**I'M NOT IN LOVE**

PART 11

They patrolled on their own for the next couple of days but both realized how frustrated they were with this situation. They wanted to go find the other but they were scared of the feelings that emerged then.

 To Faith it was too much, as if it would kill her to give into these feelings.

For Buffy, doing what they were doing and NOT giving into these feelings would be the thing killing her. She couldn't function like that; separating her mind from her body and even less her heart...

Not anymore... or at least she thought so.

 But the need was growing strong. Really strong.

Sometimes so strong that they really couldn't think straight.

Buffy noticed she masturbated far more now than she'd ever done in her entire life.

Faith started to think she really was becoming a slut so much she hung out in bars and such. But no matter how many times she was getting laid, she still couldn't get satisfied plainly and that fact frustrated her even more.

To depend on someone for ANYthing really wasn't something she liked.

 This night was slayage heavy. Buffy even got a huge cut on the arm before killing the demon that attacked her.

She fought another one and was running after a bunch of vampires when she bumped into Faith so hard they fell on the ground.

 They squeezed their fists tightly before realizing who it was.

 They gave each other a knowing smile as they could hear the vampires running; they didn’t need words. They got up and ran after them; chased them into a crypt and dusted them one by one.

 Buffy cleaned her hands; she didn't dare to look at Faith knowing what she would find in her eyes because she knew it was the same as in hers.

  “Is it still bleeding?”

 Buffy was surprised that Faith didn't ask anything more ambiguous. The blonde slayer checked her cut, “Err no,” 

 Faith moved closer, “So, no need to go to the hospital then?” 

 Buffy frowned; they rarely went to hospital just for cuts, even if it was big ones. Faith had never actually stepped foot in the hospital even when she should have as Buffy recalled.

 “No.” Buffy replied absent mindedly, thinking about all this.

 “Good.” Faith simply said and grabbed Buffy by the waist to carry her to a tombstone on which she seated her. There was no way Buffy could resist that, especially not with Faith's tongue circling hers now. Buffy’s legs were already wrapped around the brunette's waist.

 “Cause I really have better to do with you.” Faith kissed her neck, Buffy moaned as the brunette caressed her breasts before sliding her hand down on her body to unbutton the blonde slayer’s pants.

 Buffy's breath was coming in short gasps at the anticipation and the need, so strong.

 She gasped again when Faith touched her clit.

 “You're so wet, B. Makes me want to fuck you so bad.” 

 Buffy huffed again and held Faith tighter as this one slid a finger inside of her wetness and started an already fast rhythm in and out of her.

 “God Faith, Yes oh God.”

 Faith couldn't help kissing her and Buffy kept holding her face even tighter, like she wouldn't let go of it, let go of her kiss.

 Faith kept moving her pelvis harder into Buffy's crotch, in sync with the thrusting of her hand, pressing even harder that way. Buffy gave low cries out every time Faith’s palm hit hard on her clit.

 “Yes, B, you're close, come for me, God yes, you make me so wet. It’s insane what you're doing to me, B.” 

 Buffy moaned even louder, Faith's whispered words in her ear having an arousing effect on her she would have never suspected.

 “God, Faith,” She held her tight.

 “Yes, yes come for me. God Buffy.”

 Buffy cried out as she climaxed at Faith saying her full name.

 Faith thrust a few more times, slower though. She was breathing heavily in Buffy's neck.

 “I love that Buffy... When you come like that... I feel your juices on my hand. I so love that.” 

 Buffy slightly looked aside, almost embarrassed but Faith made her look at her, “Don't feel ashamed, it’s a great feeling... You don't know how wet you make me, B.”

 Faith kissed her and Buffy held her tight while the brunette undid her own pants and pulled them down as well as her panties. She took Buffy's hand and placed it on her pussy as she slightly pulled away to look at her,

 “See what you’re doing to me? You're not a sex doll, B.”

 Buffy looked up at her.

 “You're Buffy. You're the only one who can do that to me, don't you see?” 

 Buffy was staring at her, not knowing what to say.

 “Just feel it, B. Feel me, feel what you're doing to me.” 

 Buffy started rubbing her clit and Faith moaned, her juices already spreading on the blonde girl's fingers.

Buffy swallowed and Faith kissed her once again then kissed her neck while moving herself harder against Buffy's hand, “Can you feel it, can you feel me, B?” 

 Buffy slid a finger inside and Faith clutched at her shoulders, “Yes, God yes.”

 Buffy was still silent, so many thoughts in her head.

 “I know you feel it... I know you smell it... this is all cause of you B.”

 Buffy pulled out her hand and Faith slightly pulled away, “I can’t tell you more, Buffy...If you don't-”

 “I know,” Buffy cut her while reaching for her face; she pulled her closer into a deep kiss.

Faith's arousal was so strong but Buffy still wasn't back to touching her. She kept taking deep breaths, inhaling the scent, the smell of the other slayer invading her. She looked at the juices on her hand with a deep gaze.

 Faith looked at her and a strangely shy smile showed on her lips as she understood why Buffy was so hesitant suddenly.

 She pulled away and carried Buffy back to her feet then looked at her, “Do you wanna try?”

 “I'm... I'm not sure I can...” 

 “If you can’t then... you don't... And it’ll be ok.” Faith said in a relaxing tone.

 Faith moved to a smaller headstone to sit on it and spread her legs while leading Buffy to her. The blonde girl knelt so her face was just at the level of Faith's neatly shaved pussy. She swallowed but then the scent got so strong that she felt every part of her body reacting to it. Her hair dressed on her arms, her nipples hardened and she could feel herself as wet as ever.

 Faith decided not to look at her to not make her feel uncomfortable and also, she thought the sight of Buffy going down on her would be enough to make her come in the second and she SO wanted this to last as longer as it could... That is, if Buffy was really going to do it.

 Faith lied down on the headstone.

 Buffy closed her eyes and let the scent invade her totally while tentatively bringing her mouth to Faith's swollen mound.

 Faith took a long inhale and resisted the urge to put her hand in Buffy's hair to press her face harder into her core.

 Her prayers were granted though as Buffy started sucking on her clit. She had tentatively started, afraid she would pull away immediately but surprisingly to her, she'd liked what she’d felt, and what she'd tasted.

 “B. God yes.” 

 Faith couldn't resist any longer and she put her hand in Buffy's hair but didn't pull on it. She just twisted her locks, sometimes squeezing a little when the pleasure was too much but she remained soft. She was surprised by herself as she completely let the blonde girl choose the rhythm, and so far it was a delight.

 Buffy brought her hand and slid a finger inside of her.  Faith arched her back and Buffy sucked even harder.

 “Oh God, oh God.” 

 Faith slightly propped herself on her elbow to look at Buffy, “Oh boy.” She immediately leaned backwards again.

 Buffy swallowed the rush of juices that spread after that so much that sight had aroused Faith.

 She kept griping the headstone and pulling harder on Buffy's hair as well.

 “God B. I'm gonna... Oh God.”

 Buffy started thrusting really fast and deep while still sucking on her clit and Faith’s body trembled then tensed and she let a loud groan as she climaxed.

 Buffy stopped thrusting but let her finger inside, feeling the brunette’s walls contract around it. She swallowed more juices than she thought possible of. She didn't feel disgusted or sick or all the things she thought she would when she’d first started to think about it a while ago, after Faith had done it to her.

 She let go of her clit to lick on the slit from her center to her clit, a few times and she finally pulled away, wiping the juices from her face while watching Faith’s chest still rising hard after the intensity of her orgasm.

 The brunette’s eyes were still shut.

 She finally opened them and sat up on the headstone.

Buffy couldn't help a shy look aside and Faith moved closer, she brushed her hand on Buffy's cheek and the blonde girl looked at her.

 “I gotta say, I'm really glad you didn't chicken out on this, B.”

 Buffy couldn't help a shy smile and her cheeks became red.

 Faith smiled at that sight but then she got up and put her panties and pants back on.

 Buffy closed her zipper too. This was the part she liked the less but she didn't know how to prevent it. She didn't know if she should, if she could ever... And what it meant if she wanted to prevent it.

 She wasn't sure of much in fact. It was only in Faith’s embrace that things made sense...

But it always had to stop and then things tended to become far more confusing.

 “Well,”

 Faith saw Buffy's sad look at that word because the older slayer so knew what was coming next so she looked aside.  Faith rubbed her forehead, she looked upset too now.

She shook her head then, “Look err, if you want...”

 Buffy looked up at her but remained calm, she didn’t want to show any hope. Because she wasn’t even sure what she was hoping for.

 “Err, I'm going to that country fest outside of town tomorrow. They have good and cheap food and err, well, there are some great bands too. One I even saw playing at the Bronze,” she said, justifying, with an hopeful tone, “so, err, well, and sometimes they have this thing where you have to catch a pig... It’s kind of funny... I mean, if you’re not the pig of course. And - and well, I know country’s kinda lame but-”

 “I like country music.” Buffy told her with a smile.

 Faith returned the shy smile, “Ok, then. I'll swing by your house, 1.30pm ok for you?”

 “Totally. I mean, yes.” 

 Faith hid a smile and cleared her throat, “Well then ok. I gotta go now.”

 Buffy nodded.

 “Night.”

 “Night Faith.”

 Buffy walked home with a smile for once.

PART 12

Faith hesitated as she was standing in front of the Summers’ front door. It was barely 1 pm. She’d gotten up far earlier than usually, a certain excitement had kept her awake.

 She finally gathered the nerve to knock on the door.

 Joyce opened it, “Oh hello, Faith.”

 “Hi miss Summers.”

 “Come on in.” Joyce stepped aside, “I’m glad to see you here. It's been a while.”

 “Well, been busy. I’m sorry to come in earlier than planned; I hope I’m not bothering you.”

 “Earlier than planned?”

 “Oh, B didn’t tell you, we’re going to that country festival outside of town.”

 Joyce smiled, “Alright, I understand better now why she’s been in the bathroom for one hour, changing outfits every five minutes.”

 Faith frowned with a smile though, not sure about Joyce’s knowing smile.

 “Yeah, guess she hasn’t been to a country fest before to know what to wear.”

 “It must be that.” Joyce told her with a smile, “I’m going to go and get her now.”

 “No don’t bother. I’m the one who’s early. I think it’s my alarm clock that is wrong; gotta check this tonight. And since I was just walking around, you know, thought I might… come, in case she was ready early too, you know.”

 Joyce kept smiling, “Sure.”

 She walked the stairs, “But still, when she’s in that state, she can take hours to get ready so I’ll just cut it short or you won’t get there before night fall.”

 “Ok. If you say so then.”

Joyce walked upstairs with a smile; it was funny to see the tough brunette being so nervous. Both girls’ nervousness amused Joyce in fact. It had a slight teenage first dates aura about it. For once her daughter’s life seemed a little more normal, a little lighter.

 Buffy panicked for 5 minutes when she knew Faith was already here but she finally settled for a pair of black jeans, black and white boots and a red top. And she’d put her sexy red underwear outfits just because she felt good in it.

 “Hey,”

 “Hey,”

 They both told each other.

 “I think you’re both ready to go now.” Joyce said, cutting the awkwardness.

 “Well mom, see you later.”

 Joyce kissed her daughter’s forehead, “Have fun.”

 The slayers walked away.

 They began the walk rather silently but then started to talk a little. Buffy talked about the dormitories at Sunnydale high that she would soon go visit with Willow, she wasn’t sure when yet. Faith made nasty jokes about college, parties, pledges and sex and the atmosphere became more comfortable between each other.

They arrived at the festival and ate first, Buffy noticed that the food was indeed, not that bad for a reasonable price.

 They talked and laughed some more. They watch the pig’s catching challenge which made them laugh… a lot.

 They saw some bands playing music; they even playfully talked about a bass player who, admittedly, was really hot. They had a great time.

 Darkness had already fallen when they started heading back to town.

 They kept talking about the music; they talked about the Dingoes then. They were still laughing about the pig’s thing when Buffy’s house came to sight.

 “Still, not so sure you would have laughed that much if you had been in the ring.”

 “Come on, B. I can catch it easy.”

 “So you say, but I didn’t see you try.”

 “Wrong outfit.” Faith said while running her hand on her black pants and white top, “Plus I would’ve smelt all afternoon then.”

 Buffy smiled then took a deep breath as they were home, they stared at each other.

 Faith realized she’d spent a wonderful afternoon, probably the best day she’d had since she’d arrived in Sunnydale and they hadn’t fucked for that to happen. For her, it was a really hard concept to grasp.

 Buffy smiled nervously at her, thinking pretty much the same thing though she was glad about this fact.

 Now though… now that night was all around, now that they were standing up face to face, staring intensely at each other; now they could feel the desire growing inside of both of them.

 “Do you… do you want to come in?”

 Faith slightly swallowed while looking aside, “I think I saw light at your mother’s window.”

 “Bedside lamp, she’s probably reading. She won’t mind.”

 “Not so sure about that, you’re not really quiet B, you know.”  Despite the light joke Buffy could hear a slight nervousness in Faith’s voice.

Just like her mother she found it cute but then she looked hesitant too.

 They really had spent a great day and maybe it was better to let it that way. Almost like a simple first date. Having a good time and no sex.

 “Ok then.” She told her with a smile, happy to believe maybe they could start back. Start normally, do things in the right order.

 “Well, good night then.”

 “Good night.”

 Faith turned around.

 “Faith?” She turned around to Buffy again but the blonde girl remained silent until she walked closer to Faith and kissed her softly on the corner of her lips, “I really had a great time.”

 Faith swallowed but remained silent.

 Buffy walked back, trying hard to tell herself that she shouldn’t be expecting too much about this day but yet she couldn’t help doing so.

 Faith walked away and Buffy walked back in.

 Buffy wondered a lot, she’d really liked that day and she couldn’t help the feeling she really liked being with Faith. It wasn’t just a sexual thing, she cared about her. She enjoyed her presence on many levels and Faith made her feel good on much more level than a sexual one.

It wasn’t compensating anymore, like just an easy way.

She knew she really liked her… For fear of another word.

 Faith wondered a lot too, she couldn’t really find sleep in fact contrary to the blonde slayer. She started thinking about Buffy, about this day and how simple it had been to feel good but then images of Buffy and Angel went through her mind, images of her childhood came back too. How people, of her own family had hurt her so much despite the fact they loved her.

She started to think about this word; love….

It didn’t ring right in her mind. Too much confusion it evoked, too many uncertainties, too many rejections… Too many fears…

 She tried to block these thoughts and instead came back the memories of Buffy’s skin, the first time she’d touched her, the first time she’d been inside of her. Faith started getting wet at these simple thoughts.

 She then thought about their first kiss but then that thought brought her back to that word she was desperately pushing backwards in her mind, that L Word, so she very fast went back to thinking purely sexually; Buffy’s body, Buffy’s breasts, her nipples hardening in her mouth, her juices spreading on her hand.

 Faith started touching herself, thinking about this, only this; the physical connection….

Buffy hesitated to call her the next day. She couldn’t help but expect that SHE would, but Faith didn’t.

 Buffy didn’t take it bad. Or so she tried to think she wasn’t taking it bad. It was normal, it was Faith and she really shouldn’t expect anything casual from her.

 Buffy didn’t stay home waiting though, knowing she probably wouldn’t get any news she went out with Willow.

Of course the answering machine was the first thing she checked when she came home but wasn’t surprised that it was empty. Sad yes, but not surprised.

 Buffy stopped by the Motel the next day, after lunch.

 She knocked, “Faith?”

 She could hear the television working.

 “It’s open.”

 Buffy walked in, “Hey. Am I bothering?”

 “No, just watching a movie.”

 “What is it about?” Buffy said as she glanced at the TV box.

 “Some boy and a horse.”

 Buffy gave her a skeptic frown. Faith smiled, “No seriously, come here and check it.”

 Buffy was glad to see Faith made her some room beside her on the bed.

 Buffy settled on the bed, she glanced at Faith a couple of times but saw she was really focused on the movie so she started watching it too. She liked it too.

 The movie was over; it was the credits.

 “You were right, it was a good movie. I especially liked when he rides the horse after the-”

 Buffy stopped when Faith’s hand lied on the hem of her pants.

Faith was staring at her but not passively, she was already unbuttoning her pants.

 “Faith, err,”

Buffy hesitated but the brunette locked her lips on hers as she pulled her backwards and already slid her hand under Buffy’s panties.

 Buffy moaned in her mouth and clutched at her back at Faith’s ministrations on her clit.

 Faith teased it for a while during which she rubbed herself on Buffy’s thigh.

 The blonde slayer moved her hand to Faith’s pants and unzipped it to slide her hand in too. Faith moaned louder when Buffy reached her core.

Buffy gasped as the brunette beauty slid two fingers at the same time inside of her.

 They started moving their hips very fast against each other as they fucked each other really hard. Faith crushed the blonde girl’s lips and Buffy slid a finger inside her wetness.

 Their moans were getting heavier, Faith thrust harder in automatism when the climax hit her. Buffy felt the brunette’s walls clench around her finger then relax. Faith hadn’t stopped thrusting inside of Buffy though and a few more times were enough for the blonde girl to join her in her bliss.

 They slightly pulled away; Faith brought her fingers to her mouth and suck on them with a look of delight at it. Buffy observed her but remained silent.

 Faith waited for her breathing to come back to normal before sitting up, “We should go out, B.”

 The good thing was, she’d said WE. Bad thing, Buffy would prefer to stay in for now; it had been good yes, but short and it usually became far more intense when they stayed in bed longer.

 “Or we could…. stay in…. for a while.”

 “Nah, kinda wanna get out.” She replied, not looking at Buffy.

 “Check out the window, B, sun’s really bright today.”

 “Just like everyday.” Buffy said in a monotone voice.

 “Every day for you, California girl. Me, still getting used to it.”

 Buffy didn’t say anything; she sat up on the bed too. She didn’t comment because she knew it would get her nowhere, Faith wanted out and away from their closeness and so would it be.

 Buffy tried not to think about it because her hopes would prevent her from having a good day so… she knew she could only let it slide, let it go the way Faith led it. Faith wouldn’t take anything if it was forced on her.

 There was nothing she could do. What’s more, she still wasn’t really sure what she, herself, wanted so she knew she could definitely not start some serious talking with the brunette because her own hesitations would make Faith cut it short.

 So they went out and had a coffee at the espresso pump then Faith said she had something to do. Buffy didn’t insist.

 She met her friends at the bronze and had fun too. She was decided to take it like that; as it came.

 She didn’t hear from Faith the following two days but then Faith knocked at her door to go on patrol together.

 After a couple hours slaying they had sex in a graveyard against a tree and Faith, once again, offered that they do something together the next day.

It was really confusing to Buffy, cold and hot, very cold and then very hot.

 But she understood she already liked the brunette too much to willingly stop it despite the confusion and hurt over, say, seeing Faith leave the bronze with a boy the next evening after they’d spent the entire afternoon and evening together.

 She decided though not to let it affect her, she hung out with her friends the next day and they went to see the Dingoes play outside of town.

 The next day they went to see a movie then Buffy went back home to let the couple alone for a while. She found Faith waiting for her outside of her house.

 “You do know she would have let you in, right?” She jokingly told her but Faith got up,

 “Didn’t want to bother her.”

 “You know she likes you… She doesn’t mind having you in the house…” Buffy tried to let a hint whichever it was, but Faith didn’t pay much attention, “You ready for patrol?”

 “Yeah, guess I am.”

 “Ok then, let’s motor.”

 They slayed for a while but didn’t do anything this time as their patrol ended at the hospital; they’d came across a bunch of vampires feeding on two humans that they immediately brought there.

 Faith barely let the girl she was holding in and walked away from the hospital to Buffy’s surprise and displeasure.

The blonde girl walked by Faith’s motel to find her watching TV.

 “Thanks for bailing on me. Had to explain everything.”

 “Sorry.” Faith just said, not looking away from the TV.

 “Why did you leave like that?”

 “Brought the girl, nothing more I could do.”

 “You barely walked in the lobby; it’s barely just if you didn’t let her outside the front door.”

 “She made it inside, ok?” Faith’s tone was rather firm.

 “And you let me do all the explanation.”

 “Look, I don’t like hospitals, ok? And you’re here annoying me now, so everything went ok.”

 Buffy moved closer and sat on the bed, “Why?”

 “Why what?”

 “Why don’t you like hospitals? You ran away without warning them once you got on your feet after Angel… you know. So why?”

 “I just don’t.”

 “Why don’t you talk to me, Faith?”

 “What are we doing right now?”

 “Why do you always shut yourself up that way?”

 “I let you in tonight, right? So consider yourself lucky already.”

 “Yeah, I am so lucky to be in-” Buffy stopped herself and even freaked out at what she was about to say.

 They were staring at each other. Buffy got up from the bed.

 “I should go.”

 “Yeah you should.”

 Buffy walked home really wondering, she’d almost said it.

It was the emotions, the confusion; she wasn’t in love, she couldn’t be in love. Not with Faith, not with someone it would be pointless to like that way.

It wasn’t that, it was certainly just that there was so much she didn’t know about Faith, so much the brunette was holding back and hiding, and Buffy was curious by nature; she’d always needed to know what was hidden from her. This was probably why Faith interested her so much despite her confusing ways.

 She couldn’t help going home with a certain sadness.

PART 13

The next day Buffy wandered in town, she sat at the Espresso Pump in front of a cup of coffee that she started drinking without fervor until someone stood up in front of her, it was Faith.

 Buffy looked rather surprised to see her here. The brunette sat down in front of her, she glanced aside for a short while, she looked uncertain, almost embarrassed.

 “My mother died of a cancer. She spent her last months bedridden in a hospital.” She finally said.

 Buffy took a deep breath, she felt glad that Faith was telling her but sad about this,

“I’m sorry.”

 Faith shrugged.

 “Breast cancer?” Buffy tentatively asked.

 “Liver cancer. Yeah, she liked to drink… a lot.” Faith then glanced aside.

 “I’m sorry about that too. How old were you?”

 Buffy saw Faith was hesitant.

 “15.”

 “What about… your father?”

 “Gone.”

 Buffy could feel Faith holding back the urge to walk away from this talk already. She understood she couldn’t push it too far but she wanted to know… so much… so many things.

 “So… where did you live after that?”

 “With my cousins in North Boston until my watcher showed up. So, where do we patrol tonight?”

 That was all Buffy would get for today and she knew it so she smiled, “Well, haven’t gone on the docks for a while.”

 “That’s settled then. We should go; it’ll be night by the time we get there.”

 They patrolled on the docks for a little while. Only met a couple of vampires and a demon, easily killed so they headed towards the campus Buffy would soon patrolled on a regular basis in and slayed some more, then ended up at the Bronze, a little before the closing, they headed directly to the restrooms for a little post-slayage action.

 Buffy had suggested they go to her house or Faith’s motel but Faith had found good reasons not to. Anything but to get a real private one on one with Buffy.

Instead they’d had sex against a cabin’s door while Buffy, despite the pleasure, kept thinking of the numerous people Faith had probably fucked against this same door.

 It made it hard for her not to have a bitter taste in mouth when she headed home that night.

 They saw each other 2 days later. Buffy managed to drag Faith for a picnic on the hills without Faith protesting too much. Buffy told her there was a great view and that she came there sometimes to think.

Faith hadn’t been able to refuse seeing the look on Buffy’s face. And her pout. She called it cheating, she knew she didn’t like being manipulated but she hadn’t been able to tell her no, and the smile on Buffy’s face after that had made it all worth it.

 They were propped on their elbow, still eating some chips while letting the sun warm them pleasantly.

 “Do you think about her a lot?”

 Faith looked at the chips, “Who’s that?” She said, pretending not to get it.

 “Your mother. I mean, I guess it’s a stupid question, of course you do.”

 “I don’t.”

 Buffy was a little surprised but hid it; she really wanted Faith to talk to her.

 “Why?”

 “Why do you wanna know? It doesn’t matter.”

 “Yes it does. To me it does. It’s about your life, Faith and... I’m interested in you. I mean, your life.”

 Faith remained silent.

 “I’m sure you don’t think that for real anyway.”

 “She made my life a living Hell for years, Buffy. Sure I do.”

 “Then why does it hurt you so much to go in a hospital then?”

 “First, it doesn’t hurt me. It just brings me back to a time I wish to forget. But apparently I can’t do that with you, can I?”

 “Look I don’t mean to bring back memories but... I’m your friend... We’re... close. I just want to know... things. I just... I don’t think you’re not sad about your mother’s death and... you’re on your own so I’m just-”

 “I’m better on my own, B. My life’s way much fun since I took charge of it, let me tell you. All these people supposedly responsible for you ‘till you’re an adult’, well let me tell you they just fuck with you, that’s all they do.”

 “You know it’s not always like that. Check out my mom, or Giles.”

 “Guess you got lucky.”

 “I get that. But I still don’t think you felt nothing about your mother dying.”

 “You wanna know why I hate hospital so much? Because I was brought there EVERY DAY to see her while the cancer spread to all her body. Generalized cancer... She didn’t even look like anything I’d known of her and every day I kept wondering if she would finally be dead when I walked into her room.”

 Buffy remained silent.

 “Yes, B. She didn’t die fast enough to me.”

 Buffy looked at her with sympathy, not stunned at all.

 “It doesn’t mean you didn’t like her... and that you don’t miss her.”

 Faith swallowed and looked at Buffy who was still gazing gently at her.

 “Yes Buffy, it doesn’t mean I don’t like her. But I-” Faith trailed off.

 “Tell me.”

 Faith swallowed.

 “Please.”

 “I guess... I’m still mad at her... And it hurts to be mad at someone who’s dead, you know. Someone you can never say... anything to... anymore and who can never say they’re sorry.”

 Buffy put her hand on Faith’s, “What would you tell her if you could?”

 “Nothing, it was just a figure of speech.”

 “No it wasn’t. Why... What would she be sorry for?”

 “Nothing. We should go now.”

 Faith meant to get up but Buffy grabbed her arm, “No don’t-”

 “Let go of me!” Faith said shoving her off rather brutally. Buffy stumbled backwards and Faith looked upset about it.

 Buffy didn’t look angrily at her though, but she swallowed, “Don’t you think it’s time you let go of the past, Faith? Don’t you see you’re hurting yourself?”

 “This is my life, Buffy. Mine. You have nothing to say. Don’t know who you think you are or what you’d thought about us but... I’m on my own. You have NOTHING to tell me.”

 Buffy looked aside and swallowed hard as Faith walked away.

 Buffy felt really down for the rest of the day. She hardly found sleep either that night.

 She stayed home the next day and left only to go on patrol.

 She felt someone following her from the moment she stepped out of the house. She was extra careful as she was now in a deserted alley but then she realized it was Faith.

 “What are you doing here following me? Don’t you have your OWN life to lead somewhere else?”

 Faith looked bothered, “Look, I’m sorry.”

 “So am I. I need to patrol now.” Buffy turned around but Faith grabbed her arm, “No please, look I... I came to talk to you. I mean, say I was sorry.”

 “Yeah? You been following me since I left home, why didn’t you knock? We could have talked there.”

 “I just... I wanted. What does it matter where I apologize? It’s already hard for me to do so.”

 “Like it’s not hard for me to have you throw these kinds of things at my face all the time?”

 “I’m sorry. I was a little upset I guess. You know I didn’t mean it.”

 “Yes you did. I’m nothing to you.”

 “Yes you are. You’re very important in my life, B. I mean, you’re important and I didn’t mean to say that.”

 Buffy looked aside.

 “I like that you care, it means a lot but... the past is the past, why don’t you let it there; in the past.”

 “Faith, it’s not so much about the past, it’s about you and me. About where we stand, what we are to each other. It’s about connecting on ‘other’ levels.”

 Faith put her hands on the blonde slayer’s waist. “We’re connecting, B. You and me like you said. We stand just… right here.” She sensually whispered, twisting the blonde slayer’s words while she made her move backwards.

 “Faith it’s, I’m serious.”

 “So am I, B. You’re very important to me,” she said as she kissed her neck, “very, very important.”

 Buffy inhaled deeply when she felt the brunette’s hand on the hem of her pants, unbuttoning it.

 Faith gently pinned her against the wall and kissed her.

 Buffy moaned in her mouth when Faith reached her sensitive mound.

 “Faith,”

 “It’s ok. Let it slide, B.”

 “Sex doesn’t... resolve everything... One day. God... One... you’re gonna have to. God!” Buffy clutched at Faith’s back as this one slid two fingers inside of her and started a steady rhythm in and out of her.

 Buffy’s breathing started getting heavier and Faith kept on kissing her, not letting her time to finish whatever it was she was about to say...

 Buffy climaxed in a stifled moan and Faith pulled apart.

 “You know I’m right, Faith.” Buffy said, out of breath.

 “Buffy I-. Maybe you’re right, but it’s my right too to tell you to stop right here with this because... I won’t tell you anything, and I don’t want to lose you but if you go on... It just won’t work, Buffy.”

 Buffy swallowed, “What exactly will work then?”

 “This.” Faith said, showing their surrounding, Buffy’s unbuttoned pants and her soaked fingers.

 Buffy swallowed again, “You’re right, I don’t think it will work.”

 Faith shook her head and walked away. So did Buffy.

 The next day Faith headed to the hill Buffy had brought her to cause there was, indeed, a beautiful sight. She hadn’t been able to find sleep that night and had woken up early to go there, to change her mind.

 She took a deep breath when she saw the blonde girl was here too.

 Buffy looked surprised as well and looked aside, trying to hide her tears.

 Faith swallowed but her instincts got the best on her and she immediately reached Buffy. She knelt in front of her and took her face in her hands to wipe the tears away.

 “I’m sorry. Don’t cry, please.”

 Buffy couldn’t help it; she pulled her face into a kiss. Faith held her face tighter as the kiss deepened. Still kissing, Faith lied on top of her. Their legs intermingled they started rubbing their crotch on each other’s thigh for a long while until Faith began to undress Buffy. The blonde girl reciprocated and they found each other pretty much naked on the grass on which they made love for a while, unable to stop kissing, to stop touching. It kept getting more and more intense, climax after climax and they kept on holding each other tighter minutes after minutes...

 They finally collapsed into each other’s arms some time after noon. They both fell asleep for a couple of hours.

 Buffy checked out her watch when she got up, it was 3. She realized they’d been lucky no one had come up here. They got dressed and Faith offered that they go back downtown together. They spent the rest of the afternoon together, rather quietly, they went to see a movie and held hands in the theatre till the lights went on again.

 Faith walked her home then walked back to her motel.

 July ended that way, them getting close then getting farther, and closer again. August started that way too but over all they kept spending more and more time together doing casual things like movies, or fun at the beach. Of course every time it got too intense Faith would just give her a quick fuck in a cemetery and not show up for the next couple of days but Buffy couldn’t even want it to stop.

 She still wanted more, much more but there was no way she could do without even just this right now.

And Faith was just the same, every time she was a little hard she kept coming back apologizing, doing better because she just couldn’t do without the blonde girl in her life.

She knew it, Buffy knew it but they weren’t talking about it.

PART 14

During all this time, Faith had always refused to go inside the Summers home. Buffy couldn't help but wonder why. True, the last time something happened in it, it had sent both of them on a highly emotional place and revealed something to both of them, but Buffy wondered if it wasn’t because of Joyce as well. Buffy knew Faith liked her mother and she wondered if she was afraid that Joyce might not like her anymore if she knew about the both of them. Buffy thought about telling Faith that her mother already knew and that she didn't mind. Maybe it would help Faith be more comfortable. Maybe she would even stay... an entire night and maybe... she could reach her… completely... Maybe Faith would let her in.

 That was a lot of maybes but Buffy's thoughts were mainly focused on Faith these days. She even realized how much wondering and sulking over the two of them had taken her mind away from missing Angel...

 She and the brunette slayer were spending a lot of time together, she couldn’t help thinking more and more about it, and about other stuff she knew she wanted to tell Faith. She'd tried to take it as it was coming for a while but now, things seemed to be so good, she couldn’t help wanting... more. Buffy wondered if Faith felt the same way, if her point of view had maybe been altered about it. She seemed to have as much fun as her...

 That night they ended their patrol not far from Revello. It wasn’t very late but they’d already come across a dozen of vampires and three demons. They decided to call it a night.

 Buffy asked her for the nth time to come home with her. Faith said no at first but finally let herself be convinced.

 Buffy took that as a sign that Faith had indeed, probably also wondered about the two of them, that she'd probably started to see them a little differently. Maybe she would be a little more receptive...

Again, lots of maybes.

 Buffy didn’t know if she would say any of the things she had in mind. She wasn’t sure what to say in fact.

Maybe she would just let Faith see that it’s ok, and not say anything until she knows it's really the right time. Or maybe she would... stop thinking because she was starting to get a headache again.

 Faith stopped when she noticed the light was on in the living room. Buffy took her hand and dragged her to the door telling her it was totally fine.

 They let go of each other's hand as they stepped inside.

 "Evening honey. Oh hello Faith, how are you doing?" Joyce asked her earnestly.

 "I'm fine, Miss Summers, thank you, err, what about you?"

 “I'm good. Desperately tying to fix this mask on the wall without any success so far."

 "Oh let me help you."

 Buffy had to take a deep breath at the sight of Joyce and Faith so close, Joyce was holding the mask and Faith was sticking the screw in the wall. Buffy realized how much she liked that picture and how much these two women meant to her, not that she didn't know her mother meant so much to her... but Faith. Faith and Joyce, Faith in the house with her and Joyce. She had to take another breath but then she shook these thoughts away,

 "I hope you made sure this wasn’t a raising zombies one this time?”

 Joyce gave her a scolding gaze but then admitted she'd thought about it too, "I called mister Giles. Just to be sure. We can sleep safely."

 "Good. Well, err, while we're on the subject of sleeping, err mom, do you mind if Faith sleeps here tonight?"

 "If you do it’s really no problem Miss Summers I'll just-"

 "I already told you, please call me Joyce. And no I don’t mind. You're welcome here anytime, Faith."

 "Thanks. Its just, patrol got busy tonight and... we were closer so Buffy suggested... but I can totally go home."

 Joyce smiled and put her hands on Faith’s shoulders, the brunette looked really tensed "You are welcome here anytime, Faith. Now you just relax, and spend a good night here."

 Joyce looked at her daughter with a gentle gaze, "There's food in the fridge. More sheets in the junk room if Faith wants to settle in the guest room. Figure it out how ever you want." Joyce told them, not wanting to assume anything, Faith looked uncomfortable enough as it was.

 Buffy smiled thankfully at her mother, "Thanks mom."

 "I'll be upstairs if you need anything. I think I'll go to bed now. Good night girls."

 Buffy smiled at Faith who tried to smile too.

 "Hey, just relax, see? Everything's fine."

 "Sorry about that. Your mother's really nice, you know." Faith told her, almost making Buffy feel guilty with the tone she used.

 Buffy smiled, "Yes and that’s a problem because?"

 "Well, you know."

 Buffy put her hand on Faith’s waist, “It's ok. Seriously Faith, it's really ok."

 Buffy moved forward to kiss her and Faith finally relaxed, she even deepened the kiss and slowly started groping Buffy who moaned. Faith then realized they were still in the living room and Joyce could show up anytime, "B, we should get to your room."

 "You read my mind." Buffy told her in a sensual whisper.

 They had barely closed the door and Buffy was already tugging at the hem of Faith's top. Faith slightly smiled at the blonde girl's eagerness.

 Faith's top flew across the room while Buffy pressed herself against her, pushing her backwards against the door.

 "Wow, B. You-" Faith was interrupted by Buffy’s lips on hers. Faith massaged her breasts and Buffy jumped on her, wrapping her legs around the brunette's waist. Faith's back banged against the door at the gesture.

 Faith slightly laughed, "Careful, B; your mother?" She whispered.

 Buffy only nibbled on her earlobe at this and Faith shivered. She moved the blonde girl to her bed and lied her down on the mattress. Buffy sat up then to unclasp the brunette's bra while Faith was taking care of Buffy's pants.

 They found themselves naked and under the sheets in no time. Buffy tried to move on top of Faith this time but the brunette was being stubborn again.

 They tried to be as quiet as they could, sometimes kissing each other to stifle their moans.

Buffy bit her hand really hard when Faith went down on her.

They pleased each other for a couple of hours before lying on their back, side by side with a contented grin on their face. Buffy looked at her hand.

 "Let me see." Faith said as she took her hand in hers, "Wow,"

 She stared at the blonde slayer, "I'm good, huh?"

 They started laughing slightly, though still catching their breath.

 Faith looked a little more thoughtful after a while.

 Buffy propped herself on her elbow and gently brushed her fingertips on the brunette's collarbone area.

 "What’s wrong?" She tentatively asked, hoping Faith wasn't going to tell her she had to go. She hadn't moved yet and this was already a positive step. Buffy hoped it would stay that way. She really hoped she could fall asleep close to her and wake up that way. She really wanted to.

 "Nothing. I just," she hesitated, "I feel bad because of your mom."

 "I told you she likes having you here, didn't she tell you so?"

 "Yeah, don't think she would like it so much if she knew I was screwing her daughter."

 Buffy smiled, "Well, first you're not screwing me and secondly, she doesn’t mind."

 Faith smirked, "Yeah right." Then she frowned when she saw the honest look in Buffy's eyes.

 "What do you mean she DOESN'T mind?"

 "I mean she knows already. And she doesn't mind."

 "What?! What are you telling me? What did you tell her?" Faith sat up straight suddenly.

 "Nothing I just... She heard us last time. I mean... On Prom night. She knows. We talked about it. I mean, not talk-talked but... she knows about us and she doesn't mind."

 Faith looked in front of her, she didn't really know how to react to that, but she seemed to know she didn't like it.

 "Listen, it's ok."

 "No, it's not. What is she gonna think now?"

 "Nothing, I told you. Prom was like 2 months ago. She would have said something then if it bothered her, and she wouldn't have invited you in. Seriously she's ok. I think she's even glad."

 Faith looked at Buffy with wide eyes, "What the fuck did you tell her, Buffy?!"

 "Nothing. Just calm down. I don't talk about us to her."

 "There's no us, Buffy." Faith suddenly got up.

 "There could be."

 Faith suddenly froze and they stared at each other.

There, she'd said it, what had been on her mind. She'd said it and wasn’t going to stop now. She took Faith's hand to make her kneel on the bed again.

 "There could be, Faith. This thing between us... Think about it... We keep spending all this time together... We're kinda good together.  I think we could, like, try... something, you know."

 "Yeah right, like you would come out to your friends, huh?"

 "Who said anything about coming out. I'm just-"

 "Of course." Faith said with an ironic smile while she got up again.

 "I was just going to say that it's not about coming out it's about us being honest with each other. Us being happy for once. I know you like being with me and I like being with you too and we could have more than this. And if that's what it takes I'll go see Willow first thing tomorrow if that's what you want."

 "No that’s not what I want." Faith picked up her clothes on the floor.

 "Faith? Faith no don't go."

 "I never asked you to do anything, B. I don’t want you to do anything."

 "Faith you-"

 "I’m NOT your girlfriend, Buffy."

 Buffy stared at her and swallowed. Faith was already dressed,

"We're not dating. And we never will."

 Faith exhaled, upset and walked out of the room, "Good night."

 Buffy lay down on her bed and put her hands to her face as tears started to fall.

 Faith walked down the stairs, she looked really sad. She stopped at the bottom of the stairs and sat on the last step, putting her hands to her face. She was trying hard not to cry.

 "Why don’t you go back up there?" Joyce told her in a gentle tone but Faith was startled and got up immediately at the sight of the older Summers coming from the kitchen.

 "Err, Miss Summers, err, I didn’t see you, I was err,-"

 "About to cry."

 "Me? No, I was just err,"

 "About to leave as well."

 Joyce walked closer; she had a cup of herb tea she'd just made herself in hand.

 Faith slightly looked aside, she was still feeling her argument with Buffy and she found it hard to find anything to say that wouldn't compromise her, even if Joyce knew; she personally wasn't comfortable with that fact.

 "So again I ask why?"

 "Listen Miss-"

 "Joyce."

 "Joyce. I had...  I can't talk about this with you."

 "I understand your relationship with Buffy is-"

 "There's no relationship. I mean-" Faith trailed off.

 "Now I understand where she got that line from. That's what she told me the first time I asked. I didn't try to ask again but I certainly never agreed with that, not when I could such bright smiles on her face every time she was going somewhere with you."

 Faith looked down at the floor.

 "I didn't say anything because the only thing I want is for her to be happy and I thought... she was. She is, when you spend time together, so I never said anything but I know... I know that right now she's probably far from happy, alone in her room."

 Faith looked aside again, ashamed, “I'm sorry Miss, Joyce. I didn’t mean to hurt her or-"

 "But I still won't tell you anything. If I thought that you didn't care about her I would just chase you from this house. But look at you, you can't tell me that you're happy either right now."

 "Yeah, yes I am. I just need to get out of here."

 "You sure looked really unhappy on those stairs."

 "You can't understand." Faith headed to the door.

 "Is it really going to kill you to follow your heart, Faith? Is that feeling really going to be the death of you? You feel so bad right now because you're doing everything but the one thing you really want to; going back upstairs and holding her, telling her and showing her how you feel."

 Faith took a deep breath as she squeezed the knob, "I'm sorry but... this is bullshit to me. It doesn't mean anything to me."

 Joyce crossed her arms with an intrigued gaze on Faith who swallowed again.

 "This will always surprise me; that with everything you see and fight every night, the one thing that frightens you the most in life is love."

 Faith lowers her head but then looked up at Joyce once again, "I... I don’t believe in love."

 Faith opened the door but stopped as Joyce moved forward, she had lots of respect for the older woman and she couldn't walk out on her if Joyce still had something to tell her, whether she wanted to hear it or not.

 "I guess it's a good thing then that love doesn't need to be worshipped to get to you. Because it's here. All the time." She touched Faith's heart.

 Faith walked backwards and turned around to leave.

 Joyce looked sad. She didn't understand why her daughter's life had to be so complicated, but then maybe it was being a slayer that brought that, seeing the issues in Faith's mind.

She could only hope the brunette would think about what she'd told her.

She could only hope for the best but times like this, she wondered if she really knew what the best was for her daughter. There was so much about her she was a total stranger to. That slayer in her. She knew it was a part of her but sometimes she felt like she was probably completely wrong...

 She had huge doubts, but in the end she could really only hope for the best.

PART 15

Faith and Buffy didn't talk for the next couple of days. Buffy kept thinking about the younger slayer’s words and about her own too. Even just one year ago she would have never ever considered something like that, considered doing this, saying this, thinking this, feeling this, which only made Faith's response even harder to bear for her.

 She didn't know if she could take this anymore.

She didn't want to let herself fall for her like she knew she already was especially if nothing was going to come from it. That's why she didn't try to call or see the brunette slayer. She shortened her patrols, somehow hoping not being with her would start becoming easier which... it wasn't.

 But she was trying to stay firm. If Faith didn't make any steps forward then she wouldn't either.

 She somehow hoped that the brunette wouldn't and that it would stop here, but she doubted her own resolve if Faith wasn't determined to stop it herself.

 And apparently... she wasn't. Faith called Buffy one evening to go on patrol, but Buffy refused. So she showed up the next day and asked Buffy to go hiking. Buffy couldn't refuse this time when they were face to face.

 And once again they spent a great day.

Buffy still couldn't get the other night's exchange out of her mind. Faith didn't mention it though and managed to make Buffy's day somewhat of a blast, and hers wasn't bad either.

They hiked, they talked, they laughed, Buffy couldn't help but laugh when Faith was making fun of other hikers who looked stunned to see them practically run when they were having so much difficulty. Faith teased some of them and Buffy tried not to laugh but it was hard. Faith always had the right joke.

 They picnicked on the highest hill and stayed there for a while, just lying on the grass then they walked down, slower somewhat, as if they didn't want this moment to end. As if both of them were scared of one another's reaction once back down, mostly Faith's. Buffy wished so much she could figure out how to keep Faith from pushing her away every time. She was thinking of this while they were walking down the Hill and Faith looked thoughtful too, just like every time she had such a great time with Buffy. She was thoughtful and worried about what it meant, worried about what was on the older girl's mind now, what she would expect next, and this was a vicious circle because every time Faith started thinking like that she immediately felt pressured, a pressure she didn't know how to handle.

But she tried to remain calm. She'd noticed the sad gleam in the corner of Buffy's eyes a couple of times during the day and that was a sight she had even more of a hard time handling.

 They went to the espresso pump to get some coffee as the sun slowly set.

 Faith told her she would walk her home and they headed to the Summers' house rather quietly.

 It wasn't long before they reached the kitchen door of the Summers home. 

 Faith slowly came to a stop,

"Guess I should get going now."

 Buffy shyly nodded, clearly showing it was SO not an obligation.

 Faith moved forward and they kissed. Buffy's hands immediately finding their place all over Faith's face and hair and Faith's hands gently caressing her back. They hadn't kissed or touched during the day and yet their kiss and touches weren't urgent or needy. Everything was slow and soft. Longing yes, but savoring, tasting, enjoying.

 They pulled away at some point, staring deep into each other's eyes. Faith slightly ran her tongue along her lower lip while taking a deep breath.

 Buffy took Faith's hand that was on her waist, "You don't... have to go... you know." She almost whispered.

 Faith took another deep breath, "Yes I, I gotta go do... something. I mean, I have to go... somewhere... else. I, err, I'll see you." She turned around almost immediately, Buffy slightly squeezed her hand in an automatic gesture but had to let her go and it hurt her more than ever.

 They didn't see each other the following days. Buffy went to the campus to get some papers for the coming school year. It was almost time to go back there, or rather, to go to that new universe.

 Buffy thought about it a lot these days. It was included in thoughts of her and Faith. She kept thinking that she had to resolve that issue; Faith and her, before starting college. She had some apprehension about college and she didn't want to spoil this year because of what was going on between her and Faith, it was taking way too much of her energy and something told her she was going to need some of it for college.

 It wasn't long before Faith called her and insisted they should go out on patrol early that night.

Buffy accepted. Faith dragged her on one of those heavy hunts of hers.

 They slayed, ran, fought for several hours. Faith kept asking her what time it was. Buffy asked her several times why she wanted to know but only got vague pretexts.

Buffy could feel her body react to this heavy hunting night. She could see it in Faith's gaze too.

Buffy quickly realized she wouldn't escape the fast cemetery fuck tonight because there was no way Faith wouldn't touch her, and there was no way she would make her stop because she was too turned on to try.

 They slayed three more vampires and Buffy found herself pinned against a crypt door with Faith's lips on hers and the brunette's body heavily pressing against hers. Buffy moaned in anticipation. Faith had made her wait longer than usual. Nights like these, she didn't last that long generally.

 But suddenly the younger slayer pulled away and stared at Buffy who slightly frowned while trying to steady her breathing.

 Faith moved forward, "Sorry, B. ... Gonna have to wait a little longer. I've got a surprise for you."

She took her hand and dragged her out of the cemetery. Buffy was trying hard to slow her heart beat, it was going so fast. She couldn't really believe it. She was scared to believe it. Was it what she was waiting for? Was Faith going to come home with her? Spend the night with her? Was she going to tell her the words she'd longed to hear?

She had started to think it would never happen but yet at the very minute Faith said this while taking her hand, it was the first thing she'd thought about.

 Well, the coming home part was already not the right one, but Buffy recognized the way to Faith's motel; it would do.

 Faith kept smiling at her, "You're going to love this."

 Buffy hated to think it but at that moment something in her pessimism told her that she wasn't going too. She couldn't help it. She swallowed, already scared, she couldn't but smile at the brunette girl and hold her hand tighter.

 They approached Faith's room and Buffy slightly frowned as she saw a young man, probably in his early twenties waiting against the wall, beside Faith's door.

 The smile on Faith's lips let Buffy know it wasn't an ex-one night stand showing up unexpectedly for another round. Buffy's grip tightened on Faith's hand but the brunette then grabbed her by the waist and crushed her lips heavily on hers in a devouring kiss then she pulled away, "We're gonna have so much fun, B."

 Buffy frowned as Faith smiled to the man when she took his hand.

 "What's going on, Faith?"

 Faith pulled out her key and started opening the door, "B, meet Tim."

 Faith looked at the young man, "Told you she was a bomb."

 The brunette boy heavily nodded.

 Buffy pulled her hand away from Faith's, "Faith?!"

 "Chill, B. You're gonna love it."

 "What exactly is *it*, Faith?"

 "Come on in, B. Just relax."

 Tim was already in.

 "Faith, wait!"

 Buffy let Faith drag her in. The brunette slayer closed the door.

 "Look, I don't know what you have in mind but-"

 Buffy was interrupted by Faith's lips on hers once again. The brunette put her hand on Buffy's breasts and started massaging them. Buffy moaned despite the questions in her mind.

 She was so worked up and Faith knew exactly which buttons to press. Well, actually, which buttons to undo.

 "Faith," Buffy whispered but held the brunette tighter as she slid her hand under the blonde girl's panties.

 "You're so wet, B."

 Buffy moaned again as Faith started rubbing her sensitive mound.

 Buffy slightly tensed as she felt the boy's hands on her waist from behind her.

 "Shh, B, it's ok. He'll go slow."

 "Faith," Buffy tried to focus, "I don't want this."

 Faith kissed her once again, "It's just because you don't really know it... Just relax B."

 The brunette boy placed his hands on Buffy's breasts and massaged them while Faith kept on kissing Buffy.

 Buffy put her hands on Faith's pants as she started undoing the buttons of it, "It's just you... I want."

 Faith placed her finger on her lips, "Shh."

Buffy clutched at Faith's shoulder as Faith slid a finger inside of her.

 She kissed her and parted only when Tim lifted Buffy's top. He caressed her breasts again while Faith kept thrusting slowly inside of her. Tim made the blonde girl's pants and panties fall down to her ankles.

 Faith reached for Tim's pants from behind Buffy and undid them. The young man moved away to get rid of it and his underpants too while Faith moved Buffy to the bed and lay her down on the mattress. She removed her own clothes and she then settled on top of Buffy.

Faith removed her top and bra and Buffy caressed her back slowly. She looked aside and saw Tim tearing open a condom.

Buffy put her hands on Faith's face, "Just like this, Faith, you and me. Please, just you and me."

 Faith diverted her eyes from the older girl's pleady ones and she kissed her neck,

"It's ok. You're just nervous. Trust me, it's gonna be good."

 "I don'-"

 Faith silenced her again with a kiss while Tim knelt on the bed.

 Buffy moaned as Faith pressed hard on her crotch while Tim settled in between their legs. Faith kissed Buffy once more then gasped in the blonde's neck when Tim slid his cock inside of her.

 Buffy heard the boy's grunt of pleasure already while he was thrusting deep into Faith who squeezed Buffy's shoulders tighter.

 Faith looked at Buffy and smiled at her while she lowered her hand once again to slide a finger inside of the blonde girl's wetness.

 The moans were starting to get heavier in the room. Faith moved away from Buffy and Tim grasped her from behind, grabbing her breasts hard while he pumped harder in and out of her.

 Buffy swallowed but Faith increased the thrusting inside of her at the same time and she focused on the pleasure.

 Faith looked back wickedly at Buffy and she bent forward to kiss her.

 Buffy gulped as she could now feel the boy's cock teasing her entrance. She automatically tried to sit up but Faith held her on the mattress. Buffy huffed as Tim thrust inside of her.

 Faith lowered her hand again to rub Buffy's sensitive mound while Tim started thrusting slowly in and out of her.

 "Faith," Buffy whispered as she held her tighter.

 "I'm here, B. Let it go. Let yourself feel it."

 Buffy squeezed her tight and they kissed for a long while then Faith moved up on the bed to straddle Buffy’s face, she squeezed the headboard tightly as the blonde girl started sucking on her mound.

 "God, B."

 "Oh God." Tim moaned as he started thrusting a little harder. The sight in front of him itself could make him come.

 Buffy gasped at some point.

 "Keep going B. I'm about to come. Make me come, B. God it's so good.

 Faith’s scent was intoxicating. Buffy held Faith's thighs tighter as Tim's thrusting sped up.

 Faith climaxed in a low groan.

 She moved away from Buffy's face to immediately replace her core by her mouth on the blonde girl's lips. She wiped the juices away from Buffy’s face and they kept kissing; Buffy was holding her even tighter. Faith could feel her tense.

 "Faith,"

 "Let it go, B. It's good. It's ok. Let it go, B."

 Faith lowered her hand and, still kissing her, started rubbing her sensitive spot while Tim started pounding inside of her very fast as his climax hit him.

 Faith's ministrations were the death blow to Buffy's resistance and she climaxed in her mouth.

 The man rode out his orgasm with a few more thrusts before withdrawing himself and he didn't waste any time getting up. He gathered his clothes and left. Boy, he'd really been to 'Faith school' before.

 Faith caressed the blonde girl's face while placing kisses in her neck as Buffy was trying to steady her breathing.

 "So? It was good, huh?" Faith gave her a naughty smile but Buffy slightly pushed her away as she sat up.

 Faith looked aside, slightly upset.

 Buffy remained silent so Faith moved closer and she saw Buffy was crying.

 Faith reached for her face but Buffy moved away.

 "Come on, Buffy. It's... It's ok."

 "No, no it's not ok."

 "Please don't cry it's-"

 "What? What you're gonna do about it? Drag me to an orgy or tie me up with handcuffs?"

 "Don't take it like that. It was good, wasn’t it? I just wanted you to see it was ok."

 "What exactly is ok, Faith? Fucking someone you don't feel nothing for? Is that it? Was that the point of all of this?"

 "Come on, B. I just wanted to show you something else. It wasn't that bad after all."

 "Yes, yes Faith, it was. It was very bad."

 "You came, Buffy. It was good."

 "You just don't understand, do you?"

 Faith looked aside.

 "All I wanted was to be with you. I didn't want this. I didn't want this man on me, in me. All I thought about was you. All I want is you; but you don't seem to understand this. You don't seem to care in fact."

 "Don't say that, you know I do. B? B?! What are you doing?"

 Buffy was getting dressed.

 "I'm just going home. Come on, don't tell me you want me to spend the night here, right?" she told her with a bitter sarcasm.

 Faith looked down.

 Buffy walked away, she had more to say but right now she could barely breathe so much sadness and anxiousness had created a knot in her throat. She left the door open on her way out.

PART 16

Faith came to the Summers' house the next day, some time after lunch.

 Joyce welcomed her. She guessed the girls had probably argued again since Faith wore the same stern look on her face that Buffy had worn all morning.

 Faith walked upstairs to the blonde slayer's room.

 "Knock knock." She told her as she showed her face. "See, I walked into your house of my own free will, I'm making progress." She said lightly but her expression showed the tension in her face to the blonde girl's somber look.

 She hesitantly stepped in.

 Buffy was sitting on her bed. She was staring out the window, after a moment, Faith came closer.

 "I'm sorry."

 Buffy closed her eyes; this sorry didn't have the same resonance to her. The others, the numerous others carried hope; hope that it would be better or she had heard them that way. This one felt just like a once again. Buffy could hardly feel the 'hope' in it anymore.

 Faith swallowed and sat on the bed. She took Buffy's hand, "Look I'm really sorry; I thought… I just wanted…. I won't do it again, I promise I won't."

 Buffy's head turned to look at Faith, "Yes you will, it'll happen another way but you will."

 "Come on, it's not that bad. I mean ok, I shouldn't have… I didn't think you would-"

 "What? Want more than sexual experimentation? Hell I didn’t even want any experimentation. I just wanted you, what? Are you surprised?"

 Faith looked aside, "You know you don’t mean… You just… We're just…."

 Buffy pulled her hand away from Faith's, "Just go away, Faith."

 "No, not now, I mean… I want... I need to know things are cool between us."

 "They're not."

 "Look I apologized, what more do you want?"

 "Nothing, Faith.  I don't want anything anymore. I understood this time."

 "Don't say that."

 "What else do you want me to say? Oh God Faith it was so good last night, please fuck me harder and go on with your life, it’s totally fine by me."

 Faith looked aside.

 "This doesn't work for me anymore, Faith. And I'm serious this time. College starts next week and I don't want this anymore."

 Faith tentatively put her hand on Buffy's thigh, "Come on, B. You know you can't do that. It's you and me."

 "No it's not. It's you and your freaking out on me and I just can't do this anymore. I don't want this anymore. It's clear to me you don't want anything more, you can't give me anything more and I'm not going to keep doing this to myself. It honestly doesn't feel good anymore."

 "I'm sorry Buffy, I'm really sorry but please Buffy don't do this." Buffy could hear the anxiousness in Faith's voice because the brunette knew Buffy was serious, she knew she wouldn't get out of the house with a smile and it already hurt too much.

 "What am I doing, Faith?"

 "You're talking like you're, you're-"

 "I'm what, Faith? Come on, I can't possibly be breaking up with you because remember; we're not dating. You’re not my girlfriend, I don’t owe you anything."

 Faith looked aside, "So you're just… getting your revenge, then."

 "No, I'm not." Buffy made Faith look at her, "Once again you just don't want to understand. If you think I'm happy right now then you really don't know me, Faith. I'm not happy, it doesn't please me but I can't keep going like this anymore. I can't wait for you to get over whatever issue you have because clearly now; I'm not sure it will ever happen."

 Faith looked aside once again, in a defeated tone because she knew the blonde girl was right.

 She swallowed. Buffy let go of her face.

 "I'm sorry."

 Faith swallowed again, "Please Buffy."

 "It's over. I - I really can't do this, Faith. It's too much now."

 Faith swallowed and got up. Buffy couldn't look at her anymore. She almost thought Faith was about to cry but the brunette took a deeper breath and walked away.

 A tear fell on Buffy's cheek; she hadn't slept all night thinking about the situation. She knew it would be hard, she hoped she would have the strength to stop this.

Now she'd done it and it was indeed, awfully hard, but that's why she knew she had to, because it kept getting harder from day to day.

She couldn’t, she was tired emotionally because she was getting more and more involved emotionally and she knew it.

Yes it felt good being with Faith and she'd let that feeling of goodness overcome her doubts, mostly every time Faith was at her best with her, making her feel like they were the only ones on Earth. But every time she built her up like that it was only to be let down even harder. Every time it got harder and Buffy couldn't stand it anymore. She couldn't want so much what she wasn't getting so she’d stopped it. There wasn't anything else she could do now.

 A week went by, Buffy focused on the new school year with the help of Willow. They went to the campus trying to find school options for Buffy as she hadn't bothered with it before.

 Buffy could almost feel the excitement of college. Willow's excitement in any case, but at least it helped not to think about this summer of mixed goodness and disappointments.

 Angel was gone, that was something. Buffy understood how much she'd put into her and Faith's growing relationship since he was gone and the only solution for her was to think of this summer as a palliative for Angel's departure.

 But she was the slayer, she was Buffy the chosen one and she couldn't let it bring her down and weaken her. This is how Buffy decided to look at what happened between her and Faith. It was the only way for her to believe that breaking things off with Faith was the right thing, and to believe that she didn't miss Faith. She was just lonely, that's all.

 And she hoped she could find someone. Hey she was college girl now…. She should be able to find someone easily.

 Faith stayed away from them mostly. She was even glad that there weren't any Scooby meetings anymore. Or there hadn't been any during the summer. The girls had barely talked to Giles a couple of times, well Buffy had. Faith realized she'd just seen… Buffy, only.

She'd only wanted to see her anyway… And she still did but whether or not it meant more than she’d intended it to mean, didn't matter; she would not admit what she didn't believe in. She couldn't be/give/say what Buffy expected her to. She couldn't do it. If Buffy wanted something else then it was her problem and she was on her own.

Faith tried hard to convince herself of this as a way to not give in to her impulse every time she wanted to go see Buffy again.

 It was fun, good even, for the time that it lasted and now it was time to move on.

She was Faith, the wicked vampire slayer. She wasn't one to cling to someone, anyone. Because she could have everyone.

 And she would. She would have fun again. Why did she do her head in all summer long again? She didn't know anymore…

That's what she convinced herself of, or tried to.

 College started and with it came its share of disappointments. Buffy found it really hard to fit in.

She was really thankful that Xander was back because he seemed to have as much trouble trying to fit in to this new grown up life of theirs as she did.

Willow was completely at ease to say the least and Oz could accommodate easily to anything.

 She slowly tried to get the college vibe.

 It started getting better when Willow moved into her dorm room.

 Faith saw them a couple of times at the bronze, she joked about them a few times, college guys still hanging out in the same lair. She didn't stay long each time. But even though at first their glances and exchanges were rather short or tense, they very fast managed to get over it, or give that impression.

 Faith got to know about Buffy’s new college girl life via asking random questions to Willow about college, knowing Willow and Buffy did pretty much the same things these days. And Buffy got to know how Faith was doing via the questions the gang asked the brunette since they hadn't seen her a lot lately.

 The slayers were admittedly glad to see each other again and they were hoping that things could stay that way.

 But it had only been short encounters so far and their history was heavier than this so they didn't want to rejoice too soon and go all 'let's be friends' again. They didn't know yet what they could really be.

 And neither one of them wanted to fall back into the trap they’d fallen into this summer.

Buffy didn't at least, because it really looked like a trap, even unwillingly. But she'd been hurt by her own expectations, by her own feelings. These feelings were pushed back, really back now.

 If Faith could do it, so could she.

 Spike's return created the first big alert for the entire Scooby gang.

The previous night Faith had noticed Buffy at the bronze somewhat cozy with some guy. Faith reluctantly noticed that it somehow managed to spoil her evening. She wasn't able to focus on the guy she was dancing with so she'd just dragged him out of the club they were in. They’d headed to his place but she’d left before doing anything because she wasn't in the mood anymore and it pissed her off royally. Not that she hadn't fucked anyone since her and Buffy parted ways and she'd been glad to do so because to her it proved that she was still herself. So last night's spoiled desire by the sight of Buffy and another boy really didn’t please her.

 So staying with them because of the Spike's case enabled her to learn who that boy was and seeing Buffy's sad look all through the day she easily guessed she'd slept with him… and… he was just a player.

 She tried hard not to mention anything, not to FEEL anything about it but it made her angry at him for doing this to her. But when she thought that way, then she got mad at herself for thinking she was a player too in the end. But then she told herself she had a right to live her life the way she wanted to so… she wouldn’t say, or do, anything to the guy.

And most importantly, she was kind of glad because then it meant he would be out of the picture. Faith hated the way that fact pleased her. She wasn't ready yet to see Buffy moon over some boy again…

 ~

 Faith ordered herself a beer. When it was handed to her, she walked away from the counter and looked around, she didn't know the bar very well but she was trying to stay as far from the bronze as she could. So far this bar wasn't such a good idea because she'd ordered her beer from Xander which kind of surprised her.

 She started drinking her beer, checking out the people around her. She walked amongst the crowd and headed to the right until she bumped into someone, "Sorry I- B?"

 "Hey," Buffy told her in a low voice.

 "Didn't know you were coming here."

 "Well, most students do, so I thought… I could do like-" Buffy slightly trailed off as she saw something behind Faith. The blonde girl shook her head, Faith turned around and noticed Parker cozy with another girl.

 Faith felt bad for Buffy. She could recognize that hurt look in her eyes and she still had a hard time with it.

 "Screw him. Have a drink and party heavily." She meant to sound cheerful but it hardly sounded that way.

 "Yes, I'll do that."

 Faith looked aside, "Do you wan-"

 Buffy gestured her to stop; she didn't think she could stand the brunette suggesting her anything. "No… I don't want anything. I really don't want anything anymore. I think I'll just stay away from the human species in fact."

 "Come on, don't say that. You'll find…" Faith trailed off and looked down, she couldn't even tell her she was going to find the right guy when she didn't want that to happen.

 "Well, I gotta patrol now."

 Buffy lowered her head then looked up at Faith as she passed by her, "Faith?"

 Faith turned around and at the same time someone slightly pushed her. She suddenly found herself inches away from Buffy's face, with her hands on Buffy's waist and Buffy's hands on her arms. They both pulled away.

 "Stay safe... please." Buffy gently told her in a tone carrying all of her concerns for the brunette since they weren't patrolling together anymore.

She knew how Faith could get and she was worried.

 Faith gently took her hand and smiled at her, "Don't worry about me. Take care of yourself, B."

 She slowly walked away, Buffy's hand slipping from hers. She turned around and left. Buffy turned around the other way and her gaze fell on Parker again so she decided to leave but she bumped into a couple of students who she couldn't refuse to have a drink with.

 The night got longer and a rather over alcoholic one but she had a good time. The morning after was a bit harsh though.

 The next evening, Faith was called by Giles, pretty late during the night, to come and take care of Buffy which she didn't understand first.

 She arrived close to the campus and noticed smoke and sirens and when she went that way, they were there. She noticed weird guys jumping in a car as she approached, she walked by Parker with a simple smirk as the boy was lying on the street unconscious. She stood up in front of them and couldn’t help gazing at Buffy from top to bottom with the thought that she was really hot with that wild gleam in her eyes.

 Faith then shook her head,

"What happened here? What's wrong with her? And him?" She pointed out Parker.

 "Oh, nothing. Buffy knocked him out."

 "That's my girl." Faith said with a wicked grin.

 "The bar owner spiked the beer; Buffy and her drunk friends went back to the Stone Age. The worst was avoided but we thought you'd be better qualified to take care of Buffy in the state she's in."

 Buffy was sniffing Xander; he smiled, embarrassed, "Buffy likes beer." He said ironically and Buffy moved excitedly.

 "I get it. Come on cave slayer."

 Buffy stared at her, the others thought she was going to disagree with that but she immediately got up from the bench and took Faith's hand in hers, "Buffy sleeps with Faith."

 Faith hesitated but looked at Buffy, "Yes B. Faith puts you to sleep tonight till you're yourself again." She tried, avoiding looking at the others, deciding not to care if they’d flinched or not at the blonde girl's statement.

 She started walking away, "I'll call you tomorrow, let you know how she's doing."

 The slayers walked hand in hand for a little while. Buffy was looking all around, she tried to climb a couple trees a couple times but Faith held her back.

 The brunette slayer was trying hard to focus on mission Buffy who she had to control and not on hottie wild Buffy who was making her really wet.

 "Buffy wants stop."

 "We're almost there, Buffy." Faith tried to continue but Buffy stopped abruptly with a hard pull on her hand and the brunette found herself pressed up against Buffy.

Buffy's face showed resolution.

 "Buffy wants Faith."

 The cave slayer pressed her lips to Faith's in a wild kiss. Faith couldn't help responding to the kiss first but then pulled away.

 "B, listen to me. Buffy? Do you hear me?"

 Buffy was kissing Faith's neck, the brunette made her stop, "You just need to rest. The motel's not far and-"

 "Buffy wants Faith now." She looked angry. How dare the brunette interrupt her.

 "Beer." Faith said, getting the blonde girl's attention.

Faith smiled, "Faith got beer. Faith got beer at the Motel. Buffy likes beer, huh?"

 Buffy stared for a few moments and suddenly Faith found herself on the grass, on her back, surprised by the blonde girl's wild movement. Luckily she was a slayer too but before she could think about anything Buffy straddled her, pinning her hands hard to the ground with a dark gleam in her eyes, "Buffy likes Faith more than beer."

PART 17

Faith swallowed and Buffy bent forward to kiss her. The brunette didn't resist and her hands roamed over Buffy's head and shoulders while cave slayer was already unbuttoning Faith's pants.

 Faith tried to slow her breathing but Buffy's wild ways were nothing but a turn on for her. She gasped as the blonde girl roughly slid a finger inside of her. She clutched Buffy's back, "God Buffy."

 "Faith likes Buffy too." Buffy said while kissing her neck and the brunette pulled her into a deeper kiss.

 The blonde girl hardened her thrusts and her palm hit hard on the brunette's clit every time. Faith moaned louder.

 "Buffy wants Faith." Buffy stated again while sliding a second finger inside of Faith.

 Faith gasped, "You can have me." She whispered between two moans. "God yes, B. Harder, oh God."

 Faith dug her nails into the blonde girl’s shirt as her orgasm shot through her.

 She was breathing heavily while Buffy kept kissing her as her fingers worked their way inside of Faith's hot channel.

 "Buffy takes Faith."

 Faith sat up with the blonde girl still on her.

 "And Faith takes Buffy." Stated the blonde girl with a firm gaze.

 "Oh yes she does." Faith told her with a wild kiss demonstrating her words.

 She started massaging the cave slayer’s breasts but pulled away and got up, the blonde girl's legs wrapped around her waist. She pinned her against a tree and kissed her once again before breaking the kiss.

 "But not here."

 She quickly ran to her motel with Buffy holding her tight.

 Once on the bed, they removed each other's clothes with a similar wildness and started pleasuring each other, it could just be called fucking so much their first touches and orgasms were wild but as time passed by and orgasms succeeded one another, their movements, their touches, their need became softer.

 Faith was on top of Buffy as she'd finally regained her leading position and she was kissing her deeply while moving her pelvis hard against the blonde girl's crotch. Buffy's moans kept getting louder every time.

 "Buffy." Faith whispered, barely breaking the kiss.

 Buffy pressed herself harder to Faith's thighs with her legs as they were wrapped around the brunette's thighs, almost at her buttocks and she moaned at the sensation. Their hands and body parts kept sliding against each other so much they were sweating after such long and intense hours of love making.

 "Buffy needs Faith."

 "I'm here baby." Faith whispered in the heat of the moment before sinking her nails into the blonde girl's shoulders as she came.

 "Faith," Buffy whispered.

 Faith's head was in the crook of her shoulder and neck but she kept on making hard moves against her. Buffy kept holding her tighter every time.

 "Faith," She kept whispering and Faith lowered her hand to slide a finger inside of Buffy.

 "Faith," Buffy arched her back and squeezed Faith very tight as she came within a few thrusts.

 The brunette kept thrusting a few times. Buffy's eyes were still closed.

 Faith looked at her and wiped away the locks glued on her face. She put her lips on the blonde girl's and watched her slowly drift to sleep.

 "Buffy,"

Faith heard the blonde girl say. She slightly frowned.

 "Buffy loves Faith." 

 Faith had to take a deeper breath, but she kept on caressing Buffy’s face while her breath was slowly becoming steady. She fell asleep.

 Faith kept staring at her, she was still partly on top of her and somewhat holding her. She couldn't take her gaze off of her, but she felt a knot in her stomach.

 She lowered her head to the crook of Buffy's shoulders again, inhaling deeply the blonde girl's scent and she starting kissing her neck again, then every place she could on her face and lips while her fingers slid inside her wetness once again.

 Faith withdrew her fingers only to run them everywhere on Buffy's body. She held her tight, kissing her neck again.

 The brunette slayer started to feel stifled, she couldn’t breathe properly. She couldn't help that feeling turning her insides upside down. And she couldn't breathe suddenly, she felt sick, she was holding Buffy very tight but kept feeling like no matter what, it would never be tight enough. She pulled away, holding back some tears threatening to fall.

She couldn't stay here, she couldn't fall asleep with Buffy in her arms, she couldn't wake up with Buffy in her arms. It was just too much. She got up, got herself some new clothes because most of what she was wearing when they arrived in the motel got torn apart by their eagerness.

 She left the room.

Buffy awoke slowly and with difficulty the next morning. She slowly stretched herself and opened her eyes. She was somewhat surprised at first as she stared at the ceiling, she slowly sat up, the expression on her face becoming somber as she recalled last night's event. She suddenly wished the spiked beer would have made her forget the next day. She looked around but of course… the brunette slayer was nowhere to be found.

 Buffy let herself fall back on the mattress with a resigned sigh. She put her hands on her face. She felt guilty about the moment of weakness that had been last night. Even if she wasn't in full control of herself. It made things worse because she knew she'd let hidden parts of her take control. Love was shared, things were said that she wished hadn't been…

 Buffy took deeper breathes suddenly and sat up on the bed, it seemed to her that Faith's scent was everywhere, their mixed scent was everywhere and pretty much like Faith the previous night, she felt herself suffocating.

 She quickly got up, gathered her clothes, even her torn shirt and put them on to get out of the motel room which carried so many memories she couldn't bare right now.

 It shouldn't have happened and she wasn't even going to talk about it with Faith. She knew Faith would do the same.

 It would once more stay between them and Buffy knew it was going to be harder to forget about it. One more thing to put behind her…

 ~

 A couple of days went by and, indeed, the two slayers acted indifferently towards each other. The only night they saw each other at the Bronze, they barely acknowledged the other.

 The only positive thing about what had happened, to Buffy, was that Parker really was ancient history now.

 She'd focused on him in order to forget about the confusion that was Faith in her life and heart, but with the slayers’ last encounter, Parker could only be history compared to this.

 Now all she had to do was move on with her life, focus on her classes and she would meet, or not, a nice guy who wouldn't be a jerk.

Buffy really considered the single life though, for a whole week….

 Then she didn't think much about herself as Willow and Oz broke up the hard way. The stoic werewolf ended up leaving town.

 Willow was devastated and comforting her was taking up most of Buffy's time but she was willingly staying with the redhead because, not only was she was her best friend and needed her but also, it really took her mind off of… various things as she liked to put it.

 Despite the Willow depression Buffy had somewhat progressed from the flirting stage. She'd had some nice talks with Riley, their psych TA. He seemed to be interested. Buffy wasn't interested in serious dating right now, not so soon after the Parker (and Faith) debacle, but he had been pleasant to say the least, so she'd talked with him and he'd left her good impressions, so she let herself being courted and she even liked it now.

 She was doing simple, but nice, things with him like having a picnic on the campus lawn. He seemed to enjoy life's simple pleasures and it gave Buffy a feeling of normality she'd long craved for.

 Nothing had really happened but talking with him. He seemed like the old fashioned kind of boy who wouldn't rush things. The only thing that saddened Buffy a little was that she, herself, wasn't in any hurry to rush anything with him.

Yes he was nice, it was pleasant to be with him but something was missing.

Something she'd felt with Angel, something she'd felt with…. There was no point in going there anymore….

What were the common points between these two relationships? They'd flunked big time and hurt even worse so Buffy decided she would stick with nice and pleasant.

 And she started to like him a lot more over time until she discovered that he was part of a governmental military operation working in secrecy on campus to capture or kill underworld creatures.

 So much for her normality. She thought about breaking it off with him but then realized that she wasn't living in a normal world, she wasn't a normal girl and she wondered what the Hell did normal mean after all? So she decided to take everything she could get.

 She had a rather casual boy, human, very much in love with her AND accepting it, accepting who she was as well. She didn't have to hide or anything and she even had a new patrolling companion in him.

What more could she asked for?

 So she let herself be tempted and they started dating officially.

 Willow and Xander had organized a party for Buffy's birthday and Faith had been invited.

 Buffy headed to her room to get some more bottles of coke in their bedroom where Willow had stored the food and drinks for the evening.

 Buffy jumped when the door closed behind her. She turned around and tried to hide a slight surprise, and a shiver as well, at the sight of the brunette slayer. After a moment, she turned around to gather the bottles.

 "So, got a new boy toy?"

 Buffy didn't reply so Faith moved forward, "Is he good?"

 Buffy turned around with a slight frown.

 "In bed?"

 Buffy sighed, "That's none of your business."

 "Come on, you can tell me. Oh wait, don't tell me? You two haven't done it yet? What's wrong with him? He disabled or something?"

 Buffy meant to move away but Faith held her back.

 "Let me go."

 "Ok." Faith let go of her hands, "I just…."

 "I don't want to know."

 "Come on, B.  I was just trying to talk."

 "No you weren't." Buffy said and once again tried to move but Faith couldn't help but block her way, "What now, can't talk to me anymore? Can't look at me anymore?"

 Buffy looked aside as she knew Faith had a point since she hadn't looked her in the eyes since she'd walked in.

 "What does that say about you and your boy, huh?"

 Buffy looked her straight in the eyes this time, "It says that we're building something. Something that will last because it will stand on solid ground and not on unrestrained lust. Something built on love but I guess you don't know anything about that."

 Faith took her by the shoulders a little harder and Buffy dropped a bottle that broke on the floor.

The brunette stared at her, "Love? You call that love? I don't see that gleam in your eyes when you look at him. And I don't see that breath taken look of yours when you're close to him. All I see is a disgusting show of soppiness disguised as passion. If this is what you call love then I thank God I don't."

 "You don't even know what you're talking about."

 "I don't? Then why has your breathing increased ever since I stepped into the room, and even more since I'm holding you."

 They stared at each other.

 "I don't understand you, Faith. What do you want from me? If I let you kiss me right now; what would happen then?"

 "Do you want me to kiss you, B?"

 "No I don't."

 "You're lying."

 "I want to know why you would do it; is it just because of Riley?"

 "You don't love him."

 "What do you care?!"

 "I know what you want, Buffy. I know what you want right now, in this room, in this bed…. Right here, right now."

 "No, you don't, just go away."

 Buffy struggled to get away and dropped another bottle on the floor when Faith kissed her. She couldn't help responding to the kiss at first before pushing Faith backwards,

 "You just stay away from me. You're nothing but bad news for me now, Faith.  I can't trust you, you better believe me when I say I'm not going to let you destroy this. I have something good going on, someone that can actually make me happy. You can't do that so leave me alone. I don't want to see you anymore."

 Faith swallowed and Buffy hid her sadness at the hurt look on the brunette's face.

 Buffy was about to say something when the door opened and Willow and Riley walked in, "Buffy? We were starting to worry." Riley said as he put his hand around Buffy’s waist and looked from one slayer to the other with an inquiring frown while Willow checked the bottles on the floor with a frown.

 "Err, Riley, err, meet Faith. And Faith, this is Riley."

 Faith stared at him. He was smiling.

 "Glad to meet you. I've heard about a second slayer but I was wondering if I was ever going to meet you. I saw you at the bronze one time though."

 Faith didn't bother replying as she looked at Buffy with a rather firm gaze, "That you let him know who you were is your deal, but I don't think I ever gave you that right now did I?"

 "Your secret is safe with me don't worry. It would have been hard-"

 "Was I talking to you?" She harshly cut him off.

 "Faith!"

 "Don't Faith me now. Who do you think you are? You're not the boss of me, Buffy."

 "What's the matter, Faith?" Willow asked with an incredulous look at the brunette's reaction.

 "My problem is that B here really doesn't give a damn about anything, especially not our safety every time she spreads her legs for a boy."

 Buffy slapped her, almost like a punch actually.

 Willow couldn't believe what Faith had just said, neither could Riley and Buffy and her were staring hard at each other now.

 Faith wiped the few drops of blood from her cut lip and smirked.

 "Get out of here."

 "As you please, mistress."

 Faith walked out and slammed the door. Buffy shivered and closed her eyes.

 "Buffy, what's going on?"

 "Nothing Will. Look Riley, I'm really sorry about that."

 "It's ok. I can understand where she comes from with having to hide a secret identity, you know but… Well, you'd told me she was a little… difficult, guess I understand now."

 Buffy slightly looked aside as she picked up the rest of the bottles. She felt really bad right now and couldn't hide it.

 Riley came up behind her and put his arms around her waist, "It's nothing, Buffy. It's ok." He kissed the top of her head and she took a deep breath, trying hard to focus on his comforting ways while Willow left with a frown. This incident only added one more piece of the puzzle that was Buffy and Faith.

 She'd had huge doubts, huge questions in her mind about them, mostly all summer long every time she would see them together or see Buffy talk about Faith...

 But ever since they'd been in college she'd seemed to find her Buffy back and Faith seemed to have become the ghost slayer again. But somehow Willow kept wondering and this year it didn't please her as much to 'not see' the brunette as the previous year. She realized she wasn't jealous of Faith anymore.

 She'd grown up somehow and realized her relationship with Buffy had in fact never been threatened by Faith. She realized this because she understood Faith and Buffy were on another level, which still remained to be determined, but with today's show, she had a better idea of what it was.

PART 18

A couple of days passed by, Buffy focused on Riley to forget about the argument.

 Things were getting a little more intense between them and that made her believe that she was right about him. She didn’t want to make the same mistake twice.

 They were called by Giles about a rising demon and Buffy couldn’t help but be worried about Faith. Giles had talked to her on the phone the previous evening and she'd told him she'd be there this morning and yet she wasn't.

 They decided to do some research and Buffy even searched through several demons nest during the day. She kept calling Giles every hour to find out if Faith had showed up but his answer was the same; no, and she wasn't picking up her phone either.

 Buffy was really worried, it wasn't the first time the brunette disappeared, not giving any signs of her for days sometimes but Buffy had this bad feeling in her gut ever since the morning so she decided to drop by Faith's motel.

 It was past 4 pm when she got there. She knocked but got no responses.

 "Faith?" She knocked a second time and tentatively tried the door which was unlocked, usually a sign of Faith being inside.

 Buffy stepped in, "Faith? Are you here?"

 She didn't hear anything and walked in, closing the door behind her. The bed was unmade and Buffy could sense Faith's presence. She could smell her as well so she'd probably been there not long ago.

 Buffy's attention was drawn to an opened envelope on the bed.

 She hesitated for a moment but finally picked it up, she frowned a little as it came from a prison in Boston. It looked like it had been to a lot of different places; an address in Philadelphia so Buffy guessed it was probably her Aunt’s since she knew her cousins were from there. An address in Atlanta, Buffy knew her watcher was killed there so she guessed it was her watcher’s address. And it then was sent to England, probably to the council who finally forwarded it here. It made Buffy sad that nobody really cared to know where she was, the letter was first sent 8 months ago and took all this time to reach her.

 Buffy couldn't help but take the letter from the envelope and read it because she was truly worried about Faith and everything drew her to this letter.

 ##My dear baby girl,

 I know I have no right to expect that you will even read this letter. It has been so long. Another thing I am sorry for; taking so long to be able to write this letter to you. It was part of my recovery. I’ve been working hard with the doctors here to get to this point.You might not want to read it and I would understand why but I needed to apologize and this is the only way I can.

I know I can’t make up for what happened because I can’t undo what I did, I can only apologize to you; the one person who means the most to me, and that I hurt more than I could ever forgive myself for.

 I'm better now, I'm not sick anymore and I know I'm not because it hurts me, no, it kills me so much it hurts living with what I did to you. This is how I know I'm cured and this is how I want to live the rest of my days; with this guilt, this pain, this disgust of myself because I don't deserve to live with a free mind when you have to live with all those memories you didn't choose.

 There are no words to truly apologize for hurting you like that, for taking from you the most precious thing in the world; your innocence, your childhood. I can only be sorry and sorry again, endlessly. But I’ve got one hope though and it is that you've been able to go on with your life, find love and peace of mind despite being robbed of the basics for it.

 I'm also sorry for leaving you with your mother. I'm sorry that I couldn’t think straight at that time and I let you down twice by not saying anything at the trial.  I'm sorry for the way she was. I'm sorry I used her weaknesses to my advantage for so long. I feel so awful that I didn't tell the jury she'd lied when she said she didn't know what I was doing to you. And I feel even worse when I remember my little baby saying her mommy didn't know when we both knew she did. I know you know this and I can't imagine how it must feel to you that she didn't say anything for so long… That she never said anything, period.

I wanted to write to you when your mother died but I didn't have the courage yet.

 I hope, I truly hope that this letter will maybe, bring some sort of closure, or even that you will tear it apart because you’ve overcome this a long time ago and so it wouldn’t mean anything to you. That you’ve started your life again, and these memories are long behind you. I hope this is how you feel towards what happened.

 I guess I hope too that maybe one day you will forgive me for what I did to you, and to our family, but be sure that I will never forgive myself for it.

 You will always be my precious baby girl and I wish you all the love and happiness you deserve in life.

 Please don't let my misbehavior win and stop you from being happy. You've never been anything but pure and beautiful and innocent. Don't let what I did condemn you. Please Faith; be happy in your life. You deserve nothing less than happiness.

 Your daddy.##

 The letter fell from Buffy's hand when she finished it. She swallowed, realizing she was crying. She wiped her tears away and pulled herself together, she needed to find Faith, she needed to be with her right now, comfort her, tell her… tell her anything but just be with her. She knew Faith needed her now.

 Buffy turned around but then stopped. She thought she'd heard a noise; she turned to look in the back at the bathroom. The door was closed, there was silence again but she decided she better check, she walked slowly towards the bathroom. She opened the door.

 She couldn't describe the way she felt when she saw her. All she knew was that she never wanted to feel that way again.

 Faith was curled up in a ball in the shower, naked, her hair was barely dry but the rest of her body was completely dry so she’d probably been in there for a long time. Her face was still moistened by her tears though.

 Buffy froze for a short second at the sight. Faith had never looked so young as she did right now and so fragile… Just like this little girl Buffy now knew had been broken at such a young age. That's who she had in front of her right now. A broken young girl, not a powerful slayer.

 Buffy, once the shock was gone, immediately rushed to the shaking brunette who hadn't really noticed her.

 "Faith."

 The brunette looked up at her with fatigued eyes when she finally noticed someone was in the room. Buffy took her in her arms and held her tight, "It's ok, Faith. It's ok, I'm here. I'm here now."

 Buffy held her tight for a short while then carried her to the room. Faith seemed completely oblivious.

 It's only when Buffy put her on the bed and Faith noticed the opened letter on it that she reacted. She took it brutally and pushed Buffy away from her, "You didn't have the right to do this! It's mine." She exclaimed as she got up from the bed.

 "Faith." Buffy gently tried.

 "Go away!! Leave me alone."

 "No, I won't," Buffy said while moving closer and reaching for her.

 "Go away, don't touch me!" Faith started moving hectically and tried to push Buffy away but the blonde held her tight, blocking her arms on her chest as she squeezed her closer, "Don't touch me! Don't do- Go away."

 "I won't, I won't." Buffy said as Faith broke down crying, her legs collapsed under her. Buffy held her tight in her arms then lay her down on the bed. She kept holding her under the covers, rocking her for a long time until she stopped shaking.

 Buffy caressed her face soothingly, silently but still holding her tightly, making her feel her presence. Faith’s hold on her hadn't lessened.

 Buffy stared at her all the while, she kissed her on the forehead and Faith opened her eyes, she hadn’t fallen asleep. She’d just kept her eyes closed as a way to block out all the memories that had come rushing in when she’d received that letter this morning, rushing and knocking her off her feet in a way she couldn’t fight.

And then Buffy had walked in. Wrapped in Buffy’s arms she’d been able to ‘close’ her mind to the memories and feel good while feeling so bad.

 But now it was back, everything, all the years of suffering her father’s abuse and the years after suffering her mother’s indifference. All the years of waiting, waiting for the comfort and the apology she knew would never come from her. Seeing her mother sinking deeper into alcohol even more to forget how torn apart she was because she did feel guilt, she did feel remorse; she was her mother and everything in her knew how wrong and horrible what her husband did was, and mostly what she did was as she was supposed to protect her daughter from it all.

Faith had always seen the regret deep inside her mother’s eyes but it was buried too deep behind an anger her mother never got over; anger for making her feel this guilty but most of all, anger for being the reason she lost the man she loved.

 Love, what a strange word with meaningless significance it had become to Faith ever since.

Love, what good could it possibly bring?

None…

 This is how she’d lived her life.

 She moved slightly and Buffy caressed her face gently but Faith turned to look the other way.

 “I’m sorry, Faith.”

 “Ssh,” Was all Faith said, closing her eyes, wanting it all behind her.

 She felt Buffy’s caress on her face again, “If I could d-”

 “Don’t speak.” Faith cut off once again. Her voice was still low.

 Buffy took a deep breath and caressed the brunette’s neck gently, “Don’t you think it’s time to speak?” She gently asked and Faith looked at her, “Touch me.” She whispered.

 “Faith, I don’t think this-”

 “Please,” Faith took Buffy’s hand to lead it down on her body.

 “Faith this isn’t how you’re going to solve-”

 “Don’t say anything.” Faith said cutting her off by pressing her lips to Buffy’s, “Just touch me. I need you to touch me, Buffy.”

 Buffy took a deep breath as their hands were on Faith’s pussy hair and she lowered it a few inches to Faith’s mound. Faith buried her head into the crook of Buffy’s shoulder and neck, holding her tight.

 They were on their side; Faith was slightly leaning into Buffy. The blonde slayer, as she increased the pace, pulled her backwards and they kissed once again.

 Buffy could feel Faith’s hold on her as tight as ever while the brunette was trying to steady her breathing.

She had a hard time breathing, it reminded Buffy of the first couple of times time their love making became more intense than just sex. She understood now where Faith’s hesitations and her somewhat fearful gaze when Buffy had taken charge had come from. She was letting go with her…

She understood now….

 “It’s alright,” she kept whispering every time she felt her tense.

 “It’s me. I’m with you, Faith. Look at me.”

 Faith kept her head hidden in Buffy’s shoulder but the blonde girl made her look at her, “Look at me, it’s me.”

 She saw a tear fall down Faith’s cheek but Faith immediately pulled Buffy into a passionate kiss to hide from it. She broke the kiss for air.

 “Take me, Buffy… I need you inside. Be inside of me.”

Faith raised her pelvis higher as she whispered that. Buffy kissed her again and slid a finger inside of her. Faith gripped her shoulders even tighter.

 Buffy kept rubbing Faith’s clit with her thumb while thrusting softly inside of her.

 Faith’s hands, if they weren’t clutching at Buffy’s shirt, were all over the blonde girl’s face as she needed to look at her and touch her every time images of the past were going through her mind.

 Buffy kept caressing her face too and kissing her deeply.

 After a good while of gentle ministrations Faith’s entire body tensed and Buffy held her tight until it relaxed from the intense orgasm.

 Faith had a hard time bringing her breathing back to normal with this knot of anxiousness in her stomach.

 Buffy slowly withdrew her finger; she licked it discreetly to clean it and kept on caressing Faith’s face.

The brunette was staring into the void.

 “You’re just so beautiful.”

 Faith almost smirked in disgust and looked the other way, an almost shameful look on her face and Buffy tried to make her look at her, “It’s true Faith, the one good thing I remember from this letter is that sentence, Faith; you’re nothing but beautiful and innocent.”

 “It’s bullshit, ok?!” Faith said as she turned around very fast.

 “No it’s not and your father’s ri-”

 “Don’t talk about him! You don’t know him, or how it was or anything.”

 “Tell me.” Buffy almost pleaded.

 “There’s nothing to tell.”

 “Faith please, t-”

 “What do you want, Buffy?! You read the letter, didn’t you? You wanted to know and now you do, what more do you want from me?!”

 Buffy put her hands on Faith’s shoulders to make her look at her, “I want you to TALK TO ME.”

 Faith looked aside.

 “What are you thinking right now?”

 No response.

 “What are you feeling right now?”

 Silence.

 “Faith?”

 “Nothing. I’m feeling nothing, Buffy. I don’t feel anything; you should know that. I CAN’T feel anything. I never feel anything.”

 “The thing is, I know it’s not the truth because I can… feel it, feel them, every time you look at me I can feel all those things you supposedly DON’T feel.”

 Faith looked aside.

 “Or when you touch me. When you kiss me. I feel it too.”

 Faith swallowed but didn’t look at her.

 “Talk to me… please.”

 “I… I have nothing to say.”

 Buffy took a deep breath, she felt even worse up against Faith’s wall once again and thoughts of Riley were, only just, coming back to her mind.

 “You can go now.”

 “Faith.” Buffy tried again but Faith sat up on the bed, getting away from Buffy’s presence.

 Buffy took another deep breath and got up from the bed.

 “So you’re gonna let him win then. He was right to write this. This is what you’re doing. You think you’re beyond what happened when in fact, all these years, you’ve let what he did to you rule your life, ruin your life.”

 “Just go now.” Faith said a little more firmly.

 “I can’t do that in your place, Faith. You have to get out of this prison you’ve locked yourself in for so long. He’s the one in jail, Faith. Not you.”

 “Go!”

 Buffy headed out.

 She stood up straight a few steps outside of the motel room. She wanted to run back inside and hold Faith but she was right. She knew she couldn’t force anything on Faith, not even freedom from something like this. It had to come from Faith.

 Inside the room Faith sat against the headboard but her face quickly changed from the harsh look and suddenly, she started crying again, taking her face in her hands.

PART 19

Buffy and Riley were kissing on Buffy's bed. Buffy had focused on Riley today to make up for the previous day; she'd been so troubled by her discovery about Faith’s past that she'd been really evasive with him and really NOT cuddly.

 She'd called Faith and left a message for her at the motel's reception for the brunette to call her back, but so far Faith hadn't called back. So Buffy, knowing there wasn’t much she could do, decided to 'go on' in the meantime.

 She and Riley were getting really, REALLY intimate before that discovery and she didn't want what happened with Faith to destroy what she had with him. Faith had been in distress, the whole situation was highly emotional, that was the reason it happened. It wasn't a relapse.

Faith was just too distressed and Buffy hadn't been able to see her like that and she'd tried to help, but once again it had her wondering if she would ever get, or take, the brunette girl the right way.

 In any case today she’d cuddled in her boyfriend's arms to try and pick things up where they'd left them.

 He ran his hand over her back, under her top, reaching for the clasp of her bra when the phone rang. Buffy jumped off the bed to pick it up under Riley's stunned gaze.

 “Buffy on the phone. Oh Giles, err no, everything’s fine. Did you want something?”

 Riley frowned at Buffy's disappointed tone.

 "Ok. I'll ask Willow if she’s got it. Yes, I'll tell her to bring it back to you asap. Yes, no, I was… studying. Yes, gotta get back to it now. Yes thanks. Bye Giles."

 She hung up and stared at the phone for a while. Riley stood up and moved closer. He put his arms around her waist, "Wanna tell me what it's all about?"

 "What? Oh, no, it's nothing."

 "It's obviously something. Whose phone call are you waiting for? Come on you can tell me, I promise I won't be jealous if you tell me it's from your secret lover."

 Buffy slightly swallowed as she looked in front of her.

 Riley frowned, "Actually I was kidding when I said I wouldn’t be jealous." he told her, with a light questioning tone and a frown.

 "No, no it's… It's Faith."

 "Faith?"

 "Yes… She's… She was supposed to call."

 "And you would interrupt your studying with me for her?"

 Buffy got up; she didn't like the disdaining tone when he’d said 'her'.

 "What's wrong? Tell me, Buffy."

 "No she's just… She's in a bit of trouble these days."

 "What is it? Can we help?"

 "No it's nothing."

 "You said she was in trouble, right? And it can't be nothing if you react like that for someone you don't really like."

 "Who said that?"

 "Well, no one exactly, but you and her aren't exactly best buddies. You didn't seem very close last time I saw you together and from what I know of her she's not really friendly so I just assumed-"

 "Well don't."

 Riley slightly sighed at Buffy's dry tone.

 She moved closer and put her arms around his waist, "I'm sorry. Seriously, don't worry. She's having a hard time so I just worry a little, that's all. Let's not talk about it anymore and get back to where we left off… Where were we?"

 He gave her a nice smile as he complied. His hand was back on the clasp of her bra when the phone rang again and Buffy once again jumped on it. Riley sighed and sat on the bed.

 "Oh, hi mom, no yes everything's fine. Yes, I'm still coming tonight, 8 is fine too mom if you’re busy, but if you want I can swing by the gallery and help you with that so that you'll finish earlier. No, don't have anything planned."

 Riley couldn’t help but sigh at what Buffy just said.

 "Ok mom, 7 then. See you later. Bye."

 Buffy turned around and frowned at the look on Riley's face, "What?"

 "You don’t have any plans?"

 "Come on, 7, we've got... oh my God it's almost 6." Buffy couldn't help checking the phone again, she'd really hoped Faith would call. She couldn't help worrying.

 "Yes, Buffy; almost 6. If you have to be at your mother's work at 7… Do the math."

 "I'm sorry." She told him with a pout as she sat on his lap, "We didn't have time anyway, Willow's gonna be back soon."

 "We'd have had the time if you hadn't been interrupting every five minutes… and if you had been in the mood which isn't really the case anyway."

 Buffy looked almost offended, "I was in the mood; I was very much in the mood. Ok, maybe not but that's just because it's mine and Willow's room and you know… it's a big step for us and I don't want to spoil it."

 "You're right I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to push."

 "No it's ok."

 "Honestly I didn't even think we would today, but then we started, but I hadn't planned on-"

 She silenced him by placing a finger on his lips, quickly replaced by her own lips.

 They kissed for a little while until she pulled apart, "I want to do it. Just… when it's the right moment and the right place… But I want to."

 He smiled and kissed her again.

He held her in his arms and she couldn’t help checking the clock, it was 6. She slightly pulled away and got up, "I gotta go to the restrooms, be back in a minute."

 "Ok."

 Buffy immediately left the room and headed to the phone in the corridor, she dialled Faith's number; the previous day she hadn’t picked up so she'd called the management to leave her the message.

 #Yeah.#

 "Faith? It's me. I mean… Did you get my message?"

 #Yeah, sorry, I was out when you called.#

 "You didn't call back?!"

 #Didn't have the time yet.#

 "How are you doing?"

 #5 by 5.#

 "For real?"

 #I'm ok, B. Just forget about all this, ok? I'm fine.#

 "Look, I'm having dinner with my mom tonight, if you want you can come, might do you good."

 #I have plans tonight.#

 "What plans? I mean, ok. Listen, if you want I could swing by your place after dinner, or even tomorrow morning and we can talk a little about whatever you want."

 #Don't think that's a good idea.#

 "Seriously, you won't have to talk about… Just about whatever you want."

 #B, if you come here, we won't talk and you know that.#

 "I just don't like knowing you’re alone right now."

 #Look I 'm fine, B. I don't need a baby sitter ok? I'm totally cool so now go back to Army boy's arms and leave me be, ok?#

 "Do you always have t-"

 #Yes I do. Bye#

 Faith hung up on Buffy who was looking very mad. She hung up the phone very hard, knocking it several times in fact, "She's driving me insane!"

 She turned around only to see Willow staring at her; she’d just arrived and witnessed the rough hanging up scene. The redhead frowned.

 "Err, hi Will. It's my mom. She changed dinner time."

 Willow nodded, with a fake convinced look, "Didn't know you were such a stickler for schedules. I'll keep that in mind."

 Willow walked into their room and saw Riley. She knew it definitely wasn't Joyce on the other end of the phone. The redhead headed to their own phone and picked it up to see if there was a dial tone then she looked at Buffy with raised eyebrows. The blonde slayer looked embarrassed but the redhead just frowned and didn't comment.

 Riley left the dorm with Buffy and they walked around for a little while then he went back to his room as Buffy headed to her mother’s.

Buffy couldn't help but call Faith again the next day but Faith barely said anything to her, telling her she was about to leave and didn't have time.

 Buffy decided to let go.

 She couldn't let it affect her this way. It was Faith's life after all. That’s what Faith had told her and she was probably right. There was nothing she could do, she had her own life to lead now and her private life was really heating up with Riley.

 She'd stopped it a couple of times because it wasn't… the right place, the right time, the right circumstance but she knew that she really hadn’t been a hundred percent into it and she wanted to be.

 She would have wished that things between them would be far from her mind when she would really move on but she understood that she would have to move on for Faith to be history, as much as it could be.

And she was ready, she wanted to do it, she wanted to feel fine and good and loved by Riley and she knew she was the only one holding back in their love story.

She was ready to give in to this relationship now, it was time, she needed it somehow.

~

They were at the bronze with the rest of the gang.

She and the TA were involved in a heavy kissage session while Xander and Anya were dancing with Willow.

 Xander came back after a while to take a short break.

 The couple pulled apart. The three of them watched Anya and Willow bouncing on the dance floor.

 "They seem to be in good shape tonight."

 "Yep they are. And they're getting along pretty well so I should probably be careful. Something's going on there."

 The couple smiled at Xander. Riley pulled Buffy's face to him to kiss her and they pulled apart again.

 "So what are you doing tonight, Buffy?"

 Buffy and Riley gave each other an explicit glance.

 "Alright, I see. Sorry I even asked."

 Buffy blushed.

 "So, you're not patrolling then?"

 "Well, I guess not tonight."

 Riley put his hand on Buffy's thigh, "We'll leave that to the other slayer for tonight."

 Buffy held her smile, trying hard not to flinch. She let Riley kiss her.

 "Well, I’m not sure there'll be much patrolling done tonight then. Not for a while at least."

 "What do you mean?" Buffy frowned.

 Xander pointed to the left side of the dance floor.

 Buffy turned around and saw Faith there. There were several people around but Faith walked away at that moment.

 Buffy got up almost as a reflex.

 "Where are you going?"

 "Err, nowhere." She sat down again close to Riley but kept looking towards the dance floor.

 A brunette guy went after Faith and grabbed her arm but she shoved him off.

 Buffy frowned once again.

 She saw the brunette guy following Faith to the restrooms.

 "I'll be back."

The blonde slayer got up again.

 "Buffy?" Riley asked but she was already amongst the dancing crowd, making her way to the restrooms.

 In the meantime in the restrooms.

 Faith turned around when she saw the young man had followed her,

 "What, you're stalking me now?! Get lost already."

 "Don't talk to me like that you horny slut!"

He grabbed her arm again so she pushed him backwards hard against the wall.

 "You crazy bitch! Don't go all prude on me now. My buddy Carl fucked you right here last week. Yeah, I know you, now suck my dick you cunt."

 He barely had time to reach his pants’ zipper before being punched hard by the brunette slayer.

 "Faith?!" Buffy yelled as the brunette was pummelling the brunette guy when she stepped inside.

 "Faith?!" Buffy yelled again while pulling the brunette slayer backwards, away from the man who was curled in the corner. His nose and mouth were bleeding.

 "What are you doing?!"

 "Let go of me, Buffy! Let me go!"

 Buffy let her go, pushing her in another corner while she checked out the man. He was ok though, bruised but ok. Buffy had luckily stepped in just seconds after Faith had started unleashing on him.

 He wiped his nose, "Someone should lock that bitch up!"

 "Look you're fine, ok. Just get out and have a drink."

 "No I 'm gonna call the cops and have this slut locked up."

 "Fuck you!"

 "Faith, calm down!"

 Buffy turned towards the man, "Look I've seen you following her and she didn't seem too pleased with that, you're not exactly the clean one in this, ok? So if I were you I would just shut up and leave."

 He looked harshly at Buffy who stared back, "You do not want to start it with me. You'd better go now."

It really wasn't a suggestion.

 "You’d better tell this cock tease that she can't turn on guys like that and then throw them away."

 "Bitches." He added while leaving.

 Buffy sighed; she put her hand on her forehead then turned to look at Faith who had to take deeper breaths to calm down.

 "You need help, Faith."

 Faith sighed, "Oh screw that."

 She meant to leave but Buffy grabbed her arms and Faith shoved her off brutally once again.

 "Get out of the way."

 "What? You wanna hit me too now?"

 "I'm serious, Buffy."

 "You can't go on like this. You need to talk to someone."

 "Please, spare me. Don't make a big deal out of this. I was just a little pissed off and got caught up that's all."

 "I saw the whole scene. You were dancing and teasing like always, trying to do like before, like it doesn't matter, but the thing is it does, Faith. You didn't get it on with that guy because it does matter and you're not doing fine, Faith. Stop pretending you are. You obviously aren't."

 Faith kept her hard gaze, "You wanna give me a sample of that I guess since you're doing so fine with you're boy toy. Why don't you go back to him and leave me the fuck alone?!"

 "You-"

 "Buffy?!" Riley walked in, "Are you alright? I heard there was a fight, and I started to worry. That guy kept talking about a crazy girl, to remain polite. What happened here?" He started looking suspiciously at Faith who readjusted her jacket with a look aside.

 "Nothing, Riley. It's ok now."

 "It didn't seem nothing on that guy's face."

 He looked at Faith again, "Look, I don't know what happened or whatever problem you may have, but you can't take it out on people like that."

 Faith gave a slight sarcastic laugh while Buffy tensed and tried to gesture Riley to back up and mostly shut up.

 "Listen, maybe we can help you, but you have to remember your strength, you can't use it to your personal convenience. You're much stronger than that man."

 "B. You should really put a muzzle to him like right now or there's gonna be more blood here soon."

 Riley took a stern but understanding look as he was about to speak again.

 "Don't." Buffy told him.

 "Buffy she can-"

 "Stay out of this, please."

 Riley looked hurt, "Buffy I-"

 "Please. It doesn't concern you."

 He sighed, upset, "Every time I think I'm getting close to you, you just…"

 Faith stared at him, "Sorry man, guess you still won't get to fuck her tonight."

 He shook his head, not believing that Buffy would make a scene with him for her seeing how she acted and how she was talking to them.

Buffy looked down, how Faith could be so sure they hadn't slept together only added to her unease right now. Riley left the restrooms.

 The slayers stared at each other for a minute and then Faith left without any more words.

PART 20

Buffy headed to Riley’s later that night, he let her in, he still looked upset. She walked in, rubbing her hands on her thighs rather nervously. How could she explain Faith? Her attitude, their connection. The young man was right to be upset and disturbed, she'd never mentioned Faith that much, on purpose, but ever since she'd learnt about Faith's past, she has had a hard time hiding her concerns for her, but for Riley it seemed to come out of nowhere. For all he knew they were on rather bad terms, nothing big, they were just different which he could easily see or guess by hearing the others talk about Faith. He'd never wondered more but now...

He was confused; he didn't understand Buffy's reactions and Buffy knew that.

 "I'm sorry about tonight."

 He sat on his bed, and sighed, more upset than mad, "I get it, there's more than indifferences between you, my bad; didn't notice that. I understand I'm rather new in your life but I thought you trusted me."

 She knelt in front of him, "I do. I'm sorry. Things with Faith are really complicated, as you could see tonight."

 "Well all I saw is that she lost her temper on that guy; it's bad, Buffy."

 "I know, but she's," Buffy looked aside, how could she say that it was going to be better, she didn't know that. She wanted Faith to be better but she seemed to be getting worse.

 "She usually controls herself better, I swear. Tonight she was, she was really out of it, I guess you saw that."

 "Yes, and that she really doesn't like me, so yes, this, I've seen tonight."

 "It's not against you, really. It's complicated."

 He sighed at this, she lowered her head but he made her look at her, "You know you can trust me, Buffy."

 "I know." She slightly moved up until their lips met and they kissed, he pulled her forward while he lay down on the mattress.

 They kissed and his hands reached under her top, he started caressing her breasts. She moaned in his mouth. He unclasped her bra and moved partly on top of her. His hand moved on her chest again and he teased her nipples. He looked at her, both of their breathing had increased, "I don't want you to feel you have to do anything you don't want to, Buffy. I can wait."

 She lowered her hand to his pants that she started unbuttoning, "I want to."

 He kissed her neck and looked back at her, "Are you sure?"

 "Yes. Hold me, make love to me please." She whispered and kissed her way from his neck to his mouth; he deepened the kiss and moved completely on top of her.

 He moved his pelvis hard on her crotch and she moaned. After teasing each other for a short while they finally pulled away to get undressed. That night, they finally made love for the first time.

 Buffy started waking up the next morning, she felt rather warm, she started remembering last night’s events, Faith first, Riley, Riley and her? RILEY AND HER?! She turned around suddenly and finally let out a breath when she saw him there, looking lovingly at her. That part was very new.

 She couldn't help her thoughts of the brunette slayer in the back of her mind. It was still there but at the same time, she finally had someone who she could trust. Who she could love and who, by his gaze on her and all his actions, had proven already that he really loved her. She couldn't throw that away for…. If only she knew what for? But Faith couldn't bring her anything.

 Buffy knew it was only up to her to make it work with Riley; he was the best boyfriend she could have, or so she told herself and she had to. If she was willing to make it work, it would work with him. He would make it work.

She had to want it harder. She knew she would. She felt for him already, he was tender, caring, loving. He was what she wanted… except that he wasn't Faith.

 Buffy shook her head. She hadn't thought about wanting Faith in a long time. She felt herself getting over her, well that was before the whole Faith's past thing, but Buffy realized she had mostly been avoiding Faith's presence and she knew the brunette had done the same. It was hard for Buffy to know if she’d gotten over Faith if they’d been in closer contact.

 Faith was like Angel, she was part of the past, part of the high school years; fresh, restless, passionate. But she was a grown up now. She was done with playing and messing around. She was in, and wanted to be in, an adult relationship and she could have one with Riley. Something stable, long-lasting, solid. That's what growing up was all about right? Losing childish illusions that everything was going to be passionate and intense endlessly. And realizing this really made Buffy believe she was doing the right thing. Plus she did have feelings for him, so things could only grow stronger.

 She smiled at him; she was going to make it work…

 They kissed a little but Riley had to get up despite the early hour. Buffy went back to her door room. She closed the door with a rather stern look on her face though, she didn't really know why, then she frowned and turned around.

 "Faith?"

 The brunette slayer was sitting in the dark, silently, on a chair against the wall behind Buffy's bed.

 Buffy turned on the light and Faith checked her out from top to bottom.

 "So, guess I was wrong. He must be happy now."

 Buffy slightly looked aside but then back at her, "What are you doing here?"

 "I came by to talk to you, last night."

 "Well I-I-"

 "Yeah, I know, busy with Mr perfect."

 "Listen Faith, I'm tired and-"

 "Don't tell me he wore you out, please."

 Buffy sighed and put her hand on her forehead, "What do you want?" She asked, a little more dryly.

 Faith got up, "Don't worry, didn't come to mess up your perfect little life and turn it upside down again."

 "Faith, if you would just stop being so-"

 "I'm leaving."

 Buffy froze.

 Faith moved forward, "I think it's best. I won't get in your way anymore and I'll be free to do what I want without you on my back all the time."

 "I'm not on your back, Faith."

 "Whatever. I can't be who I want, who I am with you constantly here."

 "I'm not the one stopping you from being yourself, Faith. You're the one doing that. And who you are isn't who you think. I've… I've seen who you are –"

 "Stop... I'm leaving ok? I won't have to hear any bullshit like that anymore. And don't try to tell me otherwise or get me to stay."

 "Then what did you come here for if it's not for me to stop you?"

 Faith looked aside, then she meant to head for the door but Buffy put her arms on her shoulders, "What do you expect me to do, Faith?"

 "Nothing."

 "What are you really doing here, then?"

 "Nothing. I just... I thought you should know, but fine! If you don't care then-"

 "There's nothing I can do for you, Faith if you don't let me actually do it. I can't help you."

 "I don't need your help."

 Buffy let go of her arms, "Then don't expect me to stop you. I won't, Faith. This time I won't."

 Faith swallowed and didn’t move.

 "Let me in, Faith. Please." Buffy put her arms back on the brunette's shoulders.

 They stared at each other, Faith moved her face closer but Buffy moved backwards, "Not like that.  I can't do that anymore. Talk to me."

 "I'm going to leave, Buffy. I’m going to walk out that door and you won't see me ever again… You can go back to your normal life right after that."

 "You will be the one regretting that, Faith."

 Faith put her hands on the blonde girl's waist.

 "So, that's what you came here for?"

 Faith moved forward, "I just came here, Buffy. I didn't have any plans, you know I never do. But I saw you walk in that door and you didn't seem that satisfied, B."

 "Why do you have to do that, Faith? It's not a game anymore."

 "It's always been a game, Buffy." Faith said while Buffy's calves reached her bed and she kissed her neck.

 "If it is, Faith. You're not the winner. You'll never win."

 Faith slightly pushed her on the bed and straddled her, "Well, I've got you right now. Seems to me I win."

 "Faith you-" Buffy was silenced by Faith's lips on hers. The blonde girl immediately wrapped her arms around the brunette's back, holding her tight.

 She couldn't help it; right at this moment she could feel how much she'd missed Faith’s presence, her warmth, her breath, her scent, her body, her passion and her need for her.

 Before she knew what was happening, they were both naked, under the sheets, pleasuring each other.

 Buffy almost wanted to cry or scream so much she realized she didn't want this moment to stop.

 And it hurt...

 Every time she tried to make it right….

 Nothing was ever enough compared to that feeling of fulfilment as Faith's skin brushed heavily against her own, as Faith's fingers moved expertly inside of her, on her.

 She climaxed a first time and Faith remained on top of her, bringing her slowly to her second orgasm while her own juices spread on Buffy's crotch as she climaxed on top of her. And she didn't stop, she felt like she couldn't stop. She didn't want to stop.

 And when the pace of their love making slowed down, it's Buffy who switched position, moving on top of her and giving a new life to their love session. Faith climaxed once more with Buffy's finger inside of her. She pulled the blonde girl's face closer and kissed her then swapped position again. She kept kissing her but slowly Buffy felt her body getting cold. Faith's body getting further and the brunette finally broke the kiss as she was sitting up in between Buffy's legs now and on her way to get up.

Buffy held her back, "Don't, don't go, don't, Faith don't." She almost pleaded, holding back Faith by the hand.

 The brunette was standing on her feet, beside the bed, the only thing holding her close to it was her hand squeezed in Buffy’s.

 She closed her eyes tightly, "I thought…" Faith swallowed, emotions clenching her throat, "I thought you wouldn't try and stop me."

 "I will get over it, Faith. I will. But you will regret it till you die."

 Buffy knew she probably would think about Faith till she died too but she knew she'd have more chances at happiness than the brunette would and it was tearing her heart apart.

 Buffy slightly squeezed her hand as she felt Faith's hand slipping through her fingers until she was out of reach.

 The brunette was still standing in the room, not facing Buffy though.

 Buffy took a deep breath and pulled herself together, "Do you think you can… live with that?"

 Faith turned around to look at her, "I can live with a lot of things, Buffy."

 "Yo-" Buffy was interrupted when the door opened.

 Faith creased her forehead and closed her eyes. Buffy looked aside as she pulled the covers over her while the redhead stared at them both; Faith standing naked in the middle of the room, facing Buffy's not less naked body when she should already be in class.

Willow slightly raised her brows but simply closed the door; she walked a few steps, took her toilet bag and headed out of the room silently, without any comment.

 Buffy took a deep breath while Faith picked up her clothes on the floor.

 "Faith, think about it, where are you gonna go? What are you gonna do?"

 "What I'm meant for. I'll head to Giles; he'll talk with the council, see what they can do. I still work for them, you know. And there are probably dozens of other places in need of a slayer so… I'll get my share; don't worry for me, B."

She was already dressed up.

 "I always do."

 Faith turned around to head to the door.

 "I always will."

 Faith stopped this time and turned around to Buffy, "You'll get over me. You've got everything for you here. I'm not part of this. I don't belong to your world. You were right; I can't bring you anything but misery. I'm trouble, always have been."

 "The funny thing is; I don't believe that. And I still trust you, despite it all."

 "You shouldn’t. I'm no good for you. No good..."

 "Faith... Faith?!"

 Buffy put her hands on her face as the brunette closed the door behind her. She was gone now and Buffy had never felt so empty in her whole life.

 She remained that way for about 5 minutes. She didn't even move when she heard the door opening again. She knew it was her best friend coming back. She wasn't ready for another disaster right now. But so far Willow wasn’t yelling at her and pointing out how crazy she was. So after a little while, Buffy removed her hands from her face and looked around. Willow was sitting on her bed, staring at her quietly.

 Buffy tried to pull herself together, "I'm sorry."

 Willow raised her brows, "Well, you didn't use my bed so I guess, you don't have to be sorry."

She sounded pretty casual but Buffy would need far more than that before she could feel alright.

 Willow tried a comforting smile, "Do you wanna talk about it?"

 "Not really. I wouldn't know where to start."

 "Well, if it helps, I know it's not new, you and her."

 Buffy stared at her, a little surprised then she swallowed, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. It was so confusing. There was Angel then, I would have told you but she… We weren't. She never let us be…" Buffy had to hold back the urge to break down crying thinking so much about what Faith never let them be.

 Willow felt sad at that sight, "Do you love her?"

 Buffy looked aside and swallowed, "I know what you think. Faith is really, yes, she's unpredictable and yes, I have something great with Riley. He's so caring with me. I can't throw that away and-"

 "Wow, whoa, no, no that's not what I think. I like Riley and yes he's all that, but that wasn’t my question, Buffy."

 Buffy looked aside once again.

 "You know you could talk to me about this. I mean, you still can. I’m not freaked out or anything. I'm your best friend."

 "There's nothing much to talk about. I can’t expect anything from it. And I can't blow it with Riley."

 "Do you love him?"

 "He's just so right for me, and he loves me, this much I know."

 "But do YOU love him?"

 "Weren't you the one saying to stay away from any passionate relationship? That it was better to have something nice and quiet because it was bound to end up badly otherwise, to sum up your thoughts that day. Well, you were right, I learned that with Angel and…" She trailed off.

 "Yes I did say that, but I was still in post-break-up-love-hating phase. Now, with a little more time I can say I don't regret anything; what I've lived with Oz is, was worth any pain. And I think," Willow looked thoughtful glancing aside to a magic book she’d borrowed from her new friend, "I think that it’s not worth it if you don’t take any risk. I think love is a permanent risk. You don’t have anything unless you don't give as much. And you can lose, yes, but when you win then wow, nothing else matters, one victory erases all the loss. But nothing good comes easy, Buffy."

 Buffy tried to smile, "It's life on the Hellmouth that taught you this?"

 Willow shook her head, "It's just life. Relationships aren't easy. I'm not so sure they really matter if they are."

 Buffy sat up on the bed with a sigh as she grabbed her clothes, "Anyway, there's no relationship in this case so I guess, there's no need to debate it."

 "But what does she say?"

 "Nothing; she's leaving."

 "Wow," Willow didn't really know what to say now.

Buffy got up to put her pants on.

 "And… Aren't you gonna try to make her stay?"

 Buffy sadly sighed, "There's absolutely nothing I can do to make her stay. Besides, I don't think I should. I've got my life with Riley now. That's all I have to focus on. He's what I need."

 Willow realized she wouldn't get more from Buffy on the subject. She could guess her non relationship with Faith had been a rocky one and she could understand Buffy's need for stability, mostly if she was sure that there was no outcome to expect with Faith.

 Buffy pulled herself together. Willow looked sad. She didn't like that realization but their friendship was put through a severe test this year; it showed once again with the way Buffy's face was closing to her right now, she wasn't going to talk more about this though it hurt her, in fact because it hurt her.

It wasn’t like it used to be.

And Willow knew she was hiding something from Buffy too. Something that she knew was important, or rather someone, but she didn't understand how important it was, or why she felt this way towards her relationship with her new wicca friend.

So she told herself maybe Buffy wanted to take some time to think more clearly before talking about anything just like she, herself, wanted to be more certain about things before telling Buffy about her new friend.

 But Willow knew deep down that it wasn't true. Buffy and Faith wasn't a new thing and once again she was cast out of their relationship, once again she couldn't understand their relationship but this time she really wanted to and that made her sad.

She hoped it wasn't too late and that hopefully, with time, Buffy would let her in on their relationship.

 She really wanted to help her best friend if she could because it was obvious on Buffy’s face that she was clearly unhappy right now, even though she looked focused as she was picking up her clothes off the floor to put them on the bed.

 Buffy then took her toilet bag and headed to the bathroom with no more words.

She looked really thoughtful.

PART 21

Later that day, Buffy was introduced to the Initiative. She made sure to focus entirely on this and on Riley's loving gaze. She set her mind on blank mode all the while she was in there, focusing only on Walsh, and Riley of course.

 She was supposed to meet her friends later, alone, at the bronze but she arrived with a bunch of the initiative soldiers, Riley included.

When she was alone with Willow, the redhead told her she'd spoken to Giles and he'd asked her if Buffy knew anything about Faith's decision to leave.

 Buffy didn't comment and Willow went on to say that Faith apparently asked Giles to put her in contact with the council as they still hadn't sent a new watcher since they'd fired Wesley.Willow said Giles had told the brunette he would take the necessary steps but he hadn't contacted them yet since he wanted to talk to Buffy about it.

Buffy told Willow she could tell Giles to get Faith the info she needed, it wasn't her decision to make. Willow insisted that Giles thought two slayers were a good thing for Sunnydale, mostly if Buffy wanted to focus on college. Buffy barely said she'll think about it and then headed off to join Riley, clearly not wanting to dwell on Faith. Willow felt sad but then Buffy and the soldiers got beeped by Maggie.

 The Initiative sent them on a mission, their first patrol together. Riley and the soldiers weren't really acquainted with Buffy's patrolling ways but once they were attacked every one knew their place and they captured the demon they were supposed to.

Buffy went back to Riley's room where they made love once again. There too, she kept her mind clear, trying to focus on her boyfriend and not wonder whether or not Faith would still be in town the next day.

 It would do her no good. It was certainly better that she leaves, just like Angel.

 She had what it takes to be happy right here in her arms, on top of her, loving her…

This is all she wanted to think about.

 And focusing on Riley, her curiosity came back, and she started asking questions again, thinking about the stuff Giles and her friends had talked about like 314.

 Later that day, Maggie beeped her and sent her on a one way mission.

 After Buffy managed to escape, the Scoobies regrouped at Giles' place, even Spike as he'd been shot with a tracer and had needed their help to take it out.

 Riley arrived and after being jumped on by all of them about the trap Maggie set for Buffy, he recognized Spike. He suddenly looked both confused and mad but then decided to leave and try to sort it out on his own.

 Buffy decided they had to hide so they headed to Xander's place since he was the one Buffy had been seen with the least.

 Buffy looked thoughtful, Willow looked at her and hesitated, "Shouldn't we… call Faith?"

 Buffy didn't look up at her and didn't reply as Giles spoke first, "She must be at her place at this hour, we should call her and-"

 "No."

 Giles frowned; he hadn't had the time to talk to Buffy about Faith's decision to leave yet.

 "Buffy, don't you think we might need her if-"

 "No we don't. She's out of the business, slaying business, for Sunnydale."

 "So you knew about her intentions to leave then. Why didn't you let me know?"

 "Because it's her decision, we can't make her stay if she doesn't want to; now we should focus on finding a plan, one that doesn't actually suck."

 Her tone was rather dry, even if it was HER plan to stay hidden.

 "Did you two argue about something? Because this isn't a decision to take lightly, if I contact the council she'll be sent away for good."

 "She's not a baby, she knows what she wants. Call them already."

 Buffy turned and left Xander's bedroom. Giles was surprised and perplexed by Buffy's dryness.

 Willow went after her friend.

 "Buffy, wait."

 Buffy sighed and stopped just outside.

 "Why did you react like that?"

 "What do you want me to do? She wants to leave."

 "Are you sure?"

 "Willow, you don't know what happened and-"

 "Tell me. Why don't you just tell me, Buffy?"

 "Because it's over now. I'm done trying to understand what she really means, trying to read between the lines. If she wants to leave there’s nothing I can do to make her stay and besides, I don't want her to stay."

 "I'm sorry but… I don't believe you."

 "Well then start because right now I kinda wish she would have left when Angel did, it would have made my life easier. I'm sure this thing between us would have blown away long ago if she hadn't been there. I wouldn't have wanted, I wouldn't have felt… I would..."

Buffy trailed off, she looked confused.

 "Pushing someone away doesn't make your feelings for them go away. In fact what you're trying to do is exactly the same thing she's doing by leaving. If you think it's wrong then don't do it too."

 "It's not wrong. It's probably the best thing to do. It'll be easier that way."

 "Do you really want an easy life, Buffy? Because you're going to be very disappointed then."

 "No I'm not. I've got Riley and with him I know exactly what to expect, I can't be disappointed."

 "I see; of course you won't because you don’t really expect anything from him. You're not waiting for anything else from him but to be a puppy dog, loving and smooth."

 "What else should I expect? And please don't tell me passion and intensity because that never lasts. You can't have both, I tried and I know it's impossible."

 "So you just go for easy and dull."

 "What I have with Riley isn't dull. He isn’t dull, the more time I spend with him the more I love him. I thought you liked him by the way."

 “Whether or not I like him isn't the point, he's nice but I don't see you running after him right now. All I see is you trying hard to convince yourself that it's better to let Faith go. And that's all I've seen you do for a long time, Buffy; you think about Faith one way or another. I know that now, so excuse me if I doubt that you're official boyfriend is the one you should be with."

 "I don't have a choice."

 "You're the slayer. And you're Buffy. I never saw you giving up on anything. And if it wasn't worth it you'd have gotten over it a long time ago. You tried and I think you failed. It seems clear to me that you failed."

 "You don't even know. You know nothing about Faith and I. I 'm sorry about that too, Willow. But it's true. If you knew how it started, if you knew the horniness and the rush inside. I was ashamed; I'd have been ashamed to tell you. You would have told me to make her go, to chase her even. Don't try to convince me you actually want to see me with her when you wanted her out of the picture last year?"

 "Don't give me false pretexts, Buffy. Who cares about what I think? This isn't last year and it doesn't matter that it started as a lust fest, probably, I don't know. You didn't tell me then and I didn't comment then. But I am commenting now because I know what's going on now; you care about her and you ARE not happy, and as your friend, that is what I care about. Do YOU really want to see her go, Buffy?"

 Buffy looked aside then back at Willow, "It isn't my call. Look I, I know you want to help but, things with Faith and I aren't concrete, nothing serious. It was just a bad time. Angel and I… then he left. I was confused, she was confused on her own; we messed around but it's nothing serious. It's nothing you build relationships on. She doesn't want it and I don't either, not with her. I'm fine, it's fine that way. It's best that she leaves, believe me."

 Willow didn't say anything else and Buffy walked out of the apartment to get some fresh air.

 The next day they changed their plan, the Initiative didn't seem to be after them. Eventually they found out that a kid was murdered by what might have been the demon they'd captured the other night.

 In the meantime the Initiative soldiers discovered Walsh's body in the Initiative HQ. Forrest and Riley started arguing over who killed her and all the soldiers went looking for revenge, trying to find the demon.

 The soldiers' behavior got bad very fast and Buffy brought Riley back to Xander's place when he seemed to get really sick. They managed to figure out that the soldiers were probably being given some sort of drugs and since they'd spent the night out looking for Professor Walsh's killer they were now going through withdrawals. They became really aggravated since they didn't know that they were drugged without their knowledge and therefore couldn’t understand what was happening to them. Some really lost it.

 Buffy, after Riley had fallen asleep, decided to take Xander on a mission to the Initiative. They needed to find out more about Walsh's secret work and what she'd done to the boys. Buffy was really worried about Riley.

 Immediately after they had left Xander's apartment, Willow called Faith and told her what had happened and that Buffy and Xander were going to the Initiative. The redhead was worried, mostly because of the soldiers’ attitude, she didn't know if they would be reasonable if Buffy showed up there after she had threatened Maggie who’d ended up dead, plus that demon threat. It was enough to worry Willow to call in some reinforcement, backed up by Giles’ concern about Buffy's new plan.

 Buffy and Xander managed to get into the initiative unnoticed which really reflected the chaos that reigned inside the Initiative.

 She managed to corner doctor Engelmann who told her about the drugs the soldiers were under to make them stronger, and about Adam who was Walsh's creation which had escaped. It was some sort of Frankenstein creature. Very strong, very clever and very not afraid of anything as he showed up and killed doctor Engelmann.

 Riley came in moments later, he'd escaped from Xander's apartment more or less abruptly and was there, sweating, on shaky legs, asking questions about himself and Maggie but he didn't really like Adam's answers so Riley attacked him.

 Adam pushed him away and that's when Faith arrived, kicking the door opened.

 She saw Buffy launch herself at Adam who practically knocked her out against the wall, Riley was right behind her to charge Adam. Faith close behind.

 Buffy shook her head to clear the dizziness as Riley got pierced by Adam's bone skewers that jutted out of his forearm.

 "No!" Buffy screamed.

Faith pushed him out of the way before it got worse but Adam stuck his spear through the brunette’s stomach.

 "Faith!"

 In one jump Buffy was on her feet again and punched Adam hard enough to knock him back slightly. The demon robot chose to leave. He'd seen and said what he wanted. He would see them again, another time.

 "Faith." Buffy said in panic while covering the brunette’s wound with her hand as she knelt beside her.

 "I’m good." Faith coughed, it was a bad injury but wouldn’t kill a slayer.

 "It’s ok don't move, we'll get an ambulance." Buffy held her, trying to make her sit.

 "I'll be fine. It's-" Faith cringed as it really hurt.

 "Buffy?"

 Buffy froze at that moment. She didn't dare turn around to look at the young man who'd just called her name with such disbelief and desperation in his voice.

 Buffy and Faith stared at each other. Faith didn't say anything.

 Buffy swallowed and turned round.

 She could see the look of pain and disbelief as he finally realized the true nature of the slayer's relationship. Buffy could tell that the pain inflicted by Adam hurt much less than the fact that she was by Faith’s side right now, and not his.

 "Riley."

 "What's going on, Buffy?"

 "It's-"

 They were interrupted as other soldiers burst through.

 "He left through the vent," The TA told them, a bunch of soldiers went after Adam while others surrounded Riley, "Take him to the infirmary and escort them out." Forrest ordered.

 "No, wait!"

 They all pointed their guns at Buffy as she tried to get to him. Xander moved towards the blonde slayer,

 "Buffy, I think we should go… Faith needs a doctor."

 Buffy turned around and with Xander's help they carried Faith to the exit.

 "Here, we'll grab a cab, get to the hospital faster and-"

 "No."

 "Faith, you need to get to the hospital now."

 "I'll be fine, you know that."

 "Look at your shirt, you've lost too much blood Faith, you need-"

 "I just need to rest. I wanna go back to my room. Xander can get me there."

 Faith still hadn't looked up at Buffy ever since they'd left the Initiative.

 Buffy sighed but didn't surrender.

 "What are you doing?!" Faith exclaimed with surprise as Buffy swept her off her feet and into her arms.

 "If you bring me to the hospital B I swear I'll-"

 "You'll what? Bleed to death on me? Now calm down. I'm just taking you to your Motel. Xander can you tell the others what happened?"

 "I will."

 Buffy started walking quickly.

 "I can walk you know."

 Buffy didn't reply, she looked really serious. Faith coughed once more, trying hard to hide the fact that her wound really hurt but Buffy knew it anyway.

 They both avoided looking at each other on the way and stayed silent. Faith couldn't help but hold Buffy tightly though. She was trying to steady her breathing, trying hard to find a position that didn't hurt. There weren’t any at the time, but that kind of pain wasn't something new for her. What bothered her the most was being so close to Buffy and having that feeling overcome the pain. Faith realized she was more focused on avoiding looking at Buffy and the fact that she was holding her, than thinking she had a hole through her stomach that actually really hurt. She didn't really care about that pain.

 "Where are your keys?"

 "In my pocket, wait, here and-"

 They stopped and stared at each other as their hands met when Buffy reach for Faith's keys. They both diverted their gaze, doing their best to focus elsewhere.

 Buffy opened the door and stepped in.

 "It's cool now, you can put me down."

 Buffy lay her down on the bed but Faith sat up quickly, leaning herself against the headboard.

 "You should lie down."

 "I'm good like this."

 Buffy sighed at Faith's stubbornness.

 "Faith, you just got a spear through your stomach. Don't be silly now."

 “It'll be healed by tomorrow, you can go now."

 Faith was still avoiding looking at her and Buffy shook her head, she headed to the bathroom. Focusing on Faith's wound was the only way to avoid the thoughts crowding her mind right now.

 She came back with the first aid kit.

 "What’re you doing? I'm fine."

 "Yeah, that’s why you look paler than Spike right now."

 "But it'll be ok. Put that away."

 "Take off your shirt." Buffy ordered.

 "Come on, be serious, Buffy."

 "Fine, I'll take it off you myself."

 "Come on, B? It ouch!"

 "Well, if you would stop moving, it wouldn't hurt."

 Faith pouted slightly and stopped struggling, letting Buffy take off her blood soaked shirt. She looked aside with a gulp, she felt a little awkward.

 Buffy felt bad at the sight of the wound.

 "Faith, I think, we really need to take you to the hospital."

 "No."

 "It went through you, Faith. It's-"

 "Buffy," Faith finally looked up at her, "Please." She just said, in a low voice.

 Buffy sighed.

 "Alright, I'll do the best I can but if you faint or if the bleeding doesn't stop I swear I'll take you there even if I have to knock you out."

 Faith faintly smiled, "I know you'll do fine."

 They stared at each other and looked aside after a moment. Buffy focused on the wound once again while Faith inhaled deeply. 

Buffy started checking and cleaning the wound, the bleeding seemed to have stopped; she began putting the bandage around Faith’s waist, "I really hope it didn't go through any vital organs."

 "It went through nothing, don't worry."

 "Just because you think there's nothing inside of you doesn't mean there's actually nothing, Faith."

 Faith looked away, trying to be mad at the comment but she was too disturbed by the events of this last hour to keep it up.

 Buffy was almost done.

 "I can take it from here, now. Thanks."

 Faith took the bandage from Buffy's hands and Buffy let her. She watched as the brunette was now finishing to fix the bandage, not looking at her.

 "It's cool, B. You can go, now. I'm fine, see?"

 Buffy looked at the floor with a bitter smile, she looked at the door. Faith glanced at her but back at the bandage as she finished it.

 Buffy got up, "Well, I'm gonna go then."

 "Yes." Faith said very low, not looking up at her.

 "Since that’s what you want. And you don't have anything else to tell me, right?"

 Faith looked up at her, pretending not to understand, "Well, I said thanks, didn’t I?" she asked, almost unsure.

 "Yes, yes you did." Buffy said, still using that casual tone.

 Faith looked back at her bandage.

 "So, I'll go home and call Giles, see if he's been able to reach the council for you to leave because that's what you really want."

 "Yes." Faith replied, still not looking up but maintaining a casual tone too. She did swallow though.

 When Faith realized Buffy still hadn't moved she looked up at her and was surprised when Buffy slapped her. So surprised that she didn't move, didn't reply, didn't hit back. She didn't even want to and it was weird. Even before becoming a slayer, she'd always hit back anytime someone had laid one hand on her, like a reflex, but she couldn't hit Buffy right now. She didn't feel like it was an attack. She didn't really know what it was. All she knew was that Buffy was staring straight at her silently.

PART 22

Buffy stood there silently and stared at her.

 Faith took a deep breath.

 "What did you do that for?" she finally asked.

 "For you. I did it for you."

 "Well thanks, but I didn't really need that now?!”

 "No you're right, I'm a little late, I should have kicked your ass a long time ago."

 "I think you're confused, B.”

 "Actually I'm not at that moment. I know what I'm doing for once and you're going to listen to me."

 "No, I'm not. I'm tired, Buffy. I'm injured so you're gonna be nice and leave me alone now. I don't want to listen to you. Leave me alone ok?"

 Buffy slapped her again and moved on the bed, "What is it gonna take for you to step out of that personal hell you’ve locked yourself in?"

 Faith looked aside and Buffy went on, "I've left you alone because I thought, hell I don't know what I was thinking anymore but it was wrong. I'm not going to let you throw this away. No in fact I’m not doing this for you but for me! I don’t want to see this pass me by because you’re too stubborn to see that it’s me; I’m what you’ve been looking for. How could I leave you knowing that you won’t have anymore chances? I am your chance, Faith. I am."

 Faith tried to smirk mockingly, "I think you were knocked out pretty bad down there today, B. Why don't you just go back to your boy now?"

 Buffy shook her by the shoulders, the older slayer's eyes were glistening with tears, "After today how can you still think that he's the one I want to be close to?! No, you are. It’s too obvious for me to pretend otherwise now. You're the one I want to be with. You're the one I love."

 Faith took a deep breath and looked aside while swallowing but Buffy made her look at her, "Yes I love you. And I can't hide it or pretend I don't, or even pretend I'll get over it, pretend I can love him like that when I won't. I thought I could settle for something simple, warm and stable but I don't think I can be happy with anything less than burning. And this fire between you and me… it can't be put out. You can try to smother it as much as you want but you'll never put it out, Faith, and I know it'll consume you completely from the inside if you don't let it out. Let it out, free yourself, Faith. I don't want you to spend your life in pain like that. I can't stand to see you hurt like that."

 "I-I'm not. You can't. I-"

 Faith tried to move away but Buffy held her in place, "Let me go, Buffy. I do what I want; you can't force me to-"

 "Be happy? Then yes I can because I CAN make you happy, Faith."

 "Well I CAN'T, Buffy, don't you know that already?"

 "All I know is that you're hiding yourself behind this fucked up child, but you're not that child anymore, you're a wonderful woman. You've showed me who you truly were, Faith, and I fell in love with who I saw. Now it's up to you to take charge of your life and be a grown up. Deal with your issues but don't let this pass you by because you're not brave enough to face it."

 Buffy's tone was rather firm.

 "I’m nowhere close to what you're expecting me to be, Buffy. I'm nowhere close to being what you need, what you want. I can never be what you want."

 "What I want is you don't you see that! Open your eyes, stop hiding. Get over it. I know now why you've tried so hard to spoil what we had and make it dirty, because dirty was all you'd ever known and ever felt before, but we were different and you know that. We were beautiful, it was beautiful and it scared you because you've never known anything like that and you've tried so hard to bring it back to dirty and painful but see, you failed. It couldn't be anything other than beautiful and that's why you want to run away from it. You just can't accept that it IS beautiful, it IS true, and it IS real…. It is love, Faith."

 Faith swallowed, "I can't, Buffy."

 "Tell me you don't love me."

 "You don't understand."

 "Tell me you don't love me!"

 "Buffy,"

 "What? Tell me?!"

 "I can't do that. It's not me an-"

 "Tell me you don't love me?!"

Buffy shook her up by the shoulders hard, Faith didn't know where to look anymore, she could feel the emotions clenching her throat.

 "Please, Buffy, don't-"

 "Tell me you DON'T love me!"

 Faith swallowed hard, she kept trying to avoid Buffy’s gaze. She tried to pull herself together and block the tears she felt threatening to fall from the back of her eyes. Buffy, on the other hand, kept trying to make her look at her.

 "This isn't me, I can-"

 "Tell me you don't love me!" Buffy held her face straight to look into her eyes. Faith tried to look aside but Buffy prevented her and the younger slayer started crying, trying hard not to but failing. Buffy took her in her arms, holding her tight, caressing the back of her head as Faith finally burst out crying.

 "It's ok, don't hold back, Faith, don't hold anything back."

 Buffy kept holding her; Faith seemed unable to stop crying right now.

 They stayed that way for a while until Faith slightly pulled away, her face wet with tears. Buffy gently ran her fingers on her cheeks, gathering the brunette's tears. Faith slightly looked aside but Buffy placed her finger on Faith's chin to gently make her look at her again, "See that, Faith?" she pointed out her fingers, soaked with tears, "This is love…"

 Faith swallowed, "What if I can't do it, Buffy?"

 "I'm here. If you just let me be here, I am. And it'll be us, it's not you anymore, you're not alone anymore."

 Faith lowered her gaze, she seemed in distress and Buffy caressed her face, "I love you, Faith. And I don't want to pretend anymore that it doesn’t matter."