffy raised their eyebrows.
“I wish, but I’m like inexistent for him... on that level...”
“I see. Well screw him. I mean, you know what I mean, get over him or just wait but don’t wait. I mean, go see other boys and maybe he’ll get to that point with you but... well, we’re teen... so it might take a while.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that I had a lot of decent boys coming on me but I always went for the real hotties, you know, and honestly it kinda sucked every time but like I said: teen, so, not really brainy. So for a boy, it’s even worse. He’s gonna crush on every girly girl with short skirt, slutty make up and tight tank and surely no brains.”
Faith noticed the knowing smile Willow gave Buffy and the look of fake offence on Buffy’s face.
“Oh boy, he’s crushing on you, B. He’s got good taste after all. I mean, well, what I mean is that you obviously don’t fit the above category. You’ve got brain, even just a little is better than none.”
Buffy tapped Faith gently on the shoulder but the gaze they exchanged let them both know that despite Faith’s covering it, Buffy hadn’t skipped her instinctive comment about Xander’s taste.
“Anyway, I did meet this cool guy.”
The slayers looked at Willow with interest.
“I mean we only talked for a couple of minutes but he was very nice. It was during the career fair today, oh about that, Buffy. Snyder gave you detention for missing it.”
Buffy rolled her eyes.
“Tell me about that boy you naughty girl.”
Willow somewhat giggled, “No, nothing, I mean, we just talked, he’s a senior. He plays the guitar in a band.”
“Wow, a musician? Ooo I’m sensing hotness there or maybe it’s just me. I have a thing for musicians.”
The two best friends smiled at Faith’s words.
“When are you seeing him again, Will?”
“Oh, well, we’re not seeing each other. We just saw each other. I mean, we just talked. But I think he... I don’t know. He talked to me like very few, alright, no other boys ever talked to me, you know. And he blushed a few times.”
“Definitely a sign. You’ll have to show him to me tomorrow Will.”
“Well, if we see him. So you’re really coming back to school then that’s great.”
“Yep, Will, not really my choice I must say. I kinda liked those short unplanned vacations with Faith. The reason for it, surely not, but it was nice taking a break. But then it’s gonna be good to see you guys again but... what are you going to do tomorrow then, Faith?”
“Oh I guess I’ll just walk around town.”
Willow’s eyes widened, “Hey! Why doesn’t she come at school with us? Well not at school but... she’s a slayer after all, she could hang out with Giles while we’re in classes and be with us the rest of the time?”
The slayers looked at each other to seek the other’s reaction and they both smiled.
“Would you like to?” Buffy asked hopefully.
“Well, seems like your watcher’s way cooler than mine... I wouldn’t be against it I guess, but I don’t want to crowd you.”
“You’re kidding me, right? I haven’t laughed like I did with you in a long while. It’d be great to have you there with us and I’m sure Giles would like to meet you. God it’ll make school looks so much funnier with your tales.”
“Yeah, funny girl; that’s me.”
They all smiled.
“You’re sure?” Faith asked turning to Willow to be sure about her reaction.
“Of course, I was the one asking, remember? I think it’d be great. And I still have the entire night to get ready to see Xander drool on yet another girl but me.”
The slayers smiled, “Don’t worry, Red. I’ll stay away from him.”
“No it’s ok. I guess you’re right I probably should move on, anyway. Not that I never meant to... But... like I said, not a lot of suitors so... But if you’re interested in him-”
“No, it’s ok.”
“Well, you haven’t met him yet and when you do if you get interested then know that it’ll be fine with me.”
“That’s great, Red but really... won’t be interested.”
Buffy and Faith gave each other a deep knowing gaze then looked away.
“Ok. Well, I guess I should get back home now. It’s dark outside.”
“Right, your parents might worry.”
Willow raised her eyebrows, ”My parents? Huh, I could come back in two days they wouldn’t notice. But it’s more that, it’s a school night and all.”
“You really were right about her.” Faith told Buffy with a smile.
Willow gave her best friend a scolding frown, “What does that mean?”
Buffy laughed a bit, “Nothing, Will. Just said that school was kind of your favourite thing.”
“That is so not true... But I just... don’t like to be tired... I can’t wake up otherwise. And I learn better when I’m more rested. Oh don’t look at me like that, half the lesson is learnt if you listen attentively in class the first time. I’ve been trying to tell you this for two years now. I swear it’s true.”
The slayers looked at each other with a smile.
Willow sighed, “Ok. I’m a geek.”
The slayers couldn’t help but laugh and Willow joined them in their laughter.
They left then and walked Willow home safely.
PART 9
The girls walked by the park but didn't get much to do except for a simple demon. They went to Restfield cemetery and got a little more action then. A couple of vamps.
Faith had the time to admire Buffy's fighting technique when she was knocked to the ground a couple of times. And Buffy admired Faith's eagerness and relentlessness on the vampire who'd knocked her out. None of them was able to brag about it that was sure.
Buffy smiled a lot. Sure, Faith was very new to this but just like Buffy who’d never had a lifelong training, she had imagination and was resourceful.
They had a good time, talking a lot sometimes as Faith often asked her about her fighting skills and everything slaying related. Buffy realized a lot of things she was doing were automatic gestures, it had become a part of her. She realized also that she was having a good time tonight; she'd actually missed the slaying. It was the first time she would admit this.
Faith cleaned the dust from her jacket, "Wow, that was the third one in this cemetery."
Buffy smiled, "Honestly, I consider this a slow night here seeing that I've been off the streets for a couple of nights. I guess Angel did a sweep here last night."
"Angel? Your boyfriend?"
"Yes."
"You mean he's like a fighter or freelance or whatever you call it?"
"Oh."
"Oh what?"
"This is the part where I didn't tell you about Angel, did I?"
"It depends what part we're talking about cause you told me about Angel but you did not tell me about him?? And I think I'm lost there?"
"You sound so.” Buffy lightly smiled but she looked tense.
Faith was listening and rather eager to know whatever it was Buffy didn't tell her.
"Well, err, Angel is… He's a little different than us. I mean, he's a good person but he's not actually a… person."
Buffy waited for Faith's reaction but the brunette looked confused, "I think I missed something there. I didn't get the part where Angel is not a person, B."
Buffy looked almost ashamed of Angel’s status for the first time of her life. That fact even surprised her.
"Well, he's… he's a vampire."
"What?!? I mean WHAT?!?"
"But he's good. He's got a soul. He was cursed by gypsies and he's good. He's with us and… he's good did I mention that?"
"He's a vampire? Like, the one on my jacket right now?"
"Well, like I said, he's good. He's better than them. He's helping us. He helped us defeat the Master last year."
Faith sat on a bench, she looked stunned.
Buffy hesitantly moved closer, "Look, I know how it looks like but… he's good. He's with us. He's got a soul and that makes him one of the good guys."
"Because he's got a soul?"
"Well, yes."
"But he's still a vampire, Buffy, right?"
"Yes."
"So, basically you're telling me you're dating a dead guy?"
"Well, except when he’s… you wouldn't even tell otherwise." She tried to enlighten the atmosphere.
Faith looked in front of her, she still seemed to have a hard time to realize that.
"I know how it looks like but-"
"Did you know when you started dating him?"
"No, I kind of fell for him, somehow, a little before that. It was after our first kiss that I discovered it."
"And you kept seeing him?"
"Well, we hadn't really set on that but life, and mostly the evil in Sunnydale, kept having us to need each other and, well, we finally went with it, you know."
"But he's dead, Buffy? And he drinks blood?"
"Pig's blood only, though he doesn't do it in front of me. He can have other food too, you know. But basically, I don't really think about it."
"You never think that you're dating a pile of dust?"
"No, don't say that."
"Sorry."
They both looked in front of them.
"I guess it's not my business anyway."
"No, don't… I mean, I don't want you to be upset about that."
"I'm not upset, I'm a little surprised.”
"I know; vampire slayer/ vampire, kinda ironic. Or possibly poetic as I like to think about it."
"You know me, dropped school, don't care about irony or poesy. What strikes me is that… he's dead, everything in him is dead. His heart isn't beating, Buffy. Nothing is alive in him when you… you're so full of life… That's the contrast I'm having the hardest time with."
Buffy kept staring at the brunette slayer. Faith was looking in front of her, as if still trying to understand. Buffy couldn't shake Faith’s last sentence off of her mind and for the first time of her life she started thinking about these details.
For the first time of her life she seemed aware of the difference and awkwardness of her situation with Angel.
She stayed silent and Faith got up, "Do you think we can slay a few more before going home?"
Buffy looked surprised, "Err, hum, well, yes, there's another cemetery not far that we can go check if you want."
"Yes that'd be cool. Let’s go then."
"Err, yes but err, are you ok?"
"Yeah sure. It's your life, B. I don't have nothing to say and I've dated some weird guys too so..."
Buffy smiled, "Really cause… I really want us to be ok, you know. I mean, I don't know but… I guess what you think… kinda matters to me." Buffy looked away slightly as she told her this.
Faith smiled, "I really don't think less of you, B. I still think you're wicked awesome."
Buffy smiled, "Really?"
"Yeah. You just have the worst taste in men ever but this aside..."
Buffy lightly tap her on the shoulder and they laughed slightly.
"So, we're good?"
"Sure."
"Ok, then the cemetery's just on the left a few blocks away."
"Cool, let's go kick some dead bodies; oh, I hope yours' wearing a bell or something cause I might confused them otherwise."
They smiled at each other and headed to Crestwood's cemetery.
~
Buffy and Faith slayed two more vamps in Crestwood Cemetery. They quietly walked to the motel room afterwards.
They were hungry after this little slaying session. They ate what they had left of Chinese food. They laughed a bit at the amount of food Willow had bought. Faith asked her about her friends so Buffy started telling her about everything she, Willow and Xander had gone through. She talked about Cordelia and Giles too of course…
Faith didn't ask about Angel though.
They went to the bathroom in turn and were ready to go to sleep.
Buffy was lying on her side and staring at Faith who was on her back.
The brunette's eyes were open; she was looking at the ceiling.
"Faith?"
"Yes B."
"Are you really ok?"
Faith turned on her side to face her, "What do you mean?"
“I mean... about Angel.”
“Yes I told you. I mean, yeah sorry, guess I’m still a little confused about that.”
Buffy looked sad.
“I mean not confused but, yeah sorry, I just don’t really know what to say or ask about him. I’m... but no I mean I’m fine; I mean we’re good, I mean you and me we’re totally fine; didn’t want you to have this idea. Sorry I didn’t ask about him.”
“No, no it’s good.” Buffy told her with a smile, “I don’t especially like talking about him in fact. Things with Angel are... well, complicated. And I really like what you and I talk about or the way we just hang, you know. I mean, well, I just wanted to make sure we were really ok.”
“We are.” Faith told her with a smile.
They smiled for a short while at each other and finally turned the lights down.
Faith’s sleep started to get lighter as Buffy kept moving in bed. Faith creased her forehead. She thought she heard something; she opened one eye, then finally both of them as she understood what was going on.
She propped herself on her elbow to look at the smaller girl beside her tossing and turning in bed. Buffy was in the middle of an agitated dream.
She kept mumbling.
“Buffy?”
Buffy grimaced, clearly not in a good place.
Faith felt bad, she lightly put her hand on Buffy’s shoulder, “Buffy?”
Buffy didn’t wake up. Though Faith didn’t dare to touch her too much, she couldn’t stand seeing her in ‘pain’ so she shook her a little bit, “Buffy??”
“Huh no!” Buffy sat on the bed all of a sudden.
“It’s me. It’s just me, Buffy. It was a nightmare.”
Buffy’s breathing was very heavy. She swallowed as she looked in front of her. Faith sat just beside her. Buffy avoided looking at her.
“What did you dream about?”
Buffy kept looking on the side, “I-I don’t remember.”
There was a tone in Buffy’s voice and the shamed and scared look on her face that Faith knew way too well. She hesitantly reached for Buffy’s face to make her look at her.
Buffy swallowed, her eyes were glistening with tears.
Somewhat Faith didn’t need to tell her anything for Buffy to know she could trust her and talk to her.
With anyone else, Buffy knew her need to hide it would have taken the best of her. But somehow she couldn’t at Faith’s gaze on her.
“I-I think I remember.”
Buffy looked down. She then looked back at Faith very fast, “But I swear I didn’t lie. I was unconscious and I-“
“Hey,” Faith stopped her, “I believe you. I know.” She gently told her.
Buffy swallowed and nodded, glad to know that. She still looked confused though, “I think Angel was right, the slayer in me kept more from that night than I did. I-I can’t remember all now but in my dream... I didn’t see anything cause I really was out but... I can feel things; I remember his smelt. There was just one I believe. I think I know who. I can feel his heavy breathing in my neck and- and his weight on me... God I’m gonna be sick.”
Buffy got out of the bed very fast and went to the bathroom to throw up in the toilet.
She felt a strong arm around her stomach pulling her backwards a little bit, and another hand brushing her hair away from her face then wiping her mouth with a wet washcloth.
Buffy let her head rest on Faith’s shoulder. The brunette held her tight and Buffy turned around in her arms as she broke down crying.
Faith held her tight for a while.
Buffy pulled herself together after a moment. Faith left her alone for a short while. Buffy freshened herself and brushed her teeth then walked back into their small bedroom.
Faith was sitting on the bed, against the headboard, waiting for her. She gave her an encouraging smile.
Buffy smiled shyly. She felt embarrassed and still shaken a bit by this.
She crept under the sheets. Faith lied in the bed too. They were both on their sides, facing each other.
“Are you ok?”
Buffy nodded.
“I’m sorry about that.”
Faith brushed a lock of Buffy’s hair aside of her forehead, brushing against her skin. They both shivered. Faith swallowed, not knowing where that gesture came from.
They smiled at each other.
“Don’t worry about that. I have some nightmares of my own, you know.”
They gave each other a knowing gaze.
“I guess we should try to sleep a little.”
Buffy nodded. They switched the lights off on their sides.
“Faith?” Buffy asked after a short while.
“Yes B. Do you need anything?”
“Err, I... well, could I... move closer?”
“Closer? I mean sure, of course, err, yes.”
Not really knowing what she was doing, Faith raised her arm when Buffy did move closer, and she put it around the smaller girl’s shoulders to hold her even closer.
Faith swallowed at the wave of feelings overwhelming her at that moment. She’d never felt that much intensity by holding a girl close to her. But then she realized she’d never really held a girl just to hold a girl. Holding a girl had always been while having sex with her. It had never been holding a girl who truly needed her to. Holding her just to make her feel safe and good. Never knew she could do that.
Never knew this feeling would give her so much satisfaction. Never knew she could hold someone in such a simple manner and get this feeling of never letting go of that person ever again.
PART 10
When Buffy woke up, she was still snuggled up in her new friend's arms.
Faith was still asleep but hadn't moved from her position of the night.
Buffy closed her eyes again, she felt really good. She stayed a little while like that but then reluctantly decided to be a good girl and get up because she knew it was probably time to get up and get ready for school by now.
She moved a little and felt Faith starting to move as well. Buffy raised her head up, away from Faith's chest and therefore found her face inches away from Faith's. They could feel each other's breathing on their faces.
Buffy's heart rose in her chest and she didn't understand why. She shyly smiled.
They pulled away ever so lightly.
"How are you feeling?" Faith gently asked her.
"I'm- I'm aright I think. I, err, thank you for last night. And again, sorry about that."
"You don't have to be sorry and… I'm glad if I could help."
They smiled at each other then Buffy cleared her throat and looked at the clock, "Well, I have better get ready now. Do you still want to come?" Buffy said very hopefully.
"I'd like to yes, if it's still ok with you of course?"
"Sure. Willow would be sad if you didn't come."
They smiled knowingly at each other.
They both knew the redhead wouldn't be the only sad person at that fact.
~
They stopped in front of the high school, across the street.
"Yep, that's Sunnydale High; welcome to the Hell School."
Faith smiled, "Seems ok to me."
"Wait till you're in, or till you meet Snyder.”
"Snyder?"
"Yep, my fav principal. He would just like to kick me out. I can't figure out why but he really does NOT like me. Well then, we don't like him either so, could be that."
Faith raised her eyebrows, "So glad I dropped."
"So, you really don't plan on coming back?"
Faith seemed to hesitate briefly, "I don't think so."
They stayed silent for a short while, watching the teenagers going in the high school in a messy order.
"You ready B?"
"Guess I don't have a choice."
"It's gonna be cool. Gonna see your friends and your watcher. Plus I'm here; I'll beat the crap out of anyone who bothers you, how's that sound?"
Buffy smiled, amused, "You're my hero."
They smiled and crossed the street to walk in Sunnydale High.
"Buffy! Faith!"
The slayers turned around to see Willow almost running to them. Xander was behind her.
"Hey Red."
"Hi Willow."
"Hey girls, how are you doing? So glad you came, Faith."
"Told you I would."
"Hi I'm Xander."
"Hey Xander."
Buffy noticed the way Xander ogled Faith rather obviously. Faith was wearing black pants. Her bra was black as well and stood out through her tight white top. Buffy shook her head all of a sudden wondering how and why she'd noticed all these details.
"Is Giles here already?"
"Yes, I saw him in the schoolyard 5 minutes ago. Must be in the library now."
"We should go see him then. Will, did you tell him about Faith? ... And me?"
"Yes, but just because he was very worried for you." Willow told her best friend.
Buffy smiled, "You did the right thing. I should've called him myself. Anyway, you told him so it's fine."
They walked into the library. Giles got out of his office.
He seemed really pleased to see Buffy.
"How are you doing?" He sounded genuinely concerned.
Every time they were all walking into the library, the same thought always crossed Willow’s mind about Giles; that for someone British, he had few discretion on some level because he had eyes for Buffy only every time.
She was his slayer somehow and even though he liked them all, they knew his relationship with Buffy was deeper than theirs.
"I'm ok. Thanks. I'm good in fact."
Giles then looked at the taller girl standing slightly behind Buffy.
"You must be Faith."
"That's me."
Faith looked all around. And Buffy kept looking at Faith.
Giles and Willow noticed.
Xander was too busy ogling the new slayer's curves to pay attention.
"I hope you won't mind but I checked references; had your watcher on the phone yesterday."
"Oh boy. First you have to know; she has a tendency to exaggerate things. But I'm nice enough not to say anything about that; secondly, I swear the stage thing was an accident."
Buffy couldn't help but smile then she raised her eyebrows, "Stage thing?"
"Yeah, in September when we went to school for registrations. We were waiting in line on a few steps to get to the stage they’d set up the desks and err, well, she kinda fell in front of everyone. Tripped, but so not on my feet. Honest here." Faith said, raising her hands innocently. Buffy couldn’t help but smile.
Giles gave a short embarrassed smile on the side, "She didn't mention any of this, do not worry. She did say that you were a rather colourful character though, I'll give you that."
"Colorful? Yeah, can live with that."
The slayers exchanged a knowing smile.
"Giles I was thinking, maybe Faith could stay here for a while, I mean, we could track Spike together, might be easier. I mean if you're ok with that?" She said looking back at Faith who nodded hugely.
Giles was a little taken aback by Buffy's light tone. Last time he'd seen her, she looked more somber, and now knowing the reason why, he could easily understand that. Willow had later then told him about Joyce's reaction and Angel’s so the watcher had been really worried about Buffy's state of mind and thought he’d found her in a far sadder mood. She seemed to be dealing with this situation really well.
And looking at her and Faith's knowing gazes at each other, he understood the other slayer's presence had been a good thing so far.
He gave the two of them a brief smile, "Well, I did mention the entire situation to your watcher and she agreed that it might be a good thing to have you here indeed, with Buffy's special circumstances."
He did see the sad veil on Buffy's eyes but she very fast smiled again, "So she can stay for now?"
"Yes, she can. Your watcher will send you more money if the stay extends the initial length you'd planned."
"God I hope it will." Faith raised her eyebrows, "I mean."
Faith and Buffy stared at each other. Faith looked awkward, as if she hadn't meant to say this out loud.
And Giles very curiously saw the two of them smiling shyly at each other. It was a look he'd very rarely seen on Buffy.
Willow noticed too the silent talk between the two girls.
She felt a little jealous but Faith had been too nice with her to let this matter; they were slayers, which explained it period. And Faith wasn't going to stay anyway…
Willow liked her though; she was different. She was the kind of girl she'd been afraid of before, but now Willow realized Faith, or any tougher girls, weren't that nasty in fact, or maybe it was that she'd seen a lot of things over the last year making her tougher than she used to be.
The bell rang.
"Oh. It's time."
"You're gonna be ok, B?"
The others were rather surprised by A) Buffy's sad tone and B) Faith's concern.
"I think she should survive history and study hour." Xander stated sarcastically.
The slayers realized they hadn’t parted since they'd met on Sunday and they both felt it; they really didn't want to.
"Ok. Will you stay here?"
"Yes, Mister Giles can fill me in with the latest Spike news."
Giles nodded.
"Ok. Our last class is in room 302. You can meet us there at noon and we'll take you to the cafeteria with us, what do you say?"
"I'm hungry already."
Xander moved closer,
"Careful, this is Hellmouthy cafeteria. We're never sure if what's in the plate is actually dead or alive."
Faith smiled.
She and Buffy exchanged a last glance and Buffy left with her two friends.
The three of them went to their history class for two hours. Then to the study hour in room 302.
Willow was sitting in the back with Buffy. She'd told her she needed to talk to her.
"How are you feeling, I mean, stomach wise?"
"It's been ok so far for the day. It's really erratic. It feels weird actually."
Buffy glanced at her belly for a little while.
"And how are you feeling generally speaking?"
"I… I try not to think about it too much. I admit it's hard but it's been easier with Faith."
"I've noticed. But I don’t mean that in a bad way. She's really cool. And she's been nice to me."
"You sound surprise?"
"Well, I know it's bad to judge a book by its cover but, without knowing her, simply hearing her and seeing her, I'd have said she isn't the kind of person I'd make friends with. She'd looked like the kind of person to make fun of me and call me a nerd, you know. And ok; I am a nerd but you know what I mean."
Buffy smiled, "I do. She's had a tough life and somehow I guess people must see her tough exterior cause that's probably what she shows. But strangely, it wasn’t what she showed me. I mean, it's like we've been deeper with each other, like dropping the masks immediately. Or I guess, maybe it comes from the situation I was in cause defences really; I had none anymore. So maybe that's why she dropped the act too. We’ve felt comfortable being ourselves with each other immediately. It's like we had this innate bond, this innate connection."
"Yes I've seen that."
Willow looked briefly worried.
Buffy noticed, "But she's not my best friend, Will."
"No it's ok. I mean, I didn't mean it like that."
"Faith is... I've only just met her when I think about it… And…. I don't know, I feel really close to her but it's something entirely different, I can feel it. You're my best friend, my Willow. And she was nice to you because that's what you inspire from people. I had told her about you and I think she was eager to look good to you. It wasn't the other way around, you know. Honesty I'm glad you two got along fine the other night cause I had a great time. And… I'd really like to do that again."
Willow was wearing a huge smile listening to her best friend’s honest comments. She nodded hugely, "I'd really like that too."
They smiled at each other.
Willow then looked more serious.
"What's wrong, Will?"
"Oh nothing but err, I gotta tell you. Angel came to see me last night."
PART 11
Buffy wasn't really sure how to react to her best friend’s announcement. The thought of Angel brought her back to their last talk and it wasn't a good memory, but she couldn’t help missing him though.
"He was… He looked really down."
Buffy lowered her gaze.
"He was so sorry. He said he couldn't stand the way he'd talked you and the things he said. He didn't understand why he reacted like that. Well, that's what he said first but then he started on how somehow, the most manly part of him took the best with thoughts of another man doing, well, *you know*, being there first. And he knows that's really not how it was but somehow a part of him took it like that; that part was mad that a boy, or boys, had you first. His reason, his heart and everything screamed at him that he was a moron to even let thoughts like that influence him when he knew that you were saying the truth, and he should have been holding you instead. He wants to kill them so badly, you know. He even changed while talking about them. It was impressive."
"He said all that?"
"Well, he used more words and didn’t put it that way but in the end; it was him being a jerk, oops, being a man."
Buffy couldn't help but smile.
"Basically it was like an automatic man-pride reaction. And he feels REALLY bad and sorry about this. He misses you and he's even madder at himself because he hasn't been by your side because of this reaction of his. I guess that's what he wants; to be by your side and help you."
Buffy looked deep in thoughts.
"Are you going to talk to him again, I mean, ever?"
"Yes I… It's… I haven't thought about it but… it's Angel, you know. But for now I don't… I want to stay alone, or with my friends till it's behind me, till I feel good again. I need to feel my friends’ trust and love. I'm not ready to deal with him for now… But I'm glad you told me; guess it makes me feel better. Or it should."
"It doesn't?"
Buffy hesitated, "Not really. I mean, it probably will. I guess I'm in too deep shit right now for this to work instantly, you know. I know that's how it used to be; him showing up, telling me he loved me or just taking me into his arms and I would feel like everything was so fine and wonderful. But I guess things changed. That's too bad, didn't even wait for my birthday to grow up. You live you learn, you grow up. It’s true what they say."
"Growing up sucks."
They nodded, "Why does growing up mean learning the hard way?"
"Because again; it sucks."
They looked at each other and laughed slightly. They started studying for a coming math test.
Faith ate with them for lunch. She and Xander laughed at several of his jokes as he hit on her discreetly. Or not so discreetly since Willow and Buffy could perfectly tell. And neither of them really liked that fact. Taking Faith’s laughs as encouragement, the young boy suggested that they go to the Bronze that same night. Faith was eager to go there. She said she liked to dance a lot. So it was settled.
They stayed together at the library after school to try and research on Spike and what he was preparing. The blond vampire’s henchmen had stolen several artefacts after stealing one of Giles book a couple of weeks ago. They had to find out why.
The group went directly to the Bronze after that so Buffy didn’t have some alone time with Faith. She didn’t know why she even noticed that fact or worse; why it bothered her. She realized she was mostly bothered to see Xander constantly talking to her.
They settled at a table. Faith seemed eager to go dance.
“Hey Willow.”
“Hey Oz.”
The young man passed by with a nice smile at the redhead who smiled shyly.
Faith and Buffy both stared at Willow when Oz was gone.
“He the boy?”
Willow nodded to the brunette slayer.
“He’s cute.” Buffy told her.
“Wow wow, what boy?” Xander asked with raised eyebrows.
“Willow’s boyfriend.”
“What?”
Said both Willow and Xander.
Faith smiled, ”Come on, Red, the way he was looking at you; boy definitely wants a piece of you. Big piece.”
Willow blushed and shied away.
“That guy?? He’s a senior I think. Not for you, Willow.” Xander jealously said.
Buffy couldn’t help a light smile, “Hey you should go ask him to dance.”
“Oh no I could never do that.”
“Let me tell you something, Red. Sometimes you gotta make the first move, you know. You gotta dare a little.”
Faith didn’t know why she glanced at Buffy at that.
Xander got up, “And I say it’s a very good advice. Can I dare ask you to dance?”
Faith smiled, “Sure. B, you coming?”
“Err, maybe later.”
“Ok. We’ll be just over there, K?” Faith even pointed out the spot.
Once again Willow and Xander lightly frown at Faith’s concerned tone as she made sure Buffy could find her any moment. Buffy was a slayer, she didn’t need slayer protection, did she?
That’s what Xander thought. Willow, on the other hand, already knew it was something else than protection that Faith was giving Buffy. But she felt ok about that now. If it made Buffy better regarding the hard time she was going through then it was ok. Plus again, Faith was really nice to her; she’d been today again all day long.
And now that Buffy had told her that it was Faith somehow trying to look good to her, Willow had indeed noticed several times an apparent nervousness in the brunette slayer. Maybe Buffy was right. Willow felt somehow important in a good non-arrogant way.
She didn’t sense Faith all that nervous about pleasing her but no matter the reason, it made Willow feel more comfortable around her. They were just the same age about that.
Buffy and Willow started talking about Oz a little. Buffy though, soon realized she kept looking at the dance floor.
Faith and Xander kept laughing. Buffy didn’t understand but it slowly cast a shadow on her mood and soon she was sulking. She didn’t understand why but she was obviously jealous of the good time the two were having.
The who she was jealous of though appeared as a mystery to her so she shook her head and focused on her best friend. But her good mood having dropped, her current problem very fast came back to mind.
She even started feeling a little sick and mostly very tired.
Buffy put her hand on your stomach.
“Are you ok, B?”
Buffy gave a slight jump. Faith was dancing a second ago so Buffy was very surprised as she seemed to have noticed the change in Buffy. Was she still looking at her from the dance floor? Buffy wondered. And she realized she liked that thought.
Buffy got out of her thoughts, “Err, yeah.”
“You look a little pale.”
“Yes I feel tired I must say. I think I’m going to go home, I mean at the motel.”
“Ok, taking my stuff.”
“No it’s ok. If you want to stay here. I can walk back alone.”
“No I don’t. I’m coming with you.”
“But you’re having fun, and you don’t have school tomorrow so... I’d understood if you wanted to stay here... with Xander.”
Buffy slapped herself mentally as it sounded like a question.
“No I don’t.” Faith looked almost surprised at the suggestion.
“Ok. Cause you know, I’m supposedly super girl so I can walk home safe.”
“I’m coming with you, B.” Faith told her in a decided tone.
“Ok. Will, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Willow nodded. She hadn’t lost anything from the two girls exchange and gazes.
She really started to see their connection on a different level. It was a disturbing level though. But Willow told herself she was probably imagining things.
The slayers walked quietly for a good while.
“Are you sure you ok, B?”
“Yes, just a little tired. I know it’s weird, one minute I feel good and the next I’m, well, not so good. Hard to explain but I just feel tired.”
“Hey, I saw my mother go through three pregnancies so I know about that. I guess it was stupid to go here tonight. You need to rest.”
“No, no it was great. I mean I don’t want to spoil your trip here because of my *little* situation. I just should have let you go alone with Xander, that’s all.”
“Why do you keep saying this?”
“I’m not... well, you two wanted to go the most, and since I’m tired and you seemed to get along very well, I just should have let you go.”
“B, I’d have had no interest in going without you.”
“But you and Xander... I mean, you had fun with him.”
“Yeah fun cause he’s funny but... really not my type, B. And you should know better. I’m sorry, I kinda feared Willow might take it that way but not you, I mean,” Faith sounded disappointed, “I’m sorry, didn’t know you liked Xander that way.”
“That way, what way? Oh that way?? Xander?!? No, absolutely not. He’s just a friend, so not my type either.”
Faith looked confused, “But you, well, you sounded kinda jealous there, B. So then what-“ Faith stopped as she thought about something.
Buffy’s eyes widened and her cheeks reddened as she thought about what Faith was probably thinking now then.
“I’m not jealous, absolutely not. Err, err, Willow! I was worried about Willow, I mean, what she might think about you two hitting it off, you know.”
“Huh huh.” Faith started looking in front of her as they resumed walking.
Buffy looked embarrassed, trying to see if Faith believed her or not.
They kept walking, Buffy tried to understand why she sounded so jealous, cause yes, she did sound jealous. And hell, she knew she was.
But really not jealous of Faith there....
Buffy shook her head. She must be carrying an evil spawn in there, giving her all sorts of weird feelings...
Yes, that was probably it... was her thought.
In the meantime Faith was still looking in front of her, a light smile on her lips. Buffy glanced at her at the moment the brunette did so and both of them looked ahead of them. A smile spread on both girl’s lips afterwards and they reached the motel quietly after that, still smiling.
Buffy took her jacket off. She sighed.
“I’ll let you the bathroom first, B so that you can go to bed as soon as you’re done.”
“Thanks. God I hate being so tired like that.”
Faith nodded, “I’ll be outside, gonna smoke a cig.”
“You’re smoking?” Buffy sounded disappointed.
“Oh, not really. Once in a while. Really randomly in fact. And well, actually I’d decided I wouldn’t do it anymore. Just gonna go out to take some fresh air.”
Faith said while throwing her pack of cigarette in the trashcan.
Buffy couldn’t help a smile, “Hey it’s ok if you want to smoke one, you know. I was just surprised cause to tell the truth I hate cigarette smoke, I hate the smell. Smokers carried it on them but you smell just so good that I was surpri-“ Buffy stopped as she realized what she’d just said.
Faith looked unsure, and almost hesitant to believe what she’d just heard.
“I mean, you don’t smell bad. I mean smoke. That’s what I meant.” Buffy shyly added.
“Err, thanks. I guess.” Faith looked almost confused.
“I’m definitely stopping though.” She added with her usual playful grin as she’d regained her composure.
Buffy smiled back and headed to the bathroom.
Faith smiled contentedly as she walked out of the motel room to have a short walk around for 5 minutes.
As she was coming back to their room, she saw a tall man approaching the door. She felt her instinct kicking inside of her in a way she’d never felt before.
The brunette man was about to knock.
“You’re not invited.”
The man turned around.
Faith knew she’d guessed right. She could feel it was a vampire. It was THE vampire.
“Hi, you must be Faith. I’m Angel.”
“I know who you are.” She coldly said as she walked closer.
“Right. I’m here to see Buffy.”
“I could’ve bet on that one.”
Angel looked at the door.
“She doesn’t want to see you.”
“If you would just tell her I’m here, please.” Angel discarded Faith’s remark.
“Maybe ears don’t work that well with the being dead and all, but I said she doesn’t want to see you, so now you can go back to your coffin.”
“Look, stay out of this, ok? Just tell her I’m here.”
“No.”
Angel reached for the knob.
“You’re not invited.”
Angel smiled mockingly, “Right, forgot you’re a newbie. Motel rooms equal not personal habitations so very much like public places: don’t need invitation. Sorry kiddo.”
Faith took his hand of the knob and moved in front of the door. She crossed her arms on her chest,
“You’re still NOT invited.”
PART 12
Angel stared at Faith intensely, trying to get the measure of her. She was a teen but a slayer as well and Angel wasn’t to consider her lightly.
“Buffy’s wacky enough to have the hots for you, but believe me, it’s a Buffy thing only, not a Sunnydale thing. To me, you’re just a dead thing. So you should rather get out of my sight now.”
“Listen, I’m not here to fight. If you would just tell her I’m here, she would clear this.”
Faith looked on the side then pushed him backwards brutally.
Angel didn’t respond to the attack. He clenched his fists but there was no way he would engage a fight with a teenage girl, slayer or not.
The brunette girl couldn’t understand. Buffy would tell her later.
“Fine. Just tell her I stopped by then.”
“No. And if your brain wasn’t totally dead you’d leave her alone.”
“You can’t understand.”
“There you’re right. Lots of things I don’t understand. First, a 2 hundred and something dude falling in love with a sixteen year old girl. How lame is that?”
Angel looked at the ground.
Faith shrugged, “But then, she’s pretty amazing so you’ll have that. So mostly what I don’t understand is how you can pretend to love her.”
“You don’t know anything about Buffy and me. I love her and she does too and there’s no pretending here. And now that I think about it, this is none of your business anyway. Who are you to say anything? You don’t know me and you barely know Buffy.”
“First, I know her better than you think. And secondly, who am I? Well, I’m someone who cares probably more for her than you do. What does that even mean a vampire and a slayer together? How could you let that happen and worse, let it go on? If you really loved her you’d have stopped that.”
“I don’t think I need a lecture on love by a kid. Thanks.”
“I don’t care what you think. I don’t care about you at all in fact. And that’s the thing. Who cares if you waste the next 50 years of your life, not even you cause you’ve got your endless un-life to make up for that. What will she have? Everything she’s losing while wasting her time with you; she won’t be able to get back. Life doesn’t have drafts. Once it’s over, it’s over. She’s about to turn seventeen; is this the life that’s meant for her; darkness, death. Yeah slayer, I know the deal but still... She’s alive... You’re not. You’ve got nothing to do together. You’ve got nothing to bring her.”
They stared at each other until Faith walked inside.
Angel stood there for a while, Faith’s words kept echoing in his head for a long moment. He walked back to his apartment.
Buffy walked out of the bathroom at the same time Faith walked back in.
Faith gave a jump.
“Nothing.”
Buffy raised her eyebrows.
Faith looked on the side nervously.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” Faith told her again while turning around to put her jacket on the chair.
“Ok.” Buffy just said as she headed to the bed.
Faith frowned guiltily, “Ok, yes there’s something.”
She looked bothered.
Buffy moved a little closer, “What is it?”
“I did something that.... you’re probably not gonna like.”
“You smoked a cigarette?”
“No.”
“Two?”
“No.” Faith shook her head.
“The whole pack?”
“Come on, Buffy, be serious.”
“You look serious enough for the both of us. Just tell me, can’t be that bad.”
Faith gave her the –wait-till-you-know- look, “Angel was here.”
“Here, you mean?”
“Outside and-“
Buffy’s first reflex was to go check by the window, passing by Faith who lowered her face at Buffy’s reflex. She didn’t understand why she felt so bad at that gesture from the blonde girl.
Buffy was behind her now.
“I told him to go away. I said you didn’t want to see him and I chased him, figuratively speaking. Well, I did push him... just once.”
Faith stayed silent then while Buffy let go of the curtain. Faith didn’t know what else to say.
Buffy gently walked back to the bed.
“I know it’s not my business; I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. I don’t know, I... Look I’m really sorry.”
Buffy spread the sheets open.
“Bathroom is yours.” She told Faith with a nice smile.
“What?”
“Well, I told you; I’m tired. I’m not in a long talk mood so... guess you did me a favor.”
Faith raised her brows, half hopefully, half sceptically.
“So... you’re not mad?”
“I’ll talk to him soon enough. But right now, I really want to sleep.”
Faith smiled, “Ok. I’ll be silent. You can turn the lights off already. I’ll find the bed.”
“No, it’s ok. Light doesn’t bother me.”
“Ok then, I’ll be quick.”
They smiled at each other and Faith went to the bathroom.
Faith walked out of the bathroom a couple of minutes later. She was very silent, trying to make the less noise possible.
"I'm still awake."
"Oh, ok." Faith whispered which made Buffy smiled.
The blonde girl was on her side, facing Faith's side of the bed.
The brunette crawled in and settled on her side too, faced to Buffy.
They smiled at each other briefly. Buffy looked deep in thoughts.
Faith looked serious, "I really want to say again that I'm sorry, you know, for minding your business."
"It's ok. I mean it's not, well, yeah it's my business in a way but…. I must say I'm kind of anxious to talk to him again."
"Oh you mean you really don't want to talk to him again then?" Faith almost frowned at her own hopeful tone.
Buffy frowned a bit too.
"No, I… I guess we need to talk him and I, and I kinda want to but I kinda not… you know. I mean, well, yeah, anxious I guess. So if he'd come in tonight we'd have talked for sure, but it didn’t happen and it's not that bad. I mean for real I feel exhausted. I don't think I'm in the mood for meaningful talk, you know."
"I get that. So, I didn't do too bad then?"
Buffy smiled but then looked thoughtful, "Why… Why didn't you… tell me, or let him in?"
Faith lowered her gaze and shrugged, "Dunno."
Buffy's gaze stayed insistent.
"Well, I don't know… I just… didn't want him to see you. I mean, it was stronger than me I couldn't stand him being here and… God I don't know. Guess I was just bad moody." Faith finally said to cut her confusion short.
Buffy didn't comment. She gave Faith a brief smile though.
"I guess we should probably try to sleep now."
"Yes, B. You look really tired."
Buffy nodded.
Faith turned the lights off and they fell asleep pretty soon after that.
Buffy was awake rather early the next day. She got ready and walked out of the room.
Faith was still asleep when she walked back in but Buffy knocked her knee over a chair, "Fuck!"
Buffy very fast covered her mouth.
Faith woke up at that moment. She turned around.
"Sorry." Buffy told her sheepishly.
Faith rubbed her eyes, "It's ok. What are you doing up that- wow, why didn't you wake me up sooner?" Faith said as she just noticed the time it was.
Buffy put the plastic smelling of breakfast food she was carrying on the small desk.
"You were sleeping."
"Yeah and that's why you should have woken me up."
"You seemed so deeply asleep. I was gonna leave you a note on top of your breakfast."
"My breakfast?" Faith said as she sat on the bed, looking at the bag.
"Yeah, wasn't very hungry. But I took you chocolate waffles cause you liked them a lot the other day. And also some bacon and hot chocolate. Will it be ok?"
Faith looked rather stunned, "Well, yeah, but… you went out to take that just for me?"
Buffy looked shy suddenly, "Well, err, I was ready… and early so… Plus you did the same for me the other day so…"
Faith smiled at her, "Thanks."
Buffy smiled back, "You're welcome."
"I'll eat that on our way though cause I gotta hurry or you're gonna be late."
"You can stay here if you want. I know you like to sleep in. I mean you told me the other night, that's also why I didn't wake you up.”
"Yeah but I wanna be with you. I mean stay with you, till school. I mean just like yesterday, you know."
"Only if you want to then."
"Yeah I do." Faith sounded certain as she hopped off the bed.
"I'll be ready in a minute."
Buffy smiled as she saw the brunette slayer rushing to the bathroom.
5 minutes later they were both out of the motel room.
"Mmm, those are so good." Faith took another bite of her second waffle.
Buffy was holding the bag since Faith was holding her hot chocolate cup in the other one.
"Thanks a lot, B."
"Glad you like it."
"You sure you don't want anything? You should have some. Even just a little."
"I'm really not hungry."
"Did you call your mother?"
Buffy looked at her suddenly, wondering how Faith could somehow read her mind. She nodded.
"How did it go?"
"Like every other day before; tense. She's not really talking about it, I mean us arguing. She just confirmed me the time for tomorrow. She wanted to know if I was coming to the house or if she was picking me up and I told her that I'd meet her directly at the clinic. She unwillingly agreed. She wanted to pick me up here but I said I preferred to go there with you." Buffy looked at Faith all of a sudden, "unless you don't want to go, I mean you don't have to, I didn't mean to assume you would, you know."
"Chill, B. No way I'm leaving you at *that* moment."
Buffy gave her a genuine smile, "Thank you. It means a lot, you know. To tell the truth, I kinda wanted to tell my mother that she didn't need to come but… I guess that would have worsened things between us and she has to sign the paper anyway so…"
"You don't really think this, B. I know you don't feel like it but you need your mom."
Buffy looked in front of her.
"I'm scared, you know."
"It's gonna be alright." Faith told her and without thinking, she reached for Buffy's hand and took it.
Faith's heart rose in her chest and she closed her eyes tightly for a second, fearing Buffy's reaction but then squeezed her hand tighter.
Faith released her breath and glanced at Buffy who was still looking in front of her.
Faith smiled and they walked hand in hand for a good part of the way.
PART 13
They arrived just in time for Buffy to start school with her friends.
Faith went to find Giles at the library. The watcher asked her several questions about Buffy. Faith could tell he really cared about her and was very concerned. The slayer then left the library when a teacher she hadn't met yet walked in, Miss Calendar. The brunette teenager immediately guessed there was something going on between the two grown ups so she left them to their naughtiness as she teasingly told them while leaving.
It made Jenny smiled, mostly because of Giles' shocked-embarrassed look. Then Jenny asked about the girl and Giles explained him the entire situation.
Faith waited for the scoobies to be out of class and they went to the cafeteria together.
"So girls, Wednesday, free entrance, who wants to Bronze tonight?"
Xander raised his eyebrows, "Ok, not everyone at the same time."
"Sorry, Xander. Well, you guys can go if you want, I'll just go home for my part."
Willow looked hesitant, "I don't know."
Xander looked at Faith expectantly.
"Maybe another time Xan-Man."
"Girls, you're not fun, you know. Buffy?"
Buffy shook her head again.
"Please."
"Xander." Willow just told him and he looked apologetically. It made Buffy feel bad; she kinda liked Xander forgetting about her little problem. She so wanted to forget about it herself.
"Sorry." He just said.
"It's ok. You guys can go, you know. The three of you."
"Nah I'm tired." Faith just said but she gave Buffy a glance that said it all.
Buffy smiled at Faith's insistence; no way was she going to leave her alone the day before getting the abortion.
They smiled at each other.
Faith looked at Xander, "This weekend probably, or maybe we'll do something different, what about a night at the beach, fire, s'mores and chips? Who's in?"
"Me." Said the two friends.
Buffy smiled even more, "Sounds good."
"Hey Buffy, you don't like fries anymore?"
"What? Oh, err, no, I'm just not hungry. You can have them if you want."
"Mmm." Xander started picking on Buffy's fries while Faith and Willow gave the slayer a compassionate gaze, both knowing why Buffy wasn't hungry.
Xander hadn't wondered. But once again that was something Buffy liked about him. Because right now, his eagerness to eat her fries was the only thing making her feel like smiling. She couldn't help being really anxious about the next day and the clinic appointment. And seeing her mother again which involved serious talking once more.
Buffy didn't feel up to it at that moment.
"So, Faith? What are you going to do this afternoon? You must start to get bored with the old man."
Faith smiled at Xander, "No actually, he's kinda ok for his age. But yeah, reading and stuff, that gets me bored. I think I'm gonna go check the town a little."
Buffy and Willow nodded.
"You're off at 5 today, right?"
Buffy nodded again, "But you don't have to be there, you know. If you find something good to do then have fun and don’t bother for me."
"Huh huh." Faith just said and the slayers smiled at each other.
They finished their lunch and Faith took off after they went back to class.
A 4.50 she was back in school. And standing against the wall in front of their last class room as the bell rang.
"So girls, still no Bronze? Might cheer you up, Buff?"
"Sorry, Xander. Just want to go home."
"Do you want me to come with Faith and you? We could play cards."
"No it's ok, Will. I don't plan on staying up late. I think I'm gonna study for a while, might be a good change." She said with a smile, "then I'll go to bed."
"Ok. I'll call you tomorrow."
Buffy nodded with a nice smile at her best friend.
The slayers walked to the motel quietly.
"So what did you do this afternoon?"
"I went to that coffee shop downtown, the one you told me about. Then I swung by the campus. That's a rather big campus for a town like this. I walked by the zoo. Didn't get in though, I was on my way to the beach. I wanted to look for the best spot to make a fire this weekend. Then I just sat there for a while and came back."
"Ok."
"What about you? I mean how did it go?"
"Ok, I guess. I'm glad we're not in exam period cause I'm not very focused lately."
"Who would be?"
Buffy nodded, "But I guess this will all be over after tomorrow, right?” She said in a fake convinced tone.
"I won't say that cause I guess things won't be the same but it will get better. Tomorrow's not really the problem. But it will be ok, Buffy."
Buffy feebly nodded. Faith could tell she was too concerned about tomorrow to relax. She looked down.
"Do you want Chinese food for tonight?"
"Not sure I can eat.
"Ok." Faith didn't want to insist. She knew way too well it wouldn't stay in her stomach if Buffy forced herself, more because she was too worried than because of the pregnancy.
"I'll just take a salad for you in case you get hungry at some point. And we still have some cookies."
Buffy nodded.
They walked to the motel room. Buffy settled on the bed and started doing some homework. Faith started a book she'd borrowed at the library but quickly stopped to check on Buffy's homework. She started questioning the blonde girl about it and Buffy started explaining her. She frowned as she realized she was playing Willow's part there. But as much as it surprised her, she wasn't doing too badly. Faith seemed to understand her explanations.
Buffy didn't fail to notice Faith's interest despite everything she kept saying about school.
It kept them occupied for about an hour then Buffy called it quit.
Buffy lied on her back then. Faith was still sitting on it.
Buffy checked at the clock. It was half past 6. She sighed. She seemed anxious.
"What can I do?"
Buffy frowned then smiled, "I'm ok, don't worry. But thanks. Honestly you've been more than a great help to me. I'm really thankful for that. You've been so nice ever since we first met."
"Well, you've been nice to me too. I didn't do more than you did. I mean, I was anxious when I came here, you know. Barging into your life, what's more with what you were going through, but you welcomed me so well."
"Well, no, I mean, I didn't do, I don't feel like I did anything specific, you're the one who cheered me up. I just, I don't know, I liked talking with you and staying with you, it was nice, but I don't feel like I did anything special, Faith."
"It's maybe not special to you but it's still more than most people have ever done in my whole life, you know."
They looked at each other and Buffy gave her a gentle smile.
The older girl then looked at the clock once again. She sighed.
"Hey, it's gonna be ok."
"I'm just so anxious about tomorrow. It's… My stomach hurts so much it stresses me."
"Or maybe your stomach is just mad cause you didn't feed it all day long."
Buffy gave her a light smile.
Buffy then looked somber again, "Can I tell you something?"
"Of course."
"I can't help but… feeling bad about… the abortion. I know, I know it's probably the best and really I don’t want a child at all but... something in me tells me it's not right.”
Faith settled more comfortably on the bed.
"Well, maybe you've noticed by the name she gave us but my mom was very religious. Well, when that fitted her way of course. Gabriel and Michael are Archangel's names. And me and hope, well, kinda goes without saying. So glad she didn't have another girl; Trinity, not a light name to bear."
Buffy smiled, "Yeah I'd noticed, or, well, I'd wondered about it."
"She was very religious in a way. That's why she got so into it with me about the girl loving thing. It was like the worst sin ever to her. Worse than having 4 kids and none of them having the same father."
Buffy's eyes widened, "Really?"
"Yep. All different. But I think it's mostly because it was me, cause otherwise, name aside, she wasn't that religious but she'd been raised that way. My grand mother was hyper religious, very strict, very condemning and I should know, she sort of raised me till I was seven. We were living with her but when I was 5 my mom left to go live with Don and… she didn't take me with her. She stayed one year and a half with him, had Gabriel in the meantime. I think she really loved Don but then grand ma died and she had to take me back. I think things weren't going that well between my mom and Don anymore but it didn't help, having me back, money issues and stuff. I have to tell you something else about my mother, she had me at 16, our age. And I know that she would have wanted not to keep me."
Buffy looked sad.
"I know grand ma forced her to keep me. I know my grand ma used to say stuff like God put me here for a reason and stuff like that… But I know mom never wanted me. And I can understand. That's probably why I'm not mad at her for not loving me."
"No, Faith I'm sure she did, it wasn't that. She was just too young, but she loved you."
"No she didn't, I think she couldn't. But like I said, I'm not mad because I know why. Mostly after what happened to me, you know. I’ve understood and I think this is what happened to her, this is how she got pregnant with me.”
Buffy swallowed, "Are you sure, I mean…"
"I can never know for sure because they're both dead and can never tell me now. But I remember some of their talks and there's also the fact I know nothing about my father. I know all the babies' dads. My mother stayed in contact with all of them. I know all about them but there's nothing on my so called father. Nothing. I remember some times after she took me back. She wasn’t with Don anymore but he kept taking Gabriel on a regular basis at that time and it had me wondering, I realized I was supposed to have that too; a father. I asked her about this and... I got this weird, bad vibe from her all of a sudden. She was unable to tell me anything, couldn’t even make up a lie. She stayed silent but I saw it in her eyes. I never asked again. And worse, after what happened to me it was like she couldn't even look at me. She never could find the words to comfort me because she felt like it was fate. It was her fault somehow, I shouldn't have been born; I wasn't supposed to be born. Only bad things could happen to me. Or something like that. That's how it felt when she told me she was sorry that one and only time, right after George brought me back from the hospital. That's what I could hear in that sorry, then it was over, she could barely look at me anymore."
"I'm sorry Faith. Really sorry she was like that."
"How else could she be?" Faith honestly said as she stared at Buffy.
She took the blonde girl's hand, "What I meant to say with all that Buffy is, how can you give love to someone who reflects the worst time of your life? How can you not think about it every single time you look at the result of it? How can you love that child? I don't think anyone can truly do that."
Buffy lowered her head.
"I don't like this either, Buffy. I mean abortion stuff, guess my grand ma did have influence on me, but the rest of my life gave me other kinds of influence too, and I can tell you this is only going to make two people unhappy. It's just what I wanted to say."
Buffy looked at Faith who seemed sad, "I guess I really brought you back down memory lane, didn't I?"
Faith nodded, "Yes, in more ways than one. It's really weird in fact. The last couple of years I acted like none of this mattered anymore; how much my mom liked/didn't like me, my rape, I felt like I was over it all in fact… I think I put it behind me without putting it behind me. I mean, I just went over it as if none of this really existed. And as soon as I met you I started having all those flashbacks, but not so much in a bad way. I'm still even surprised how easily I've been able to tell you about what happened to me. I said rape just now and you know what, it's the first time I use the word. And… it's ok. I mean, I feel like I’m able to put it behind me for real now that I've been able to help you thanks to it. And it's the same about what I've just told you about my mother and her case. It's like meeting you as made me really get over it in a way. I don't really understand that in fact."
Buffy squeezed Faith's hand, "Me neither but I'm glad. If it helped you I'm glad cause it helped me. It really did. Thank you."
They couldn't stop staring at each other. They were still holding hands.
Faith swallowed a little.
Buffy looked away shyly after a while. They let go of each other's hand.
"Well, guess we should get ready for bed. It's a little early but you've got some catching up to do, so."
Buffy nodded.
The girls went to the bathroom each in their turn.
Faith couldn’t help the intense stare on Buffy when the smaller girl went out of the bathroom in a very short nightdress.
Faith swallowed and looked on the side very fast, hoping Buffy hadn't picked up on that.
"Is there something wrong?" Said the blonde girl while checking at her nightdress, a little hesitantly.
"Oh, no, no. Err, err, well, no." Faith kept trying hard NOT to look at Buffy's legs and her nearly naked shoulders.
Buffy noticed and looked embarrassed, "Is that not ok? I mean I shouldn’t maybe. It's the nightdress I told Willow to pick up at my place. It's, well, it's just so hot in here because of the air conditioner being broken; do you want me to change?"
"No! No no, I mean it's not that at all; it's totally fine; I mean yeah hot, err but not you, I mean I don't mean you're not hot but yes the air conditioner and they will fix it tomorrow I think and –and …" Faith stopped, "What was I saying already?"
Buffy blushed profusely.
"I'm sorry, B. I didn't mean to make you feel bad or-"
"It's ok. I don't. So, you're sure it’s ok.
"Of course. No problem."
Faith kept avoiding Buffy's legs though as the older slayer moved to her side of the bed.
PART 14
Faith took discreet deeper breaths. When she'd met Buffy at the bus station, there were a couple of words she'd immediately decided to block from her mind to be truly friend with the girl. Words like beautiful, hot, sexy, charming, hot, lips, desirable, hot mama, and sex… But right now these words had been unleashed in Faith's mind… and body and she couldn’t block them again.
She felt so comfortable with Buffy. She had a connection with her she'd never had with anybody before. And somehow she felt so free that controlling anything was out of the question.
But Faith, as she looked at Buffy settling in the bed, very fast realized that even though her body reacted more to the hot and sex words, her mind reacted more to the beautiful word.
Buffy was beautiful. Telling her was the only thing Faith wanted to do right now. Nothing more.
Well, she could probably go for more but for the first time in her life the more scared her quite frankly because she really had something she cared about there, someone she cared about. A lot. And she didn’t want to ruin that.
Buffy smiled shyly when she realized Faith was staring at her. Faith shook her head at that moment.
"Sorry."
They smiled at each other. And stared at each other.
"You're beautiful."
Faith mentally slapped herself; because she wanted to tell her didn't mean she could. Faith started wondering what was happening to her while Buffy blushed even more profusely.
"Thanks." She told her with a shy look aside, "You're really not bad yourself."
"Yeah right."
"Come on Faith, you know you're hot."
Buffy froze at her own words while Faith stared at her, "Really? You think so?"
"Well, I-I, well if I was a boy or- or you know, I'd probably find you really, well, I'd liked you, I mean I do like you but I'd liked you *that* way I mean you know what I mean."
Buffy kept blushing.
Faith smiled and realized she could blush as well. She wasn't used to that.
Buffy then looked a little more serious. Faith frowned but stayed silent until Buffy looked at her,
“Did you never think that... well, maybe your grand mother was right?”
Faith frowned.
“I mean look at you; what if your mother had gotten her way and didn’t have you; you wouldn’t be here and... That’d be a shame. I mean... Don’t get me wrong, I got what you said, it’s just... It got me thinking.”
Faith shrugged, “Well, I’m not gonna say I don’t want to be there. Yeah, my life didn’t turn out to be as bad as it started but... I don’t think that’s very much the point, I mean, sure it is. I’m happy, right at this moment, but I haven’t always been, quite the opposite... you I can tell. And my mother, she’s never been happy... not with me around at least. And when I think of you; happiness is kinda what I want. I mean, it fits you well. And Buffy you’re...” Faith looked sad, upset to tell Buffy all of this but she couldn’t help it, “you’re not even seventeen yet. I don’t mean to sound-”
“No it’s... I understand. I know. I wish I would just quit thinking so much about it. But I know you’re right.”
“Believe me I don’t want to be right, Buffy, you know. And maybe I’m wrong but... I can’t tell you anything else. It’s just how it was. And I know I wished way too many times I hadn’t been born to tell you otherwise.”
“I know.”
Buffy squeezed Faith’s hand with a light smile.
"Alright, let's try to sleep."
Buffy nodded, tomorrow was the big day.
She wasn't going to school, at least not the morning, the doctors had warned she'd have to stay quiet and she might feel sick for a few hours and tired maybe. And also she shouldn’t stay alone but that was no problem since Faith really intended on going nowhere far from her during this hard time.
Faith woke up at the sudden movements of Buffy in bed.
The brunette turned the lights on.
"Buffy?"
The smaller girl was having a nightmare. She turned back to Faith and mumbled, she creased her forehead and mumbled some more.
"Buffy, Buffy it's ok."
Buffy moved on her back, "No." she barley mumbled.
Faith moved closer and put her hand on the blonde girl's shoulder, "Buffy? Buffy wake up, it's ok."
"No, no!" Buffy said in panic as she woke up from her nightmare.
"It's ok, it's ok." Faith said as she immediately moved even closer, holding Buffy who very fast held her back when she really woke up from her dream and realized.
"God, oh God."
Faith could hear tears in Buffy's voice. She held her even tighter.
Both girls were on their sides, Buffy completely squeezed in Faith's arms. Her head was on Faith's shoulder and against her chest too.
"Ssh, it's ok. I'm here, it's ok."
Faith swallowed as she could perfectly tell what Buffy had dreamt about. The brunette kept caressing the back of Buffy's hair gently until Buffy pulled away just inches away. Faith couldn't believe how torn apart she felt when she saw Buffy's wet cheeks and the tears in her eyes. She caressed her face and put the damp locks away from her eyes.
"You were right," Buffy said as she swallowed some tears.
Faith frowned lightly.
"I could never… I could never give anything good and pure to this child… Never."
Buffy buried her face in Faith's chest once again and cried even more. Faith kept holding her and caressing the back of her head once again for a long time. After a while, Faith's caresses expanded to Buffy's shoulders and back and it lasted for a long time, long after Buffy had stopped crying.
The blonde girl hadn't felt like moving away. Her hand was still gripped to Faith's shoulder. When she finally moved away, she only did a couple inches away once again and they were face to face. They could feel each other's breath on their faces.
They stayed a while staring at each other until Buffy reached for Faith's face.
Buffy looked almost absent minded but she was deep in thoughts in fact, "I feel like… I don't know what I would do without you… I-I don't want you to go back."
Faith swallowed in her turn at Buffy's fingertips on her face and mostly, the tone of naked honesty in Buffy's words.
Faith saw a tear falling from Buffy's eyes and her first reflex was to wipe it away gently, "Ssh, it's gonna be alright. I'm here. It's ok, Buffy."
Buffy closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
Faith's breath had increased sensibly over the last couple of minutes.
Faith swallowed again when Buffy opened her eyes anew because she could feel herself unavoidably moving forward. She wanted to stop herself but couldn't. There was nothing working in her brain or body in fact. Nothing but the sight of Buffy in front of her, and the short distance between them becoming nothing that could be counted. And then… then nothing… and everything at the same time.
Buffy's eyes closing again, Buffy's warm breath on her lips, Buffy's lips feeling like blooming petals.
And Faith tried to realize that they were kissing but it seemed like her mind was blank. All she could feel were Buffy's lips on hers.
It was a light but intense kiss. Their lips languorously opening and closing on the others' for about 2 minutes until they pulled away.
They both shivered.
Faith didn't know what to say, she didn't know if she had to say something.
There she had something great, a friend like she'd never had, a connection like she'd never had in her entire life and she'd ruined it just like she always did. Faith's mind was crowded with various thoughts and she felt like screaming until Buffy rested her head on her chest again, silently, and tenderly.
Faith automatically wrapped her arm around Buffy's shoulder once again and everything became much calmer in her mind. Once again, the only thing she could think about and feel was the warmth of the smaller girl in her arms right now.
Faith swallowed.
She'd always been looking for something in her life. It had always felt like something was missing. Lacking her mother's love probably created that need as she'd thought about it, but no matter how it started, it was there. She'd always felt like she was running from or to something but she kept running nonetheless. Looking for something. Sleeping with her first girl had let her feel that maybe it had something to do with love, and she'd also started thinking deeply about how her mother's behaviour with her had affected her. But it wasn't enough, the girls, the boys, it wasn't enough. When she’d learnt she was a slayer, she'd felt like yeah, she really did have a purpose on this Earth like her grand mother used to say. But it still wasn't enough.
But right now, holding Buffy in her arms made her feel for the first time in her life that it was enough, and she was enough. She was enough to Buffy now. She was the one Buffy needed and wanted to be close to now. She was enough for Buffy and this was enough for her.
Both slayers fell back asleep easily after that.
The alarm clock rang. They'd set it rather early to have the time to take the time, de stress in a way, get ready and walk to the clinic.
Faith turned it off. She grumbled slightly before being completely out of her sleep and remembering. Remembering to whom the warmth in her arms right now belonged, remembering the silky lips on hers earlier that night, remembering, getting all these feelings back.
She opened her eyes and got her breath taken at the sight of Buffy still squeezed so overwhelmingly close. Buffy was awake too. She hadn't gotten much sleep that night but she'd felt good and safe so close to Faith.
Faith….
Buffy swallowed as she remembered last night. And the entire week leading to last night, leading to that kiss as Buffy was no fool to the fact that she'd been drawn to Faith since the beginning.
It felt like a shock to realize this now, but it really wasn't only last night.
Faith had shaken things up in Buffy's life if she thought about the feelings she might have for the brunette. But when she just felt instead of think, Buffy knew that it rather felt like Faith had calmed things down in the storm Buffy was caught up when she met her.
In any case, Faith wasn't planned, Faith wasn't expected. Those feelings weren't expected and it was a lot to take in.
And now Buffy knew the brunette was looking at her at this very moment.
She shivered.
What did she have to say now? What was going to happen?
It felt so good; Faith's lips, Faith's breathe. So good and soothing, but how was it going to be now? The day after.
Buffy pulled herself together and finally moved away a little bit.
She indeed found Faith looking at her but she could see the same wonder in the taller girl's eyes. The same doubts, the same questions, the same hesitations despite her smile.
"Hi."
"Hey."
Faith swallowed, "How did you sleep?"
Buffy gave her a knowing smile, "I'll probably sleep better tonight."
"I think so." Faith gently told her.
With the surgery and the stress maybe falling down, plus the almost sleepless night, Buffy would probably be really tired tonight.
They stayed silent for a short while and both started to talk at the same time so they stopped once again.
They smiled shyly at each other.
"And, how- I mean, how are you feeling right now, I mean, towards what we talked about… or… anything?"
Buffy swallowed. *Anything*. That kiss.
"I-" Buffy lowered her gaze briefly, "I… feel ok, I guess."
Faith tentatively reached for the blonde girl's face to brush a lock aside. She barely touched her face but Buffy shivered.
They swallowed.
"Faith I-"
A knock resounded on the door.
They both frowned and smiled awkwardly at each other.
Faith very fast hopped off of the bed and headed to the door.
"Who is it?"
"It’s Joyce Summers."
Buffy gave a jump.
Faith raised her eyebrows and opened the door.
"Good morning, you must be Faith."
"Yes, err, come in please."
Joyce stepped in.
She and Buffy stared at each other. Buffy seemed almost fearful.
Faith felt bad at the uneasiness between the mother and daughter.
"I had a change of mind, thought it was best to come here before, that way I can help pack your bag and put your stuff in the car. One less thing to do after the… clinic."
Both Buffy and Faith frowned at that.
"What do you mean pack?"
"Well, Willow took quite a lot of your clothes and various stuffs for you this week. I didn't want you to have to carry them to the clinic."
"Err, mom," Buffy looked bothered, "I'm, I'm not coming back, I mean, yet."
"Buffy, please, don't make a scene." Joyce said with a brief glance at Faith.
"I’m not... Why are you acting like that?" Buffy said, tears very not far already.
"Buffy, don't make it harder than it is. This is going to be over today. We can go back to normal. You're coming home with me after the clinic and we won't talk about this anymore afterwards."
Buffy was looking for the right words to say but Faith went ahead of her.
"How can you talk to her like that??!"
"Please, I thank you for helping my daughter but I'd appreciate if you'd stay out of this."
"No." Faith strongly told the older Summers, moving closer to her, "I won't shut up because it makes me want to scream to see the way you're treating her."
"I'm not your mother young girl but I won't tolerate you disrespecting me. You don't know Buffy or me or-"
"I'm not disrespecting you; I'm giving you a piece of my mind and if you can't see the difference then it's your loss. What you're doing to Buffy is just so wrong. And maybe I don't know Buffy that well but I know what she's going through and I can't believe that you dare distrusting her. Do you understand what happened to her?? God I can't believe you parents! I thought it was just my mother being like that but you're just the same. Buffy was fucking raped and you have no idea what she's going through, how she's feeling every time she dreams about it. You have no idea because you failed in the biggest task of your life; being her mother. Damn you should be the one holding her at night. You should have been the first one to believe her and comfort her after something like that. Do you have any idea how freaked she is? How freaked she was when I found her? She wasn't far from hurting herself and you know why? Not because she was raped, not because she got pregnant cause of it, but because she was alone. Simply. The one person who should have been here was you, it wasn't me. But you weren’t there. Cause... you're just never there..."
Buffy was crying, she glanced at Faith who swallowed. Buffy knew now more than ever how hard it had been for Faith growing up without the support and love of her mother; that last sentence…. Buffy knew it wasn't for Joyce…
Buffy then looked at her mother who seemed shocked, in an emotional kind of way.
Joyce would have usually been offended that a teenager she didn't even know would dare taking that tone with her. But yet she wasn't saying anything because she could see the same despair in Buffy's eyes that she'd just heard in Faith's tone.
And somehow it hit her then.
She stared at her daughter with some kind of shame on her face, but shame for herself.
"I didn't lie, mom, I swear."
Joyce moved closer and held her tight.
"God Buffy I'm so sorry."
"I didn't lie." Buffy repeated while crying.
Joyce rocked her a bit, "I'm so so sorry. I just… I couldn't… It was so much easier to think you lied than accept what they did to you, God Buffy I feel so bad. I'm so sorry. I know, I know sweetheart. I was so wrong."
Buffy held her mother tight, "It was so scary mom, not having you… I didn't know what to do."
"I know, I'm so sorry. So sorry, Buffy. But I'm here now."
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