**KEEPING HER**
**KEEPING
HER**
The remaining cop finally got the front doors open. He didn’t waste any seconds to get out of the room, the two vampire guards race out of it behind him.
The Mayor looked at the still frozen scoobies and told them with a contented grin on his face, “Raise your hand if you're invulnerable.”
He then looked more serious, “Faith, let's go.”
Faith stared at the impaled spider on the wall.
“Faith.” He repeated firmly, the brunette slayer kept staring, her gaze crossed Buffy’s at some point and she looked away from the blonde girl’s piercing look. Hiding the slight confusion in her eyes.
“Just getting my knife back, boss.” She headed straight for the wall. Wesley stepped out of her way cautiously.
Buffy’s thoughts raced in her mind. Because of this night’s events, one would think. Faith grabbed her knife and pulled it out of the wall but then Buffy, in a short second took the bat from Giles’ hands and knocked her out from behind. Within only a few seconds.
Mayor turned around, “Hey hey hey, what’s going on?”
They all stepped forward. Oz stood in front of Willow and they all brandished their weapons.
Buffy, who’d caught Faith’s body after hitting her, just laid her carefully on the ground.
“What do you think you’re doing there?”
“Actually, that’s a good question, Buffy?” Giles murmured, slightly looking backward at his slayer, as he, like all of them had no idea where Buffy’s gesture came from.
“She’s staying with us.”
“Huh?” Xander said while Willow’s eyes widened. “Buffy, why-“
Buffy gave her a firm look. It was no time to seem divided on the subject matter. Not in front of the mayor at least.
But mostly, Buffy knew that she did not know how to explain this impulse, as she knew it had been an impulse. She’d felt it earlier already, seeing Faith carrying that box, she’d wondered how it had all happened. She wondered how they could all remain so still to see her on the enemy’s side like that. How it had been so easy to just switch side. For her, and for their perception of her. It felt to her as if no one had tried to keep her. And this was what she’d felt an instant ago: the unexplainable need to keep her. Even if now, she had no idea what she was gonna do next.
“You all step away from my Faith. Now!” The Mayor exclaimed before adding, “You know you can’t kill me.”
“But I believe you don’t wanna get into a fight with all of us... not so close to your lame ascension...” Buffy said as she stood up to face him, looking threatening.
After a short while with the both of them staring, the Mayor finally exhaled and slightly laughed, “Well, all right then. We’ll just postpone this little confrontation to that moment. And I’ll show you how lame it is going to be seeing you crying and begging me to spare your life and those of your little crowd.” His tone was cold as ice. He stepped back but then added,
“Oh and, you know you won’t keep her against her will, right? So unless you plan on killing her, you’d better let her go now. Because there are no prisons, no castles no anything that I can’t get her back from. Understood me? And... I highly doubt you want her dead...”
Buffy swallowed ever so slightly. Mayor smiled and gave a last look at Angel, “Future definitely not bright for your couple pal. Should have seen this coming.”
“Leave. Now.” Buffy said. Mayor laughed sardonically as he left.
Buffy turned around. Angel looked sceptic.
“What was he talking about?” Xander asked.
Buffy shrugged, “He's evil.” was her only response as she moved closer to Faith.
“Alright, I’m gonna call the council-“
“Don’t you dare!” Buffy said, walking threateningly to Wesley.
Giles stepped in between them. “Buffy, I know Wesley did a mistake by calling them the first time. But we’re in no way able to contain a slayer here, neither is the police station. We can’t lock her up. Not for long at least.”
“Good thing, cause we’re not gonna lock her up... long.”
“I’m definitely lost in your plan, Buffy.”
Xander moved forward, “You’re not gonna kill her, right?”
“No one’s killing anyone. And I don’t have a plan but I... I sure need to talk to her.”
“AND kick her face and knock her out, right?” Willow said, optimistically though her tone betrayed her disappointment as she could guess it wasn’t the plan either. The redhead added, “Being threatened and held at the pointy end of that knife wasn’t really funny so if you’re hoping for a big make up, don’t count on me.” She ended with a firm gaze while Oz rubbed her shoulders comfortingly.
Angel moved forward, “Buffy, you know you won’t make her turn around now. She already chose her path.”
Buffy looked at the passed out brunette and suddenly all her friends’ pleas of disagreement began to bother her.
“Stop that!” She looked at them, “This is my call. No one has to get involve in it if they don’t want to. I don’t need you for this. Now let me go, I need to... tie her up before she wakes up.”
She walked by them, carrying the brunette in her arms. Angel followed so she turned around, “Where are you going?”
“Helping you. And Mayor might have left some of his minions outside so I’ll escort you to the mansion. Besides, that’s my home, so I kinda have to go there.”
“Good idea, you go there, and you don’t ask me why, but that wasn’t where I was heading.”
“What? Where?”
Buffy looked a little reluctant. He furrowed his brows.
“You can’t possibly bring her to your house, Buffy? With your mom?”
“I’ll be with her all the time. And I’ll tell mom to visit Aunt Jackie for a while.” She turned around.
“For a while, huh?” He said with a reproachful tone before adding, “What does that mean? And talking about meaning, what did the Mayor imply earlier?”
Buffy didn’t turn around.
“Just that he’s evil.” Buffy told him, same lame response she’d given earlier, she finally left.
Truth is, she didn’t know, or she didn’t understand, but she knew deep down that it would have torn her insides apart to watch the brunette slayer walk out of that room like that. After everything, after that gaze, that very short gaze in there... Buffy had felt something. She’d known she’d been wrong. She’d felt none of this should be happening. And she’d known for sure there was no way this girl would be leaving with the opposite side. Not tonight at least.
Her mind was getting clearer. No, she wasn’t gonna kill her. She wasn’t gonna beat her, unless forced, she wasn’t gonna beg her, it wouldn’t work. And in the end, if she wanted to leave, she would let her go... But she wanted to talk, first.
~~
Buffy was sitting in an armchair she’d taken from her mother’s room. She was on the side of the bed, and she was staring at the brunette slayer lying on her bed, still unconscious.
The closer she had
gotten to her house, the more panicky she had felt. She’d
tightly chained her hands and feet to the headboard of the bed but
she’d added other chains to link the chains that attached her
wrists to a steel pipe running through the house, beside her bed. She
knew the bed wouldn’t resist long but the pipe would hold her
down a little longer. Then she’d carefully taken care of the
wound she’d made on the girl’s head.
And now all she
could do was stare at her, and fight the urge to panic again. She
thought of calling Giles and taking on their offer to send her to
England but she pulled herself together.
Though she wasn’t
sure why, she trusted that if she had wanted to keep her in the first
place it was for a good reason... But too many thoughts raced in her
mind right now for her to be able to think clearly of what it was.
Buffy hoped that her mother would be back before Faith wake up so that she could send her away, but she knew; by the restless movements of Faith on the bed that, this one was gonna wake up soon. And her mother still wasn’t home.
~~
Faith slightly mumbled. Buffy moved closer but remained cautious.
“Buffy.” Faith mentioned Buffy’s name in her mumbling.
“Faith? Faith wake up.”
“B.” Faith’s forehead creased and she meant to reach her head with her hands but got stuck by the chains and her eyes shot open in a sudden movement that caused Buffy to move away from the bed. Faith checked the surroundings for a while, and frowned in disbelief at the sight of the blonde girl. She tried to sit up but was reminded that she couldn’t move by the chains as she pulled on them. She looked freaked in a really mad way, as Buffy thought.
“No, the fuck you didn’t?!”
“I-I.” Buffy tried to sound calm, “I thought we should talk,” “maybe?” she added shyly.
Faith pulled brutally on her chains, the headboard didn’t resist more than three pulls, luckily she was still chained to the pipe, the chains were more solid than her bed, that was for sure.
“I am so gonna kill you for that!”
**England?**
“Calm down, Faith.”
“Calm down?! Fuck you Summers!”
Faith kept pulling hard on her chains.
“Stop that, Faith! God dammit!”
Buffy’s patience had always been limited; she moved forward and punched the brunette slayer strongly, shaking her a lot. At least, it calmed her down for a few seconds. That was the intention, wasn't it?
“Now, you’re the one who had to tie me up to beat me, aren’t you the loser this time, B?”
“Well, I’d rather do this another way but if I take off your chains, you’re gonna run away, so I don’t have a choice.”
“You’re wrong.”
“You wouldn’t run away?” Buffy raised her brows, showing her disbelief.
“I would kill you first, THEN I would run away.”
“Is that right?”
Buffy moved forward as she told this. Faith felt short of anything to say. Her head still hurt from the bat’s hit and she was confused by the blonde girl’s attitude. By the blonde girl period, as she’d always been.
Faith shot her a nasty looking gaze that sent shivers down Buffy’s spine, though she hid it.
“You have 1 minute to untie me Buffy or I swear I’ll-"
“You’ll what? Turn evil?”
“Don’t play that game, Buffy. This isn’t even funny. Wait this has not been funny even one fucking second now untie me!” She exclaimed while pulling hard on the chains with both her hands and feet.
“Calm down! You calm down or I hit you again?”
Faith sighed, and relaxed the tension she had put on her wrists and ankles.
Buffy moved closer to the bed, dragging a simple chair this time. And she sat just beside her.
“So, what you’re gonna do now? Cut me open? Torture me? The things I said I was gonna do to you, right? Revenge huh?” Faith didn’t even look at her as she spat the last word, staring at the ceiling.
Buffy looked in the void.
**Revenge** She knew there should be plenty of reasons rushing to her mind but it was blank. That word equalled blank in her mind at that moment.
Faith looked at her, “I tell you, B. You have better kill me fast cause I’m gonna kick your ass.”
“Have you always been that exasperating?” Buffy said before adding, “Gosh, there’s just no way to get in here, huh?” She tapped Faith’s head slightly.
“Hey!” Faith barked but Buffy went on, “Isn’t there any part that’s still working in here?” And yet another push of her face.
“Hey stop that
now. What-“ Faith trailed off, she didn’t understand
Buffy’s behaviour at all.
She didn’t seem to be in
any rush to kill her. She didn’t even seem to want
to kill her, or to fight. So basically Faith was lost in the blonde’s
plan as there weren’t many other options in her life these
days. That’s all she was about now; the kill. Again, she was
confused.
“What the fuck do you want from me, B? You got everything out of me when you played me with your boy. You ain’t getting anything more on the Mayor now, so if it was your plan, you’d better kill me now cause I ain’t telling jack.”
“Damn, when you’re gonna understand I don’t wanna kill you!”
“Then untie me now!”
“No!”
“Then what?!”
“Shut up!” Buffy said. Then what? That was the question.
Faith sighed.
“Here’s the deal,” Buffy started, trying to think, “honestly, Faith, I just want to talk, give me... give us a couple hours, and after I’ll let you go.”
“Yeah, right.”
“You have my word.”
Faith looked suspicious.
“I swear, I’ll let you go.”
“You’ll let me go and when I walk out of this room Wesley and his buddies jump on me for a one way trip to England, right? Thanks a lot.”
“No, Wesley’s not here. He is NOT gonna call anyone. I made sure of that. There’s no one here. Well, my mother should get back home soon, but otherwise, we’re alone.”
“Alone? You mean; soul boy isn’t behind this door listening and ready to jump in either to slit my throat or to spread some more redemption wisdom on me?”
“There is no one. You know he isn’t there. You would feel his presence. There’s no one. Not that anyone wanted to be anyway.”
Faith frowned, “Wait you mean, this was your plan? Well, it shouldn’t surprise me cause really, it sucks.”
“It’s not a plan. I didn’t think, it just...” Buffy trailed off at Faith’s stare on her. She shook her head and continued, “So do you agree? I just want to talk.”
Faith slightly frowned then sunk into the mattress, releasing the pressure she was still, discreetly, putting on the chains, “Fine, talk.”
**Ok. I’m in. God, what now? Ok, Buffy think. Just tell her what’s heavy on your heart. Yes, exactly, that was the intentions huh? So now let’s go. Who knows?**
“Well.” Buffy stopped.
This was gonna be harder than planned. Faith checked out the ceiling, just like she was passing time.
“What happened?”
“You knocked me out and chained me to your bed.” Faith retorted ironically. But Buffy remained serious and somewhat ‘sad’ as Faith realized.
“What happened to... us?”
Faith looked at her in slight surprise. She’d been ready for a lecture on the ‘what happened to her to do such evil evil things’ but not this. Not with that tone. She didn’t reply though, not that she had any response anyway.
“How did things end up here? How did we go wrong?”
“I-. Are you?” Faith paused, “Honest Buffy, you’re not making sense right now?”
“We were talking, patrolling sharing stuff and suddenly we ended up enemies, pummelling each other. How did that happened?”
“We never were friends, Buffy. No matter what you or your little witch say, we never were. I never had your friendship. Slayership, whatever that means, at some point. But we never were friends so don’t tell me I betrayed our friendship. I didn’t betray much cause we didn’t have much... by the time I... switch sides like you say.”
“By the time... . So we did have something before then? We had great moments. We did talk, spend time together and stuff. We had something.”
“Had. But don’t fool yourself by saying Finch’s accident broke it cause we didn’t have anything anymore...”
“I think we did, but what we had wasn’t right.”
“Right, wrong. This is all so erratic. You oughta get over it one day B. We’re slayers, there’s another level of right and wrong for us. And don’t say things aren’t different. We’re different, you know that. We don't play on everyone’s ground no matter how hard you try to convince yourself of that.”
“I know. I know and it’s probably you who made me realized that, well rather, who made me face that fact. But listen to what you said a little. ‘We’re slayers’. You’re a slayer Faith and your boss is an immortal guy planning on becoming a demon. Come on! React, don’t you see this isn’t the way it should be. You’re a slayer!”
“I was! Or more like, I was supposed to be!”
Buffy swallowed a little, she almost had tears in her eyes.
“You’re never gonna forgive me for being alive Faith, are you? For having what should be yours, right?”
Faith looked aside. “I don’t care anymore. I don’t need to be a slayer. I’ve got what I need now.”
“What? This demon? Just because he pays attention, finally, because he treats you maybe like a daughter... maybe? Know what that says to me. Well it doesn’t say that you were supposed to be there then. It just says that you want some comfort, some love that you never had in your childhood.”
Faith sighed like she was bored.
“It says that you’re still very much a little girl, Faith, for falling for that act.”
“Fuck you, B.”
“What do you want? The town? Ok, I graduate here soon in a few; town is yours. Watcher? You’ve got two ready, already. Friends, saving lives helps with that plus Xander and Oz are pretty much ‘sticking around guys’... What else? A house? I’m outta here next fall, you want the room, can have it. Is that what you want, Faith?”
Faith sighed.
“What? You’re not happy? Any other reason to turn down this offer? Come on I’m being helpful. What else do you want? You want me regular girl? Let’s Giles poison me again and it’s done. What else? My mom can cook roasted chicken for you every night.”
“Stop now.”
“Did I miss something? My bike is in the basement, the front wheel is out but I can repair it for you? Anything else?”
“Enough!”
They stared at each other. Buffy moved to the bed and sat beside her with a firm gaze.
“Talk to me. Is that what you want or wanted?”
“I-I. I don’t want anything... Not anymore. I have what I need.” She said, turning her gaze away, unable to look at the blonde girl again.
Joyce had entered the house during Buffy’s speech without them noticing.
Buffy took Faith’s
chin and made her look at her,
“Talk to me. I need you to
talk to me.”
“Why? Why do you do that?”
**I can’t stand seeing you... not with me. I mean, not with us**
“I just...” Buffy swallowed, “I want to understand. What did I do wrong?”
Faith frowned at this and Buffy went on, almost apologetically,
“I told Giles I wasn’t gonna give up on you, after you’d accepted to come back from the dock, and next thing I know, I just try to be better than you at the council’s test. I barely see you except for big emergencies and I don't check on you and then... we’re fighting, we’re not on the same side anymore and I feel like... like something’s missing. I wanna know where it went?”
Faith was still staring at her. Disbelief in her eyes.
“Buffy are you in-oh God-“ Joyce stopped in her panic as she realized Faith was chained and apparently controlled. “What’s going on, Buffy?”
Buffy had gotten up when the door opened, “Mom? Err, it’s ok. We’re fine. I’m fine. Err, I. Listen, I need to stay alone with Faith. I’m thinking, maybe you could go see Aunt Jackie for a couple of days?”
“What?! Don’t bother Miss S. I’ll be gone in a moment. Really, just do like I’m not even here.”
Buffy moved closer to Joyce, “Mom, I... I just need some time alone with her. I’ll be fine. You don’t worry ok? I’ll call you when... when we’re done here.”
“I understand, Buffy.” Buffy smiled but Joyce went on, “But I’m not leaving the house. So, I’ll just be downstairs in case ANY of you needs anything. I’ll start by some herb tea.”
Buffy kept her smile and nodded. Faith was a little surprised to have been included in the ‘supporting mother’s act’. Things were definitely confusing.
The older woman left the room and Buffy turned towards Faith, “Where were we?”
“I believe you said something about being time to untie me.” Faith nodded positively.
“Look, Faith.”
“Enough of that crap, I’m not one of your lil’ friends so don’t pretend I am. Stop with the gibberish talk too.”
“It’s not gibberish, we were getting somewhere.”
“Please spare me. You sound like your vampire now. We’re getting nowhere. About it, why aren’t you with him, right now? Since you two can’t get enough of each other. Go on with the freak show and leave me alone already.” Faith said turning her head the other way, bothered.
Buffy sat on the spot she occupied before her mother came in.
“Why does that bother you so much my relationship with him?”
“It doesn't. I don’t care.”
Buffy gave a short
exhale out,
“Apparently you do. He’s the first one
you’ve attacked, trying to turn him back into Angelus. You know
you couldn’t hurt me more than by doing something like that.”
Faith looked at her, for a very short second she looked guilty at the sadness in Buffy’s voice but she chose to go further, “Wait till I dust him, blondie.”
“How can you be like that? At some point I thought maybe you were like, in love with him?”
Faith almost choked, “Please, let me laugh.”
“I know you’re not. Seems you really don’t give a damn. All you care about is hurting me.”
“No it’s not-“ Faith slightly bit her lips, mad at her automatic response.
“Then why? Why, Faith?”
Faith pulled on her chains, “Just to fucking piss you off B. Now let me go!”
“This isn’t the deal.”
“Yes it is. You
wanted to talk; we talked now let me go!” Faith pulled so hard
she freed one of her feet. Buffy punched her,
“That’s
my bed you’re breaking, here.” She tried to keep the
atmosphere light, but it didn't work.
“Thought you weren’t gonna be here long, College girl. And hey, is Angel gonna be able to feed himself on his own or do you need an extra luggage to take him with you.”
“Here we go again; Angel.”
Faith turned her head the other side.
“He didn’t do anything to you.”
“That’s it, go ahead, cover him, take his side, always. He’s all that matters.”
“But what side? I don’t understand you, Faith. You weren’t there last year, you haven’t suffered any things Angelus did unlike the rest of us and, we’re over it.”
“Like you gave them a choice? Either they got over it or you were done with them.”
“This is so not true.”
“Is so.”
“No.”
“You lied to them, and after that you kept seeing him that they would like it or not, that they would be safe or not.”
“I knew they would. There was no way what happened last year would ever happen again, I was sure of that.”
“Bullshit, you just wanted your boyfriend back in your arms and you didn’t give a damn about what he did to us?!” Faith exclaimed. Buffy was really confused.
“Faith, again, you weren’t there. Angelus didn’t do anything to you.”
“Fuck you.”
“No shutting me out now, you meant something with that comment and I wanna know what it is, so come on,”
“Let me out.”
“Faith?”
“Fucking let me go now B!” Faith pulled hard on her chains.
“Stop that, stop!” Buffy pinned Faith’s hands on both side of her head to stop her. The chains were in a bad shape already and Buffy heard a crack coming from the end of the bed. Faith’s left foot would soon be free too.
They were staring at each other. Faith's breath was heavier from her attempt to free herself and from the closeness of Buffy’s face.
The blonde slayer’s breath had slightly increased too from the confrontation, and the confusion this talk had provided so far. There was a weird vibe coming off from this. Not what she’d thought. Not totally what she expected even so it started to make sense, slowly, all of it. Faith’s behaviour as well as her own eagerness to retrieve the slayer from the Mayor’s grip. To retrieve her and keep her despite everyone’s reluctance at it.
“Why did you say that, Faith? In what way did Angel hurt you?”
Faith tried to move but Buffy’s grip was too strong, “Let me go.” She almost pleaded.
“I want to know. I’ll never let you go if you don’t tell me. Why? How? Come on!” Buffy slightly shook her up, trying to get the brunette to react on impulse like she often did. That’s mostly then that things dropped out of her mouth, things she meant to hide so...
“Come on, talk now!”
“He fucking took you away!!” Faith said and stopped abruptly, trying to free herself even more.
“Away?”
“Let me go, let me go, let me go!” Faith said like she couldn’t stand Buffy’s face in front of her. Buffy felt the last chain break on Faith’s feet under the brunette’s latest attempt so she pinned her down harder by straddling her.
“Away? Away from... you, right? This is what you meant.”
“And you fucking hit me for that freak!”
“Is that what you meant, Faith?!”
“And you broke everything.” Faith ended in a fatigued tone. Buffy swallowed and sat up straight a little, releasing the brunette’s slayers fists. She was somewhat stunned.
“Faith, I. I never knew y-“
“There’s nothing to know, get off me!” She screamed while pulling so hard she freed her left arm. Buffy’s reflex was to punch her. Faith punched her back and got punched again, hard and she stopped struggling as some tears began to run down her cheeks. Buffy gulped, she felt awful. She felt immensely sad at the brunette’s slayer’s distress. She wanted to comfort her so much right now. Where did that come from, she didn’t know; but she sure as Hell hurt to see Faith hurt like that. And she realized a tear ran down her own cheek.
“I never meant to... break anything. I know. I realize now, this is probably where I lost you, isn't it? I mean, before that it was... After you were just... distant and I was... absent too. I’m stupid. I should have... But if you’d talked to me, maybe... And maybe it’s not too late.”
“I have nothing to say to you.”
“Yes you do.” Buffy roamed her hand in Faith’s hair. The brunette slayer closed her eyes.
“Please, Faith. Please, I beg you, talk to me.”
Faith took some deep breaths to stop the crying, to block the strong emotions that overwhelmed her heart and mind right now. And she began, in a low, resigned voice,
“You said I want this town, this title, this life. You said I’m jealous and I guess I am but you’re wrong. I don’t want this. I mean, I didn’t. I came here, and that I was second, first, third, whatever it didn’t matter. Yes I acted big, tried to impress. Girl has to make a mark, right? But I didn’t care. The friends? Well, they were yours so why not? But it didn’t matter. I didn’t want all these things you think I tried to steal from you. I didn’t want’em cause... I had you.”
Buffy took a deep breath but Faith didn’t stop here, “I felt like I belonged for the first time in my life. Under your prude holier than thou attitude I knew you got me and I got you in all sense of the term. When we patrolled, talked, danced, slayed and even just looked at each other I felt like ‘yeah this is where I belong’. But it all went to the trash can because of him. All of it. You lied to me, you hit me to protect him and basically... you walked away... without any regret.”
“No, Faith this-,” Buffy trailed off.
Faith was very calm now. She looked so sad and indifferent suddenly.
“You’ve got what you wanted; now you can let me go.” She said, still very calmly.
“No, I.”
“I thought we had a deal.”
“I know and I will but.. No, I. I don’t want to let you go.”
“What do you wanna do, then? You can’t keep me here forever? Besides I don’t have anything else to say.”
“Then, I’ll do the talking. What I wanna do huh? That’s a question I’ve been asking myself ever since I knocked you out earlier. I knew there was a reason but I couldn’t find it until you talk to me. The thing is; I just can’t let you go. You said it; it’s where you’re supposed to be. With me, with us.”
“WAS, Buffy. It’s over now. Besides, I was wrong anyway.”
“No you were not. You felt it, I felt it too: this bond between us. It scared me to understand what I was made of. To see you throwing it in my face scared me, Faith. It was easier to try and keep the things the way they were before. It seemed safer. And I... I’m sorry that I pushed you away in the process. I didn’t mean to. I... I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the help I didn’t give when the accident happened. I’m sorry that we weren’t close enough to share this pain and fright. I’ve felt close to you though. Closer to you than I’d ever been to anyone. And you have to realize, just like I did just now; that you can’t break this bond. It is still here, Faith. You can’t break it. You need me.”
Faith looked aside, “Don’t flatter yourself.”
“I saw it in your eyes earlier and God knows I didn’t let the occasion pass me by cause... I need you to.”
Faith looked at her again at this moment, unable to say anything.
They remained a while staring at each other.
“Are you done? Can I go now?”
Buffy looked down, “Please.”
Faith’s only response was to pull on the last remaining chain. She moved her free hand to her chained one to help free it but Buffy took her hand away, “Please, Faith.”
Buffy hated that. She hated that she wanted the brunette girl to stay with her so bad. And even more that she apparently couldn’t. She was bent close towards her.
“It’s not too late please.”
Buffy felt herself at the edge of crying and Faith tried her best to avoid looking at her, like her pleas, her teary eyes were too much.
Their faces were very close as Faith was able to move her body now. At least the upper part only, since Buffy was still straddling her. The blonde girl tried to pull herself together.
“It doesn’t have to be this way, Faith.”
A huge crack resounded and the last chain gave up.
Buffy stared at it and looked back at Faith only to be punch hard in the face. She shook her head to try and pull herself together but the brunette was faster and Buffy found herself on her back, with Faith straddling her this time.
“Faith I-,”
“Shut up!” Faith punched her again. Buffy tried to strike back but she was slightly shaken by their whole conversation and Faith’s hard punch as well, so Faith easily blocked her attacked and pinned her to the bed, hands on the side of her head, like Buffy had previously done with her earlier.
They could feel the ragged breath of the other on their face. And they stared at each other until Faith claimed Buffy’s lips in an urgent kiss. Claiming her lips, her tongue. Buffy didn’t even think that she was ‘letting her in’ as her body and her mouth seem to respond of their own. She heard herself moaned at the brunette’s intense kiss and caress of her neck since she’d let go of her hands. Buffy had immediately placed them on the brunette’s head and body. They kissed for a long minute then pulled apart, panting and seemingly shocked, at least stunned. And Faith got off of Buffy and left immediately. Leaving the door open, and an immobile Buffy on the bed...
Joyce saw her leave, chains hanging on her wrists and ankles. She walked upstairs. Buffy had still not moved.
“Buffy? Buffy are you ok?”
“I-I. Yes mom.” She forced herself to speak in order to reassure her mother.
“What happened?”
“Alone. I-I. I need to be alone, for now, please.”
Joyce didn’t try any further; she nodded and left, closing the door behind her.
~
Buffy had to get out of her inertia eventually. And even report to the others. She didn’t say much in fact. Just that she was fine. She’d tried and that’s all they were told.
Angel phoned but she refused to talk to him.
A couples days went by
during which Buffy tried to erase all of it, the talk, the kiss and
mostly... the feelings. But she was unable to forget. She kept it all
to herself though.
Angel had been doing some thinking too and it
happened to be time for them to part ways. Buffy cried a lot that
evening. She felt like she’d lost everything. She felt totally
empty now.
She started remembering all the fun she had with Faith, last fall. When she was finally getting her life back. How she felt light hearted finally and how they really bonded before Angel reappeared in her life. And yes she loved him. How much she loved him. But it had turned everything grey in her life once again, heavy hearted. It already was before because of the fang factor but with last year’s events, their relationship resembled more of a burden. She thought about all this right now. And she was miserable because he was leaving, and she felt even more miserable because he was bond to leave but SHE was supposed to be here. She had lost a connection with someone who was ‘her’, in a slayer sense of the word. Someone who could understand this rage, this passion, this fire inside...
And it hurt; it hurt like she didn’t know it could. She took out some of her pain and anger on some Hell bound doggies, saving The Prom by the same occasion, then she resigned herself to ‘try her best’ and save graduation day as well as the rest of the town. She was scared. Scared as Hell to see Faith again and having to fight against her. She would have to. But she really didn’t want to. She wasn’t even sure she’d be able to fight her. She was sure though that she was gonna kick some Mayor’s ass. If Faith blamed Angel for ‘taking Buffy away’, Buffy felt the urge to blame it all on the Mayor now, for keeping her.
~~~
They were all there, in the library. Except for Angel. Buffy didn’t even know if he was still in town. He probably was since he’d told her he would wait till after the ascension to leave, but she hadn’t seen him since The Prom. Buffy was researching, well, pretending to research as she was mostly in her thoughts, seating on the stairs when the library’s door opened and Faith showed up. Xander moved behind the table and Oz got up in front of Willow. Faith was carrying heavy books. Easily identifiable: The Books of Ascension. Giles and Wesley went out of the office when they caught sight of her and Buffy rushed to the center of the room.
Faith didn’t look at any of them; she just put the books carelessly on the table. They were all staring at her.
“Faith.” Was all Buffy could say. The brunette didn’t bother looking at her. She handed Giles a piece of paper.
“Mayor wants this guy dead. Might wanna go talk to him before this happen.”
She turned around and left. Buffy couldn’t help following her into the corridor.
“Faith, wait!”
“Leave me alone, B.”
“No, stop!” Buffy grabbed her by the arm but Faith punched her as she turned around.
“I said leave me alone. I’m out of the game.” She turned around and left.
Buffy walked back into the library very fast. Giles and Wesley were already around the books.
“Why did sh-“
“Will, I need an address.” Buffy said, cutting Xander.
They all looked at her.
“Now.” She added firmly.
About half an hour later.
“Got it.” Buffy looked at the screen.
“I’ll be back.”
“Buffy, be careful.” Giles told her.
He didn’t know if he should worry or not. Faith had just helped them but he was now, like the others, dying to know what happened between them in the Summers’ house to make Faith do that. Buffy had been so silent about it but they could all feel something was wrong. They put it on the break up but now... What did Faith tell her? What did she tell Faith? They wish they knew.
Giles turned around, “Let’s start researching, now.” He said, taking their minds off this topic and back on the major problem ahead; the ascension.
~
Buffy walked towards the Sun cinema. She entered the building next to it. Faith’s apartment was one of those above the cinema.
She could hear sounds from inside the place, she broke the doorknob opened and stepped in. Faith stared at her, afraid for a short while then, as she realized who it was, she went on doing what she previously was; that is, packing.
“Déjà vu.” Buffy said, remembering Faith packing after the mention of Kakistos.
Faith ignored her and kept on packing a few clothes in her bag.
“Faith, you don’t have to leave.”
“Gotta disagree; blondie.” She replied, still not looking at the older girl.
Buffy moved closer, “Faith I-“
“Go to Hell, Buffy.” Faith cut her as she stared at her, “You have the books now. You have everything you wanted to stop his ascension, so now leave me the fuck alone!”
“You just don’t understand anything. If that’s what I wanted I’d have broken through his office, full force and stolen them from him one way or another. Somehow I’d have found a way, and I will find a way to defeat him; with or without the books. But strangely, my priority wasn’t the books or stopping him. My priority was you. You and the fact that I CAN NOT let you be on the opposite side. This is just something that I couldn’t stand.”
Faith closed her bag, “I’ve never been one to satisfy your standard B. So that you can stand it or not, we’re not on the same side, we’re not friends.”
“That I know we’re not.” Buffy said with a serious nod, “it takes all of my will to face it, but no, friendship, really not what we’re about, is it?”
Faith didn’t reply.
“But we’re on the same side. It just can’t be any differently.”
“Cut the bullshit now, B. Ok I brought the books cause ok, you’re right, working for a wannabe-super-demon, not that enticing after all. But that’s all. I was tied up to your bed, I was tired and I just wanted you to get off my back. That’s all it was. I did everything I could to get out of your house. Anything to not hear any more of your stupid supposed-to-be theory, K? So leave it here.”
Buffy moved a little
closer,
“You were untied when you kissed me.”
Faith stopped in her tracks at Buffy’s simple words. Buffy moved even closer, just beside her, “See, I know you as much as you know me. And there were no lies in what you said, no lies in your eyes when you looked at me, and no lies when you-“
“Shut up!” Faith cut her. She took her bag and put it on her shoulder. Buffy stepped in front of her.
“Step aside.”
“No.”
Faith hit her hard and began walking when Buffy grabbed her arm, the brunette turned around, trying to hit her but Buffy blocked her attack and punched her in her turn.
“Let it out!”
Faith shook her head, “No.”
“Yes. Let your feelings out, Faith.”
“Shut up!” Faith hit her once again.
“I’m here now, let it out!”
They both turned their heads to the door at the same time as a bunch of vampires stepped inside. One smirked at Faith.
“Faith. Mayor wants to see you.” It would have normally be a simple request but by his tone and by the way the vampires had deployed themselves around the two, it was obvious it wasn’t. Though not unexpected, hence the fast packing of Faith, slowed by Buffy’s presence.
Faith lowered her head. “I’m coming.” She said in a resigned tone.
“No you’re not!”
“Stay out this slayer. Wait for you turn, pretty soon.” The vampire slightly laughed with his fellows, thinking of the ascension to come.
Faith moved forward to them but within a second two of them turned to dust at Buffy’s fast and precise attack. 6 of the others attacked her all at the same time and it was like an innate, unmistakable reflex of Faith to jump in the fight... to help her. They fought the vampires with such fierce that even at 8 against 2 they had troubles, and since the orders were to bring Faith alive, they weren’t as free to fight as they’d wished to be so when they found themselves only 3 vampires still standing, they left the apartment, choosing to report on the situation instead of vainly trying.
The slayers’ breathings were frenetic and they were in full slayer mode. Blood rushing in their veins. It always was a private moment they shared when, they only, could feel that electricity, this rush of adrenaline.
They stared at each other with intensity. Their chests rising heavily. Faith shook her head and looked at her bag.
“Don’t leave.” Buffy said in a whisper. Faith couldn’t look at her. She clenched her fists and finally took her bag.
“No, don’t!” Buffy moved forward and grabbed her arms.
“Go away.”
“Look at me. Look at me, Faith!”
Faith looked up at her only to take her face in her hands and kiss her widely. Buffy moaned in her mouth and moved forward strongly causing the brunette to fall backwards on the bed, dragging Buffy with her as they were still kissing and holding each other. Faith very fast switched positions. Buffy moaned again at Faith’s thigh pressing on her crotch and she held her tighter, gripping the brunette’s clothes. Faith kissed and licked her neck. Buffy’s hand moved to one of Faith’s breast and the brunette moaned too.
She kissed her fervently again while her hand reached down at Buffy’s zipper. The older slayer was panting when the brunette left her mouth for her neck once again. She gasped as Faith’s fingers found their way under her panties.
Faith moaned at the contact of Buffy’s, wet, inner lips, as it aroused her even more.
Buffy held her tighter as Faith started rubbing her clit fast. And at the same time she began placing urgent, loving kisses on the brunette’s face, collarbone, cheeks, neck, everywhere she could. Faith’s breathing increased at the waves of emotions invading her and she did not react when Buffy reached her crotch to undo the buttons of her black pants. She took a deep breath when Buffy slid her finger inside of her. They stared at each other, like frozen for a while, though their hands and bodies never stopped their movements. They seemed to be ‘trying to understand’ what was happening but the intensity of it was stronger than any word or explanation and Faith returned her assaults on Buffy’s mouth. Buffy clutched at her clothes and at some point lifted the brunette’s top, Faith sat up straight to finish removing it. As she’d taken her hand out of Buffy’s panties she started to remove the blonde girl’s pants and panties away. Buffy couldn’t quit her gaze off of her. Faith kissed her again while Buffy sat up on the mattress as they both lifted her top, still kissing until they had to part to remove the top completely. Faith undid the clasp on Buffy’s bra and immediately pinned her down the bed again, kissing her neck and breasts but Buffy slightly pushed her backwards as she sat up again, only to reach the brunette’s pants on which she tugged hard to get them away, helped by Faith. Buffy tried to flip Faith over but the brunette stayed on top.
She slid in between Buffy’s legs and the blonde girl breathed out louder as Faith pressed herself hard into her crotch.
Buffy held her like she’d never held anything else. They moaned heavily. Sliding against each other. Faith was kissing every inch of Buffy’s skin that she could reach as if the world was ending. And Buffy was holding her face and back as close as she could.
Faith was out of breath, “I love you, Buffy.”
She stopped dead in her track at her own words. Buffy stared at her, at words loss too when Faith pulled away. Buffy held her back, “No please, don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me now.” And she held her so tight and kissed her then. The brunette was unable to feel anything else but her love for her and her need for her and she kissed her back, moving them fast back were they were before she said *it*.
“I need you.” Buffy breathed out in between two moans. Faith lowered one hand and the blonde girl gasped when she finally was inside of her.
Faith kissed her neck savagely and began pumping in and out of her very fast as she felt the smaller girl very close to her orgasm.
Buffy sunk her nails in Faith’s back as she climaxed. Faith almost came just by the sensation of it, and feeling Buffy’s walls clenched around her finger too. She removed her hand and rubbed herself harder and faster on Buffy, who lowered her hands to the brunette’s ass to pull her into her deeper.
Faith cried out as she came too.
The slayers were limp
into each other’s arms now.
Faith’s face was buried
into Buffy’s crook in her shoulder. Buffy was caressing the
back of her head tenderly with one hand, and her arm and back with
the other.
Their breath slowly became steady again as they remained that way for a while.
“Faith.” Buffy spoke gently. She felt the brunette broke down crying and she held her tight.
She knew what she thought. So much damage done when it could have all been spared. But it was too late to turn back, or as Faith probably thought. But there they were; in each other’s arms. Feeling better than they’d ever felt. But things around were crazy and everything that had happened couldn’t be erase.
“Faith, look at me.”
Buffy’s tone was still very gentle, though she was crying too now. She tried to hold it back though. Faith took several deep breath before being able to face the blonde girl’s look. Buffy tried to give her a comforting smile while she wiped some tears away.
“I’m not like you, Buffy.” Her tone wasn’t sharp, it was very sad, “I can’t do what you expect me to.”
“Sss,” Buffy just said, looking at her with loving eyes. She ran her fingers along the brunette’s face. She was unable to speak. She was overwhelmed by the feelings she felt for her. It was all coming to her. She’d fight so hard for months to fight these ‘needs’ the brunette created in her, putting them on the ‘slayer’ factor. And there was Angel.... But it all seemed so clear to her. The way she thought of the other slayer. For a long time now. And feeling her so close to her, so vulnerable at the same time cause she’d let her heart open for the first time. Buffy could in no way resist to what she was feeling.
She pulled her face closer and kissed her.
“Well, well,” They both gave a jump at the voice coming from the entrance of the apartment. Buffy’s eyes widened. She very fast put the blanket over her and Faith and slightly sat up, moving forward in a protective gesture while the Mayor was looking at the place. Some dust on the floor. Some broken furniture from the fight with the vamps and the slayer’s clothes all around the bed.
“Seems someone’s been having fun.”
“Boss.” Faith just said, not calling him, not explaining, nothing. Just toneless, slightly fearful.
“I tried to warn Angel. Poor guy, didn’t have a clue. Men never have a clue most of the time, do they?”
The Mayor’s gaze fell on Faith.
“She’s staying with us. Leave her alone now.”
Faith gulped. The Mayor ignored Buffy.
“I, on the other hand always had a clue.”
He sat on a desk, “Love’s a funny thing don’t you think? It can bring the best and the worse into every living creature on this planet.” He gave a short laugh, “Of course, the worse worked better for me in your case.”
“Go away now!” Buffy said.
“I admit I would have preferred you realize where this rage to destroy her came from once you’d been staring at her dead body after I was done with her.”
His cold tone gave them both shivers.
“But love as its own ways, huh. And you’re a pretty wilful girl yourself aren’t you?” He said, looking at Buffy.
“What do you want?!” She told him, keeping her tone firm.
He got up, “Well, I, for myself, don’t want to see my Faith lying dead on the ground because of that slayer passion.”
“She’s not your Faith.”
He smiled and went on with his ideas, “I suggest you two leave town in say, the next hour. This is your chance. I won’t be seeking after you. Leave while you can.”
He gave Faith a rather tender smile.
“You both have what you really wanted, so go.”
He left the apartment, leaving the door open.
Buffy was still focused on him when she felt Faith slightly tremble.
The brunette looked for her clothes.
“Faith.” Buffy stopped her and they stared at each other.
“Whatever you’ve told yourself, Buffy. It’s wrong. I can never be like you.”
“I never wanted you to. Just be yourself.”
“You don’t want me to be myself, B. Believe me.”
“I will never believe that 'you working for a demon' is who you really are.”
“No it’s not. But me taking on that offer he just made IS who I am. But I’m not stupid, I would never even asked you to follow me cause you... you like to play the heroin, hell you ARE the heroin. You’d never leave them and the town and your duty. You always do what is right to do... I can never be like that...”
“You are right; I’m not going anywhere, not until I bring him down.” She said with a firm gaze, “But you’re not leaving either.”
“It’s over for me here. Besides, what do you think Angel would say if he saw you now?”
“Nice try, Faith. But I’m very clear in my mind as to what happened here with you. Angel and I broke up several days ago. And that is something we should have done a long time ago. Don’t get me wrong, I love Angel. Part of me will always do. But he’s not what I want; he’s not what I need. You’ve been there all this time, right in front of me and I was too blind, too wrapped into myself and him to understand these feelings that jumped right into my face every time you looked at me. Too scared to understand I craved you. Yes, more than needing you, more than wanting you; I crave you, Faith. In my whole life I’ve never felt more complete that in these instants we’ve just shared together. And for nothing in the world, no reputation, no friends’ approval, nothing would I ever want to let this go.”
Faith looked aside. Buffy moved closer in front of her again, “Now I have you back and I’m keeping you.”
“I killed a man, Buffy. And maybe another one, only this one willingly. I don’t even know if he was human or not. Probably not but I can’t be sure, and I didn’t care. I cut through his bone to free the box of Gavrok from his wrists, and I did it without flinching, Buffy. Is this the kind of person you want around your friends, around your mom? Is this the kind of person you could love?”
“It is the person I love already.”
Faith looked at her, helplessly.
“I can help you find these emotions, these feelings again. You didn’t kill Allan Finch willingly. It was an accident and you just buried these emotions. They’re here. You are not a cold blooded killer, Faith. And I will never let you become that. I’ll help you find this pain and this fear and will bring it out, and I’ll make you cry, cry for it, ache for it and all the while I’ll be there with you and I’ll hold you tight. There’s just nowhere else I would be and nothing else I could do. We’re two of a kind and we’re meant to be together. It took me long enough to understand your place in my life, and mine in yours and now that I do... I’m keeping you with me... forever... You belong to me. You’re mine.”
Faith would have felt disturbed or probably mad at anyone else speaking so possessively of her but instead she felt warmed by it. She needed it. She needed to belong and she started to get again that feeling of belonging she’d felt the first months after she’d met Buffy. She found it again. Somehow she found herself again with that feeling. She’d had the power, the status, the strength, the possibility to do everything she wanted since she’d become a slayer and yet she’d never felt so lost in her life, lost and lonely when she lost that bound with the other slayer.... And now it was here again.
“I need you...” She whispered and trailed off as tears fell again. She squeezed Buffy’s arms and Buffy held her tight, then kissed her gently on the lips.
“We got lost... but we found the way back and I promise it’s a one way trip.” Buffy told her truthfully and she whispered, looking at her in the eyes, “I love you.”
And she smiled. Her eyes were glowing her path had never seemed so clear to Faith than it was now, in Buffy’s eyes.
She caressed the blonde
girl’s face and they pulled closer into a kiss.
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