**JUST
LIKE HER MOTHER**
PART 1
“Do you see it?”
“Not on this side, did you check these shelves? Look, there are bandages, it must be somewhere over here.”
“You think? I don’t see it.”
Oz moved closer to his girlfriend, “Look baby, they’re here.”
“Oh yes,
disinfectants, they look like sodas.” Willow said, as to
justify she didn’t find them.
Oz caressed her cheek.
“Do you think this is what your mother wanted?”
“Well, disinfectant, that’s what she said so.” Willow smiled, they started heading out of the section.
“Let’s pay for it and get out of-ouch!”
“Hey!” Said the person who bumped into them before softening, “Oh, it’s you.”
“Faith? What are you doing here?”
Faith very fast hid something she was holding in her hand, she slid it in an inside pocket of her jacket.
“What do you think, red?” The dark slayer said, raising her eyebrows explicitly, “Buying condoms. I run out of that kinda fast, you know.”
Willow’s face was a little red and yet pale just like every time Faith talked about sex.
“I wouldn’t have imagined you the kind of person who walk backwards when they buy condoms. And by the way, it didn’t look like condoms.” Oz said very casually, pointing out Faith’s jacket pocket.
“Your business ‘K.” Faith just said coldly before walking by them.
“Wait, Faith?”
Faith turned around at Willow’s call, “What?”
“I don’t know, long time you didn’t come. Buffy’s wondering about you, how you are and stuff.”
“Yeah right.” Faith said in a doubtful tone, “Well, I’m 5 by 5, she can let soul boy grope her with good conscience now.”
Her tone was dry and detached, she left without anymore words.
“Wow, Buffy said she took the whole Angel thing bad, well, she was right.”
“It’ll be ok.” Oz said with a light caress on his girlfriend’s cheek. She smiled at him then frowned, “Hey, do you think she paid for what she put in her pocket? She didn’t go by the cashier, maybe that’s why she was walking backwards? Do you think she stole it?” Willow’s eyes widened at the thought. Oz gently put his finger on her lips.
“I’m sure she paid for it, let’s say she did ok?” His tone was nice and never let Willow want to argue or think further more. She smiled and nodded.
~~~
A few days later…
Buffy was patrolling in Restfield cemetery; she sped up her pace as she heard a suspicious noise on her left. She arrived to see Faith fighting against 3 vampires. Buffy very fast realized she wasn’t fighting against them, she was giving them a trash, she broke one’s neck and stuck her stake in a second one’s throat leaving them both agonizing on the floor, waiting to be finished while she was beating on the third one incessantly. The dark slayer looked completely ‘gone’ but Buffy frowned as, despite the anger, she could read pain in her eyes. She always read trouble usually but not pain, not like this. Buffy moved closer.
“Faith? Faith? Faith?!”
Faith looked up at the blonde slayer, somehow surprised she didn’t notice her arrival. Buffy knelt and staked the two vamps on the ground.
“What you’re doing B? Get out of here!”
“Off him already.”
“Get lost.” Faith just replied, she was about to hit the vampire again, his face was only blood; he would be dead if he was a human. Faith was about to punch but she crossed his ‘fainting gaze’ and she looked frozen for a second.
“Faith. Faith?” Buffy asked louder. Faith shook her head as she looked at the blonde girl as if she’d forgotten she was here, in just 5 seconds.
“What is wrong with you?”
“Nothing,” Faith replied as she simply dusted the vamp and turned around, “leave me alone.”
Buffy walked behind her, “Ok how many times do I have to say it? I’m sorry that I didn’t say anything about Angel.”
Faith turned around
but didn’t say anything so Buffy went on,
“I didn’t
even tell Willow or Xander. I just needed time to figure out how it
was possible, how it happened? I was confused.”
Faith was looking around, feigning a ‘non-interested’ look.
“You don’t know how hard it’s been last year. I couldn’t talk, not right now. But I didn’t mean to push you away like that. You don’t have to do that… stay away. We were getting along fine with the gang and all, I don’t see what the big deal is. They’ve been my friends for longer and they’ve accepted it, why can’t you?”
Faith let out a slightly sarcastic smile before replying, “Well, I’m not your friend. But, fine, not a big deal you’re so right, cause I’m over it now. Don’t know what you thought but sorry B, you’re not the center of the universe, I’ve got my own problems you know, so go, go to your vampire, I couldn’t care less.”
“What kind of problems?” Buffy said, trying to focus on this.
“That was just an expression. I have my life, you’ve got yours ok. Now, if you don’t mind I have some vampires to slay.”
Faith walked away.
“You can’t stay on your own forever, Faith!” Buffy yelled at her so that she could hear but the dark slayer didn’t stop or turned around, she just left. Buffy looked upset as she looked at the slight dust she could see on the grass.
~~~
A few more days went by, Giles said that according to one of his book there should be a demoniac ceremony taking place in a couple evenings so he called Faith for the briefing. Once he finished, Oz and Willow went back to smiling at each other, Cordy and Xander to arguing with each other and Faith was already on the move. Buffy slipped out of the room and caught up with her in the corridor.
“Hey Faith.”
The brunette slayer just turned around, calmly, she looked defeatist as Buffy could tell.
“You’re leaving already?”
“Yeah. What do you want?”
Buffy sighed in annoyance but tried, “Don’t you want to stay for a while, it’s gonna be lunch time, supposedly we get fries today, I’m sure you miss stealing in Xander’s plate, don’t you?”
Despite Buffy’s attempt to joke Faith’s face remained shut. Buffy moved closer, reaching out for her arm which surprised Faith a little but she didn’t brush her off.
“Don’t think we don’t want you here. We do. At least I do. And you’re really not looking good, Faith. You’re very pale.”
“I’m fine.” Faith calmly said, pulling her arm backwards, gently though. She looked aside and Buffy said,
“I know what you think, I know what you told me the other night but, well, I am your friend, no matter what you think, I am. Don’t forget about it, please.”
The blonde slayer slowly walked away and Faith left.
~~~
Giles’ research led him to find the next day was the ceremony’s day so they all had to be there in the library early to come up with a serious plan. Buffy arrived together with Xander, they were the last ones. Xander slumped in a chair beside Cordélia while Buffy frowned; Faith’s jacket was here but no Faith.
“Where’s Faith?”
“I think she went to the restrooms.” Oz told her.
“She’s been gone for a while now.” Cordelia said as she looked at her watch, “And we’re just waiting, getting bored already.”
Giles was focused in his book so he barely looked up, “We need to start talking about what we’re going to do because this ceremony could have some nasty aftermaths.”
Buffy and Xander shrugged in a whatever-been-there-seen-that way but then Buffy turned around, “It’s ok, I’ll get her back.”
~~
“Faith?”
Buffy quietly asked while opening the restroom’s door. It
seemed deserted, lights off; there was still no one in the school
building at that time.
Then Buffy heard a noise, she recognized
the sound of someone throwing up. The blonde slayer looked
embarrassed.
“Faith? Faith are you alright?”
There was a silence so Buffy turned the lights on.
“I’m fine, B. Get back there I’m coming in a minute.”
“Ok.” Buffy said but she only just pretended to leave, instead she stood at the entrance, waiting for the brunette slayer to go out of her cabin, which she did a minute later, going directly to the basins to drink and put fresh water all over her face before looking up in the mirror. She only then realized her fellow slayer was still here.
“I told you to go ahead.”
Buffy moved closer, “But what is wrong with you? You look sick, Faith.”
“I’m not sick. Probably just something bad I ate, that’s all.”
Buffy was about to speak but Faith stared at her, “That’s ALL.”
“Now let’s go.” She said passing by the blonde girl who sighed but followed her towards the library.
They were supposed to meet before the sunset near a cave Giles spotted to be the place the ritual would take place in. Faith left while the others went to their classes.
School ended at 4. Sun wasn’t setting until a couple more hours. Oz drove Buffy at the cave so that they could install some traps they had, then he drove her home because she needed to change clothes. Xander and Cordelia decided to wait at the library while Willow went downtown to a bookstore with some friends.
The red head was walking on the pavement with a friend, talking about the book she’d just bought when the girl frowned,
“I can’t believe places like this exist.”
Willow looked up at where the girl was looking at; she shrugged, “Why? They give advises and help teens most of the time.”
“That’s a trick, they just pretend to be that. You know these clinics do abortion in there, right?”
“Well, yes I suppose they do that sometimes.”
“And you don’t care?”
“Yes I care but… Well, I didn’t give it too many thoughts in fact.”
“They make sure the young think it’s the only choice they have.”
“I don’t know about that, I think they do a lot of prevention and stuff too.”
“Family planning service are here for that. No, a place like this should close, and God I can’t believe people are actually going in there?!”
Willow looked at the
girl her friend just saw going out of the place, the red head’s
eyes widened,
“Faith! Hey Faith!”
They crossed the street to the dark slayer who didn’t look happily surprised to see Willow here.
“Red, what you’re doing here? Thought you were with Oz and B, preparing the stuff for tonight?”
“I needed a book.” She replied pointing out the bookstore just across the street.
“What are you doing here?!” Willow’s friend asked incisively while looking her up and down. Faith was wearing a tight leather pants and a top tank showing her cleavage generously even though she had a rather larger than usual jacket, zipped up to under her cleavage.
“Who the Hell are you?” Faith replied on the same tone.
“Oh, this is Anita, a friend from school, we’re in the same reading group.”
“Yeah, great, well I’ll see you later Red.”
“Wait Faith, err, what were you doing in there?” Willow asked nicely, curious to know too now.
“Is that your
business?”
Faith softened her tone and added, “looking
for a job.”
“You shouldn’t go in there. This place isn’t right.” Anita said with a doubting look.
Faith looked harshly at her, “I go wherever the fuck I wanna go, precious.”
She left. Anita turned around to look at Willow and asked with a stunned look, “Is she your friend?”
“Well, err, not really in fact. She’s a friend of a friend,” seeing the look on Anita’s face as she was still looking at the dark slayer leaving, Willow added, “But even her, my friend I mean, she’s just being nice with her. Faith doesn’t go to school anymore so she’s kind of hanging around you know.”
“I’m not surprised. You warn your friend about her, she’s trouble, she should tell her to get lost, come on look at her, she’s so trashy. Really not the kind of person I’d like to be friends with. I really don’t understand you Willow, you’re smart, you have a good education but you have such weird friends. Anyway.”
“Weird, yeah, well. Err yes, I’ll tell her to… stop being nice.” Willow looked embarrassed but she shook her head, “Hey wait for me.” As Anita had already begun walking away.
PART 2
They were waiting for the 4 demons as they were supposed to be 4 of them. They were all in positions. Buffy moved closer to Faith, they were at the entrance, at the place the demons would arrived, their goal was to fight them back, pushing them to the traps the others had set.
Faith seemed focused
on the entrance. Buffy was glancing at her there and then. Faith
sighed,
“What do you want?”
“Nothing.”
Faith stared back at the entrance. Buffy whispered, “I just wanna know if you’re alright that’s all.”
“Don’t I look alright?”
“Well, you sure look better than this morning or yesterday.”
Faith raised her eyebrows, “See, food poison. I’m fine, now get off my back.”
“Why are you taking this like that, Faith? I’m just trying to be nice.”
“Yeah, well don’t bother please. Be nice with your vampire and leave me alone. Besides, why isn’t he here? Surprised you didn’t call him instead of me.”
“Is that what it’s all about? Him replacing you in the fights, in the gang?”
“You’ve got it all wrong. Besides I’m not a part of your so-called gang, never wanted to, THANKS.”
“You sure tried hard to fit in before the Gwen post incident, for someone who said she never wanted to.”
Faith stared at her, “I never tried to fit in anywhere, mostly not among your gang. Sorry, I’m not part of the Buffy fan club.”
Buffy was about to reply harshly too but she just let it go. Faith went back to stare at the entrance.
“What’s going on with you, Faith? Look at you, you’re fuming. Why are you so mad? And you won’t make me believe it’s all because of Angel and the Gwendolyn Post story.”
“I don’t care ‘bout your vampire, you can fuck him as much as you want I don’t care.”
“Now that’s enough!” Buffy said as she grabbed Faith by the shirt harshly lifting her up and Faith brushed her off violently, she was about to hit her when she slightly grimaced in pain and ever so slightly bent forward, putting her hand to her stomach.
“Faith, Faith are you ok?” Buffy said, immediately reaching to her. Faith pushed her backwards dryly, “Leave me alone.”
“What’s going on here?” Giles asked with worries as the slayers were looking at each other with serious gazes.
“Nothing.”
“Then you might want to keep it quiet or it was no need to set traps, they will hear you miles away.”
Giles left back to his hideout, he was a little mad. The two girls didn’t talk and stood in position.
~~
The fight was harder than they thought it would. Xander got knocked out saving Willow from one of the demon that escaped Faith’s grip. Giles was knocked out too but for a short minute only and the slayers finally took the best of the demons. They carried the passed out Xander in Oz’s van as he was supposed to bring them back except for Buffy and Faith who were driven back by Giles in his car.
Giles pulled away in
front of Faith’s motel and the brunette slayer got out of the
car,
“Thanks for the ride.”
She wondered as she saw Buffy getting out of the car too, “I’ll walk back home, thanks Giles.”
Faith frowned as Buffy closed the car’s door.
“Are you sure, Buffy?” The librarian told her through the open window.
“Yes, I need to cool down, besides, you live on the other side.”
“But it doesn’t bother me, Buffy.”
“It’s fine. Good night Giles.”
“Alright, good night girls.” He started his engine and left and Buffy looked at Faith, “We gotta talk.”
Faith rubbed her forehead slightly, “Look B, I’m kinda tired, we’ll do that another time, good night.”
Faith began walking to the door but Buffy followed. The brunette sighed as Buffy was staring firmly at her.
“Fine.” Faith just opened the door and stepped inside, letting it open for Buffy as she knew the blonde slayer wasn’t gonna change her mind.
Faith got rid of her boots and laid on her bed, sitting against the headboard, hands crossed on her stomach,
“So, what you wanna talk about?”
“What happened tonight? No in fact, what is happening to you these days?”
“What do you mean?”
“You let the demon go.”
“Well, if you’d gotten me rid of the other I had on my back it wouldn’t have happened. Xander’s gonna be fine, ok?” Faith looked aside with a pissed off gaze, but she swallowed in regret.
“I’m not talking about blame here. It’s just I’ve watched you, you’re not at your best Faith. I mean there’s something wrong. You seemed to be hurting.”
“Didn’t know you were glancing at me EVEN when you’re fighting B. Careful, some might think you have a thing for me, you know.”
“It’s not gonna work this time, Faith.”
“What?”
“You teasing me; me getting embarrassed and leaving it here. You’ve got a problem and-,”
“I don’t have any fucking problem except for you standing here when I just wanna sleep, I’m tired.”
Buffy shrugged, “Don’t you think that’s weird? Usually, after such a slay you usually end up dancing and drinking all night for the PG-13 part so let’s not even talk about the rest. Why aren’t you at the bronze right now? Teasing some random guy, err, guys.”
Faith looked aside with unease. Suddenly Buffy’s eyes widened, “Oh my God.”
Faith looked again at the blonde slayer who was staring straight at her with wide eyes.
“Oh my God.” The blonde slayer repeated.
“What? What you’re staring at?”
“You. I know, I think I understood. I know why you’ve been sick the last couple of days.”
“Yeah, wonderful, now get out of here.”
“No seriously I know, Faith. The sickness; you, wearing this weird large jacket all these last weeks, and not quitting it even here in your room cause I’m here, the clinic.”
“Fucking redhead. Of course I should’ve known she would say shit about me.”
“No she did not. She just said she saw you getting out of here, supposedly for a job’s interview. Besides, if she told me it’s because she knows I care.”
The slayers stared at
each other, Buffy went on,
“I’ve felt bad ever since
what happened with Angel and all, and not in a selfish guilty way.
Feeling bad cause it pushed you away. I thought we had a friendship
developing. I know I haven’t been honest on some things but not
on the way I was with you. I still consider you as my friend. I know
it’s weird cause it’s different with you than it is with
Will and Xander or the others, but you are my friend nonetheless,
Faith.”
Buffy sat on the bed, “And now, you’re gonna need a friend more than ever, if I’m right.”
Faith rubbed her forehead again and Buffy went on slowly, “You’re pregnant; am I wrong?”
Faith put her hand through her hair and sighed. Buffy tentatively tried to cover Faith’s hand with hers in a comforting gesture but the brunette removed her hand.
“’K. I accept your apologies about what happened. We can be whatever it is we are,” she softened her tone a little as she went on, “you get it now that I wasn’t really mad at you lately, so I’ll stop pretending I am, ok?”
Buffy smiled, “Ok. Means I can help you now, right?”
“Well, you could if there was any help to give but there’s nothing you can do.”
“Be there.” Buffy replied with a smile and she finally got a smile back from Faith before this one vanished and turned into a sigh.
“I’m so fucked.”
“Don’t say this. What did the doctor say?”
“I didn’t see any.”
“What? Then are you sure?”
“Yes. I did a couple of drugstore tests and besides, I knew it before the results anyway. I have an appointment with one of the clinic’s doctor on Tuesday, they want an official examination before they can do it.”
“Do what?” Buffy said before understanding by Faith’s gaze.
“Oh.” She
said very low then looked at Faith again,
“You’re
sure that’s what you want to do?”
“Well, I’d rather have a blast at the beach on that day but, hey, you know. Come on Buffy, what else am I supposed to do?”
“I don’t know, did you talk to the father? What did he say?”
Faith sarcastically laughed before looking serious again, “Please, don’t use that word again, there’s no child, no love, no family, no father, ‘K?”
“Ok. I just meant-“
“I know what you meant, and it’s always so annoyingly adorable to see you so naïve Buffy.”
“Why? He shoved you off, right? Why- Why are you looking at me?”
“Nothing, I’m tired.”
“Who is it? Is it someone I know, that’s why you’re acting weird?”
“No, you don’t know him. I mean, I think you don’t.”
“How’s that you think?”
Faith hesitated, “I think it’s pre-Sunnydale.”
“Pre-Sunnydale?” Buffy said with disbelief, suddenly looking back at Faith’s stomach, understanding much more why she was keeping her jacket, “How far along are you? And again, how’s that you think it’s pre-Sunnydale?”
Faith sighed in annoyance, “I DON’T KNOW. Hear the truth; I don’t know how far along I am cause I don’t know who the guy is.”
Buffy looked slightly stunned.
“Yes, B. This is me, this is the person you wanna be friends with.” She paused and went on, looking at the other side of the room, “If you wanna go now, I won’t take it bad, you can go.”
Buffy took the brunette’s hand to Faith’s surprise, she didn’t remove it this time though.
“I don’t wanna go. I’m just trying to understand, but I certainly ain’t leaving.”
She let her hand and looked confident, “Ok, let’s do it the right way, with the pill it shouldn’t be hard to find out, you’re on the pill right?”
“Kinda.”
“Faith, either you’re on or you’re not.”
“Buffy, I don’t have any money to go see the gynecologist, I’m not like you. I have pills when I break through drugstores at night to steal some. I kinda knew it wouldn’t work THAT good this way, guess it really didn’t.”
“This isn’t funny, Faith. Ok, what about your periods?”
“Well, I’ve had fucked up periods since my teens, coming and going and not coming and not going… I didn’t really pay attention of my -not having my period- because of that first.”
Buffy sighed, “Ok. Then, well, I suppose you’re using, well, you know,”
“Condoms?”
“Yes.”
Faith couldn’t
help but smile at Buffy’s embarrass, but then she focused again
as Buffy went on,
“Then it’s not hard, think about
who you didn’t use one with.”
“I use condoms with all of them, always did, always will. When I’m not already popping by the time they put it I even insist on putting two.”
“Two?” Buffy raised her eyebrows.
“Yes Blondie, you might wanna take this advice cause see what happens; always knew these things weren’t enough, mostly for a slayer. Ok, more seriously, yes it can happen that one tears apart, even slightly. I use two most of the time, but not always. Guess I will now.”
“Now, it’s getting complicated.”
“No it’s not. Why do you want so much to know whose seed it is? Who cares? I don’t. I just wanna get rid of it.”
“I think it would be good to consider other options you know. Do you just see it as seeds?”
“Please Buffy, if you start talking me moral values, religion and how criminal it is, you might as well take back your whole friendship speech and your ass off of my room K?”
“No, it’s
not what I’m doing, not at all. Sorry. I just meant.”
Buffy lowered her head and Faith went on, not harshly though,
“I’m
not like you Buffy. The council’s hardly giving me enough money
to pay for this room you know. I’m 17, I don’t have a
mom, a watcher that is like a dad, a solid bunch of friends, school
and all. The only thing I have is the slaying; being the slayer, ok,
being a slayer. It’s the only thing I’m good at
and the only thing I care about. And this,” she said pointing
out her stomach, “this is only gonna get me killed, or someone
else, you’ve seen what happened tonight. This is only an
obstacle to me. An obstacle I need to wreck. I’m a fighter
Buffy, not a mother.”
Buffy remained silent.
Faith hesitantly went on, “Would you… come with me when… I mean I’d understand if you would not.”
“I will come.
I’ll be with you.”
Buffy replied, still thoughtful
though.
“You won’t tell the others right?”
“No, ‘course not.”
“I guess your friend Anita would enjoy this.” Faith sarcastically said, Buffy gave a half laugh,
“Anita. Friend. Me. Huh huh, not in a million years. She thinks I’m a freak. Ok I guess I am, but I don’t like other people calling me that but me, and I lost you there, right? Anyway, except for Cordelia, she doesn’t appreciate us much. She hangs out with Willow but keeps harassing her with her 'bad choices in friends'. Anita’s the daughter of Willow’s mom’s best friend.”
“I see.”
“Yeah.”
Silence.
“Well, I’m gonna let you go now I guess. You have my number so… don’t hesitate to call me ok?”
Faith nodded. Buffy
got up but then looked at Faith again,
“Faith?”
“Yes.”
“Can I… err, can I see, I mean, your, it, I mean, how it looks like?”
Faith looked at her stomach but then said in a nice tone, “No.”
Buffy frowned in surprise, expecting a yes. “Why?”
“Because you’re gonna have this look people have when they look at babies or pregnant women. And I wanna keep looking at it like seeds. Good night Buffy.”
Buffy inhaled deeply.
“Good night, Faith.”
She left the motel room.
PART 3
Several days went by. Buffy called Faith twice to know if she was ok. The brunette slayer didn’t dwell on her situation and just said she was fine. Buffy asked about the appointment and what the doctor said but Faith remained vague.
It was Friday. Buffy was going out of school with Willow and Xander. They were spending lots of time together since Cordelia and Oz broke up with them when they discovered their little flirting with each other. Buffy spotted Faith leaning against a tree, waiting. Enough to be seen but clearly not wanting company as in the others as Buffy could guess.
“Well, guys, I’ll see you later at the bronze, ok?”
“Ok, Buffy.”
The two friends left together without even seeing Faith. Buffy headed to the other slayer.
“Hey.”
“Hey,”
Faith just said, they started walking. Faith looked worried. Buffy
hesitantly tried,
“So, how are you doing?”
“I’m fine.”
“Don’t hesitate, if you need anything, you know.”
“Well, actually I do.” The brunette slayer stopped walking, they stared at each other.
“Well, what is it?” Buffy asked, half hoping and half expectant. She did want to help Faith but she wasn’t sure about this one’s decision and what she might ask.
“I need a thousand bucks.”
“What?! I mean huh?!”
“I know it’s a lot, but I need it.”
“What for?” Buffy couldn’t believe it.
“For the surgery.”
“It can’t be that expensive? I even thought it was free, I mean sometimes, I don’t know in fact but… have you tried telling them, I mean come on, there has to be a way, you don’t have a job and anything, did you tell them?”
“I didn’t need to, they won’t do it.”
“What do you mean they won’t do it?”
Faith reluctantly admitted, “I’m way beyond the first trimester, they won’t do it anymore, it’s not legal now unless there’s a risk for me during the labor but, guess what, I’m in perfect shape, first time I hate that about my being a slayer.”
“How far along are you?”
“17 weeks.”
“4 month and a half?” Buffy slightly exclaimed.
“Not yet.”
“Please.” Buffy said in a don’t-play-smartass-with-me-;-better-keep-low-profile-now tone.
“Anyway, here they won’t do it and I took the bus to LA this week and they won’t do it there for the same reasons plus they need an authorization from my mother, ain’t that wonderful? That would just be perfect, me showing up at her door step after 2 years with my belly like that, 17, just like her when she had me, no idea who the father is, at least she knew that. I’ll just have to admit she was right when she said I wasn’t better than her, I was just this worthless trash. Wonderful.”
“Look Faith, I’m really sorry about this but… I still don’t understand; why do you need the money for then?”
“I found a guy, up in Portland, he can do it for me. But he’s asking for 1000 dollars, or something close to that. He can do it now. Can you lend it to me, I’ll work day and night to give the money back, but I really need it now, maybe you can ask Will and Xander, if you tell them it’s for you they’ll lend you some money.”
Buffy put her hands through her hair, “My God.”
“Come on, Buffy, I really need it.”
“Have you completely lost your mind Faith?” Buffy was staring at her.
“What? Why?”
“For even thinking about doing something like that.”
“I thought we said no moral talks, I was clear on that, Buffy.”
“Faith, getting an abortion is something, getting an illegal abortion is something else.”
Faith stared at her firmly, “Will you lend me that money or not?”
Buffy shook her head, “No. I don’t even have it.”
Faith looked pissed off, “Fine.” She turned around but Buffy went on, “Even if I did I wouldn’t lend it to you to go get butchered by some swindler.”
Faith turned around and harshly said, “This is MY fucking problem B!”
“No, you asked me for the money, so that’s my problem too now.”
“Well, then forget I even asked, and thank you Buffy, thank you for your wonderful friendship, it was awesome! You know what, you can take it back.”
Faith turned around.
“I am your friend. I care about you! That’s why I would never agree on something like that. You could die, Faith.”
“Would it be that bad?!” Faith said as she turned around, Buffy could hear the cracking in her voice as she went on, “It still would be better than this.”
“I can’t believe that you think what you just said, Faith.”
Faith left as tears were gathering in the back of her eyes.
Buffy sighed, she was really upset.
“I do care.”
She walked back home.
~~
7 a.m., Saturday morning. A knock on Faith’s door.
She mumbled. Some more knocking.
“You’ll get the money tomorrow!”
“Faith? Faith it’s me.”
Faith opened her eyes and sighed, “Sleeping, come back later.”
“Open the door, Faith.”
Faith got up
abruptly, “Dammit B!”
She went to the door, “What
the fuck are you even doin-“ she stopped suddenly.
“Good morning, Faith.”
Faith was speechless as she was face to face with Joyce Summers. She also realized she had a top, allowing a good sight on the beginning of her showing pregnancy. She covered her stomach with her hands at Buffy’s gaze on it. She had understood though that Joyce was already aware of it. And that was the reason she was here, couldn’t be anything else. Faith looked at Buffy with a mix of bitterness and disappointment. Buffy felt bad but she kept telling herself she acted for the best of Faith.
“She told me because she’s worried for you, Faith.” Joyce nicely told her before adding, “Can we come in?”
Faith stepped aside, she put a bathrobe to cover herself. She removed some clothes from a chair for Joyce to sit on it.
“Thank you.” The older woman said while Faith annoyingly sat on her bed, back against the headboard, crossing her hands on her stomach. Buffy remained standing against the door.
Joyce intermingled her fingers on her knees as she slightly bent forward,
“I’m gonna be direct with you, Faith. You’re coming home with us.”
Faith slightly choked so much she was surprised.
“I’m here to take you back with us.”
Faith looked at Buffy in a she’s-joking-right-? way but face to Buffy’s still face she shook her head in disbelief before looking grave again, “No, thanks.”
She stared at Joyce who was giving her a firm gaze.
“You didn’t understand me, Faith. It’s not an offer, it’s, well, take it as an order.”
Faith frowned, “You’re not my mother; you don’t have anything to tell me, even less to order me.”
“You’re damn right I’m not your mother cause I would have taught you to take your responsibility and-“
“Here we go,” Faith said in a sigh. Joyce sat on the bed, not looking less firm, “No I’m not your mother, but I’m a citizen of this country and therefore it’s my duty to report a crime if I witness one and I’m not joking; I will report you, Faith.” Faith looked up at Buffy with an angry gaze.
Joyce went on,
“You
don’t have a choice, Faith. What are you going to do anyway?
Rob a bank to get this money? How far are you ready to sink?”
Faith looked aside.
“Look at me when I’m talking to you.” Joyce took Faith’s chin to make her look at her. Faith was surprised. No one, knowing who she was, how impulsive she was, would’ve done that. But she could feel Joyce wasn’t afraid, she was looking and talking to her like to a 17 year old girl who screwed up, and the woman’s confident tone made Faith feel like 'just' this.
“Being a grown up is not a game Faith. Or if it is then let me tell you, you lost. But this isn’t a game you can erase and replay. You acted like an adult now you have to take your responsibility like an adult. I wish you didn’t have to go through this but as of now you’re not a teen anymore. I know you didn’t have the life and support any kid is entitled to, and I’m sorry, but now the deal is different and teenage carefree attitude is over from now on.”
Faith swallowed hard.
She could feel tears coming to her eyes. She didn’t know what
to say. Joyce pulled back a little, looking at Buffy then back at
Faith, and continued in a gentler tone,
“I’ve already
seen the motel’s management. I’ve cleared your bill for
this week and I said you were checking out. Buffy and I prepared the
spare room for you last night. I took an appointment for you with our
doctor on Monday, we’ll have time then to quietly discuss the
options you have left regarding this baby.” Faith creased her
eyes at the word like it hurt her to hear it.
“We can help you pack now.”
Faith got up, she started roaming through her drawers, getting clothes out, she was not facing the Summers.
“It’s not meant to punish you, Faith. It’s only meant to prevent you from more trouble, you have to believe this.”
Faith nodded, not looking at them. Buffy felt a tear on her cheek.
“I-I’ll be right back.” Faith left for the bathroom. Buffy, as well as Joyce, knew she was crying. She needed to be alone.
When Faith went out of the bathroom, about ten minutes later, fully dressed, Joyce wasn’t in the room anymore and Buffy had already packed almost all of Faith’s clothes, she didn’t have many things.
Buffy looked embarrassed.
“She’s waiting in the car. I didn’t know if I could put your stakes in that bag, is it ok?”
Faith nodded.
“Look, Faith, I know you hate me right now-“
“Please, don’t.”
Faith gestured her to stop. She took the two small bags on the bed and left the motel without further more look at it, or at Buffy who followed her out.
~~
Faith hadn’t spoke a word in the car and Buffy thought she had better leave her alone for now. Joyce was glancing at her in the rear view but didn’t say anything either.
Once in the room Faith had dropped her bags on the ground and headed to the bathroom, closing the door behind her, so both Joyce and Buffy left the spare-room, understanding she didn’t wanna talk right now.
Around lunch, Joyce knocked at her door,
“Faith, can I come in?”
“Yes.” Faith replied without any enthusiasm. Joyce walked in. Faith’s bags were still on the ground, unpacked, and the slayer was sitting on the bed, just like she was early this morning in the motel room, back against the headboard.
Joyce went to sit on the bed beside her, she gave her a compassionate look.
“I know I’ve been a little hard on you this morning but I think I had to. But I think I know what you’re going through, at least, I know for sure the last couple of weeks have been exhausting for you, mentally and I know you feel it, physically as well. Why don’t you just relax, Faith. Christmas is in less than 3 weeks, and I think it’s really not a bad thing having you here now. Like I told you this morning, I don’t mean to punish you, Faith.”
“You said I
made a mistake, now I have to pay, right?” Faith said
incisively. Joyce took her hand,
“No, this isn’t how
it works. Yes you’ve made mistakes, you’ve been carefree
but what is done is done. Punishing you isn’t gonna make things
better, so no, it isn’t a punishment Faith. You’re here
because… I think you need to be taken care of because I don’t
think you’re very good at taking care of yourself, Faith.
Things have been hard for you; I wanna help make them easier, not
getting worse.”
Joyce got up, “Lunch will be ready in a little while, I hope you’re hungry, well, I bet you are so, there’s a salad, chicken wings and French fries, Buffy told me you liked those?” Joyce was expecting a reply so Faith nodded. Joyce smiled,
“Good.”
And she left.
~~
A couple minutes after Faith sighed as she looked at the door, she mumbled to herself, “Here comes number two.” A little louder now, “Gonna spend the day behind this door, B?”
PART 4
Buffy, who had indeed been standing behind the door for a little while entered, “Sorry, don’t mean to bother you.”
Faith just raised her eyebrows. Buffy walked in slowly and sat on the edge of the bed.
“I know you’re mad and you don’t want to talk to me, right now bu-“
“T’s ok.”
“Really?” Buffy was very suspicious.
“Yeah. Whatever, you know. I think, yes, I’m really tired of all this. I don’t have more energy to waste at being mad I guess.”
Buffy frowned with
surprise. Faith smirked and said with irony,
“Yeah I know.
You didn’t expect that from someone so immature, right?”
“She didn’t say you were immature, Faith.”
Faith shrugged in a whatever way.
“And I didn’t either. You know what I told her; I said that you were in trouble, which you were, and that I was really scared you might not be able to get yourself out of this one alive.”
“It would have been fine Buffy. I had it under control.”
“No you didn’t. You were not the one who was going to play with your body like that.”
“Why do you care so much ‘bout that?”
“Because I do care. Simply because I care but you don’t seem to understand this, Faith; I care for you and I’m scared to think about anything happening to you.”
The girls stared intensely at each other until Buffy went on, “I mean you’re my friend. I don’t wanna see you hurt. And I don’t like knowing you alone, on your own, with such a problem on your hands. I don’t regret telling my mom because you’ll be better here.” She got up and slightly stammered, “And I like having you here. I mean, it’s good for you, I think.” She wasn’t looking at her in the eye. Faith couldn’t help a slight smile and she looked at Buffy with curiosity.
“Oh, I forgot, lunch’s ready, we’ll be waiting downstairs.” Buffy left the room very fast with an awkward smile on her lips. Faith sighed in a resigned way, but not sadly though. She got up and went downstairs where they ate, rather silently, talking just a little about Faith’s situation, as this one wasn’t up for the talk yet so it was mostly small talks for this time.
~
Faith went back to her room saying she was tired. Buffy talked a little with her mother then walked upstairs, she meant to knock but she noticed the room looked very dark from the outside. She could usually see the light of the wide window through the bottom of door. She guessed Faith had closed the curtains. She slowly opened the door.
“Faith?” She whispered softly.
The dark slayer was lying on the bed, curled up in a ball. Buffy discreetly walked closer to her. A smile spread on her lips at the sight of the sleeping slayer. She had fallen asleep. As her mother told her, the last weeks had indeed been exhausting for the younger girl and she needed to rest, to rest and rely on them. She couldn’t stay alone right now. Buffy slightly brushed her fingertips on Faith’s forehead in a gentle move, then she took a cover that was folded up on the edge of the bed and she delicately covered the sleeping girl with it before cautiously getting out of the room.
Faith went back downstairs around 7 pm. Buffy was sitting in the couch studying history. Faith didn’t have any jacket on and Buffy couldn’t help looking at her stomach first before very fast looking at her face, knowing Faith didn’t like that. The brunette slayer glanced around.
“She’s out; having dinner with some random business guy she met a couple weeks ago at the gallery.”
Faith smiled, “You don’t seem so thrill about it.”
“Nope, but I’ve learnt that 'mothers also date', so I’m playing it nice, as long as he’s no robots, I should be fine with it.”
“Huh?”
“Long story, anyway, what about you- I mean, how are you feeling?” Buffy said, pushing aside her books to make room for Faith to sit. The slayer slowly walked closer and finally sat.
“Well, I’m… Actually I don’t really know. I’m surprised that I fell asleep like that. Sleeping has been hard lately. I was tired, but for the rest… I don’t know.”
“You’ll be fine, I know that.”
“You think?” Faith asked with real skepticism.
“I do.”
Faith vaguely glanced at Buffy’s book and the blonde girl asked, “There’s still some chicken from lunch but mom said we could go outside to eat this evening. She let me some money for us, you know. I think it might be a good thing. We could even go see a movie if you want to?”
“Don’t try too hard Buffy.” Faith said with a fake smile.
“I’m not. Honestly I really want to. We could go to the espresso pump, you know.”
“Come on B. Tell me you don’t wanna go see Angel tonight?”
Buffy slightly lowered her gaze, and Faith slightly frowned.
“We’ve decided, I decided that we shouldn’t see each other anymore.”
Faith remained silent
and Buffy went on,
“Besides, if I didn’t want to
spend this time with you, I wouldn’t bother to ask, Faith.”
“Ok.”
Silence.
“So?” Buffy asked after a while, Faith gave her a wicked smile,
“So let’s motor.”
They got up, took a jacket and left the house.
~
Buffy finally dragged Faith to see a movie and they were now at the espresso pump, drinking a coffee and talking about it.
“So you see, wasn’t that waste of a time, was it?”
“I admit, it was kinda good.” Faith answered with a genuine smile.
“I like to see that.”
Faith frowned, “What?”
“You, smiling; that’s a good RARE sight you know, you should do that more often cause it fits you well.”
Faith slightly smiled then replied, “well, I must admit, haven’t seen you wear one of these a lot either since I’ve met you B. Guess I was too caught up in my own fun life to care.”
“Yeah, well, it has been hard, I admit this year, me coming back here, trying to re-bond with the guys and then... Angel…”
Faith looked at the table, “Yes, I guess it’s normal you’re sad then, I understand. By the way, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry about you and him breaking up.”
Buffy slightly smiled, “Thanks. But you know, well, you said it, I kind of was not very smiley before he came back but even less after you know. That’s part of why I decided not to see him anymore. I still love him so very much but things are…” Buffy looked hurt, “after what happened last year, I think, things can never be the same again. I don’t think I can forget or forgive enough to be happy with him. And I don’t think life can forgive us both. Everything says it’s better that way. I’m trying hard to tell myself that love isn’t everything, it can’t win everything and, well, it’s a hard thing to print in one’s mind. Mostly in mine.”
Faith nodded, “You’re a dreamer B. So I guess yes, it must be hard indeed, for you to have to think that way but… I think you’re right to do so. Unfortunately it’s true. Life ain’t a fairy tale.”
Buffy shrugged, “I wasn’t asking for that much you know but… he was my…. I have to give up on that and it’s...”
“Painful.” Faith said with compassion.
“Yes.” Buffy then added, “Do you think you still wanna grow up, cause personally I don’t, really, growing up sucks, don’t you think?”
Faith smiled, “Tell me about it.” She said with a glance at her belly. They both slightly laughed as a way to NOT think about the pain they were actually both feeling towards their situations.
They talked some more then went back home. They got ready to go to bed. Buffy knocked on Faith’s door. Faith was wearing shorts and a top and Buffy was in a pajama.
“Yes, come in.”
Faith was arranging some clothes in a drawer. Buffy smiled at her doing so; finally unpacking.
“So, how are you feeling?”
“Ok.”
Buffy went on more seriously, “It’s gonna be ok, Faith. Now you’re here and we’re gonna help you. We’ll figure out how to work things out.”
“It’s all figured out to me, B.”
Buffy sat on the bed, “Yes, well, you don’t have to rush anything now you know and-“
“Buffy,” Faith interrupted her. They both remained silent. Buffy looked at the bed, sadly. Faith sat beside her and tried to sound nice, “I am not keeping this baby.”
“I know, I know but.” Buffy stopped and Faith went on then,
“I wasn’t into much talking at lunch but, you know what we talked about with your mother, ok? We haven’t really been into much details but there’s no way I’m keeping it. I already have a real hard time to think I’m gonna have to go all the way through this pregnancy. It scares the Hell out of me Buffy and it pisses me of mostly but, seems like, I don’t have other choices. Can’t do like my mother apparently.”
Buffy frowned, "What do you mean?”
“She got an abortion several times, well, twice actually, and I don’t think the second one was very legal you know. The first time I was 7 and the second time I was 12. I remember, she told each time how much she wished she’d done that for me, that she would have had fewer problems.”
Buffy put her hand on Faith’s one.
“Don’t worry for me B. She didn’t hate me; she hated my father through me, in me. I’ve seen a picture of him once and, I have to admit I look a lot like him you know. And she really loved him. She was 16 when she met him, barely 17 when she had me. He’d promised he’d marry her and all, that’s why she kept me, you know, but he abandoned her. A lot of time I wish she had done-“
“No don’t,” Buffy interrupted, “Don’t say that please, you are here, you are young, you’ve got so much to do, don’t throw this gift away by saying things like that. Don’t look back at the past like that. You’re alive and you have to honor this life now.”
“That’s what you’re doing with Angel, right? Not looking back at the past. Probably a good advice but it doesn’t work like that, not for me anyway. I don’t, I don’t want to off myself or anything like that in fact, I don’t regret to be born I guess but the past can’t be forgotten like that. And I don’t think it should. I just know, with the past, that I have nothing to offer to a child. I don’t want to be like my mother, hating my life, hating the world, screwing this child’s life. I can’t keep this baby, Buffy. This is my final answer, there’s no need to argue with that. I won’t keep it.”
Buffy slightly nodded, “I’m not arguing. This is your choice and I have to respect it. I will just tell you that, you’re not alone, not anymore. We’re here to help you, whatever your decision is. I know I am.”
Faith squeezed her hand with a smile, looking at her with a deep gaze. They stared at each other for a long minute before slightly moving and letting go of the other’s hand.
“I guess I’m gonna go to my room now.”
Faith nodded in silence. Buffy got up.
“Ok then, goodnight.”
“Goodnight B.”
Buffy smiled and left.
PART 5
Buffy went downstairs past 9 the next morning. Her mother was doing the washing up. There were croissants on the table.
“Mmmm, we should have guests more often.”
“Hi darling,” Joyce smiled, “Yes, I thought she might enjoy a good comforting breakfast; I’m not sure she eats properly with what the council gives her. I’ll have to talk to mister Giles about this. I don’t understand how they could let a 17 year old girl live like that,” before Buffy talk Joyce very fast added, “Slayer or not.”
“Yes mom.” Buffy just said, not insisting. She went to the microwave to put her mug full of chocolate milk to heat and sat at the table.
A while later she went back up and headed to the bathroom which was locked.
**She’s awake**
Buffy smiled and the door opened at that moment. The blonde girl frowned at Faith’s pallid face.
“I thought this morning sickness thing was only at the beginning.” She gave an upset frown before heading back to her room and curling up entirely under the cover. Buffy sat on the bed beside her,
“Faith?”
A grumble.
“Faith?”
“What?!” Replied the younger slayer in a slightly irritated tone. Buffy couldn’t help a smile at her crankiness though.
“You’re gonna stay in bed?”
“Yes.”
“It’s almost ten.”
“And so what? It’s Sunday, let me sleep. Besides, I’m sick.”
“It would get better if you were up.”
Faith pushed the cover away from her face with a sarcastic look at Buffy, “How many times did you get pregnant Buffy? Huh? Ok, that’s what I thought, so shut up and let me sleep.”
“Alright you’re right I don’t know, but that doesn’t mean it’s not true. And you’re grouching at me so that means you’re already better.”
Faith stared at her seriously but Buffy gave her such a pouting-smile that the brunette’s hard gaze weakened very fast and she finally smiled,
“That’s called cheating, B.”
Buffy smiled, feigning innocence, “What?”
“That,” She said pointing out Buffy’s face, “You know I can’t resist you.”
They stared at each
other,
“I mean, when you pout, I mean, I can’t
resist. I don’t like pouting face that’s all.”
Faith very fast laid her head back on the pillow with the sheet
covering her face again.
Buffy couldn’t
help smiling again, but then she looked thoughtful as she was looked
at the hiding brunette. After a while she said,
“It’s
really shiny outside. I’m supposed to meet the others at the
mall for lunch, we could go there in advance and hang out, or go to
the park, enjoy the sun.”
“Park’s better for me.” Faith said very low.
“Ok, I’ll let you get ready then. I’ll wait downstairs. I’m gonna call Willow, tell her you’ll be with me and-”
“No.” Faith sat up on the bed.
“Why?”
“I’m not in the Scooby mood right now. They’re gonna wonder why I’m staying here with you and all, and I don’t want them to know.”
Buffy gave a slight glance at Faith’s belly, “Well, they’re gonna find out eventually Faith, you know that.”
“Yeah, well, the later, the better.”
Buffy frowned in a -usually-not-in-that-sense- but she sighed,
“Ok, well, Willow kind of insisted on that day though, you know.”
“Hey I’m a big girl, B. Not asking you to cancel all your plans, I don’t need a baby-sitter.”
“Yes but, I don’t like…” she trailed off. Faith sighed,
“I’m not gonna run out of town, B, if that’s what you fear.”
“You know it’s not that, Faith.”
“That’s a lot of this, B. I know I am not the most reliable person so it’s ok that you think that.”
Faith got up. Buffy
got up from the bed too,
“Ok yes, but it’s mostly
because I care for you, that I’m afraid of this.”
Faith gave her a genuine smile, “I know.”
She headed to the bathroom.
Buffy told her before she closed the door,
“We can hang out for a while before lunch then, and you’ll do whatever you want then.”
Faith nodded, “I’ll be ready in a couple minutes.” She closed the door.
“Ok, I'll wait downstairs.” She left with a smile.
~
The slayers walked in the park, sat on various benches and talked for a while until Buffy had to meet her friends. Despite the blonde girl’s insistence Faith didn’t go with her. The brunette slayer went back home and she and Joyce had their first real serious conversation about the slayer’s situation.
Buffy went back home at 7 pm. Joyce had just come back from a visit a friend of hers.
“Hi honey.”
“Hey, what you’re doing?”
“I’m arranging these plants Rosalyn gave me. They’re gonna be beautiful in the garden.”
Buffy nodded, she looked at the stairs.
“Do you know if Faith is back yet?”
“She came for lunch. We talked.”
“Oh.”
“She told me she wanted to rest before I left, but she wasn’t home when I came back.” Joyce casually said, she didn’t want to wonder too much. To her, Faith knew the deal. Buffy on the other hand looked more apprehensive about her sister slayer’s absence.
“So what did she say? What did you talk about exactly?”
“What you and I talked about together; adoption which remains one of the most probable option for her. She has others, but adoption is the only one she barely accepted to discuss but really only because I made it clear for her that abortion isn’t any kind of options anymore, and she understood me on that, I made sure of that.”
“You mean you threatened her, you yelled at her?” Buffy said with worries.
“Buffy you know me, well ok, I do yell sometimes but I’m not stupid, I won’t get anything from her by yelling at her. No, I simply stated the obvious; Faith is smarter than she’s willing to let it show. We understood each other.”
“Then, where is she?”
“She’s not in prison here, Buffy. She’s free to go out, have a walk, and see friends just like you.”
Buffy put the jacket she had just put on the coat stand back on her.
“Where are you going honey?”
“Well, I know Faith too, you know; so I prefer to check, just in case, but she’s probably out patrolling right now, don’t wait for us.” Buffy ended her sentence in a trying-to-sound-cheerful tone. Joyce nodded.
Buffy left, she walked through the park and Restfield cemetery but didn’t spend much time there, it was barely night anyway. She finally headed where her mind suggested to go first; the bronze. She walked in, it wasn’t very crowded, it was still quite early and it was Sunday. There were groups of students and kids around some tables and a small gathering on the dance floor. Buffy checked and she frowned then headed fast towards it as she saw Faith dancing there. Buffy was mad as she took a beer from Faith’s hand from behind her. Faith turned around in surprise. She gave her a nasty smile, “Hey Blondie, go get your own, sister.” And she took the beer from Buffy’s hand again and drank a mouthful of it.
“You’re not supposed to drink, Faith.”
Faith gave her a weird look, “I think you, on the other hand, should drink more of it.”
Faith went back to dancing rhythmically. Buffy sighed but didn’t soften, she took the beer again.
“Hey! Now it’s not funny anymore, B.”
“It’s not good for the baby.”
“Shut up.” Faith just said looking around..
“Well, you’re gonna have to get used to that word, Faith, you’re carrying a baby.
“Shut up!” Faith said before throwing her bottle against a pillar and walking away. Buffy followed her out.
“Faith? Faith, wait!”
Faith turned around abruptly, “What now! Not drinking anymore, you spoiled that for me, so now leave me alone!”
“Come on, Faith. I’m just trying to-“
“Trying to what? Be the super hero, my super savior? Well let me tell you something; I don’t need you, ok I’m staying at your place, fine, but it doesn’t give you any rights on me, you hear me?!”
“I never said otherwise. I just wanna help you.”
“You did it already, warned the cavalry and all, thank you B, and next time please, don’t help me.”
“I thought we were over this, thought you’d understood.”
Faith didn’t reply, she just left.
~
Buffy wandered in the streets and she found herself at the entrance of the mansion, not really knowing what she was doing here. She stood there for a while until the curtain opened with Angel looking at her.
“Angel? Err hi.” Buffy said as she was a little surprised, mostly about her own presence here.
“I was wondering if you were going to come in so I thought I’d asked you to.” He simply told her, stepping aside. She walked in,
“Actually I’m not, I mean, I didn’t mean to come, I mean, I was in the area you know. I didn’t even know if you were still in town or not. I-I.” Buffy turned around as she trailed off.
Angel walked to his couch and sat, looking thoughtful.
“I thought of leaving. I probably will, I just... haven’t done it yet. What about you, how have you been? Where is Faith?”
Buffy frowned.
“Just asking cause last time I heard, post Gwendolyn post, things weren’t going that great between you but I’ve seen you two together a couple of times.”
“Are you following me or something?”
“No, no I-“ He looked embarrassed, “I just wanted to make sure you were alright that’s all.”
“I don’t need you hanging around, following me. I can take care of myself remember?!”
“I know you can. I didn’t mean it that way.”
“I know, I know,” Buffy softened, “I’m sorry, I didn’t come here to yell at you, I’m sorry. I should probably leave.” She headed for the door.
“And what for did you come here exactly Buffy?”
She turned around and looked at him.
“I don’t know. I don’t know.”
“You know you can still count on me Buffy. If you need me I-“
“No. Please, no.” She said shaking her head slowly and heading out. Angel sighed as she left. He looked sadly around him before sitting again.
~
Buffy stopped as she approached her house. She was still far in the street but she could clearly see the upstairs’ rooms windows, all dark except for that little red light from the guest’s room. Buffy couldn’t stop looking at her window as she started walking again, thinking of Faith, smoking her cigarette while looking at the sky, oblivious of the rest as she seemed. The brunette slayer finally realized Buffy was coming, their eyes met as Faith got off the edge of the window and threw her cigarette out. She closed the window without any more gazes at the older slayer. Buffy sighed and went inside.
PART 6
Buffy knocked on Faith’s door. No response, she slowly knocked again, “Faith?”
“Leave me alone Buffy.” Faith’s tone wasn’t hard or irritated, just sad to Buffy’s opinion. She lowered her head and walk away before turning around and giving a small knock as she opened the door. Faith sighed as she moved away from her spot on the wall beside the window,
“What part of leave me alone don’t you understand B?” Faith frowned, “Oh, yeah, I forgot to say please is that it?”
“Please, Faith.” Buffy somewhat pleaded.
“Please Faith what?”
“Why are you mad at me like that?”
“I’m not...- God Buffy you drive me crazy.” Faith put her hands through her hair. Buffy looked upset. Faith walked closer,
“And why is it so important anyway what I think of you?”
“I don’t know.” Buffy replied. She seemed a little absent-minded, she was thinking that it was the third time she’d said that in a short while, and she really meant it. She felt lost. She had all sort of different feelings going through her head and she couldn’t sort them out. All she knew is that she was here, in front of Faith and she was here because she couldn’t stand the idea of the brunette slayer holding a grudge against her. Why? This, she didn’t know, but it wasn’t a new feeling. It was already like that after the Gwendolyn Post incident. She cared about Faith’s thoughts/feelings/opinions whatever, more than she could understand why.
Faith sighed, “Buffy I don’t understand; what do you want from me?”
“Nothing, I mean I told you, I just wanna be your friend and help you.”
“It seems like you’re trying to be like... a shrink, or a parole officer or something like that.”
Buffy lowered her head. Faith sighed again,
“Maybe it’s just me. I’m not good with the whole friend-thing. I don’t know how this works. I can’t change the way I am, Buffy. I think we’re friends, I mean, to me we are but... I need my space and there’ll be times where I will need to be alone, to storm off and tell you stupid things like tonight. It doesn’t mean we’re not friends anymore. I have a hard time to get how you 'function' right now, Buffy.”
“I know, I’m sorry. I feel weird tonight. I’m acting like a ten year old girl. It just. God.” Buffy sighed as she sat on the bed. Faith sat beside her,
“What? It just what?”
“It just seems so... important to me.”
“What?”
Buffy stared at her, “You.” She looked in front of her again, “I don’t understand but it’s like... I can’t lose... I feel so close to you in many ways. It’s like I don’t want to let you slide out of my grip, out of reach. And I must be very tired cause I don’t know what I’m saying anymore.”
Buffy looked at Faith who was smiling at her, the blonde slayer looked aside again. Faith reached her face to gently pulled her to look at her again,
“I’m not going anywhere Buffy.” They stared at each other then Faith frowned, “How do you do that?”
“Huh?”
“You just look at me like that and I forget, even for an instant, my problems. Even one like mine. How do you do that?”
“I’m the best, remember?” Buffy smiled. Faith returned the smile for a short while then looked preoccupied again, she got up,
“But the thing is; the problem is not gone. And it won’t be gone and I can’t seem to deal with it right now, so you’re not done with me being a bitch with you and everyone else. So, just know that... I’m not mad at you Buffy. I’m only mad at myself but it feels better to put it on others. I know it’s not fair but it’s how it is. I’m so fucking pissed off at myself, Buffy. You can’t... You have no idea.”
Buffy could see tears forming in the back of Faith’s eyes. She got up too and reached for her face.
“But you don’t have to be, things like that are not unavoidable. You don’t have to be so hard on yourself. After all it’s not the end of the world and mostly...” Buffy took her hand, “I’m here, you don’t have to be alone.”
“Yes I do.” Faith gently replied, her gaze to Buffy was very gentle. “I mean, sometimes I do. I’m freaked out Buffy and I know that... I need your help, I do even if I’m yelling at you. I accept that I do, but you have to accept too that I have my own way of dealing with things and right now I-... I need to be alone. Please.”
Buffy nodded, “I. I understand... I’m always here for you. You know I mean it...”
Faith nodded too and Buffy walked back to the door, “Goodnight.”
“Night, Buffy.”
They shyly smiled and Buffy closed the door. Faith lied down on the bed with her clothes on... She didn’t manage to fall asleep though. Neither could Buffy.
~~
The next morning.
Buffy entered the kitchen and was surprised to see Faith taking her breakfast.
“Hey, didn’t expect you here. You fell from the bed.”
She smiled and sat beside the brunette slayer who slightly smiled back,
“I was hungry, I heard you take a shower so I thought I’d head first and set up the breakfast.”
“That’s nice. Thanks.”
Buffy grabbed the pancakes’ plate and took some. Faith wasn’t very talkative. She still looked very thoughtful. But it felt nice, for both of them, to have this little time together. Once again it felt like they didn’t need words. Their presence was sufficient for each other to enjoy.
Buffy then had to leave for school.
~~
It was lunch time. The three of them sat at a table.
“Are you ok Buff?”
“What?” Buffy frowned at Xander’s question.
“You seem... somewhere else.”
“You’ve been like that... for a while actually.” Willow completed.
“Oh no, I’m just a little distracted, with Christmas coming and all.”
“Must be that.”
Willow looked upset, “Anita saw you yesterday.”
Buffy frowned with misunderstanding.
“At the bronze.” Xander said and Willow added, “Why didn’t you tell us you’d go? You said you wouldn’t.”
“Oh no, I just- I wasn’t really there, just had to- I was patrolling around and- and a vampire I was following got in so... Had to go in and staked him there, but then I was out.”
Willow and Xander gave each other a knowing gaze.
“She said you were with Faith and... drinking.”
“Me? Drinking? Are you crazy?”
Xander went on, “She saw you with a beer in hand on the dance floor.”
“Oh yes, that, yes. It wasn’t mine, no no don’t give me that look, seriously, it was Faith’s beer that I just took from her."
“And what would you do that for, Buffy?”
“Because she’s not supposed to drink, I mean, she’s 17 you know.”
“Err yes Buff but... How many times did that stop her? Or us from watching her do it without saying anything?”
Buffy didn’t really know what to say, “Yes but, that’s the point in fact. I realized it was bad and I told her and she said she wouldn’t do it anymore and so I caught her and that was it, she won’t do it anymore.”
“Yeah right.” Xander said while Willow raised her eyebrows.
“Why do you spend so much time with her Buffy?”
Willow’s tone was filled with misunderstanding and curiosity but also disdain. Buffy swallowed and lowered her gaze for a short second then looked at her best friends, “Because I like her, she’s a great girl once you get to know her. And you should be a little more tolerant with her.”
“Ok. Didn’t mean to upset you Buffy.” Xander said after Buffy’s claim. Willow looked aside, not really happy.
“I’m sorry that you don’t like her Willow but I do, she’s a friend. I’m sorry that she doesn’t match your, or mostly Anita’s standard, and oh by the way, I remember now, yes Anita was there, with Cordelia as always. So is this the kind of person you wanna be friends with, cause I prefer a freak than a hypocrite as a friend.”
Buffy got up and left the table under her friends’ puzzled gaze.
~~
Willow and Xander were going out of the school later that day when Buffy called, “Willow! Willow!”
The two friends stopped, Willow looked sad and slightly mad. Buffy looked embarrassed. They both looked at the ground for a while.
“I’ll see you tomorrow girls.” Xander said with a smile at the both of them and a wink at Buffy who smiled back,
“Thanks Xander. See you.”
The two girls were stood in front of each other. Willow crossed her arms around her waist in a resolved movement.
“I’m sorry, Willow.”
The redhead let go of her arms and looked aside, a less resolved look on.
“I shouldn’t have said that.”
“Anita’s not my friend, you know that, and I never meant for her to be and... you’ve been mean.”
“I know, I know
all this I'm really sorry. She’s not your friend but you
are mine.”
Buffy put her hands on Willow’s shoulder,
“You’re my very best friend Willow and that will never
change.”
“You’re
acting so... Well, a little differently these days. And every time
Faith is involved you know... But I guess it’s just me.”
Willow sounded sad and a little confused. Buffy smiled at her and
didn’t let go of her shoulders that she rubbed nicely,
“Like
I said you’re my best friend and it won’t change. Faith
and I have a totally different friendship. It’s not even
friendship in fact, it’s... complicated. I guess it’s a
slayership maybe, cause I have no other words to describe it. But
this will never replace my favorite Willow, you know that.”
Buffy smiled comfortingly at the redhead, understanding Willow’s fear of Faith and her’s friendship to overcome theirs because of the slayer bond.
“I’m sorry too. I’m acting weird when it comes to Faith. I’m sorry, I know you’re just good friends and... I’m gonna try to be nicer with her from now on but the thing is.... we don’t see her that much you know. She’s never here when we are so the friendship bond is kinda hard to do, Buffy.”
Buffy frowned, “Yes I know. Faith is going through a hard time at the moment so just don’t pay attention to her right now ok? We’ll have plenty of times to get together... soon I guess. But for now, let’s go to the movie you and me, what do you say?”
Willow smiled hugely, “I'd love that!”
And they headed downtown.
~~
3 weeks went by. Faith was taking some dinners with the Summers girls but lots of times she was eating alone, somewhere else. Buffy tried not to think about it on those evenings but she couldn’t help it. She felt all her attention going to the younger slayer and it was very hard for her to try NOT to help at that moment. They talked sometimes. Faith came twice after school and they both walked home talking but only about casual things… But Faith looked ok and smiling. That’s what Buffy tried to find out: how Faith was doing? The brunette seemed a lot in her head too but always looked alright when she was with them so it was hard to tell.
~~
It was 2 am, Buffy was coming back from a patrol, passing by Faith’s room she managed to hear some talking and crying sounds thanks to her slayer hearing. She opened the door slowly, “Faith?” she asked softly.
She walked closer and felt bad at the sight of the brunette girl tossing and turning in her bed, apparently having a bad nightmare. There were tears on her cheeks. Buffy moved to the bed, putting a knee on it then sat close to Faith. She reached the sleeping slayer’s face and caressed her forehead. “Faith.” She spoke very tenderly.
The brunette slayer finally opened her eyes. It took her a couple seconds to understand and remember where she was, what was happening. She started moving away, trying to hide her shaken gaze but Buffy held her shoulders softly though and began wiping her tears away with the back of her hand. They stared at each other for a while then Buffy lied down beside Faith, not releasing her grip on her, Faith didn’t protest and soon she turned around and cuddled in the older slayer’s arm and they both fell asleep that way.
Faith woke up early but Buffy was still sleeping. She was the one holding her at this moment. Faith couldn’t help a slight smile at that sight. And just like Buffy previously did, she ran her hand on the blonde girl’s face. But then she felt the bowl in her throat clenching her even more. There was a wave of disturbing feelings invading her causing a bowl in her stomach too and she had to head to the restrooms instantly, waking Buffy as she did so. The blonde slayer raised her head in time to see her rushed out of the room. She felt bad. She got up and walked behind Faith to the restrooms. She knelt beside her with a wet towel. Faith rinsed her face. Buffy helped her to get up.
“How are you feeling?”
“I’ll be ok, don’t worry. I don’t have much more of these lately, don’t know why this morning. Anyway, I’ll be fine.”
Buffy pushed aside one of Faith’s lock then caressed the side of her face again and smiled at her. Faith took a deep breath.
“Do you wanna… do something today or anything, I mean… together.”
“I-I don’t know Buffy. I-“
Buffy smiled, “Let’s go have some breakfast first ok?”
“Honestly I don’t think I could eat much right now. I’m gonna take a shower for now.”
“Ok. Well, I’ll be downstairs and, we’ll see then, right?”
“Ok.” Faith turned around, avoiding to look at the blonde girl who left her there. Faith looked at the door closing and took another deep breath.
PART 7
Buffy was done eating when Faith went downstairs. The brunette girl headed directly to the couch on which she sat. Buffy joined her with a nice smile.
“Are you ok?”
“Yes.”
Faith looked slightly ill at ease, curiously. She was looking in front of her while Buffy was sitting on her knees on the couch, turned towards her.
“You sure you’re alright?”
“Yes B. I’m 5 by 5.”
Buffy couldn’t help a slight laugh; that saying of her sisterslayer always made her smile inwardly.
“What're you laughing at?”
“Don’t be mad, I’m not laughing at you. It’s just funny that you always say that. No actually, it’s kinda cute in fact.”
Faith stared at her with a thoughtful look for a short second before taking back her usual look.
“One of my mom’s boyfriends was in the army, he used to say that all the time, but he wasn’t as much an asshole as her other boy toys so… Guess I found it kinda cool at the time.”
“I see.”
Buffy smiled nicely at her, “So, what do you wanna do
today, it’s Saturday, I don’t have class, I can hang out
with you for a while if you want.”
Buffy sounded casual though she was really expectant of a positive response from Faith, but she didn’t want to let it show.
“Well, I don’t know, maybe. I don’t feel like doing much you know. So if you wanna go outside, you can you know. You don’t have to stay with me.”
“I want to. I mean, I-I don’t feel like doing much either, so…”
Faith nodded then looked in front of her. They remained silent for a while. Buffy yawned.
“You went back late last night.”
“Busy night.”
“Yeah, they’re numerous lately.”
Buffy nodded despite her reluctance on that subject. She knew Faith had come back late on several occasions, she was hoping she hadn’t been patrolling but she now knew the truth.
“Are you ok… slaying?”
“I’m pregnant B, not sick ok?”
“I know, I know, it’s just… women are supposed to take it easy at that moment. 5 months is a lot now, Faith.”
“I’m careful.”
Buffy didn’t add anything because Faith’s tone showed her very short patience.
“Ok. Do you want to play cards?”
“You know what, forget it, I’m gonna take a walk finally.”
Faith pretended to get up but Buffy held her back on the couch.
“I’m sorry. Look Faith I’m not trying to crowd you or anything. I’m sorry I can’t help wanting to take care of you.”
“I told you B I don’t-“
“I know. I can’t help it.” Buffy sounded mad, but mad at herself as Faith could feel.
“I can’t help feeling that way, Faith. I just hate knowing you alone in some area when I’m alone in mine.”
“So, basically, you want me to keep you company, huh?”
Buffy shrugged, “You know that’s not what I meant.”
Faith sat correctly in the couch again, looking ahead of her while Buffy went on, “I feel bad when I’m not with you. I mean.” She looked in front of her too now. She looked thoughtful as to what she had just said while Faith swallowed but remained silent.
After a while she said, “I like when you’re with me, Buffy.”
Buffy looked at her but Faith was still looking in front of her again. Buffy smiled but then stopped, “Really?”
“Yeah.”
“I kinda had the impression I was getting on your nerve?”
Faith looked at her and pretended to hesitate, “Well, I have to say, sometimes…” Buffy pushed her shoulder slightly “You bitch.”
And they both slightly laughed then stopped and stared at each other.
Faith felt the bowl in her stomach again, “Don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?” Buffy was surprised but still smiling.
“Like… I don’t know, your eyes.”
“Well, sorry that I have some.”
“Just don’t.”
Faith sighed, she didn’t know why she felt bad at Buffy’s gaze on her, why she felt that bowl inside her stomach but it made her feel ill at ease. Buffy sighed in her turn, crossing her arms on her chest.
“So, do you wanna go have a walk with me?” Faith asked after a while in order to make up for making the blonde girl pout even if she liked that pout of hers. That was actually part of why she felt bad and brushed her off. But she couldn’t let her pout, could she?
Buffy nodded with a smile and they both went out.
The slayers spent the afternoon together. They walked in the park towards the UC Sunnydale area and back in town. It was the end of the afternoon and they were having coffee in a quiet corner of the espresso pump and as the day went by they talked about more private topic.
“So how did you feel about seeing him again?”
“I don’t know, a little weird. I don’t even know why I ended up there that evening. Things with you were a little tensed.”
“Wait err,” Faith rubbed her forehead slightly, “What do I have to do with you and Angel?”
“Err, nothing, I- Just, I don’t know. I think you and I just argued and I was thoughtful you know, and a little sad and I ended up there.”
Faith hesitated, “And did he… cheer your mood up?”
Buffy could see real interest, and she could have sworn she heard a hint of fear.
“Not really. I didn’t stay long.”
“What did you feel? Did you tell him about me?” Faith’s tone wasn’t reproachful for the case Buffy did.
“No I didn’t. Told you, didn’t stay long in fact. It didn’t felt…”
“What?”
“Good. Being with him I mean. I don’t know, it felt even worse, like with everything that’s happened you know. I think I wanted some comfort but as soon as I stepped inside I knew it had been right to part because… I can never feel comforted the way I want to, the way it used to be, before…” Buffy looked aside.
“I guess.” Faith sympathetically said.
Buffy took another sip of her cup and then admitted, “Yes, this time it’s really over. That’s how it felt. I guess that’s why I left that fast. It hurt to feel that way, honestly. But that’s what it is; over.”
And she was staring at Faith, “Besides I have other things on my mind with you and all.”
“What do you mean?”
“You know, school, Snyder still being on my back, the others still being a little distant as well as my mother you know.”
“I wasn’t talking about the ‘and all’ part, I was talking about the ‘me’ part. You don’t have to do your head in thinking about… This is my problem Buffy.”
“I’m not doing my head in and I don’t really consider it, or you as a matter of fact, a problem at all.”
“Lucky you. But then, why are you thinking about me if this shit isn’t ‘considered’ a problem to you?”
“I just… I don’t know, I guess I think about.... I don’t know. I just know that I have more to think about with you than with my sad thoughts of Angel, that’s all I know.”
They remained silent for a while. A little uneasy.
“So, what do we do now?”
“Well, we could go home, prepare dinner, it would please my mother if we ate all three together tonight.”
“Maybe.”
“I tell you, it would.”
“Ok, then let’s go.”
~
They were wandering on their way home, rather silent, glancing at each other.
“You ok?”
“Yes. You?”
“Sure.”
“Faith, your lace is undone.”
“Thanks.” Faith said as she crouched.
“You want me to help you.”
Faith looked up at
her.
“It’s ok B. I think I can do it all by myself.”
“I’m sorry. It was just a stupid thing to ask.” Buffy replied to Faith’s sarcasm.
“Indeed.”
Faith was done and began getting up, Buffy couldn’t help
getting closer and help her. She ended up with one hand holding
Faith’s arm and the other on her waist. They stared at each
other. Buffy released her grip on Faith’s arm and her hand then
slid to the brunette’s hand. Faith moved aside quite rapidly as
their hands touched,
“What did you do that for?! I’m not disabled Buffy.”
“I’m sorry, you seemed to b-“
“Well I’m not!” Faith began walking in the opposite direction.
“Faith where are you going?”
“Somewhere that is away.”
“Faith?!”
The brunette turned around. “I’m not leaving town. Remember that thing we talked about me needing my space? Well, that’s one of these moments. Good night.” And she left.
Buffy felt sad and angry somehow. She went home and ate with her mother but then went out after dinner.
~~
The blonde slayer
wandered as much as she patrolled. She was very thoughtful. Why was
she thinking about Faith so much if not to worry about the brunette’s
situation? That’s a question she, too, was asking herself. And
so far she hadn’t come up with any replies that she really
liked.
She arrived at the bronze and found Oz and Willow there;
they were cuddling and kissing when they saw her.
“Hey Buffy!”
“Hey guys!”
“We didn’t know you were coming tonight?”
“Yeah, I was patrolling in the area.”
“Oh you were patrolling with Faith?” Willow said. Buffy frowned,
“No, why? She’s here?”
Oz nodded,
“We
slightly caught sight of her dancing a while ago with some people
around.”
Buffy nodded silently. Oz kissed Willow’s neck slightly and she giggled.
“Ok, I think I’m gonna let you go.”
“You can stay with us.” Oz honestly said.
“Yes, Buffy.”
“Thanks but, I was just passing by anyway, still gotta patrol.”
“Ok, be careful then.”
“Yes. Night.”
“Night Buffy.”
Buffy walked around the bronze, trying to find Faith but the brunette slayer was nowhere to be found. Buffy went out and walked around the bronze, close to a small dead end near the artists’ entrance and she heard noises. Coming closer she recognized making out sounds, she walked forward, knowing what she was gonna see and knowing she wasn’t gonna like it at all.
There was the dreadful scene; the brunette slayer was back against a wall, being fucked by some random guy, holding her thigh in his hand while he was thrusting senselessly inside of her. The guy’s groans were unashamedly loud. She wasn’t even holding him; her hands were above her head against the wall. Nails sinking and sliding against it while her eyes remained closed. Buffy felt sick to her stomach,
“Faith!!”
Buffy couldn’t stand it but instead of running away, she’d
felt a wave of anger that came out as she shouted the slayer’s
name. The guy stopped abruptly and pulled aside as if Buffy’s
tone, and her stare, were clear enough to not ask for any explanation
or not even consider going on despite the brunette’s angry look
at her.
Buffy looked aside at the sight of the guy’s hard dick before he pulled up his pants and walked by her pretty fast.
Faith sighed but she didn’t yell at her or anything. Buffy moved closer, “What was that?”
Faith sighed again and took deep breaths as if controlling what she was thinking and she finally did not reply.
“Why are you doing things like that Faith? I don’t understand.”
Faith moved aside from the walls, “Good God nobody asked you too!”
Buffy looked at the ground while Faith readjusted her pants.
“I was fucking. I’m sorry if it’s hard for you to understand but I need that.”
“You didn’t seem in that specific mood a couple of hours earlier.”
“Well I’m in that mood now. I mean, I was.”
Buffy slightly pouted. Faith sighed.
“I don’t know why I like you so much Buffy, you’re just so annoying. You’re a pain in the ass you know that?”
Buffy was staring at Faith with sparkling eyes, unable to focus on anything else but the first part of the sentence Faith just said. The brunette cleared her throat, looking aside slightly as she, too, was thinking of what she’d just said.
Buffy hesitantly tried, “Is it why you did this?”
“Is what why what I did what?”
“Is it because we were like having a nice friendly moment that you felt the need to do that?”
“You really ARE a pain in the ass Summers.”
“What is it you felt today that made you wanna revert to this kind of unhealthy ‘cold hearted’ encounter, tell me Faith?”
“Now you’re just ridiculous, B.” Faith moved by Buffy who grabbed her shoulders to keep her here.
“No, you don’t leave like that again.”
They were face to face, staring intensely at each other. Buffy’s words weren’t coming out anymore under Faith’s confused gaze. The brunette raised her hand to the blonde girl’s face but pulled it away before touching her. Buffy gulped, Faith sat on the ground and took her head in her hands.
Buffy squat in front of her.
Faith looked at her, tears in the back of her eyes, she looked aside, “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying, I’m confused. Must be this hormone thing, you know. I’m sorry.”
“Why do you say you’re sorry, it’s ok.” Buffy told her as she took the brunette’s hands in hers.
Faith exhaled, “Don’t do that, Buffy.”
“You told me that twice today but I still don’t know what it is I’m doing that is so wrong. I’m just here for you.”
Faith gave her a weak ‘that’s-exactly-it’ look and Buffy slightly sighed, “What is it you’re afraid of, Faith? Really. Cause I don’t know what’s bad in all that.”
Faith looked at her straight in the eyes and finally whispered, “I’m getting used to it.”
Buffy squeezed her hands with a smile, “Then I think I understand. I don’t know everything about your past but you will never see me letting you down, Faith. So DO get used to it cause I’m not going away. Mostly now that I know that’s why you’re pushing me away; expecting me to give up on you at any minute, I get that now. I never will.”
“I’ve always been on my own, Buffy. Sorta anyway. And I had to be strong and not care about anything or anyone otherwise I couldn’t survive. I’m scared of losing this autonomy.”
“If you can gain some happiness, don’t you think it’s a good trade?”
“I never used to consider happiness really existed.”
“Now you know it does. Don’t you want some?”
Faith showed her stomach, “How?”
“I’ll show you. This is all I wanna do. Can I try at least?”
Faith slightly nodded but then she frowned, “I’m still gonna need sex.”
Buffy couldn’t help a slight laugh and Faith ended up laughing too.
PART 8
Faith tried to look
sterner after a while,
“I’m serious B. I need it.”
Buffy tried to get
the smile off of her face,
“I get that but, you know this
is unhealthy right?” Faith nodded and Buffy went on, “You
can go out with people, with us you know, meet people and then maybe
date, find someone, but just one person you know.”
“I don’t wanna be with anyone else but you. I mean,” she cleared her throat as they both had widened eyes, “what I meant is I don’t wanna hang around with anyone else but you, that’s what I meant.”
Faith looked aside in embarrassment and Buffy tried to move on, “Ok, and what about, well, Xander, I mean you know him and he likes you I think.”
“I don’t wanna date anyone, Buffy. Mostly not one of your friends cause I don’t want anything spoiling our relationship if things goes badly you know.”
“I understand. Then, I guess you can maybe, you know, do the… I mean, err, by yourself you know.”
“Is this how you do?” Buffy turned slightly red but she felt easy enough to reply as Faith’s tone wasn’t mocking or teasing at all, really just wondering.
“Yes. Sometimes, I do it yes.”
Faith nodded, “I do it too sometimes, when I don’t have a choice, but it’s really not the same thing. But anyway, I guess soon that’s gonna be my only option.”
Buffy frowned so Faith pointed out her belly, “Right now it’s a guy, ok; a fuck-buddy magnet cause what’s the risk for them? Getting me pregnant? It shows enough for them to understand but not enough to scare them away like it will soon. I’m really getting bigger. I know you’ve noticed that.”
“Yes, it really shows now.”
Faith looked down so Buffy lifted her chin with a genuine smile, “It’s alright.”
Faith smiled at Buffy’s tone truly appeasing tone.
She had tried to
maintain that wall she’d built herself, she had tried not to
let her in by fear of seeing her go away, by fear of needing her but
she knew she’d failed and she did need her now.
So she
really felt appeased as she’d let her in and she really did
need her now and here she was. It felt good being comforted, and as
much as she was still scared of losing that comfort, she couldn’t
help feeling it.
Buffy got up keeping Faith’s hand in hers to help her get up too. She didn’t let go of it as she led them away from the alley.
They walked home quietly and went to their room.
Faith went out of her room slowly, hesitated and walked a few steps to Buffy’s door room. She hesitated again, raised her hand as if to knock and finally let it down and was about to turn around when the door opened leaving them both staring.
“B.” Was all Faith managed to say.
“I thought I’d felt, I mean, did you want something?”
“I-err, no, I-“
“Maybe you can, I mean, if you want to you can stay here, I mean, you know, if you think you’d sleep better, you know.”
Faith was slightly stepping backwards gesturing quite a lot, “I-, err, no I was just… going to the bathroom, actually, I-err, good night.”
“Ok. Goodnight.”
Buffy wondered a little as she saw the brunette slayer walk back to the bathroom which was just across the guest room, not in Buffy’s room direction at least.
She went back inside and tried to shut the various thoughts in her head away in order to sleep.
~~
A knock on Faith’s door, the next morning.
“Come on in.”
Buffy stepped inside slowly, “You’re awake?”
Faith smiled. Buffy gave her a shy smile, “Yeah, I guess that was stupid.”
“No, that’s cute.” Faith was still smiling. Buffy sat on the bed in which Faith was still lying though she was clearly up, she was dressed already.
Buffy sighed nonchalantly.
“Anything planned for today B?”
Buffy frowned a little, “Well, yes, I’m supposed to meet the others at the mall this afternoon.”
“You don’t seem so thrilled about it.”
“Yes I do. We rebounded a little these weeks and I like having them back, but I… I’ve enjoyed the time you and I spent together you know.”
“We can do that another time B.”
“I don’t feel like leaving you alone today.”
“I’m ok Buffy, I’ll be alright.”
“Yes, no, I mean, well, actually I’d like… I’d like you to come with me… see them.”
Faith repositioned herself on the bed, as if she was uncomfortable. Buffy lied down beside her, “You’ll have to see them eventually. I know you don’t really feel like it but I-“
“I know.” Faith admitted, “I… I’ve thought about this too… I’m not sure though.”
Buffy propped herself on her elbow, “Honestly Faith, it’s not so much about them learning about your situation, it’s about them learning who you are and vice versa. They might surprise you Faith.”
She put her hand on Faith’s one that was on the bed, “And I’ll be there… with you.”
Faith slightly smiled at her, “Ok. It’s probably time, and I’m tired of wearing that ugly coat anyway.”
“I’ll call and say you’ll be with me.”
“Ok.”
Buffy squeezed her hand.
~~
They were walking in the mall; they were supposed to meet them in a new café that just opened. Faith was wearing a black jacket; open on a red shirt with long sleeve. Her pregnancy was rather easy to guess.
Buffy could hear her breathing slightly increase as they were getting closer to the meeting spot.
“It’s gonna be alright, just relax.”
“Yes, yes you’re right.” Faith shook her arms as to loosen up while adding, almost talking to herself, “Why am I so nervous anyway? I don’t care what they think and all, I don’t care, right?”
“Yeah, right, you absolutely don’t.” Buffy replied sarcastically and Faith looked at her with a serious look but then finally relaxed and smiled, “I really used to NOT care, you know that? This is all your fault, you’re aware of it right?”
Buffy nodded, “And I’m proud of my work.”
“I bet.” Faith replied then tensed again the sight of the others, Xander, Oz and Willow sitting.
“It’s gonna be ok. Trust me.”
They walked in. They could see a big *O* on Willow’s mouth, that she very fast erased, and a questioning frown on the guys head, that they, too, very fast erased.
“Hey guys.”
“Hey Buffy, hi Faith.” Oz replied to the blonde slayer’s casual hello with the same tone.
“Hi girls!” Xander followed then.
“Hi, how are you doing?” Willow shyly said in her turn.
“We’re fine, damn this place is neat, don’t you think?” Buffy asked Faith as they sat. Faith looked a little confused but followed, “I-, yes, it is. I love the colors.”
“It’s very old-fashioned.” Oz said.
“I like it.” Willow ended.
Faith was a little confused but started to relax a little as they continued talking about various topics BUT her pregnancy. She found Willow very nice, even with her. They even discovered they both had a frog fear, even if, in Faith’s case it was more of a disgust than a real phobia. But they talked, all together for about half an hour. Faith was sitting in between Buffy and Xander. The older slayer was engaged in a talk about the “dingoes” with Oz and Willow. Faith and Xander were quiet. The brunette boy slightly bent closer to Faith at some point,
“Faith, if you need anything, just ask. If I can help in any way, I will.” He told her discreetly. Buffy could easily follow the two conversations though. She slightly smiled.
“Thanks.” Faith simply replied with a nice smile.
He just added, “I’m thinking, in case money becomes an issue, you know, our basement can easily be transform to welcome someone, that could save you the money for the motel room.”
Buffy and Faith looked at each other. By that time they were all in the two brunettes’ talk. Buffy hesitated, “Well, actually, Faith has been living with us… for a couple weeks now.”
Buffy was slightly anxious of their reactions, well, Willow’s mostly. The red head took a short time before finally saying, “Makes sense.”
Buffy felt relieved and smiled thankfully at her best friend. They had slightly talked about Faith together and Buffy was glad Willow really understood what place she herself had in Buffy’s life.
“That’s a good thing.” Xander said then Willow looked at Faith, with a serious look on her face,
“Faith. We haven’t really gotten to know each other and I guess, we didn’t really treat you good, except the first few days maybe, and it shows what with us not noticing anything about you till now when it’s so obvious and I feel kinda sorry for this b-“
“You don’t have to apologize Willow. You can’t get to know, or see, someone that is not here. Besides I haven’t been the nicest girl with you either, and well, I’m not the nicest girl anyway.”
“But I think we can still set this right… if you wanna stick around with us, you won’t be outcast this time. We’ll try our best, I know I will.”
Buffy smiled hugely inwardly. She looked at Faith expectantly.
Faith felt a little overwhelmed. It was a little too much but she kept her head cool, “I- I’d like that.”
Willow smiled in her turn and looked at Buffy, getting a rewarding smile from the slayer always made her feel even better.
“So about that movie we talked about?” Oz simply said.
“It starts at 3, right?”
“Let’s go.”
And they all got up.
~~
“Come on, it was a good movie.”
Willow shrugged, “I didn’t say it was bad, it’s just a little weird that it is thanks to drugs that they beat the aliens, that's all.”
“I thought that was pretty cool.” Faith said then frowned, “And don’t give me that look, no, I don’t do drugs.”
Buffy slightly smiled like the rest of them before saying, “Honestly, drugs or not drugs, what I will keep from that movie is that this Josh Hartnett guy, mmm, definitely a hottie.”
Willow and Faith looked at each other with a huge nod.
“Definitely.”
“I don’t know ‘bout that, I thought he was rather regular, don’t you think, Oz?” Oz gave Xander a quizzical look and Buffy said, “Come on you’re guys, you can’t tell. And by the way how could you see him when you were drooling every time that blonde girl was on screen, and hey, she was the alien so yeah, definitely your type, Xander.”
The girls all laughed.
“Ah ah, laugh as much as you will ladies, but anyway, I preferred the brunette one in fact.”
“Ooo yes.” Buffy said. Willow, Oz and Faith raised their eyebrows.
“I mean, err, yes, she was pretty. She was, right?” Buffy looked at Xander and Oz for support.
“Definitely.” Faith was the one to respond, getting Buffy out of her slight embarrass.
Willow looked thoughtful, “I don’t know, I mean, yes she was, but I like Clea DuVall’s ‘special vibe’.”
“Yeah me too.” Buffy said then added, “I like her a lot, she’s more special than the others. The blonde, well, it was a blonde, not even that pretty and the other one; she’s a brunette so, just that usual hot brunette chick thing, you know.”
“USUAL hot
brunette chick?” Faith repeated with a deep stare at Buffy who
let out a shy, “Yes.” before looking aside while
blushing, which made Faith smiled inwardly.
Willow observed them
discreetly.
~~
They decided to hang
around at the video games area of the movie theater and have an ice
cream. Faith was sitting in between Buffy and Willow. They’d
been talking for about ten minutes when Willow told Faith,
“I’m
glad you didn’t do it.”
Faith slightly frowned.
“Now that we know... you know. Well I understood why you were at the clinic that day, and I just thought I’d tell you I’m glad you didn’t do it.”
Buffy was a little anxious about Faith’s reaction while the boys were silent.
“Err, well, actually, look we’ve had a good day today and I’m glad but I gotta be honest; it wasn’t my choice to *not* do it. I, well, kind of did not have the choice in fact.”
Faith took a sip of her coke, hiding her slight fear of the reaction what she'd said might cause.
“Well, I’m not here to judge or anything. These kinds of decisions are hard enough to take I guess, but what I know is, whatever, err, whoever is responsible for this to happen that way, I’m glad it did.”
Faith and Buffy exchanged a gaze then Willow and Faith gave each other a slight smile.
“What are you gonna do now?”
Buffy took a deep breath and couldn’t help looking at Xander with a just-the-one-question-not-to-ask-thank-you-very-much-Xander look.
Faith hesitated a little, “I-, look really I-. You’ve been nice and all and I feel. I really don’t wanna spoil that but… that topic is not up for discussion.”
Buffy gulped.
“We understand.” Oz honestly said. Xander nodded.
“Yes.” Willow said though her face showed the multiple questions she wanted to ask, but she remained silent.
“I’m sorry; I gotta go to the restrooms.” Faith left very fast, with a sad grin.
“Is she gonna be ok?” Xander asked. Buffy got up.
“Yes, she will. Please don’t hold it against her, it’s not easy and-“
“It’s ok Buffy, really, we do understand. I mean, as much as we can, but, it’s really ok. Tell her that please.”
Buffy smiled at the redhead.
“Thanks, Will.”
And she went after Faith in the restrooms.
~~
“Faith?” Buffy entered the restrooms; the brunette slayer was leaning against the wall, hands on her face. She moved forward to the blonde when this one entered,
“I’m sorry, Buffy. I fucked up.”
Buffy slightly smiled, with a frown, “No. What do you mean? It’s ok.”
“No. They’re trying to be nice and I keep pushing them away or everything they say and I don’t know it’s just-“
“Sssh-“ Buffy cut her and took her hands, preventing the restless brunette to tiptoe some more.
“It’s ok. Keeping some things private doesn’t mean you’re pushing people away. They’re not babies, they understand that.”
“I can’t change, Buffy. I’ll always fuck everything up.”
“Hey!” Buffy said as she took the brunette’s face in her hands to look at her, “You’re not fucking anything up. You’re one of the most courageous girls I know. And you’re trying. I see you, you’re trying so hard to do what’s right when you don’t even have a clue what it is and I admire you for that.”
“But if you weren’t there, Buffy. I’d just- I don’t know if…”
“Let’s not even wonder about it cause I AM. And I’m there to stay, ok?”
Faith’s hands
were on Buffy’s, on the brunette’s face. They were so
close; they both shivered at the other’s breath on their face.
Some tears ran down on Faith’s cheeks and Buffy wiped them
away.
They stared at each other for a long moment then pulled away.
“I’m sorry, I feel stupid,” Faith moved to the basin to rinse her face, “I don’t know why I’m so goddamn sensitive lately.”
Buffy rubbed her shoulder, “It’s the hormones. They say it’s normal to be that way. And, I don’t find that stupid, or you for the record.”
They smiled at each other then Faith took deep breathes before asking.
“You’re sure they’re not mad?”
Buffy kept on smiling, “No, they’re not. Everything is ok.”
She took her hand and they joined the others for a short while then went back home.
PART 9
A couple of days went by. Faith remained with Joyce during the day, helping her at the Gallery and then the two slayers would meet again as they spent most of their time together now.
They spent another evening with the others at the bronze in which Faith got a few gazes on her. Xander and Buffy, as well as the others, made sure the brunette did not feel uncomfortable about it by cheering her up in their own way.
Faith insisted that she wanted to keep patrolling, saying she could not do without it “it’s just like the sex, B.” as she had told her. Buffy, to the brunette’s surprise, didn’t argue with that. But Faith soon discovered why, every time vampires came at her the blonde slayer stepped forward, never letting her have much to do, except when they were attacked by too many vampires in which case Faith was finally able to find her 'release’. She didn’t complain though. She couldn’t help finding Buffy’s concern sweet. She hated that word but that’s how it felt, sweet.
Faith was getting tired more rapidly though she didn’t say anything. Buffy knew it though. They went out with the others once more on Wednesday evening and they patrolled again the following night. Buffy said she was tired, knowing Faith wouldn’t say it so they both walked home earlier as Faith said it was ‘less fun’ without Buffy. The blonde slayer was inwardly really happy that Faith came home with her.
They were lying on Buffy’s bed that evening, talking, as they were doing that a lot lately. Even in their silences they were still talking. Now was one of these silences and Buffy, after a while, checked on Faith only to notice the brunette beauty had fallen asleep. She smiled at the sight. She raised her hand to the brunette’s face and caressed her very softly.
“B...” Faith slightly mumbled, eyes still shut. Buffy kept on smiling and whispered, “Sss, go back to sleep.”
Faith mumbled again but then didn’t move as Buffy kept her soft caresses. After a while, as they were both above the sheets, the blonde slayer got up to take a cover and put it above the two of them, tucking Faith in tenderly. She lied down just beside her.
She was woken up in the middle of the night by Faith’s restless movements on the bed.
“Faith?”
“Faith, it’s ok.”
The brunette girl kept moving and grumbling. Buffy touched her face.
“Faith it’s me. It’s just a nightmare, it’s ok.”
Buffy kissed her on the forehead as Faith finally calmed down. She’d remained asleep all the while. Buffy moved even closer to her and fell back asleep.
Morning sunbeams were
barely piercing through the curtains when Buffy woke up again,
feeling sweet caresses on her face, as the brunette slayer was
already awake. The caresses stopped when Buffy started to move, but
she’d been awake before that and had felt the gentle touch on
her face.
She opened one eye.
“Morning, Buffy.”
“Mmm”
Buffy mumbled, she heard a slight chuckle and opened both eyes.
“Morning.” She told the brunette girl with a smile.
She realized at this moment that she was completely against Faith. The brunette was slightly propped up on her elbow and Buffy's head was resting against her chest, probably for most of the night while her hand was around the brunette's waist."
“Sorry.”
She shyly said then tried to very fast move herself away. The
movement ended in a close face to face.
And they suddenly froze,
staring intensely at each other. Buffy swallowed and Faith slightly
moved her face forward a little bit, their lips scarcely touched, and
Buffy slightly parted her lips to close them on the brunette’s
ones in a gentle motion at first. Then Faith’s tongue slightly
touched the blonde girl’s lips and Buffy opened her mouth
again, letting the kiss deepened gradually as Faith’s hand was
in her hair, pulling her closer to her. Buffy’s hand was back
where it was when she woke up; on Faith’s waist.
The kiss was very slow and deep. Their tongues seeking shyly each other, as they closed their mouths on each other’s lips, lower lip, then upper lip, then tongue circling again, slowly, softly. Buffy’s hand was partly under the brunette’s top; almost on her tummy while Faith’s one trailing down on the older girl’s neck. Buffy shivered and they pulled away.
They both looked stunned. Faith swallowed and Buffy shyly wiped her lips.
“I-I. I’m sorry.”
“No, i-it’s me. I mean…” The blonde girl stammered and then looked away.
“It’s the hormones I think, you know, err. And with the, you know, I mean. I think, God I’m sorry, Buffy.”
“No, it’s it’s,” Buffy stopped and cleared her throat, pulling herself together, “It’s nothing. I mean, yes, maybe, the hormones and, with you not going ‘out’ that much and me, thinking of, of Angel and, just the closeness, I-I…”
“Yes, yes it’s that. I’m really sorry. I guess I miss a little ‘after dark action’ and with the hormones kicking, you know, I just… I kinda lost it, for a while I mean.”
“Yeah, me too, I mean that’s what happened. I’m sorry too.”
“You’re not mad at me, then?”
“No, no absolutely not, Faith. It’s ok. It was just an accident, I mean, you know what I mean.”
“Yes, exactly.”
They both looked aside, taking deep breaths.”
“I guess I should go to my room now.”
“Buffy?”
“Yes.”
“It is your room.”
“Oh, err yeah.” Buffy replied, apparently a little confused.
“You’re sure you’re ok with that? I’m really sorry. Don’t know what happened.”
“No, it’s… I’m fine. Let’s just not think about it. It was just a, well, don’t know the word but you get it, right?”
“Yeah, I do, totally. We’re cool, then?”
“Absolutely.” Buffy said, trying to smile and not remain stuck with her stunned face.
“Let’s go get a shower then… one after the other, I mean.”
“Of course.”
They nodded and both headed their way; Faith to her room and Buffy to the bathroom. Both still slightly embarrassed… and still taken aback by what happened, mostly how intense it had been.
~~
Joyce had already prepared the breakfast so they ate together. The slayers were unusually silent as Joyce stated. Then she and Faith took off for the gallery while Buffy left for school.
~~
It was the afternoon break.
“I can’t stress enough how much I want this day to be over.” Xander said in a sigh as he sat on the lobby’s couches with Oz and Willow, Buffy sat opposite to them, and looked aside.
Willow observed her while Oz tried to sympathize with Xander,
“It was a... slow day. Well, usual Friday, then. Usual day in fact.”
The brunette boy then rejoiced, “But in a few hours... it’s party times.”
Oz and Willow gave him a quizzical day so he simply said, “Alright, just ‘week-end time’. Couldn’t you two pretend like I have an exciting life too?”
“You and exciting in the same sentence? Let me laugh.” Cordelia said as she walked by them and started laughing with a few friends before leaving.
Xander frowned then
switched back to normal ‘goofy-face’ Xander,
“So,
Buffy? What did you and Faith plan for this week-end?”
“Huh, what?”
They were all looking at her.
“You and
Faith?” Xander asked, hoping she’d gotten at least half
of what he’d previously asked but Buffy gave a jump at this,
“What?!”
“This week-end, what are you two doing? Hello Buffy, earth calling?”
“Err, oh, err, nothing planned.”
Willow was still looking at Buffy. Oz got up, “Well, I gotta go. German test. I’ll wait for you outside of your class.”
Willow nodded. He gave her a sweet kiss on the lips and left. He had a 1 hour test. The others still had two hours class, but 5 more minutes before the ring bell. Willow turned to look at the brunette boy.
“Xander?”
“Yes.”
“Didn’t you have to see Miss Tam about that paper you didn’t do?”
“My dog ate it.”
“You don’t have a dog.”
“Did you tell her that?” He asked, raising his eyebrows.
“Xander, the dog excuse no longer works in high school, you should know that.”
“My cat peed on it?” He asked, hopeful.
“Xander.” Willow just said, in her resolved tone.
“Ok. I’m on it. See you.”
The boy got up and left for his teacher’s classroom. Willow looked at Buffy who still looked daydreaming. The redhead smiled and moved to sit beside her best friend. Buffy looked at her as she did, just like she was, ‘waking up’.
“Ok, what’s wrong?”
Buffy frowned, not understanding.
“There’s something wrong with you. You’ve been away all day long. You didn’t even yell at Xander when he swapped his apple pie with your piece of chocolate cake at lunch.”
Willow’s tone was very light.
“Err, I wasn’t really hungry.”
“I noticed. So what’s wrong? You know you can tell me, right? I mean, if it’s about Angel and all. I thought that we could talk about things, you know. No secrets, err.”
Buffy immediately replied, “No, no, yes I mean, there’s nothing. I mean. No secrets err.” Buffy rubbed her forehead. Willow could tell she was very troubled.
“It’s about Faith, right?”
Buffy looked her straight in the eye before looking aside and then she said, “There’s really nothing. I know you and Faith-“
“Hold on, Buffy. If someone has a problem with Faith here, it’s you, not me. I’m over that phase so please don’t use me as an excuse to NOT say what’s bothering you, K?”
Buffy smiled at her friend’s smart and true statement. But then she looked embarrassed again.
“Is something wrong with Faith?... And you?”
“No it’s, it’s complicated. And a little hard to understand.”
“I can try. But I sure can’t if you don’t tell me.”
“I did something, I-I no, I didn’t I mean... something happened that... shouldn’t have. I mean, I don’t know.” Buffy’s words were coming out with difficulty.
Willow cautiously squeezed her friend’s hand, “You know you can tell me everything. I won’t run away. You’re my best friend, ok?”
Buffy smiled and admitted, “We... we kissed.” She was waiting fearfully for Willow’s reaction to that. The redhead remained calm and even smiled at the slayer,
“Well, I thought it had already happened. I’m glad to know that I really am in the secret since it only just did.”
Buffy was a little lost, “Err, hum, I- what? I mean. Huh?”
“Honestly, Buffy, I... I’ve been watching you, you and Faith, every time we were together and there’s just... something about you two.”
Buffy frowned and looked in front of her, “No, we’re just friends, there’s nothing, it was just an accident.”
“You crashing your mom’s car trying to find out what was going on with these chocolate bars; that, is what I call an accident. Kissing someone; NOT. And anyway, accident if you say so, but I stick to my ‘you and her, definitely something different’ feeling. The way you care about each other. The way you look at each other. Just... the way you are.”
Buffy was a little embarrassed.
“But I-.” She stopped, at words loss. She couldn’t honestly say the contrary.
Willow wondered,
“What is bothering you in all that?”
“I don’t know, I mean. Wow, I didn’t realize... Does it show that much?”
“What? That you care about her? It does yes, but not *that* much if that’s what you’re afraid of. I know you, so... And well, actually I started wondering after I got over my ‘jealous phase’ over her. You know when I couldn’t help but think that she was ‘stealing my best friend’ and you had replaced me with her cause of the slaying and all. But then you and I talk and it already looked different, then we spent that afternoon together, and then, it’s like I really began to understand, cause I didn’t feel this ‘stolen friendship’ at all cause really... your relationship isn’t that at all. So I guess, instinctively I felt this difference in our relationships.”
Buffy looked very thoughtful, “It’s weird cause I- I didn’t realize I wasn’t considering her the same way I do for you or Xander before today. And you guys are my best friends so... You’re right, it’s not friendship... But I... I couldn’t tell what it is.”
Willow raised her eyebrows explicitly.
“No, no it’s not. Last night was... when it happened, I mean. We’ve both been through a lot over the last months, she mostly, me I’m getting better but still... And I think, with the closeness and somehow neediness of both of us, it got a little out of control, but then we stopped and agreed that it was... an accident.”
“Just one question, Buffy.”
Buffy nodded fearfully though.
“Was it like an ‘urgent kiss’? Meaning; very quick, lips crashing and then very fast pulling away since it is an accident?” Willow said, with a little emphasis on the last words.
Buffy looked hesitant, “Err, no it was,” she absolutely couldn’t help taking a deeper breath as she recalled her and Faith’s kiss. Willow giggled.
“Definitely not an accident, or a ‘got out of control thing’. Honestly Buffy, I think it seethed. Now, do you know what you really feel for her?”
Buffy sighed, “As if my life wasn’t complicated enough.” She inhaled deeply, “Honestly, I couldn’t tell, Will.”
Willow gave her a compassionate smile. Buffy turned to look at her, “Promise you won’t tell the guys?”
“You know me, Buffy. I haven’t even discussed this with Oz though I’ve been wondering for a while, you know.”
“Thank you. It’s just, it’s complicated. First Angel and all that... blood between us... Now, Faith, a girl, slayer, pregnant.... I just... I prefer that this talk stay between us as long as there’s nothing to really say, you know.”
“You know you can count on me.”
Buffy nodded. Willow asked her, “What are you gonna do about it? I mean, how are you going to act with each other, what're you gonna say?”
“Nothing. Honestly there’s really no room for more confusions right now. So I think we’ll both kind of erase it... for now at least.”
Willow nodded, “Anyway, if you need to talk...”
“Thanks Will. You’re the best.”
“I already know that.”
They both got up as the bell rang.
PART 10
A couple days went by. The atmosphere remained the same between all of them. That is; rather friendly. Buffy and Faith acted as close as before the kiss (but not more), just like it didn’t matter as it was just ‘an accident’.
Faith was going less and less in patrol with Buffy, to the older slayer’s relief because she was worried for her, so Faith promised she would only go once and a while, and ONLY with Buffy, never on her own anymore. With that promise she managed to get Buffy to stop harassing her about it.
Buffy came back late from a hard patrol and went directly to bed.
She had to go to the
bathroom during the night. As she walked through the corridor, she
heard noises from outside of Faith’s door. She moved closer to
it, afraid the brunette might be having another nightmare but she
very fast understood the reason for these sounds. The brunette slayer
was only pleasuring herself. Moaning and breathing heavily. Buffy
soon realized she didn’t only hear the brunette’s heavy
breathing but hers as well as it had increased considerably since she
first understood what was going on inside the room. Buffy swallowed,
she felt her nipples harden at the images forming in her head of what
was going on. She couldn’t believe how turned on she got at
these thoughts. She swallowed again and walked away.
She tossed
and turned in her bed after that, unable to find sleep again…
She was too turned on and confused about it… She fought back
the urge to masturbate… But eventually surrendered to it, and
then fell back asleep… thoughts of Faith in mind…
~~
A few more days went by. The slayers were a little more quiet than usual with each other but never uncomfortable. Faith was the quietest one. Quieter than before the ‘accident’ happened but she never seemed sad or upset in presence of Buffy. They were still very tender and caring about each other. It remained the same on that level so Buffy figured everything was alright about the ‘accident’.
They were having dinner, along with Joyce. The atmosphere was rather relaxed so Joyce took the opportunity to start a more serious topic.
“I found a family,”
The two slayers, suddenly quiet, looked at the older woman, as she went on, “for the baby. They’re a couple, he’s 32, she’s 28, and they’ve been married for 6 years. They’re trying to have a baby but they’ve been unsuccessful so far, though nothing’s medically wrong. Anyway, they’ve considered adopting since quite some time now.”
Buffy looked at Faith. The brunette slayer was silent. She looked terribly thoughtful but Buffy knew she would share none of these thoughts. She hated not knowing what was going through the brunette’s mind right now.
“We’re meeting them this Saturday afternoon.” Joyce added.
Faith put her fork on the table, rather loudly, “Just like that? Good thing you told me about it, Joyce.”
“I’m telling you now, Faith.”
“After it’s all already decided, thank you very much.” Faith harshly said.
“Nothing is decided, Faith. We’re just gonna meet these persons. What else do you propose anyway?”
Faith crossed her arms on her chest. Joyce went on with the same tone, “You’re more than 6 months pregnant, Faith. We have to take care of things NOW.”
Faith remained silent. Buffy didn’t know what to say.
“We’ll meet them at 3. We just talk with them a little and see what happens, nothing more. But in the end, you’ll have to make a decision eventually.”
Faith got up, “I’m tired.”
“But you didn’t finish eating.” Buffy said, with a hopeful tone the brunette will stay.
“I’m not hungry anymore.” Faith’s tone wasn’t really nice. Buffy tried to reach her hand,
“Faith, I-“
“Don’t, Buffy. Leave me alone, please.”
Faith walked away.
Joyce sighed, Buffy looked sad.
“Why did you do that?”
“I thought you would back me up on this, Buffy.”
“You should have told her first.”
“I just did. I didn’t think it would be such a big deal that I already took the appointment. We had discussed this already. She knew it would happen eventually. I thought Faith was over her ‘I wanna stay in control’ issue. It seems to be the best solution so I don’t care about her swing of moods, Buffy. Someone needs to see the big picture.”
“Maybe you’re far away from the big picture mom.”
“What do you mean?”
“Maybe she… maybe she wants to keep it.”
“You know she doesn’t, Buffy.”
“That’s what she says but I’ve seen her; the other day she was touching her belly. I think the baby was moving or something and she looked… amazed, ok, maybe not amazed but… thoughtful about it, in a good way, I’d say.”
“You’d say huh?”
Buffy looked down at the table and Joyce went on, “Well, let me tell you about her desire to keep it; early this week I scolded her, AGAIN, for carrying a really heavy box, AGAIN and-“
“We’re slayers, mom.”
“The kind of box you carry with a Fenwick, Buffy. And it hit her stomach quite roughly as she took it without any care for her state. The only thing she came up with was asking me if "I was afraid this might make *it* get out of her earlier?” I nodded, and she gave me a really explicit smile, Buffy, before lifting it again from the ground, trying to make up for it then by saying she just wanted to save me the money of renting the Fenwick. But her eyes didn’t lie, Buffy.”
Buffy remained silent.
“Besides, honestly, I really wouldn’t want her to keep it. Don’t look at me like that, Buffy. What does she have to offer a child? You’re going to College, you’re gonna have another life aside from the slaying. She doesn’t even want that. Her life only starts after dark, Buffy. And on all kinds of levels. You’re not gonna change her on that and you know that.”
“That’s nice to know what you really think of her, mom.” Buffy got up but Joyce went on,
“I may sound a little harsh today but you know I do like her. I just need you to realize the situation and stop dreaming a little.”
“Nice to know what you think of me too.”
“Buffy. Buffy come back!” Joyce sighed as Buffy was already upstairs.
~
The blonde slayer knocked at Faith’s door. She heard a sigh but she entered.
“Faith, can I talk to you.”
“Well, I’d say no, but you’re still gonna open your chatty mouth so…”
“Come on, don’t take it like that.”
“Whatever.”
“She just tries to do what’s best for you.”
“You’re down with her?”
“Don’t you start with that too? I’m not on either side because there’s no side to be on, ok?”
Faith sighed and Buffy went on, “She should have told you before taking the appointment, I agree with you. But on the other side I’m pretty sure even if she had you would have found something else to get pissed off about. I know you, Faith.”
“You sure you do?”
Buffy sat on the bed, “I think you’re not as thrilled to get rid of this baby as you say.”
“And you say
you know me?” Faith went on,
“Well then, look at me
in the eyes, Buffy. I don’t give a fuck about what happens to
that thing. I just don’t like being a puppet in my own life.”
Buffy swallowed at Faith’s cold gaze as she’d told her this, calmly, and truthfully. Buffy looked aside.
“How do you know me now, B.?”
Buffy got up and left the room. She couldn’t find any words to say.
“Good night.” Faith dryly said. Buffy didn’t reply, she felt a little dazed and disappointed but she couldn’t help thinking the brunette, even unconsciously, didn’t mean these words.
Faith sighed and then
let her head fall backwards against the wall. She put her hands to
her face. Then she looked at her stomach while shaking her head,
troubled…
She then took deep breaths to calm herself down
because she hated feeling these rushes of rage. She hadn’t had
much of these since she’d been living at the Summers’,
and she hated it cause she knew how she was when she was pissed off;
she didn’t think straight and often said things she regretted,
but being the person she was, she would rarely apologize or say she
didn’t mean it cause she knew most of the time she really meant
it, but usually other things got in the way that would make her not
say it.
Faith knew it was the worse of her showing up when she was mad and she hated showing that side of her to Buffy. It seemed to her that Buffy was there, on purpose, when Faith got like this. There to ‘absorb’ the words like a punching ball would absorb Faith’s unleashing blows. To take it all away from Faith. This darkness, this madness somehow, was part of who Faith was and she hated to think that Buffy thought of it probably as just ‘angry moments’ because Faith knew the rage came from deep inside of her, and she hated that. Hated that she wasn’t like Buffy, as she thought. Because despite her will, Faith still couldn’t think of herself as a ‘good person’ so she couldn’t help acting that way, making sure people saw her the way she thought of herself. And with Buffy… she couldn’t hide and somehow that fact disturbed her a lot and she reacted to it the only way she knew of; aggressively.
~~
Buffy remained thoughtful all night long as she tried to find sleep. Faith was already gone when she woke up the next morning and for the next two days she avoided the blonde girl. Buffy knew she didn’t have a choice and didn’t try to talk to her.
~~
Buffy was pacing down the living room as she waited for her mother and sister slayer to come back from their appointment with the ‘possible-parents’. Buffy, despite the urgent desire to go with them, hadn’t asked because she knew she wasn’t allowed. In Faith’s mind she wasn’t. She couldn’t help but feel that the brunette slayer was trying to cut herself again. Whenever she was with Buffy she acted like it wasn’t there. It, being the baby. She acted like everything was normal. Like she didn’t want to show it. She sure was getting more and more reluctant to talk about it the more obvious her pregnancy was getting to everyone’s eyes.
Buffy got out of her reverie as the 2 women arrived. Since she was in her thoughts she hadn’t heard the car pulling out but she’d heard the slamming of its door. Never a good sign.
“I told you, I just don’t like them.”
“And I told you this isn’t a response.”
“This is mine.”
Faith headed rapidly to the living room and slumped on the couch. Arms crossed on her chest. Then she noticed Buffy staring at her on the side while Joyce arrived,
“You’re just impossible, Faith. Do you know that?”
Faith got up, “It wasn’t my idea in case you didn’t notice.”
Joyce frowned.
“Getting me here; in this house; seeing these people; Hell, keeping that thing! You forced me to, Joyce, so don’t say it’s my fault now!”
Faith stormed outside, by the kitchen’s door. And she stood there, taking deep breath to calm down, from what Buffy could tell. She turned to look at her mother who frowned.
“I don’t know what to do with her anymore, Buffy. There’s just ‘no getting through’ to her.” Joyce sighed and headed upstairs. Buffy sighed too and headed to the kitchen’s door.
Faith had sat on the swing seat by the time. Buffy sat beside her, quietly. She took her hand in hers but Faith pulled it away, not harshly though.
“Don’t.”
“I’m not doing anything.”
Faith sighed heavily then took deep breath as to prevent some threatening tears from coming.
“It’s gonna be-“
Faith choked in a half laugh while tears finally fell. She stared at Buffy with a sharp expression, “Go ahead, tell me everything’s gonna be fine.”
Buffy swallowed.
Faith looked in front of her. Buffy reached out to touch her face, “I just… I can help you, Faith. Let me help you.”
Faith stared at her. Their faces were inches apart.
“Yeah? Well, what is it you’re gonna do Buffy that’s gonna make it all better, Huh?”
Buffy’s heart
was playing drums in her chest. Her mind was blank of thoughts and
she knew, in her heart and body, that her only desire at this moment
was to kiss the brunette. More tears fell from Faith’s face,
and her look let no doubt to Buffy that she knew of these thoughts…
and that she probably shared the same.
But that wasn’t
gonna happen. Faith looked aside and Buffy pulled back her hands to
rest on her lap. As if it could help…. not wanting that so
much.
“There’s nothing you can do… that can help with this, Buffy.” Faith told her as she got up, “So just leave me alone. It’s best if we let it here.”
**Let what here?**
Buffy thought but she knew… And she was mad because…
none of it was helping. She didn’t know how to help her anymore
because she was thinking about her so much… Too much.
Her
mother was right somehow and Buffy didn’t want that. She didn’t
want to lose touch with Faith, but she knew the younger slayer, who
once began to really let her in, was now getting harder and harder to
even let her catch ‘a glimpse’ of what was going
on in her mind. How did this happen? Was it because of what they did?
It was a simple kiss. They’d been clear, it was just an
accident. And that they would just get over it. Buffy told Willow
they would.
**Maybe I should have told ‘her’… It was ‘us’ and I took it out of the ‘us’. She has no one… She had me but now… She thinks she doesn’t. God where did I go wrong? We had to let it slid because… what else could we do? Now is really not the time to… To what? What was it? What happened? What happened to us? To me?**
Buffy shook her head. She was confused, sad and felt the beginning of a headache. She went back inside. There was nothing she could do right now.
~~
Buffy slowed her pace as she walked by her mother’s bedroom, as to not wake her up. She entered her own room and was back pacing nervously. It was past midnight. She’d been to the bronze, searching for the brunette girl. She’d been half relieved to not find her there with some random guy but then her worries had very fast come back.
She’d tried her
best not to go out and look for Faith in the first place but she
couldn’t, and at 10.30 it got the best of her and she had gone
out to seek for her.
After the bronze, she’d tried a few
patrolling spots but no luck either.
Faith’s clothes were still there. But then, the brunette didn’t attach much importance to her belongings. She could have left town without anything.
**Or maybe she didn’t, but then, where was she?**
Buffy was even more worried now.
The phone rang. She immediately jumped on it. Both to prevent her mother from waking up and in hope that it was Faith on the other end.
“Faith w- Angel? Why are- What?! How bad? You sure? I’m coming. No I am NOT waiting for the morning. Yes. I’ll be here soon, just watch her.”
Buffy hung up the phone and headed outside quickly.
PART 11
Buffy hung up the phone and headed straight out of the house, to Angel’s mansion.
She hadn’t seen the souled vampire for a long while now. She didn’t even know if he was still in town. She realized after hearing his voice that she hadn’t given it a lots of thoughts actually.
Now she was heading to his place, to see her . Faith was there. Faith was injured, that’s all she knew. She was gonna be alright, that, he'd said too. But Buffy’s worries wouldn’t cease at this. She needed to see her actually alright to believe it. And alright was not something she could expect Faith to be, these days.
Buffy pulled open the curtain very fast and rushed towards the vampire’s bed, on which he’d laid the injured slayer.
“Buffy I-“
“Faith,” Buffy rushed to her, cutting him without a look.
“Buffy.” Faith said in a low voice before burying herself in the older slayer’s arms. She was crying. Buffy closed her eyes; trying to block the pain it caused her to see her like that.
Angel observed the whole scene in a slightly puzzled gaze.
“Buffy we-“
“Not now,
please.”
She said then returned her attention to the
shaking brunette in her arms.
“Sss, it’s ok. I’m here.”
She kissed her head while stroking her hair gently. Angel stepped backwards discreetly.
About an hour later he walked back in, still discreetly. Buffy looked up at him then back at Faith. Angel stared for a while. Buffy was sitting against the headboard. And Faith was curled up in a ball, her head on Buffy’s lap. The blonde slayer’s hand caressing her face tenderly while her other hand rested protectively on her shoulder.
Angel sat softly on the bed, across Buffy.
“Can you tell me what’s happening?”
“I don’t know. Well, you’ve seen her state. As you can guess she has a hard time to deal with it.”
“I’m not really talking about her medical state. I’m mostly talking about this .” He said pointing out her hand caressing the brunette gently. Buffy’s gaze shied away but he went on, in a serious, yet not hard gaze.
“She was crying, crying your name. If she hadn’t been knocked out the way she was, plus the drinking, I don’t know how I would have manage to calm her, Buffy. All she could do was ‘wanting you here’ , she didn’t say it but she wouldn’t calm down otherwise. And now, your hands and your gaze on her… What’s really going on, Buffy?”
“I don’t. I don’t know what I can tell you, Angel. Even if I did, I’m not sure I’d want to tell it to you.”
She didn’t sound mean, she was honest. He looked at the floor. She changed the subject,
“What happened? How did you find her?”
“I was fighting some demon in Magnolia’s cemetery when I heard a racket from outside of it. I killed my demon and headed there. A vamp had already knocked her to the ground and another one just kicked her in the stomach,” Buffy froze as she looked at Faith’s abdomen. Angel put his hand on hers, “I think the baby’s fine. I felt him move, the kick was a little more up, towards her chest. It mostly cut her breath.” He removed his hand as it felt awkward then, and went on, “A third one was about to bite her when I was finally on them. I dusted two and the third one got away. She tried to get up but I guess, even without the bruises she wouldn’t have been able to stand up.”
Buffy knew Angel didn’t lie. She could smell the alcohol in the entire room so much Faith had drank of it.
“I was at the bronze earlier, looking for her, I didn’t see her.” Buffy sounded guilty.
“She wasn’t there, Buffy. Nothing from what they sell there would be enough to knock a slayer down that way. Most probably she went to the grocery or something and bought some bottles then wandered around.”
Buffy sighed and put her hands to her face.
Faith slightly grumbled. Though sleeping, her body somehow felt the absence of her sister slayer’s touch. Buffy let a short smile out as she caressed her face again, with a loving gaze. Then she looked up to see Angel’s stare, filled with curiosity, and wonder.
“I. I can’t. I don’t know, Angel. Please don’t ask me. Please.”
“I won’t.” He told her, and then gently smiled at her as he got up.
“I’ll be in the other room.”
She nodded and he stepped out.
Buffy looked back at Faith and kept on caressing her.
~~~
Faith woke up slowly. As she was doing so she could feel someone around her, close to her, touching her. She didn’t pull away brutally as she would have. She knew who it was. She could feel her presence all over her. She could smell her and she could recognize this touch amongst a thousands. Buffy.
They were both on their sides, face to face. The brunette’s head was on Buffy’s arm and the petite slayer’s other arm was on Faith’s waist, her hand was largely on Faith’s stomach. Faith could feel it. She could feel it warm her whole body. She could also feel *it* move in her stomach, just under Buffy’s hand, and that brought her back to reality. She meant to sit up straight but then it felt like a huge bat had just knocked her out and her head was back on the pillow. Buffy got woken up in the process and the rather loud ‘ouch’ Faith let out.
“Sobering up, huh?”
Faith opened her eyes to see the blonde girl, with a mocking smile, looking at her.
“That’s right, have fun.”
Buffy slightly smiled. Faith then stared at her. Buffy realized she hadn’t released her grip on the other slayer. She still didn’t do it. Faith moved her hand above Buffy’s one on her stomach. And Buffy turned her hand the other side to squeeze Faith’s one. “I felt it move. The baby’s alright.” She said as if to reassure Faith but the brunette sat up straight there.
“Like I care.”
“Is that why you did this? You’re trying to get rid of it that way.”
“Don’t be stupid. Besides, I didn’t do anything specific. I was just patrolling, that’s all. I got surprised. Hell, even you died once. Can’t I make a mistake some times too?!”
“Not when it’s on purpose.”
“I told you. I wasn’t trying to do anything. I just...” She trailed off.
“Wanted to forget, right? By drinking enough to get into a coma or something. Well it WAS almost something; it was almost death, Faith.”
“Come on, B. Don’t be-“
“What is wrong with you?!”
“Hey!” Faith yelled back as Buffy shook her by the shoulders. But she froze as she saw Buffy’s tears.
“You don’t care at all that people care about you. It’s always you and you! You don’t care that I-” Buffy paused, swallowed and went on, “I don’t want you to die, Faith. Maybe you don’t care, but I do.”
Buffy got up, a resolved face on, “And damn I’m not about to give up. Even if I have to tie you up on your bed, you’ll get through this, ALIVE. God dammit!” Her fists were on her hips and she was staring at Faith, hardly. Faith was a little surprised at first then slowly and unwillingly she let out a smile and soon a slight laugh. She couldn’t help it. Buffy turned a little red in fake anger.
“What’s so funny? I wasn’t joking. Faith!” She exclaimed. Faith burst out laughing. Buffy tried to remain serious but soon couldn’t help smiling too.
“Ok, I give up.” She sat again beside the brunette.
“No, no please don’t,” Faith said, still smiling, “you’re too cute when you take charge.”
She cleared her throat, “I mean, you’re too funny. Yeah, funny.”
“Funny huh? You’re lucky missy, because if it wasn’t for these big bruises on your chest and lips I would tickle you to death. I’ll show you funny .”
They both stared at each other for a while, silently.
“I’m sorry.” Faith said after a while.
“It’s ok. I’m used to it now.” Buffy realized it probably wasn’t the best thing to say so she went on, “I mean-”
“T’s ok. I know I screw up, all the time. That’s what my mom used to tell me. I know she’s right.”
“No she’s not. She’s the one who screwed up. What I really meant was, well, I’m glad Angel was there. If anything had happened to you…" Buffy couldn’t even come up with a reaction at that thought.
“I’m alright.” Faith told her as she caressed her cheeks, Buffy buried her face in the brunette’s hand.
“I got so scared.”
Their breath had slightly increased.
Faith stared at her, unable to remove her hand.
“I don’t see my life without you in it, Faith. And don’t ask me to explain this… I can’t. But please, stay with me.”
Faith felt her heart crumple under the emotions. She was also slightly taken aback by that. Not sure what it meant, not sure it should mean something. She whispered, “I hope you know, Buffy,” The blonde looked up at her, “that I’m going on… because you’re there. Cause honestly,” the brunette gave a short gaze aside with a resigned look, “nothing means anything without you. Nothing.”
Faith looked at the bed, “And I’m scared, Buffy.”
“Sss,” Buffy said as she took the brunette in her arms and held her tight. She was crying too.
Angel came in at that moment.
“Everything alright?”
“Yes, yes thank you, Angel.” Buffy said with a voice full of gratitude. Faith gave him a shy gaze, “Yeah, thanks.” Before looking aside slightly ashamed.
“It was nothing. I'm glad you’re alright.”
Buffy got up, “Yes she is. We are. I’m bringing her home now. She needs to rest.”
He nodded. She took Faith’s hand and gently squeezed Angel’s arm as she passed by him to head out with the brunette slayer.
Angel watched them walked away from him, hand in hand. Walk away in the bright sunlight; he slightly smiled.
~~
“Buffy? Buffy is that you? What’s going on?!” Joyce asked, putting her dressing gown around her while going downstairs to meet her daughter, holding on a weak Faith. The sun was barely rising.
“It’s alright, mom.”
“Where were you? I thought you were both still sleeping. Buffy has she been drinking? Faith?!” Joyce was getting a little mad.
“Please mom, now is not the time.”
“Now is the perfect time and she’s going to listen to me.”
“Mom, she just needs-“
“Buffy, it’s ok.” Faith told her, she slightly straightened up and looked at Joyce, “I’m sorry, Joyce. I messed up.”
Joyce looked sad and bothered, “I know it’s hard, Faith, but you can’t just take off and get drunk every time things don’t go the way you want.”
“I know.” Faith’s voice was very low, “And I won’t do it again. I’ll do whatever you tell me to. I mean, if you, well, I guess with what I told them I doubt the Stuarts will want any piece of me in their house now but hum, if we have to meet other families then, I’ll just go with it. I’m sorry about today, well, yesterday.”
Joyce nodded, “Alright. I’ll see what I can do for the Stuarts, but they are not the only options, you know that. So don’t worry.”
Faith nodded.
“This is for your best.” Added the older Summers. Faith nodded again in a reconciled way and walked upstairs. Buffy didn’t like any talk involving letting go of the baby but she didn’t intervene, she knew she couldn’t say anything. As much as she wanted to, it wasn’t her body. And she wasn’t in Faith’s shoe. She couldn't stand the fact that Faith still felt extremely unhappy, no matter what was done.
She followed her to her room and helped her to the bed, getting her rid of her jacket, pants and shoes.
She sat beside her on the bed, caressed her forehead softly, Faith looked so fatigued. Buffy bent forward and kissed her on the forehead. They stared at each other and Buffy gave her a soft kiss on the lips then.
They both didn’t say anything.
“I’ll let you sleep now.”
Faith nodded silently.
It was getting harder
and harder for both girls to part from each other, mostly at bedtime.
Faith had real hard times to find sleep when Buffy wasn’t
around. She knew it, Buffy knew it. And Buffy felt the same. They
couldn’t fight this fact. It just WAS.
So Buffy thought
she’d better not make it a habit of staying into each other’s
bedroom, and Faith, didn’t say anything either, knowing that
much too well too.
PART 12
A couple days went by. Faith kept helping Joyce at the gallery. She was being more careful though. And sometimes she joined the others at the library after school mostly.
It was actually the
best times she had when she joined the gang there. After having felt
so reluctant to let them know at first, she was now glad she did.
They always seemed to make her feel good. She found herself always
feeling better after seeing them than before…
And there
was Buffy. She never thought she would think that one day, but every
moment spent with the blonde girl was a good moment… Better
than good most of the time.
She’d found herself relying on
the other slayer a lot. And she wasn’t even denying it or
hiding it anymore. She knew she just did. And Buffy was there, just
how she needed her, talking when she felt she should, and silent when
she could feel Faith needed quiet times… But she was there
nonetheless…
~~
It was the afternoon, Joyce had suggested she go back home to rest but Faith didn’t feel tired at all so she joined the others at the library once again.
It was the afternoon break for them. They were all gathered there and talking, laughing even, when the library’s door opened and three girls came in; Cordelia, Harmony and Anita.
They walked in towards Giles’ desk, giving them some arrogant look until Anita frowned and walked closer. A somewhat appalled frown on her face, “Not that I should be surprised.” She said, staring straight at Faith.
Cordelia walked closer too, followed by Harmony who stared at the brunette slayer with wide eyes…
“Yep.” Cordelia just said.
“Did you want something?” Giles asked, interrupting their stare as he saw Buffy getting up with an angry gaze. Faith was surprisingly quiet. She even seemed... ashamed. Well, they all knew she felt bad enough about her state to be easily shaken by any comment related to it.
“You know what is worse with people like you?”
“I think you’d better get out of here before I get less polite.” Buffy told Anita.
“You? Polite? You’re barely better than her. People like you don’t care about nothing but themselves. You don’t even care whose life is gonna be wasted because of you’re carefree attitude. Poor baby. Single mother, no diplomas, no jobs, no money, you’ll most likely end up abandoning this child in a trashcan.”
Buffy’s hand was stopped just in time before it reached Anita’s face. It was Xander who stopped her, as he’d gotten up in his turn.
“Sorry, Buff. Can’t let you give Snyder the excuse he’s waiting for, not for her,” He said, looking at Anita scornfully, then added, “she’s not even worth it.”
Anita was about to speak but he wasn’t done, “You don’t know the first thing about Faith. And besides, what makes you think that she’ll be a single mother?”
His tone was so confident that even Faith had to think about it. Cordelia looked stunned. So did Harmony and Anita for a while. Then the girl moved aside, “Again, not surprised, it takes a loser like you to do something like that. Aren’t you glad you saw through him before that, Cordelia?”
The brunette slightly nodded but didn’t speak. She swallowed hard as she looked at Xander, who still looked very self-confident. She just walked backwards.
“Freaks.” Anita said before leaving with Harmony.
The others all turned to look at Xander.
“What was that?” Faith asked.
“What are you playing at, Xander?” Buffy added.
“It’s ok, I know what I’m doing. Why not, anyway? They will leave her alone that way.”
Faith got up, “Listen, Xander. I know you’re trying to help but this isn’t the solution, ok?”
“It could be.” They all felt his seriousness.
“Are we still talking about pretending you’re the father?”
“Well, it depends; will I get punch in the face if I say no?” He said, trying to lighten her up, quickly adding, “Ok, I know what you’re thinking and-“
“No, you don’t. You like to play the white knight and I know you’re sincere but you don’t really get what you’re implying there. This is not a charge you have one day and say the Hell with it the next one.”
“I know that, Faith. And I mean what I say. I know I can do that. I like you and I’m sure-“
“I don’t.” Faith said quite abruptly before going on, “I do like you, Xander, but I don’t want a man, I don’t want a boyfriend, a father. I don’t even want this baby! I like you all but I AM NOT keeping this… thing. You’d better get this now! It’s not a question of having someone to help me with it. I don’t want it… So next time you wanna help, please don’t.” Faith walked away with a resigned shake of the head.
Xander stood still. Willow swallowed and Buffy got up.
“You’re a friend, Xander. All of you. You’ve been wonderful to her these past weeks and she really likes you, she does. But she ‘screwed up’, as she says so,” Buffy reluctantly used the brunette slayer’s words, “and she knows she created something big that can’t be undone and that does have life long repercussions, for her and mostly for the baby. She is well aware of that. So to her you’re just basically throwing your life away when you have so many choices in front of you, and that makes her feel extremely bad. This is what she thinks of her situation and we can’t change that, as much as it costs me to admit it. So as well-intentioned as it was, this was somehow, a stupid offer. And not any I wanna hear of anymore.”
Buffy left the library in her turn.
“Hey, Faith, wait for me.”
Faith stopped. Buffy was glad she didn’t give her one of her nasty ‘now’s one of those times I need to be alone’ gaze. Instead the brunette slayer looked rather upset.
“Faith. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s not your fault.”
“Xander only meant-“
“I know, I know. I don’t blame him. I’m sorry. I’ve been hard with him, I just. That bitch made me feel,”
“I know,” Buffy said, squeezing the brunette’s arm before going on, “But SHE’s the wrong one. She doesn’t even deserve our attention. I know, easier said than done but it’s true though.”
“She’s not that wrong.”
“Yes she is because Xander’s right. She doesn’t know the first thing about you and she has no right to say anything. NO ONE DOES. I know who you truly are and that pisses me off royally that she dared saying stuff like that to you, when I know what you’re going through. Same for Xander and that’s why he kind of… He’s impulsive when it comes to friends.”
Faith still looked sad though Buffy’s words comforted her.
“With the way I reacted I’m not sure he’ll see me as a friend anymore.”
“I think you know him better than that now. Xander’s the friend for life kinda guy. He’s ready to stand up for you; he’ll do it again if he has to.”
“But the thing is, he should not, I mean,”
“I know what you mean. And I think I understand. That I like it or not doesn’t matter. It is your choice and we have nothing to do or say about it… I-… It took me a long time to realize that but… I understand. The guys they, they like happy endings, you know… So they try to make it that way every time… But I know, it’s not always like that. I know now.”
The two slayers looked at each other for a long while. They were holding hands and very close to each other.
“Don’t you wanna come back in there, with me?”
“I’d like to but err, I think it’s better if I don’t.”
“They will understand. I’ll talk to Xander.”
“I know. It’s just, if Anita comes back… I didn’t say anything cause she made me feel bad, and with these hormones things I spend more time crying and feeling sorry for myself than kicking it out of my system by a good kick, you know. But if that were to change, it’d be safer that she does not stand on my path then.”
Buffy smiled at her, “I get it. Look, I’ll let you go home and I’ll be there straight after school and we’ll eat a pizza in my room what do you say?”
“Make it two for the pizzs. I’m starved!”
Faith winked and walked away. Buffy smiled and went back to the library. She talked with the others a little. Xander told her it was fine. He understood. He didn’t mean bad which he knew both girls knew already. It made him crazy that she was going through this alone. He understood what Buffy told him but he still wished things could be as simpler as what he’d offered. To him it was simple, ‘Faith was alone, he could help with that and make it better’, or so he thought. Yes, happy endings, he’d really like to see one of these happen to his friends or to him someday…
They went on with the rest of their classes then went back home.
The atmosphere
remained really good amongst all of them; the little ‘Anita
incident’ didn’t change anything, except that Faith
really avoided meeting them there now. She avoided showing up at
school at all.
It made things a little harder for them to gather
together for more than a few minutes. Faith spent the most time with
Buffy, and Willow as well sometimes. They all went to the cinema a
couple of times together but with the exams, the final year’s
tension and all the paper work and choices they had to make these
days, they didn’t have that much time.
Buffy was trying her best but with day life at school and night life in the cemeteries, she didn’t have as much time as she wished she could give the other slayer.
Faith looked very well to everyone but Buffy knew better. The brunette pretended it was fine when she could barely be at the gallery now. She barely went out actually. Buffy knew she was missing everything, slaying, partying, walking through town as simple as it may seem. She used to be so… free. But, almost 7 months and a half now. She refused to go to the bronze cause it showed too much and she couldn’t deal with ‘people’ gazes on her. She still couldn’t. The scoobies were one thing, the world was another. So she was rarely going out of the house now.
Buffy was well aware of that and shared this with the others who came up with an idea; organizing a party at the Summers’ house, with just all of them. Good music, good food, good friends… What more could they need?
Joyce was in L.A. for the weekend, for an art gallery convention, though she was aware of the party. She’d agreed to it prior to her departure so there was nothing to spoil the fun. Giles even showed up, he stayed about 2 hours then let ‘the kids’ together. And the party went even louder.
Faith was swirling and dancing around. She seemed unleashed. Buffy couldn’t help laughing at her, in a nice, appreciating way.
Xander had brought
Anya with him, despite Willow’s disagreement. He’d seen
her a couple of times lately. Faith didn’t know her but she
hadn’t felt embarrassed in front of her. Hell, the girl was a
definition for weird. And she ended up being one of the most ‘crazy
ones’ at the party, with Faith of course. They were
dancing, the three of them. Faith was glancing there and then at
Buffy, as if checking that the blonde girl was still here. Buffy
always gave her a warm, knowing gaze each time.
She was leaning
against the chimney most of the time, beside Oz and Willow who were
in the couch talking to her. Her mind was half in the talk and half
on the dance floor with Faith. It seems to her that she was always
with Faith, no matter where she was or what she was doing. She
couldn’t help that feeling.
“Don’t you think? Buffy?”
“Huh, what? Yes, sure.” Buffy turned to look at the couple who was talking to her.
Oz slightly smiled at Buffy’s absent minded state and Willow moved closer to her best friend and whispered in her ear, “I think you should go there… with her, now.”
“I’m fine here and-“ Buffy stopped at her best friend’s explicit frown. The slayer took her scolding gaze, “Willow.” then she looked slightly embarrassed, and looked at Oz to check if he picked on anything. The werewolf pretended to be looking at the gadgets on the chimney.
Buffy looked back at the center of the living room, on ‘the improvised dance floor’ and couldn’t help a smile at the brunette staring at her from it, “Well, I think I’m gonna go dance for a while… but just because I haven’t done it yet. Need to stretch my legs. That’s all.” She said with a firm gaze at Willow who kept smiling at her, with a conspiracy look.
“Alright.”
Buffy joined them and was welcomed by Faith’s hand who dragged her closer to her, instead of behind Anya and Xander where she’d first started to dance. Buffy kept smiling and they all danced together for a while. Eating, drinking too, but not too much. Faith was ‘allowed’ to drink a glass of Champagne. She drank two actually but ‘she’s a slayer so one equals two’ as Anya said, Faith tried to push it at three but Buffy took the third one and drank it… Faith didn’t argue. The atmosphere was too great to let anything spoil it. And she and Buffy felt closer than ever.
~
They were now standing outside of the Summers house, close to Oz’s van as he was tonight’s driver again; bringing Willow, Xander and Anya home.
“Guys you’ve been… Thank you. Really, thank you.”
They could all hear the emotion in Faith’s voice.
Willow let a slight whimper out and went to hug the brunette slayer.
“You’re not going to cry, are you?” Anya told her date in a sharp, firm tone.
Xander just shook his head as if she didn’t even talk and he gave the slayer a slight hug too, “That was our pleasure.”
“And some party.” Oz added with a nodding frown.
“And nobody died!”
“We’re definitely improving.” Buffy said, completing Xander’s claim. They smiled and then got in the van.
Oz started his engine and left.
Faith sighed contentedly. She took a deep breath of fresh air and realized Buffy was staring at her. She looked at the floor almost shyly under Buffy’s ‘checking out’ gaze on her. Buffy reached her face to pull a lock of hair behind.
“There, I can see you now.”
Again with the shy smile. Both of them this time, as Buffy realized how she’d been looking at her.
“Thank you, Buffy. For doing this, you know.”
“I didn’t do anything.”
“Yeah right.”
“No seriously. Apart from asking mom if she was ok for having the party here, I didn’t do anything I swear. Willow and Xander did everything. Actually I think it’s Oz who came up with the idea of a party, and the guys just took care of everything, music, food and all. And well, Anya took care of the entertainment tonight as we’ve all noticed.”
Faith smiled, “She sure is a little strange but boy does she know how to have fun… I like her. I liked every part of this evening, every part.”
“Then I’m glad. This is all I wanted.”
Faith smiled at her and Buffy took her hand, “I think it’s time for you to go to bed though.”
“Hey, you’re my mother now?” Faith’s tone was playful and Buffy smiled, “Tonight was an extra but… well, you know.”
“I know I have to rest, but honestly B, I feel wicked awake right now. I could even go in patrol in fact if…”
“No, no…” Buffy shook her head at Faith’s attempt.
“Ok, no slaying for me tonight. I guess I’ll survive though.”
“Don’t be too sure, slayer.” Said a voice from behind them.
Buffy’s first instinct was to move forward to protect Faith. But there were four more vampires behind the first one and eventually she had to stop protecting her and actually fight. She let Faith managed with two of them while she fought the three others. She picked up a piece of wood from the ground and dusted the one coming at her then immediately threw the wooden piece at Faith, preferring that she has it.
Buffy knocked one of hers out while Faith, after a good fight dusted her two. She moved closer to Buffy who was struggling with her last one. She gave her back the improvised stake so that she could finish him. Dust. Buffy knelt on the ground and staked the knocked out one.
She rushed to Faith, “Are you ok?”
“I’m five by five B.” Faith sounded very enthusiastic, “Damn how I’ve missed that… Now I feel all excited and…” She stopped as her gaze met Buffy’s causing the blonde girl to look aside, with a slight blush of her cheeks as the same ‘feeling’ was going through her body.
Faith took a deep
breath, “That was just the cherry on the cake. Now I guess I
can… go to bed.”
She moistened her lips as they were
dry and Buffy had to look aside again.
“Yes, I guess it’s time.”
PART 13
They walked inside silently and headed upstairs. As much as they’d tried not to, they’d spent lots of nights together lately as Faith had been feeling slightly down these past days, hence tonight’s party. So Buffy had been reluctant to leave her alone. That’s why they almost automatically entered Faith’s room together…
“Damn it’s so hot in here.” Faith stretched her arms and opened the first buttons of the long white shirt she’d been wearing tonight, and she got rid of her pants. She then lied down on the bed, her head as well as her shoulders were up on two pillows.
Buffy had already lied down on it, on her side, propped on her elbow and she gulped as she could see one of Faith’s nipples due to the almost opened shirt.
“I guess I should, err, let you sleep.” Buffy meant to move and Faith frowned, “What’s wro- oh, I’m sorry.” Faith put the sides of her shirt closer, but did not button it back.
“I’m sorry; I’m just a little too hot.”
“Too hot,” Buffy whispered then shook her head, “But no, I mean, it’s nothing. Nothing I don’t have, I mean, you know what I mean, it’s just-I was. I think, it’s late, you know and,” Buffy stopped her babbling and remained quiet beside Faith who was also very silent now. Buffy swallowed, she couldn’t quit her stare off of the brunette’s body. Faith was still quiet; she was feeling overwhelmed by Buffy’s gaze on her. On her legs, on her belly, on her chest, on her face. The stare was so intense.
Buffy held out her hand and reached Faith’s tummy through two buttons, she gently brushed her fingertips on the burning skin and took it away. She looked at Faith, searching for any disagreement, any disgust, any ‘pushing away’ gesture but found none in the brunette’s gaze. She only saw need; a slight confusion maybe, but mostly need for her. Buffy swallowed and reached out to her again, upper this time, where the buttons were undone, and slowly, gently, Buffy’s caresses on the brunette’s stomach led to the shirt’s sides finally not covering the brunette’s breasts anymore. Buffy took a deep breath at the sight. Faith breathed in, a little anxiously. Buffy’s fingertips continued their gentle ‘brushing’ of Faith’s body as she moved her hand up to her breasts, right under one of them. She barely brushed against her nipple and moved her hand back down with a huge exhale. Her breathing was heavier than Faith’s. She undid another button and a second one of the remaining ones and it was enough for the shirt to slide on each side of Faith’s belly. Buffy looked in wonder for a good while before reaching the pregnant brunette’s round belly. She rested her hand on it and Faith closed her eyes, trying to slow her heart as it was pumping in her chest like it was going to explode.
Buffy’s hand then began to move down, towards the brunette’s crotch and she reached her panties. She shook her head and meant to remove her hand, “I’m sorry, I-I don’t know what I’m-“
“Please.”
Faith just told her as she grabbed her hand and laid it flat where it
was, holding it tightly, “Please.” She breathed out
again.
Her gaze filled with need for Buffy, for her tenderness,
for her desire, for her touches.
They were silently staring at each other then Buffy looked back at their hands. Faith led both hands under the hem of her panties and let Buffy do the rest of the way. The brunette exhaled a little louder at Buffy’s finger reaching her swollen mound. Buffy gulped, trying to block any confusing thoughts and she started to gently rub it, looking at the brunette’s face for ‘approval’ somehow. Faith closed her eyes and let a soft moan out so Buffy kept on, a little more confident somehow, though still lost as to what was happening.
She moved herself closer to Faith, propping herself on her elbow again on the brunette’s side. She bent her face closer until she reached the brunette’s neck. She placed a soft kiss on her pulse point. Faith moaned again. Buffy kissed her more properly at the same place before placing soft kisses along her collarbone. Faith moved her hand to Buffy’s hair and caressed her head and nape. Buffy’s face was still going down a little till she reached her breasts. She tentatively kissed Faith’s left one and got a moan from the brunette slayer so she did it again, spending more time on it this time. She began sucking on the brunette’s nipple and got another moan. She could also feel Faith’s pelvis clearly moving forward to meet her finger. And the brunette’s legs were definitely parting now.
Buffy moved her face closer to Faith’s one and slid a finger inside of her. Faith took Buffy’s face in her hands at this moment and they stared at each other, completely still for a short while then Faith pulled Buffy closer into a kiss and the blonde girl started a slow rhythm in and out of her. Their kiss lasted for long minutes. It was soft, slow, long-awaited since that first one weeks ago, and therefore, was fully enjoyed. They couldn’t pull from each other.
Faith moaned in Buffy’s mouth and they broke for air, only for a second as they were back kissing passionately again…
Faith’s breathing was getting more and more frantic and her grip on Buffy’s arm had become very tight. Buffy slowed the pace ever so slightly. She let the brunette’s mouth to kiss and lick her neck. Faith moaned rather loudly at the new sensation. Buffy kissed her mouth again. They seemed unable to pull away from each other’s face very long. Buffy slightly removed her finger from within Faith and instead, focused on the brunette’s clit with her thumb.
Faith squeezed her head at the first strokes.
“Buffy,” She exhaled. She was holding the blonde girl so tightly.
Buffy couldn’t help looking at her with wonder in her eyes; she could feel the brunette falling into a swirl of bliss, and she was the one bringing her to that edge; it felt almost as if she was falling into it with her… just by looking at her.
She couldn’t help kissing her again. Buffy’s thumb was rubbing the younger slayer’s clit very fast now and Faith’s moans had gotten louder. Buffy could feel her at the edge of her climax.
The brunette gasped in Buffy’s mouth as this one slid a finger inside of her again and wasted no time as she started pumping in and out at slayer’s speed. Her palm hitting hard on Faith’s clit with every thrust.
Faith cried out as she came, squeezing Buffy’s head and arm strongly.
It took her a few
seconds to be able to open her eyes and look at Buffy, who was
staring back, amazed.
They were both unable to speak and still
holding each other. Buffy’s finger still buried inside of
Faith’s core.
They felt confused but mostly a wave of overwhelming feelings invading their minds. They felt as if they’d been glued together somehow. Having to let go of the other, at this moment, felt undoable.
They couldn’t
understand… It felt too strong. The emotions, the need, the…
love.
They’d never felt such a bond with anyone.
Buffy
knew, she knew she’d never felt this with Angel, and she’d
loved him with all her heart, but she’d never felt ‘connected’
with him.
And right now, she could understand, she could see the
difference with Faith. It was innate; it was something deep inside of
them both… Something pulling them undeniably to each other.
Something they couldn’t fight. Something they shouldn’t
fight… They wouldn’t fight.
Buffy finally released her breath at the sight of a tear falling from the corner of Faith’s eye.
“Sss,” she whispered with a gentle smile, caressing the hair on the side of the brunette’s face…
She was still at words loss but at the same time, an inner piece, an inner calm had taken hold of her entire being. She bent forward and gently kissed the brunette’s lips. Faith wrapped her arms around her, holding her tighter and closer as she could.
They didn’t speak. They didn’t need words right now. They fell asleep in each other’s arms.
~~
Buffy woke up with a feeling of warmth surrounding her. Her eyes were close but she could feel it, she could feel her. Not only because the brunette was caressing her face at that moment, but simply because she thought for a minute she could hear her heartbeat…
Buffy opened her eyes. A slight fearful veil went through the brunette’s eyes but she didn’t look aside nor did she move away. What had happened that night, what she’d felt was too strong to shut it out. She just continued to caress Buffy’s face, and Buffy buried herself into her chest. Faith was on her side, she’d been like that for a while, watching Buffy sleeping. Her head resting on the brunette’s arm.
Buffy raised her hand
to the brunette’s face and gently brushed her fingertips
against the brunette’s lips. Faith kissed them as she took
Buffy’s fingers in hers and kissed the back of her hand, then
her palm, and then she began kissing the length of Buffy’s arm,
spending more time on her wrist and the crook of her elbow.
Buffy
tried to think, tried to understand but she was too lost in the
rapture of these moments with Faith.
As she made her way up to her shoulder, Faith moved slightly forward, as much as she could in her state, and therefore pulled the blonde girl’s body back on the mattress. She kissed her neck.
Buffy could feel her entire body reacting to her touches, to her presence around her…
She’d been
feeling this rush for months now, but hadn’t understood how
right it was. She’d been scared. Things were so complicated.
She’d been very aware of the ‘sexual tension’
between them. From the very beginning it had been there. It had
evolved through their growing friendship, but that’s how she’d
always thought of it, just a ‘sexual tension’,
either on the account of the slaying or to her non-sexual life with
Angel and then the break up, but the cause didn’t matter at the
time. In the end it was just something she had to control because she
had to; they had to because it was wrong. That’s how
she’d honestly thought about it for months.
Even if it had
become deeper, more ‘intense’ than ‘sexual’
over the last months and her and Faith’s growing familiarity
with each other; she still thought they would be making a mistake.
And she’d been even more scared lately than at the
beginning cause Faith had taken such a huge place in her life now
that she wouldn’t be able to handle screwing things up on that
level with her… She wouldn’t lose her, at no costs.
But last night happened… It happened… The first kiss had already been confusing and shaking her belief because she’d felt, deep inside of her, that it was right… But it couldn’t. She fought it, and Faith did too…
But last night changed it all in a way that she could not go back and she would definitely admit she didn't want to…
And now, Faith was kissing her neck. Her hand was gently roaming on the blonde girl’s stomach, under her top…
Faith looked at her, she caressed her face, “I don’t know what’s happening,”
Buffy put some locks away from the brunette’s face standing above hers… Faith swallowed, “but whatever it is, please, don’t take it away from me…”
Buffy swallowed hard,
and exhaled as well. The thought of ‘taking it away’
broke her heart just as much as the tone in Faith’s voice
showed it would break hers. Buffy pulled her face closer into a kiss…
Another long and passionate kiss.
Faith’s hand reached up one of Buffy’s breast and massaged it from above her bra, “Can I?” She whispered. Buffy smiled. Faith asking permission? For sex?
But then, she knew the brunette girl much more than this now… Faith had let her in, she’d let all the barriers down for her, she’d showed her all her insecurities, everything she’s hidden from everyone, but not from her…
She’d given her all of her… With last night and the love in her eyes now… Buffy knew it; ALL OF HER.
Buffy, still smiling warmly at her, sat up on the bed to remove her top and her bra and she lied down on the bed again, letting the brunette girl moved closer on her side, on top of her as much as she could with her pregnancy.
Faith was tracing circles on Buffy’s naked stomach with her fingertips.
Buffy shivered and Faith kissed her again. Her hand moved up to her breast and she gently teased the blonde girl’s nipple, enjoying the low moan of approval she got…
Faith slightly smiled…
She kissed her again,
her mouth, her neck… everywhere, while her hand moved down
again, dwelling on her belly button before continuing its journey
further down.
She softly pressed her hand on the blonde slayer’s
crotch, over her pants. Buffy moaned and slightly parted her legs at
the feeling.
Faith whispered, “I… I’d like to touch you, Buffy… I need to… feel you.”
Buffy smiled and gently teased, “I had the impression that’s pretty much what you were doing.”
Faith smiled sensually. The look was so intense that they felt set on fire by the other’s gaze.
Buffy pulled her face closer and whispered, “I so need you to, Faith.” And she kissed her. Faith undid the first button and undid the zipper. Their breathing had increased noticeably.
Buffy raised her pelvis to help Faith getting her rid of her pants and panties…
And there she was;
naked, under the intense gaze of Faith. And she wasn’t
ashamed a bit…
She even felt like she was the most
beautiful thing in the world at this moment under Faith’s look.
The brunette kissed her again and Buffy gasped against her lips when Faith finally touched her aching core. She put her arms around the brunette’s shoulders and tried to keep her breathing steady under the brunette’s skilled ministrations, but very fast the moaning began...
“Buffy.” Faith simply said while kissing her neck and collarbone.
Buffy arched her back as Faith carefully entered her. She began a slow pace in and out, pushing her finger slowly but deeply inside, curling it inside to brush the blonde slayer’s G-spot.
Buffy’s breathing had considerably increased. Faith began sucking on her nipples.
“Faith,” Buffy breathed out between two moans. Faith looked up at her again and the blonde girl took her face in between her hands, “You’re so beautiful.”
Faith gave her a tender smile before kissing her again. Just at the same time she increased the pace of her thrusts. Buffy gasped and put her hands back on the brunette’s shoulders, sinking her nails deeper into them with each thrust.
Faith was taking care of her nipples again…
Buffy’s moans were erratic, just like her breathing.
She was getting closer but she didn’t want it to stop. She wanted to feel that way forever. She wanted to feel Faith inside of her forever. She wanted to feel Faith under the grasp of her hands like she was now, forever…
Forever…
She groaned loudly as she came with these thoughts in mind.
“Forever,” she breathed out, not totally back on earth yet…
Faith’s brow furrowed ever so slightly but the sight in front of her prevented any ‘actual’ thinking other than wanting to never get out of that room, out of that bed, out of these arms ever again…
She bent forward and kissed her once again, getting lost in the embrace…
PART 14
It was ten am. Faith was still asleep whereas Buffy had been fully awake for a while, finding it impossible to keep her eyes close when so many thoughts crowded her mind. So she had finally surrendered and was now looking at Faith, sleeping just beside her. And the sight of the brunette slayer brought back peace in her mind. Her gaze on her was one of admiration. Somehow looking at her in awe about what had happened between them these past few months... and last night.
Faith began to move a little on the bed, showing sign of a future wakening. Buffy smiled, she reached out the slayer's sleeping face and gently brushed her fingertips on her cheek. She heard a slight moan... She smiled,
“Morning.”
Buffy's voice was very tender. Faith opened her eyes tentatively.
The blonde slayer reached for her face again to push her hair away
from her eyes. She saw Faith having an almost unnoticeable backwards
movement that surprised her somehow.
“Hey.” Faith said very low. She smiled too as Buffy's smile wasn't fading at all then she slightly sat up on the bed, or she tried to but gave up with a sigh, she just propped herself on her elbows instead. She looked graver suddenly. Buffy felt unsure now. But she knew Faith now and she’d learnt not to jump into any conclusion, she would wait and be there, always,
“How are you feeling?”
Faith looked slightly unsure, “I'm fine.”
“What about you?” She then asked.
“I'm fine too.”
Buffy sat up so that she could see her face, but Faith slightly looked aside.
“What is wrong, Faith?” Buffy calmly asked.
“Nothing.”
Faith knew Buffy was still staring at her.
“Nothing, I tell you. I swear... It's just-,” she paused, “we should not, I mean about last night. We should not freak out alright?”
Buffy slightly smiled, “I don't think I am.”
Faith wasn't looking at her in the eyes, “I just mean, let's not do our head in with this, and move on, ok? It just happened, it's no big deal.”
Buffy looked a little more serious even if she understood what was happening, “What happened to the girl who told me to not take this away from her, whatever this was.”
She made Faith look at her and the brunette almost whispered, “She's scared, Buffy.”
Buffy caressed her face, “I know. But she shouldn't be.”
Faith looked at her hands while Buffy went on,
“I've changed too, Faith over these last months. And yes, what happened last night is something I never thought could happen even just last year, and I would have never admitted wanting it either, and even less acknowledge that it happened... But I've changed, it happened and I did want it and I'm not backing away today, Faith. I've just spent the most beautiful night of my life last night, with you. I don't want to be ashamed or scared about it. I think we can both work it out. And I'm not saying I don't have any fears or doubts, I'm just saying that it doesn't feel wrong at all so it's worth it.”
Faith had looked at her once again during her speech; her eyes were glistened with tears threatening to fall.
“I-I- I want to, Buffy. I-I was just scared you would... So I tried cause I don't wanna lose what we have so I thought,” Buffy silenced her by placing a finger on her lips, “I know Faith. I understand why you would think that and that's why I'm telling you not to be afraid. I'm here and I'm gonna stay here with you. Our relationship took another step last night, true, but it's still part of it. We didn’t lose anything. I want that, Faith. I'm not afraid to let it show to the others.”
Faith was staring at her, she reached the blonde girl's face, “I just can't get you out of my mind, my heart, and I don't want to, you're everywhere Buffy..." She pulled the smaller girl’s face into a kiss. Their hands gently caressed the other's skin.
Buffy leaned in
closer, causing Faith to lie on her back again. They were still
kissing, hands roaming on naked skin.
Faith moaned as Buffy
massaged her breast gently before moving her hand to her neck again.
They finally broke the kiss, “How could I ever want this to
stop?” Buffy whispered before gently nibbling on Faith’s
ear getting another moan from the brunette slayer whose breathing
increased slightly.
Faith was holding her tightly. Buffy kept placing gentle kisses on her neck and her hand was back on Faith's breast, teasing her already hardened nipple. Buffy began her way down kissing her, starting by her collarbone. She sucked on her nipples for a while. She could smell the brunette's arousal already. She continued her journey down till she reached Faith's round belly. She kept placing kisses on it, both hands were on it as if she couldn't get enough of it, she looked up at Faith, “You're so beautiful.” And she kissed her stomach again.
But Faith looked rather uncomfortable suddenly. Buffy looked at her again and lied beside her, staring at her, “What's wrong?”
“Nothing, nothing just... Would you just... Hold me, simply.. I’m,” she trailed off and Buffy caressed her face, gave her a soft kiss on the lips while holding her without anymore questions.
Nothing was ever easy with Faith, and she knew the 'pregnancy problem' was far from over, but all that mattered to her right now was the woman she was holding in her arms. The woman she was in love with.
They lied down for about an hour when Faith finally moved again. Buffy looked at her and the brunette kissed her, with a warm smile before whispering, “I'm sorry for the way I am sometimes.”
Buffy pulled her into another kiss, “The way you are is the way I love you Faith.” They stared at each other in slight astonishment. Buffy swallowed, “I-I. Well, I guess I said it, didn’t I?” Her heart was pounding in her chest.
“Wow.” Faith said, trying to calm her own heart from pumping out of her chest.
“And I mean it.” Buffy then added, not wanting Faith doubt about it. Why wouldn't she tell her after all, she SO felt it. But still, it was a big step.
Faith looked hesitant suddenly, “I-, do I have, I mean, I'm not good with words, Buffy.”
Buffy smiled sensually, “Maybe you could... show me then.”
She was rewarded by a thankful smile first, immediately turning into a predatory one as Faith moved forward to kiss her and pull her backwards onto the mattress.
She stared at the blonde girl while her hand roamed on every inch of skin it could... She kissed her neck while teasing her nipples. Buffy’s hands were twisting Faith's hair and gripping on her shoulders.
Faith kissed her passionately while moving her hand downwards until she reached Buffy's curls. She felt the blonde girl's body react to her touch. Buffy arched her back as Faith slightly teased her center with her finger while her thumb began circling motions on her clit. Buffy moaned in her mouth. Faith could feel her own nipples hardening, and soon Buffy's hand found its way to one of Faith's breasts.
Buffy leaned forward and for a short while they seemed to fight for dominance until Faith finally let the blonde slayer pull her backwards and moved partly on her side. They both bent their intermingled legs and started a slow rhythm, rubbing their crotches on each other's thighs.
Buffy moaned again,
and Faith's grip on her back became even tighter.
The blonde
slayer's pace had noticeably increased, as well as her sighs of
pleasure.
Faith groaned at Buffy's licks under her ear. She pulled her face into a kiss and the pace increased even more.
Buffy broke the kiss only to let out a heavy sigh as she climaxed. The brunette’s breathing was heavy. Buffy kissed her while moving away, more on the side and she reached her crotch, and after a very short teasing she slid a finger inside of her, making Faith gasped at the so-needed contact.
Her finger's pace was quite rapid already since it matched the pace of the brunette's pelvis, as Faith was already so close. She kissed her while she added a second finger. Faith clutched at her back and after a few more deep thrusts she let out a long exhale and finally relaxed; Buffy's fingers still buried inside of her. The blonde girl closed her eyes, letting the feeling of warmth around her fingers warm her entire being. She waited a few minutes before withdrawing herself from within Faith's body but she never quit her hands off of her. She was now holding her waist; curled in a ball just beside her, head in the crook of the brunette's shoulder.
They caressed each other for a while before falling back asleep, into each other's arms.
Buffy turned around to check out the clock. It was almost 3 pm. Her movement in the bed woke Faith up.
“Is it late?” Faith asked her, while caressing her back.
“Pretty late. We should get up, maybe.”
They both gave each other a mischievous grin. Then Faith started, “Alright I guess we should. I'm getting hungry anyway.”
“Me too. Do you wanna go somewhere to eat, or do something specific today?”
“I'd rather stay in, with you, I mean if you don't mind.”
“Absolutely not. I’d love to.” Buffy replied with an honest smile.
They got up and headed for the bathroom. A little awkwardly at first, they stepped inside together, then the tender touches came back and lots of kissing as well... They finally stepped out of it and got dressed.
Faith was sitting on the edge of the bed waiting for Buffy to finish putting her shoes on.
“Buffy?”
“Yes?”
“About the others err,”
“Yes, what's wrong?” Buffy knelt in front of Faith, as this one looked hesitant.
“I mean about 'telling them', you know. I mean it's good, I'm glad you want to do it. I feel so much secured, and I want to do it but I,” she paused, “Not now. I mean, I'd rather wait. Please.”
Buffy gave her a reassuring smile, “There's no hurry. That's totally fine by me.” She leaned in closer and they kissed then Buffy went back on her feet, “Willow!” she slightly exclaimed as it sort of hit her mind all of a sudden. Faith frowned.
“I mean, well, I kinda talked to her about... well, when we kissed, and she was fine with it you know, totally ok, she's even told me it was kind of noticeable, I mean you and me, you know, and she's even been pushing me towards you to tell the truth, and I just, well, I don’t say I wanna tell her, it’s just in case, you know, and, I just-” This time it's Faith who silenced her with a finger on her lips, quickly replacing it by her own as she kissed her before pulling away,
“Willow's fine. I mean, telling her. She's your best friend and I guess she should know this. And besides it's only a matter of time. They will know, all of them. I just want a little time for us first, just to handle it before the whole 'public announcement'. But if you tell Willow, it's not a problem, really.”
Buffy took her hands and squeezed them, “I love you.”
Faith took a deep breath, “You should stop with this, B, or I might really get used to it.” She pulled her face into another deep kiss. Then asked her,
“What about your mother?”
Buffy looked as if she’d forgotten about her for a while. To tell the truth, Buffy had forgotten about pretty much everything during this night with Faith… She shook her head,
“I’ll tell her, we’ll tell her. When you’re ready. I’m sure she’ll be pleased. Ok, maybe not pleased but… I think she’ll be fine. When you’re ready, when we’re ready, we’ll tell her, it’s no problem.” Buffy gave her a soft kiss.
They finally went downstairs to eat. They brought some food to the living room and settled on the couch. Buffy lied on her side and Faith lied before her, matching her curves and they watched some DVDs, holding each other. When Joyce came back they were still on the couch.
Joyce noticed her daughter's arm around the brunette's waist. She'd gotten used to the two girl's affectionate gestures towards each other, though not particularly fond of them. But she felt slightly less comfortable with the sight in front of her this time. But she didn't have time to think about it as she was greeted by her daughter's warm 'welcome back' hug and a nice smile from Faith, and the two girls pulling away helped the change of thoughts as well. She smiled back and started replying the two girls various questions about her short trip to L.A. and their telling about last night’s party with the scoobs.
PART 15
Buffy woke up just in time to turn her alarm clock off before it rings. She didn't want to wake up the brunette slayer sleeping in her arms. Actually she wanted to wake her up to kiss her and enjoy the beauty of her smile and the depth of her gaze as she was going to be deprived of it for a whole day, but at the same time she preferred that she stayed asleep because she doubted she would be able to leave her otherwise, she knew she wouldn't resist the brunette's needing eyes as it was a look Buffy witnessed a lot these days. Faith was tired, both physically and emotionally due to her pregnancy. It was coming to an end, thankfully, but only the giving birth part of it, because nothing was set as to what was going to happen next.
Buffy got ready in the bathroom, in order to make the less noise possible. She kissed the brunette's forehead with a warm gaze and went downstairs, she grabbed an apple, not wanting to make noise by cooking anything and she left for school.
Her way there was filled with memory of the weekend. Memories of Faith's smile and happiness during the party, memories of their first kiss that night and their first night together. It seemed more than memories to Buffy, it was like she could feel it, and she could smell the brunette's perfume. She looked at her hands and she could feel the softness of Faith's skin under it. She could feel her body react at the memories of their love making. She could feel the longing already. The longing to find her again...
The morning seemed to last an eternity to her but at the same time it went fast, only she didn't focus on any of her classes. She knew it was impossible right now, not with something so huge happening in her life.
She seemed to be in another world. Xander made that comment but she didn't even react and he moved on to another joke.
Willow waited for them to be at the library to join Buffy who had gone AND ‘hid’ in between the shelves of books to research instead of staying at the table with the others.
“Hey,”
“Oh hey Willow, did err, did somebody find anything?”
“No, nothing on that spider demon yet, we'll find it, I’m not worried.”
“Ok,” Buffy said as she ‘plunged’ her head into her book again.
“Mind if I sit here?”
“Not at all, go ahead Will.”
Willow sat and after a while Buffy realised the redhead was staring at her.
Buffy shook her head out of her thoughts, “Oh err, sorry about today. I'm a little out of it I know, but I'm fine, really.”
“I know, I mean you don't seem bad, but yeah, you're really out of it, like you're in a galaxy a million miles away.”
“A thousand millions miles away.” Buffy confirmed with a nod.
“You wanna tell me about it?”
It wasn't the friendly 'if you need to talk you know I’m here' kind of tone, it was the 'please, pretty please, tell me, tell me, tell me' kind of. Buffy slightly smiled, she hesitated though, it was so huge. Willow had seemed so open about the 'kiss' but still, Buffy started to feel slightly ill at ease. She thought about the brunette girl and remembered what she'd told her. It wasn't the moment to back away from this or she would lose her. Though they had decided to wait before telling 'everyone', Buffy knew that if she didn't tell Willow now it would be because of her fear and no other reasons, so she gathered her courage,
“Will I-... Something happened... this weekend.” Buffy slightly trailed off then.
“Remember Buffy, you can tell me everything. And even more, I mean, I can even tell you that if it's about Faith you can still and REALLY tell me everything. Honest Buffy.”
Buffy smiled at the line Willow threw her.
“Yes, it's about Faith... and I. We-“ She swallowed, “We spent the night together.” She searched for any sign of shock or even disgust on her best friend's face, while trying to stop her blushing embarrass. Willow only kept smiling at her, showing her she wasn't freaked and not too surprised either.
“And how was it? I mean, no, don't tell me, I mean I didn't mean tell me tell me I-“
Buffy laughed ever so slightly at her best friend’s babbling and blushing when Willow finally put herself together, “I meant what did you feel? What DO you feel?”
“I feel... in love. Very much in love, Will. I can't help it. I love her. Oh my God I can't believe I said that to you, you must think I've lost my mind or-“
“Hey, no. You know that's not what I think. I've already told you. The more I see you two together, the more sense it makes to me and no, I'm not freaked at all. Hey 21st century here. Besides, it would still be better than a vampire. I mean, sorry, you know I like Angel and I wanted it to work for you both, but honestly, I didn't see how it could work. I didn't want to say anything but-“
“I know. I knew for long but refused to believe it, and I'm glad I had the strength to stop this... And Faith was there, I know it helped make that step easier for me or maybe I would still be with Angel.”
Willow nodded.
“So you're really not freaked at all?”
“No, really, I mean, I can't tell you that it won't seem a little, I mean not weird but I might give you two extra gazes when you're kissing, but that's just that I'm not used to that, but otherwise it's really no big deal. I think Xander will like that; you might get EXTRA extra gazes from him but for other reasons.”
They both slightly laughed then Buffy looked serious again, “Don't tell anything yet. I mean, we want to take our times before everyone knows.”
“Yes, of course. And I won't tell Faith I know, ok?”
“Oh no you can, I mean; we talked about it yesterday and you were actually the only one, so far, to be allowed in the secrecy. We both agreed.”
Buffy could see pride and joy on Willow's face which made it unable for her not to smile at her. It always felt good making Willow happy that way.
“Thank you. I'm-I'm glad.”
Willow pulled herself together and went on, “What about Faith? How's she dealing with this?”
“I was afraid. You know her; she's not really miss 'express your feelings', and she even tried to conceal it in the morning but... there was no way. We have such a strong bond and I know her too well now. She can't hide. I know she's confused, hell I'm confused too but... I know she loves me, I know she does, and she needs me. Right now I'm more scared about what's to come because even though I'm here, even though our relationship has grown to *that* point, she still has such a hard time with her pregnancy that... I'm scared. It's the one thing that causes reactions I can't predict from her. She can't get over it, or forgive herself or whatever, she just can't and that worries me a little.”
“She just needs some more times I guess.”
“She's eight months pregnant now Will. Almost. The closer it comes the less sure she seems.”
“I know. At first I thought 'Well she doesn't want to talk about it to us right now, it will come' but I see she's still as reluctant as she was the first time at the espresso pump. I thought that she was talking to you at least, about it you know.”
“Well, we did talk there and then but, well, not that much. She's always on the defensive. I think she's better and then she will run away from the talk again.”
“What is she gonna do?”
“Well, supposedly she will give the baby for adoption. Mom is trying to find a family otherwise the baby will end up at the regional social service department.”
Willow seemed really saddened at the idea, “You think she will.”
“I'm not really too sure what to think right now. I'd like her to be able to keep the baby for a while and then see, but I'm not sure I'll get her to agree with that.”
“You think she could grow attach and want to keep it, right?”
“Well, that's what I'd like yes.”
“You still don't know if it's a boy or a girl?”
“Mom didn't want to tell me. Faith doesn't know. Mom told me she didn't want to know.”
“Why does your mom do this? I mean, not wanting you to know?”
“Because we don't have the same opinion on the subject.”
“Oh. She doesn't want Faith to keep it?”
“She thinks it would be better for both Faith and the baby.”
“Did you think about it? I mean, that maybe she's right. I'm not saying she is, but, maybe,”
“Maybe, I don't know, I'm not sure. Right now I'm just so high that I feel like I can overcome everything, you know, climbing mountains and all. I've been feeling that way for a while. She inspires me so much that it's like... I wanna give her my strength and my hopes, you know. I feel that way. Now could it work? That I don't know.” Buffy frowned at the look Willow was giving her, a somewhat amazed one.
“What's wrong?”
“No, I just, it's the way you talk about her, or rather the look in your eyes when you talk about her, it's actually beautiful Buffy. I hadn't seen that gleam in your eyes for so long and... you're happy, Buffy. And it makes me happy.”
Willow almost looked as if she was going to cry, though she wasn't. They hugged each other and decided to go back researching with the others.
~~
Buffy walked home, rather rapidly. Her mother wasn't back. She didn't see Faith downstairs so she rushed upstairs. She noticed the room looked dark so she stepped in discreetly.
Faith was asleep above the covers. Buffy took one and gently put it above her then she sat beside her. Faith turned around at this moment, “Buffy?”
“Yes it's me. It's ok, fall back asleep.”
“It's five pm, Buffy. I can't believe I fell asleep. It was 2 something and I was just so tired. But I just wanted to take a nap; I didn't want to fall asleep.”
“You need to rest, Faith.”
“No. I need to be myself again.” Faith said and she tried to sit up, “Look at me, I can't even sit by myself,” she said as Buffy had to help her, “I look like a whale and all I do is sleep. I'm always tired?!”
“It's normal, Faith. And you look beautiful. You're so beautiful, Faith.”
“I really don't feel beautiful right now, gotta tell you. All I feel is tired.”
“I know, but you are, beautiful I mean. And for the tiredness, well, this weekend hasn't been especially resting.” Buffy said with a slight blush.
Faith couldn't help caress her face with the images of the weekend going through her mind. Then she sighed again, “I can't wait to get my body back.”
Buffy looked aside. She really didn't know what she was supposed to say anymore, so she moved on after a while.
“Willow knows. I hadn't meant to tell her right away but... I was way too daydreaming for her not to ask. And she had it pretty much figured out in her mind. She's glad, she... she said I looked happy and... I am.”
Their gaze at each other was intense. Faith's hand reached Buffy's nape and she tenderly pulled her closer to her into a warm kiss.
They broke the kiss,
still staring intensely at each other, “I've missed you today,
so much.” Faith told her before kissing her again and they lied
down side by side. Faith remained on her back as other positions got
quickly uncomfortable and Buffy lied down on the brunette’s
side. They kissed some more.
Caressed each other's shoulders and
face for a while. Buffy caressed Faith's breasts for a short while,
but mostly they lied into each other's arms.
When Joyce arrived the two girls had slightly dozed off and so was the house very quiet. Joyce thought they were out but went to check to be sure.
She looked at them with a slight frown, that closeness of them started to bother her somehow, and then she frowned even more as she noticed Buffy's hand was under Faith's shirt, close under her breast for what she could guess. She closed the door with her mind full of questions.
~~
A little later Buffy went downstairs.
“Hi mom.”
“Glad you're finally up, Buffy.”
“Yeah I know, sorry about that. Faith is really tired these days.”
“This I know, it's normal, but did you have to stay with her? You're not tired.”
“Well no, but yes. I mean for the staying with her. She sleeps better when I'm there.”
Joyce didn't reply.
“What do we have for dinner?”
“I brought chicken wings. You just have to put the bags in the micro wave.”
“Cool, thank you mom.” Buffy sounded enthusiastic, oblivious to her mother's preoccupied face.
“I'll just bring them upstairs.”
“Why can't you eat here, Buffy?”
“Oh I would but Faith should rather stay in bed so,”
“And how would that mean that you have to eat up there too?”
“Mom, what's wrong?”
“You tell me, Buffy.”
Buffy took the bags of food and turned the other way, not looking at her mother, “I don't know what you mean.”
Joyce sighed and took the bags from her daughter's hands, “What's going on, Buffy?”
“Nothing. You get home and you're all cranky today.”
“I'm not cranky, and it's not today. I think Faith and you are getting too close and I don't see that as a good thing.”
Buffy opened her mouth but didn't really know what to say, she didn't reply.
“I understand you want to help Faith. You feel bad for her, but I think you're too much over each other now. This isn't helping her.”
“Well, I didn't think you would feel like that so I guess maybe I should be honest. We're not 'over each other', we're,” Buffy paused, it was harder than expected, mostly with the gaze her mother was giving her right now, “we're together, lovers if you prefer.”
“Buffy?!” Joyce looked somewhat offended at this.
“I didn't think it would be much of a problem mom.”
“No, of course not!”
“Mom, please,”
“What do you want me to say Buffy? That's it's better than a vampire? Sorry but I'm really not rejoicing.”
“Then I'm really sorry. Because I am happy, mom.”
“You're just lonely Buffy. And you compensated the 'lost’ of Angel when you broke up by getting closer to her. And she needed you too in these hard times. So you relied on each other and it-“
“Mom, stop that. Don’t tell me what I'm feeling. I know what it is, that you like it or not.” Buffy said, hardening her tone. Her mother didn't soften hers either,
“Buffy you have nothing to expect from a relationship like this. And mostly you have nothing to expect from HER.”
“How can you say that? She's been living here for months now. You can't react that way.”
“Yes I can. Buffy what do you think she will do once this is over? She’ll go back to do and live the exact same way she used to before getting pregnant. She might be a little more careful with boys but overall she will.”
“No you're wrong. Everything will be different. Everything is. Besides you don't even know what she's going to do with the baby.”
Joyce laughed very sardonically, “You're really dreaming, Buffy. She can't wait to get rid of it. What she'll do is perfectly clear to me, beside I contacted the social service already and we have an appointment. I’m also in contact with another couple. Believe me, this baby will be much better far away from her, and so will you.”
Buffy gulped, “You don't know that. You don't know what I feel and even less what SHE feels.”
“I know that you're still a very young girl who might have a huge responsibility as the slayer but apart from this has no idea how the world works cause you dream way too much. And I know that I'm your mother and I see things you don't because you refuse to. You're going to college, Buffy. You've been accepted to North-Western, to UCLA and many other good colleges. You have a chance to have a very decent life which is something I thought was definitely impossible even just a few months ago. Now you have a chance. You can leave this town because you deserve it. And she can stay because she wants it. This is her life, not yours, not anymore.”
“I don't really care about College right now.”
“You always react like that, Buffy. You want to be treated as an adult but you refuse to act as one. This is your future and this has to be your priority. This so-called relationship will lead you nowhere, Buffy.”
Buffy remained
silent, she couldn't believe her mother's reaction but at the same
time her words kept echoing in her mind, giving her that really
troubled feeling about it all. She pulled herself together though,
“No matter what you say, it doesn't change what I feel. And it
won't stop me.”
She headed to the microwave.
“Fine, but I don't tolerate this in my house.”
Buffy turned around, “What, are you kicking us out now?”
“I won't do the same mistake twice Buffy, since you're unable to reason with what you're told. But I won’t let you ruin your future.” She paused, still staring at Buffy and she firmly said, “I don’t want to see that in my house, I hope it's clear.”
Buffy swallowed again and turned to look at the microwave.
“Did you hear me, Buffy?”
“Yes, I did. It's perfectly clear.” She said, still not facing her mother.
Joyce left. Buffy exhaled loudly and took deep breaths to hold back some tears from coming. She was surprised, disappointed but also saddened and disturbed by her mother's reaction. It shook her beliefs somehow but all she wanted to think of was Faith, so for now she pulled herself together and heated their food, trying to block any thoughts. Other than of Faith.
PART 16
“Mmm that's good. Did your mother eat already?”
“Err, yes.” Buffy replied, slightly looking aside. Faith noticed but didn't say anything.
Buffy sat on the bed beside Faith. They were both sitting against the headboard. Faith was more leaning against it than sitting. She couldn't really sit up straight anymore. They remained silent for a short while.
Buffy put her hand on Faith's belly, almost like an automatism, and she was rubbing it with her thumb. Faith meant to say something but she didn't, as she observed Buffy who was eating without really thinking. It was a pure tender gesture. Faith swallowed as she couldn't quit her gaze off of the blonde slayer's hand on her belly. It reminded her too much of what she was trying to forget.
Buffy removed her hand at some point when she put her empty bag on the bedside table and she looked at Faith.
“You're not hungry?”
Faith frowned, “I wish.” Buffy smiled but then asked, “Then why aren't you eating?”
“Err, I was thinking, I'm, going to now.” And she bit into her chicken wing.
Buffy settled more comfortably into the bed and began nuzzling Faith's neck. Faith shivered but tried to focus, “Buffy? I'm eating.”
“So am I.” Buffy said as she gently bit the brunette's earlobe. Faith slightly smiled. She managed to finish her wing despite Buffy's ministrations on her neck and chest. She took a second wing but had to put it back in the bag as Buffy bent to suck on one of her breast while teasing the other.
“Buffy... mmm. Your mother's just beside B.”
It hit Buffy like a truck; the talk she just had with her mother. The talk she desperately tried to forget.
Faith was surprised by Buffy's abrupt backwards movement.
“I just meant,”
“Yeah I know, you're right. Sorry about that,” Buffy said then she bent to the brunette's face and they kissed amorously. She kept on caressing her for a while, and so did Faith but they hold back any other desire and after a while they fell asleep into each other's arms.
~~
A couple of days went by. Joyce brought Faith to the social service where they had an appointment with a potential family for the baby.
They both came back, Joyce went to the kitchen casually and Faith put her jacket on the coat stand and went to sit beside Buffy who was sitting on the couch where she’d been waiting for them.
Buffy made sure her mother was in the kitchen to give Faith a gentle kiss on the lips then took her hand in a gentle squeeze,
“How did it go?”
“Good.”
“What did they tell you? What did you do?”
“We talked. Kinda agreed. And that was all.”
“Did you-?” Buffy sounded suddenly panicky, “Did you sign... anything, already? I mean maybe you should-“
“I didn’t sign anything yet, Buffy.”
Buffy sighed in slight relief but Faith went on, “But I will... In two weeks.”
Buffy nodded sadly, “Your 18th birthday.”
“Yep. Can’t wait for that day.”
“Faith maybe... Well, you’ll be almost eight months and a half then, so what about you wait for the baby to be here? What do you think?”
“And what would I be waiting for, Buffy?”
“I meant, before signing.”
“I’d gotten that. But what am I supposed to be waiting for Buffy?”
Buffy lowered her eyes. Faith sighed, “Buffy, I’ve already decided, and in two weeks it’ll be settled.”
“You might regret it.”
Faith took Buffy’s hands, “You’re gonna have to deal with this, Buffy; I am not keeping it. Now if you don’t mind I’d like to talk about something else.”
Buffy remained silent, she got up after a while, “Going to the kitchen, do you want something to drink?”
“No thanks.”
Buffy headed to the
kitchen, she and her mother didn’t talk to each other. Faith
had noticed the atmosphere was rather cold between the mother and
daughter. She thought it was due to their opinion diverging regarding
the pregnancy so she did not ask about it, as she didn’t share
Buffy’s one so she thought she couldn’t be of any help.
Buffy opened a bottle of coke, she was preoccupied. She walked in the
corridor leading to the other entrance of the living room, still very
much in her thoughts, very slowly and she caught sight of the
brunette slayer, hands on her face and obviously crying. Faith looked
at the main entrance and very fast tried to pull herself together,
wiping her tears, knowing Buffy would be back in the room very soon.
She couldn’t let her see that. She didn’t know that the
blonde girl had seen her from her spot.
Buffy was leaning against
the wall, she’d walked away very fast so that Faith didn’t
see or feel her. She sighed, walked to the kitchen and put her coke
on the table, she took her jacket. Joyce followed her,
“Are you going somewhere, Buffy?”
“Yep.” Was all Buffy replied her mother. Faith frowned, “Buffy?”
“I’ll be back soon, gotta patrol, and unwind a little.”
“It’s not dark yet.” Faith told her, a slight plea in her voice. Buffy took a deep breath to remain slightly firm, “Gotta go now.”
Faith looked back at the small table in front of the couch, “Ok.” She said, trying to NOT sound needy and disappointed as she hated that.
Buffy walked closer to her and bent to kiss her forehead, despite her mother being here, “I’ll be back soon, got something to do first.” She caressed her cheek and kissed her softly on the lips. She stood up and turned around. Joyce and her stared at each other. Faith quickly understood then what the ‘tension’ was all about. Buffy walked firmly to the door. Joyce never softened her gaze but Buffy didn’t flinch and she left.
Faith got up as Joyce walked closer,
“Faith, you have to understand that this isn’t against you. You know I lik-“
“I gotta stop you now Miss Summers. I perfectly know what you think of me, and frankly I don’t care that much. So you’re probably right about it. Anyway, you’ve helped me I know that, but with all due respect I will not talk to you about Buffy and me.”
And she left for her room...
~~
It was barely 10pm
when Buffy came back home. She went to the bathroom first. She hadn’t
done much slaying because she had something more important to do.
She dropped by Restfield cemetery afterwards, knowing she would
always find vamps to trash there. She was a little juiced but it was
easily under control. She knew the brunette slayer was probably
asleep so she had to anyway.
She entered the room delicately.
“T’s ok, B. I’m awake.”
“Oh.” Buffy still didn’t dare to turn the light on so it’s Faith who turn the small bedside light on. Buffy smiled at her,
“I didn’t mean to wake you up.”
“I wasn’t sleeping. I was waiting for you,” Faith’s tone was very sensual, and her gaze on Buffy made it hard for the blonde girl to ignore the rush in between her legs. Faith held out her hand invitingly for the blonde girl to move closer, as she huskily whispered, “Figured you’d be... hungry.”
Buffy smiled and her cheeks reddened, Faith smiled, “You’re so cute when you blush Buffy.”
“Don’t make fun of me.”
“I don't.” Faith’s husky voice and her intense gaze on her had Buffy take a deeper breath, she felt her nipples harden at the brunette’s lustful gaze on her but she said, “But honestly I’m good. I can totally hold it.”
“Well, I can’t.”
Buffy couldn’t help but smile at Faith’s comment when this one added, “It’s been a while B.” She took her hand and dragged her to the bed, “besides, that scent... It’s driving me crazy.”
Buffy took another deep breath, she was so wet, she knew it and Faith knew it too. This was never something they were able to hide from each other. And it had been a couple of days actually. Faith had been so tired that they’d mostly been holding each other, even if it had felt like the most precious feeling in the world every time.
Buffy bent to kiss Faith who pulled her closer into a hungry kiss. She felt the brunette’s hands on her breasts and moaned.
Faith let go of her face only to whisper, “Get on the bed, on your knees, closer,” she said trying to pull her completely on the bed. Buffy didn’t quite understand what she wanted until Faith breathed out, “I wanna taste you, Buffy.”
Buffy had to take another deep breath at the sensation the words evoked in her mind... and body.
“Faith I-“ Buffy looked at the door.
“We’ll be quiet, Buffy. I promise.”
“You maybe.”
“You got a point.” Faith told her with a slight laugh before caressing her thighs, “That scent Buffy... So crazy. I need to taste you... Please...”
Buffy bent her face closer to kiss her once more then she got on her knees on the bed, until she was on both sides of Faith’s face and she let the brunette gently pull down on her thighs until she felt the delicate touch of Faith’s tongue on her swollen mound. Buffy moaned immediately. She held herself on the bed’s headboard.
Faith gripped her thighs tightly and began to suck on it.
“God,” Buffy bit her hand, knowing she wouldn’t be able to keep it quiet otherwise.
“God, Buffy. The taste... So strong... So good, Buffy.” Those were Faith’s last word before she returned to the ‘task’ and sent Buffy into a swirling climax a while later.
Buffy lied on the brunette’s side while this one wiped her face away. They kissed eagerly. Faith took Buffy’s hand and gently kissed on the bite marks. There was a slight trail of blood. They stared at each other and Buffy answered the silent question, “Yes, it was THAT good.” making Faith smile before claiming the brunette’s lips in a passionate kiss again.
Buffy didn’t waste any time, her hands roamed on every inch of Faith’s body and very fast began teasing the brunette’s center. Faith held her tight as Buffy slid two fingers inside of her.
Buffy kissed her the most she could to keep her silent. It took Faith every last bit of control she had not to cry out when she came in her turn.
They lied beside each other, they couldn’t help slightly laughing. Buffy caressed the brunette’s face and looked at her from top to bottom, “You are so beautiful.”
“Look who’s talking.”
Buffy smiled, “But you are... shining.”
“Please, don’t give me that shiny pregnant women crap, B.”
“But it’s true, look at you, you’re so radiant you’re-“
“Buffy please, don’t spoil this.” Faith looked almost apologizing as soon as she’d said that but Buffy smiled at her, holding back her sadness at it. She kissed her again, tenderly, and they finally fell asleep.
~~
A week went by. The atmosphere seemed to have cooled down between Buffy and Joyce; at least they hadn’t argued or given each other hard gazes. They hadn’t really been talking either but it still seemed to go nicer, to Faith’s opinion.
Buffy, Faith and Willow met in Buffy’s room. The redhead came by as she knew Faith wasn’t going out much now. She hadn’t been hanging at the high school since the little ‘Anita incident’, but she wasn’t even coming at the entrance with a picnic basket as she’d done several times after that. Faith’s belly was rather big now and Willow didn’t even need Buffy to tell her Faith didn’t want to show it out of the house. So the redhead came back with Buffy after school.
Buffy knew Faith wouldn’t be 'too’ embarrassed with Willow. They’d gotten along very well for the last months and Buffy wanted to show Faith Willow wasn’t only her friend; that she was there for the brunette too.
Willow had stepped
inside the room discreetly at first. She’d blushed at the sight
of the brunette as she couldn’t help slight images of her and
Buffy ‘as girlfriends’ to pop in her mind. It
mostly made Buffy and Faith gently laugh at her blushing. They didn’t
feel uncomfortable and Buffy took Faith’s hand in hers as she
sat on the bed beside her. Willow, with a nice smile, finally joined
them on it and they started talking very naturally. After a while
Buffy and Willow started doing some homework and Faith lied on the
side of the bed, her head resting on Buffy’s lap. Willow
glanced at them once in a while. The tenderness in Buffy’s
caresses on the brunette’s face while they were working, and
Faith’s peaceful face at this moment...
Willow smiled...
The next evening...
Faith and Buffy were lying on a cover on the ground, in a
deserted spot in the park. It was past midnight; they’d taken
covers, some food to eat here. They wanted to be with each other
without holding back but 'strangely' Joyce seemed off
too often present at home when they both were in too.
So they’d
decided to leave for the night and sleep outside. Faith had the idea.
Buffy didn’t agree first because of Faith’s state but she
didn’t resist the brunette’s pout, and also... she was
tired of ‘biting on her hand’ till it bleeds.....
They exhaled contentedly after a mind blowing shared orgasms, hoping there were no night owls hanging around in the park that night.
They laughed then Buffy placed her arm under Faith’s head so that she could rest more comfortably.
They remained silent for a while. Buffy had put a cover above them and they were watching the stars in the sky.
“It’s so huge.”
Buffy ran her fingertips on Faith’s cheekbones, “Yes.” She replied while admiring the brunette’s beauty under the stars and the moon’s natural light.
She propped herself on her elbow, on Faith’s side as she kept her arm under the brunette’s head,
“Sarah. I like Sarah.”
“What do you mean?” Faith said with a smiling frown and Buffy went on casually,
“When I was little I was convinced I’d called my daughter Dorothy, cause of my Dorothy Hamill obsession back then. I’m so glad I went over that phase,” she said with a smile though Faith wasn’t smiling anymore, “I really prefer Sarah now, I think. I don’t know I like plenty of names, but weirdly I only have girls’ names, or maybe Ryan? I like Amber too, what about you?”
“What are you trying to do, Buffy?”
Buffy remained calm as she sat up a little, “I’m just talking with you, Faith. It’s a simple conversation.”
“It doesn’t seem like it to me.”
“It’s not about you, Faith. I swear, I’m just wondering. Thinking about later, when I have children.”
Faith looked at the
sky, thoughtful as she put her hands behind her head.
Buffy
placed a gentle kiss on the brunette’s neck as she lied closer
to her again. She stared at her and kissed her lips softly before
resting her head on the brunette’s chest.
Long minutes went by.
“Katrina.” Faith simply said. Buffy looked at her with a questioning frown and Faith moistened her lips as she reluctantly went on,
“Was my grandma’s name. She’s the first person who didn’t make me feel like a piece of shit. The first and only, until I met you. She raised me better than my own mom until that bitch decided to head South with her latest fuckbuddy. Grandma stayed in Boston, I wish I’d stayed there too. So yeah, I guess, that’d be a name... If I had, one day, whatever. That’d be the name.”
Buffy gently smiled at her and caressed her face before lying down quietly on her side again and they fell asleep after a while.
PART 17
Another week went by. It was Faith’s birthday today.
She was still
sleeping. It was past noon, she was having such hard times to sleep
these days. Her stomach had bothered her a lot over the last weeks
and even more this past week, so Buffy had just discreetly stepped
out of the room in the morning to get ready silently in her own room.
Then she’d walked by into the room and had sat in the armchair,
watching Faith sleeping.
She was everything but impatient to see
her wake up… if it was to sign those adoption papers.
Buffy was still hoping…
The brunette started to move in the bed but did not wake up until somebody knocked at the door. Joyce came in, she noticed Buffy sitting in the armchair gesturing her to be quiet but it was too late, Faith had woken up,
“Joyce?” She said as she tried to sit up but gave up as usually.
Joyce moved a little closer, “I just wanted to check if you were alright since it was very late. But I didn’t know Buffy was here too.” Faith struggled to open her eyes more clearly and noticed the blonde girl looking at her from the armchair.
“I’ll be downstairs. Oh and Faith? Happy birthday.” Joyce nicely said before leaving.
Faith seemed to wake up now for real at the words. She looked at Buffy who was staring silently at her, then she moved closer; she kissed her cheek, “Happy birthday baby.”
Faith stared at her, it was the first time Buffy called her that way and it felt … close and warm, but it also reminded her of what she could read in Buffy’s eyes, what she had to do, what she said she would do… on that day…. And she couldn’t help being afraid of how it would be ‘after’… How, she, herself would be…. After.
She looked aside for a minute, it almost looked as if she was gonna cry. Buffy held her and whispered, “You don’t have to do it, Faith, you ca-“
“Stop Buffy, please stop. Don’t make this harder.” Faith moved away and got up.
Buffy swallowed, “So it IS hard? It doesn’t have to be, Faith.”
“I’m gonna take a shower.” The brunette just said, simply leaving the room.
Buffy, as much as it cost her, decided not to insist. It would only get her back up some more.
They went downstairs for a quick lunch. Buffy had organized a party tonight, well not a party; just the scoobies and them. Faith was aware of it though. Buffy had to make sure she was feeling good enough.
They opened a bag of the party’s chips as their lunch meal and sat at the kitchen’s table.
“That’s a healthy meal you got there.” Joyce ironically said.
“It’s ok mom. It’s just a quick snack. We’ll eat enough tonight.”
“Still, there are fruits over there, would still be better.”
Faith turned around, “Oh yes, I think I’d like that banana, and the apple too… but err, kinda wants the chips too.”
Buffy smiled; Faith had always been greedy but these last months she’d had an excuse for it… and Buffy knew she’d taken full advantage of it. And that thought made her smile.
Joyce smiled too and left for the living room.
The slayers were talking about the scoobies, Anya’s weird ways, tonight’s party and school in general; very light stuff when Joyce entered the kitchen again with several papers in hand. She tried to sound nice as she handed one to Faith,
“This is yours.” There were several stapled papers. The slayers immediately understood what it was.
“The sooner it is done, the sooner the Martins can check the papers with the hospital and set everything ready.”
Faith was holding the paper in hand, and she was staring at it. She seemed more stuck on it than actually reading it.
“Mom maybe we sh-“
“And this is yours Buffy.” Joyce cut her daughter who stared at her, “Mine what?”
She read, “Oh.”
“You need to sign it and send it back to Northwestern.”
Faith stared at Buffy. That’s something they hadn’t talked about. Of course Faith knew Buffy had been accepted in several good universities, Northwestern included, as Joyce had stated it proudly quite a few times, but they had never talk ‘that far ahead’. Just as if they were ‘skipping’ this. They had lived in the ‘now’, but the ‘after’ was catching up with them, right here and right now.
Joyce was staring at them as they were silent suddenly.
“Take your time to read everything, Faith. It’s the same we went over with my lawyer so you should understand everything. You can bring it to me when it’s done.”
“Can’t it wait?”
“No Buffy, it can’t wait.” Joyce firmly said. Faith got up and left the table.
“Faith you need to sign these papers!” Joyce slightly exclaimed as Faith left the kitchen. Buffy got up, “Mom!”
“Buffy, you need to understand th-“
“It’s her birthday. Give her a break, she’ll sign it later.”
“What about you? When will you sign it?”
Buffy looked aside.
“Buffy, I won’t let you mortgage your future like that. You will sign your college admission right now.”
Buffy left the room in her turn.
“Buffy!”
Buffy entered Faith’s room. The brunette was staring at the window.
Buffy walked behind her and put her arms around her, joining her hands on the brunette’s round belly. For once Faith didn’t move like she always did when Buffy touched her belly. Instead she just exhaled and rested her head backwards on Buffy’s shoulder.
“It’s ok.”
“Let’s get out today, Buffy.”
“You sure? You look rather pale today, Faith. I’d feel better if we stayed in. You seem… tired.”
“I’m always tired Buffy. I just want to breathe some fresh air. I will… I will sign these papers bu-“
“Hey,” Buffy gently said as she faced her, “you don’t have to justify yourself… And you don’t even have to-“
“Buffy.” Faith cut her before she said more, “I will sign them. I just… I just don’t like being jumped on. But I will… Later.”
Buffy sat on the bed with a sigh. “Later.” She repeated very low.
Faith took her jacket, “It’s ok, I’ll just go by myself. I’ll see you tonight.”
“No, Faith. I didn’t mean for that. I’m coming. I’m coming with you.” Buffy got up and took the brunette’s hand and they left the house under the older Summers’ annoyed gaze.
The two slayers didn’t stay outside very long though. They were back a little less than 2 hours after as Faith really didn’t feel well. Buffy wanted to cancel the party but Faith insisted on seeing the others. She said she was gonna rest for a while and will be fine.
She was still in bed when Oz and Willow arrived. Willow went to see her and the talked for a while as Faith wasn’t really sleeping. They went downstairs together. Anya and Xander had arrived in the meantime and Giles was here too.
Buffy walked to the stairs to meet her, she took her face in her hands in a surprisingly tender gesture to the others’ opinion, except for Willow’s of course.
“Are you sure you’ll be ok? I told them you weren’t feeling well, they won’t be mad if you need to rest, you know.”
“I’ll be fine, Buffy.” Faith told her with a smile.
Buffy smiled at her too but she couldn’t help being worried at the brunette’s pallid face.
“Pizzas.” Joyce said as she came in with several pizzas cartoon box. Xander turned the music a little louder, though it remained easy to talk to one another.
They settled down in the living room and the atmosphere was nice for a while. Faith caught up with what she’d missed from the other’s life. Joyce and Giles talked for a while, with Willow too.
They’d been here for two hours talking with each other, eating; some of them danced a little. Buffy kept her eyes on Faith to be sure she was alright.
She’d seen the brunette go to the restrooms but didn’t see Joyce calling her as she walked back downstairs.
Faith followed her to the kitchen; she swallowed at her stare on her. Joyce gestured her to sit which she did.
“Faith. We have talked about this-“
“Yes I-. Look Joyce I will sign these papers I swear I just-“
“When, Faith? You need to sign them now. The longer you wait, the harder it will be. Besides, it’s not only about you now.” Faith looked at her and Joyce went on, “You have to think about Buffy.”
Faith looked aside with a sigh.
“You don’t
like me talking about 'you and her' so I’ll just talk about
her. She’s passionate you know that. Do you realize what she’s
doing right now? She’s throwing her whole life to the garbage
for… What for exactly Faith?”
Faith remained silent,
“Nothing. Exactly. My daughter’s mortgaging her whole
future for nothing. She hasn’t signed her admittance papers
because she thinks of you but she needs to get out of here. She’s
already died once and I don’t want that to happen again. I know
you don’t want this either. And that’s what’s
waiting for her if she stays here, she’ll regret it for the
rest of her life. This town will only bring her pain and suffering. I
don’t mean to say that is what you deserve but you’re
both very different. You don’t really know what you want from
life. And so far what you had here fitted you very well. You enjoyed
it a lot you’ve said it yourself. Buffy’s wasting so many
possibilities if she stays here, if she doesn’t go to college
and you know that. And why would she do that? For you she would, so
YOU have to stop this now.”
Joyce put the papers in front of her and handed her a pen, “You need to sign this now.”
Buffy walked in the kitchen just to hear her mother’s firm request.
“What are you doing?!” She said as she took the pen from her mother’s hand rather harshly.
“Buffy, this is between Faith and I, go back with the others.”
“No!”
The music stopped in the living room as the others began to hear the argument.
“B. Buffy, it’s fine. Give me that pen.”
“No!” Buffy said again, now giving both women a 'hurt' gaze.
“No, no, not now.”
“Yes now, Buffy. Faith knows this is what’s best.”
“No, it’s not, Faith please…”
Faith looked aside, trying to pull herself together and not melt at the blonde girl’s plea, “Buffy.” She just said.
“No!” Buffy said again, tears running down her cheeks.
“Give me that fucking pen!” Faith exclaimed as she got up but then she doubled up in pain.
“Faith!” Buffy rushed closer, “oh my God,” she said as she looked at the floor.
“I’ll bring the car.” Giles said as he’d moved in during the argument and saw what happened.
“What’s happening to me? What’s happening?!” Faith sounded completely panicky.
Joyce made her sat, “It’s nothing Faith, just calm down, the water broke it’s normal.”
“What? Now! It’s too soon. It’s too soon, there’s something wrong with the baby!”
“No, sssh, calm down, it’s ok. Two weeks advance, it’s nothing Faith. Happens a lot. It’s ok, you just need to relax now.”
Giles opened the kitchen’s door, “The car’s just here,”
“It’s ok baby, I’m here.” Buffy told Faith as she took her in her arms to carry her to Giles’ car.
Faith cried all the way to the hospital. Giles couldn’t recall her being more terrified in the past, but then he wasn’t an eighteen years old girl about to deliver a baby. That could be scary, mostly in Faith’s place. She was panicky. He’d slightly caught glimpse of talks during which he understood Faith apparently wasn’t handling her pregnancy very well, and seeing the panic on her face now plus her rather stressed up look all evening long, he understood it was true. He noticed the gentleness with which Buffy caressed her face and whispered comforting words to her during all the way but he felt it wasn’t his place to ‘give this more thoughts’. They had a connection no one could understand, and this, he was aware of. Faith clung to Buffy all along the way. She didn’t say a word though. She had slightly calmed down when they arrived at the hospital but was still very silent. Buffy followed her in the labor room. She didn’t want to let her go. Joyce didn’t want her to go but the doctor said it would be good if there was a friendly presence with Faith. They said she was highly tensed and it would only make the whole labor more painful for her. She HAD to relax, well as much as you can relax during labor…
Buffy remained with her all the way. She held her hand, and it was a good thing she went it and not Willow or her mother because at some point she wondered if it wasn’t broken so much Faith squeezed it tight. It was hard, Faith suffered. Slayer or not, delivering a baby was painful, and Faith was very tensed. Buffy couldn’t help smiling a few times at the brunette’s cursing. Mostly when she swore to God that she wouldn’t have sex EVER again. And suddenly the baby showed, some more “Push! Push!” from the doctors and it was out… But it wasn’t crying. The nurses immediately took it away.
Buffy looked scared.
“What’s happening?! Why is it not crying?!”
Faith, despite her tiredness, sounded panicky as she asked.
The slayers watched for awfully long seconds as the nurses and doctors gathered around the small body and did whatever they had to do, and suddenly cries resounded. Loud, shrieking cries, but it felt so good to Buffy’s ears, and she watched as Faith finally let her head fall back on the pillow, tears running down her cheeks. Buffy squeezed her hands and cried too, “It’s ok, it’s ok now.”
The nurse enveloped the baby in a white sheet and came closer,
“Here is your beautiful little daughter Miss.”
Buffy gasped at the words, she squeezed Faith’s hand, but the brunette wasn’t looking. Her eyes were closed.
“Faith? See that, it’s a girl.”
Faith looked aside. The nurse didn’t quite understand. Joyce entered at this moment as she’d heard the baby’s cries. Buffy took the baby from the nurses’ hands, she had a look of wonder on her face as she looked at her, “She’s so beautiful Faith. Look at her.”
“Take her away.”
“What? Faith, hold her,”
“Take her away!” Faith said in an exhausted call. Buffy took a few steps backwards so much she was stunned.
“Take that thing away from me!” She exclaimed once more. Buffy couldn’t talk right now. The nurse took the baby away, she had to tell Buffy the baby needed to be examined to get her to let go of it. The blonde slayer looked crushed. Joyce felt bad at that sight. Faith looked up at the older Summers, “Bring me those papers.”
Buffy left the hospital room, passing by her mother who sighed, upset.
~~
Faith left the hospital the next evening. They wanted to keep her longer but nothing in the world would have been able to convince her of that. Joyce brought her back since Buffy hadn’t showed up at the hospital since she’d left.
“Thank you Joyce. I’m gonna go rest for a while.” Faith sounded grave, she walked the stairs.
The brunette entered her room, got undressed and crept under the sheets immediately. Someone knocked on her door.
“Since when do you knock, B?”
Buffy entered with a shy smile, “How do you feel?”
“Good.”
Buffy looked embarrassed, “I’m sorry I didn’t come see you today, but with school and all.”
“It’s ok, I understand.”
Buffy was hardly looking at her straight in the eyes. Faith tapped invitingly on the side of the bed, “Can come now.”
“Well, I-I still have school work that I was just… working on right now. You really look like you need to rest anyway. I’ll come back later ok?”
Faith reluctantly nodded and Buffy left back to her room. She didn’t join her later. Faith didn’t sleep much. Neither did Buffy.
Buffy left for school very early the next morning.
She entered her room after coming back home that afternoon. She felt the brunette slayer entered behind her.
“Finally home.” Faith whispered as she wrapped her arms around the blonde slayer’s waist.
Buffy took a deep breath as Faith kissed her neck warmly and roamed her hand on her stomach.
“I’ve missed you, Buffy.”
She kissed her cheekbones and moved slightly on Buffy’s side as she tried to kiss her but Buffy shook her head, “Err Faith I,” she trailed off.
“What’s wrong B?” Faith firmly asked, crossing her arms on her stomach.
“Nothing I’m… I’m just… not into it.”
Faith put her hands on both sides of Buffy’s waist as she sensually whispered, “I could… make you into it.”
“I just… I really have some work to do.”
Faith let a fake laugh out, “guess you really had that pregnant women fascination then.”
“I don’t understand what you mean.”
“No you don’t, of course, not anymore.”
“Faith, seriously, I just need to work, that’s all.”
“Yeah, that’s all.”
“Buffy is that you?!” Joyce called from downstairs.
“Yes mom!”
“I’ve picked up your Prom dress!”
“Thank you mom!”
“Oh and I posted your letter for Northwestern as well.”
Buffy didn’t dare to look at Faith who, once again, let a slight laugh out.
“Faith I-“
“Guess you really don’t find me ‘beautiful’ anymore.”
“It’s not that you know it.”
“It’s ok, I know what it is. I got the message.” Faith left the room and Buffy didn’t have the courage to go after her.
She only went to check on the brunette an hour later and gasped in bad surprise as she saw all her things were packed.
“What are you doing?”
“What I should’ve done a long time ago.”
“No, you know it’s not true.”
“Yes, Buffy, it is. Now let me make everything simpler, will you.”
“Simpler for whom?”
“Don’t act like you don’t understand B.”
“Faith you just… you just gotta give me some more time… I didn’t think you would… That’s all.”
“That I would what? Give up that baby? I told you, in fact I told you many times I wouldn’t keep it. Not my fault you didn’t believe me, but I was the honest one this time. Now if you can’t deal there’s nothing I can do about it.”
“Tell me… tell me you don’t think about it. Tell me you really wanted to sign that paper and I’ll call you a liar.”
“Don’t change the subject. I’m leaving now.”
“No, stay.”
“There’s nothing here for me anymore, neither for you.”
“You sound like my mother.”
“Yeah and wasn’t she right?”
“Is that what you think?”
“It doesn’t matter what I think, B. What matter is the look in your eyes right now. The way you’re looking at me since… the hospital. That look Buffy. That look is what tells me I have nothing else to do here, cause I could let you all the time possible that you would still look at me…. that way. No matter what.”
Buffy swallowed,
“I
just can’t help…” she trailed off.
“I know,” Faith told her, “that’s why I’m going. Because I won’t stand it for the rest of my life. And you have better things to do too.”
She took her bags, “Goodbye, Buffy.”
She stopped as she passed by the now crying blonde girl, “I won’t forget any of this… You’re the only person I’ve… I’ve ever loved Buffy. Thank you. And you take care.”
And she left. Buffy wanted to run after her, to hold her back, tell her she loved her but it was too hard. She’d felt something break when Faith pushed her -and the baby- away at the hospital. She was simply unable to get over it now.
And she let Faith go.
PART 18
Almost one year later.
Buffy was walking in the street of Sunnydale with Xander and Anya.
“I can’t wait to be this summer.”
“It’s almost here Buffy. Less than 2 months and you college guys will be out and coming back here.”
“I can’t wait for Willow to be here. Oh, not that it wasn’t great coming back here and seeing you two during the vacations.”
Xander smiled, “I got it don’t worry. I’ve missed her too. And I’m sure she will be glad to come back. England’s food… yerk. And I can’t believe Oz followed her there. Love is really blind, or rather, tasteless.” He smiled but then cried out as Anya slapped his arms, “You mean you wouldn’t have followed me to England if I’d gone there?!” She said in her most angrily-hurt voice. He smiled sheepishly, “Of course An I would have, you know that. I’ll follow you everywhere.”
“That’s better.” She kept walking and he sighed with a frown at Buffy who smiled but then her smile faded. Xander saw her looking around,
“Not around much. Sorry Buff,”
She nodded.
“We tried to ‘remain close’ while you were gone but err- well,” he hesitated, “she cut herself off.”
Buffy looked sad, not that she didn’t know it already. She’d tried to talk to Faith when she’d visited during her few come backs this year but the brunette slayer had always been ‘mysteriously gone’ then. Each time.
“So, what about you Buffy? How’s San Francisco?” Xander asked to change the topic.
“It’s still beautiful.”
Xander smiled, “You do know your mother still curses you for not going to Northwestern, right?”
Buffy nodded with a smile, “She brings the topic every time I have her on the phone.”
They smiled and Anya said, “Why didn’t you go there in fact? I thought it was better than the one you’re in.”
“College is college you know. I had more options in San Francisco. Something I really wanted to do there. Besides, it’s a good college too.”
They all nodded and continued talking quietly.
~~
Later that night.
Buffy knocked on the door she knew was Faith’s motel’s room but got no responses.
“She’s not here.”
Buffy turned around, she hadn’t sensed the brunette vampire behind her.
“Angel.”
“Buffy.” He smiled, “you look good.”
She smiled and they slightly hugged.
“I didn’t know you were still in Sunnydale. I stopped by the mansion last summer but, seemed like you were gone.”
“Well, I was, but I came back. Thought I could still do some good in this town.”
“That’s good.” She said then she looked worried again, “Did you happen to… tag along with her… during the patrol, maybe?”
“She doesn’t ‘tag along’ with anyone Buffy. Not since you. You’re the only one she could stand patrolling with. Well she more than stood it… but that’s another story.”
Buffy looked aside, sadly.
Angel went on, “She’s doing… rather good though.”
“How do you, I mean,”
“I’ve been watching her, pretty much like I did with you in the beginning… Well, not for the same reasons though.”
“What are you reasons then?”
“Well, she can be… pretty reckless sometimes.”
Buffy sighed saddened, he went on, “She’s doing an excellent work though. If you’ve seen Giles he probably told you already.”
“Yes, that and also that he barely sees her once a month.”
“I know. Anyway, she’s good, focused on the patrol most of the time… when she’s sober.”
Buffy sighed even more, “I wish I could talk to her. Not one of them knows where to find her. She avoids me every time I’m here.”
“I know. She sleeps somewhere else when you’re in town.”
“You’ve really been watching her. But please if you tell me she sleeps at some guy’s house then, better not tell me at all.”
“No she doesn’t.” He said with a slight smile, “In fact she barely talks to people. I’m not saying she doesn’t… you know, but I haven’t seen her come home with anyone. I’m not around all the time though, but I know where she is right now.”
Buffy looked expectant.
She works in a bar outside of town, and when you’re home she stays there. There must be a room, a couch or something. There, this is the address,” he handed her a piece of paper with a name and address on it, “thought you might want it.”
She took it and swallowed, “Thank you.” Emotions cracked in her voice. “Thank you.” She said again. He really understood the entire meaning of her thanks. He nodded and walked away.
Buffy arrived in the very early morning.
“I’m sorry Miss, we’re closing.”
“I’m here to see someone. Faith? Do you know her?”
“Sure, she’s in.” The bouncer let her in.
Some guy was sweeping the floor. The bartender was cleaning and Faith was there, sitting alone in the middle of that dark -almost empty now- room, drinking a beer and staring in the void.
“What’re you thinking about?”
Faith gave a slight jump, “B?”
“That’s me. Finally found you.”
Faith looked all around, slightly embarrassed, “Err yeah. I work here.” Then she couldn’t help her eyes from falling all over Buffy’s body, “You look good.”
“Thanks.”
“You lost some weight?”
“Little. You too.”
Faith nodded, she swallowed, “So, college, how’s it going?”
“It’s ok. I did rather well this year. Of course I spent a massive amount of money calling England for Willow’s help as usually.”
Faith couldn’t help a slight smile, “How’s she doing there?”
“Excellent. Oz is doing pretty good too. He’s not in Oxford himself cause well, brainiacs only, but they’re still together and doing good there. They’re coming back this summer. We’ll finally be able to spend a whole summer together. It’ll be nice. Hopefully you… will be with us.”
“Well I… I’m not much for crowds you know me.”
“So, what do you like?”
Faith frowned.
“What is it that you like to do?”
“I don’t know… stuff.”
“What stuff?”
“Why are you asking me that Buffy?”
“I’m just asking. Didn’t have the chance to see you since… last year. I’d like to know what it is you do now, here in Sunnydale all day long. I already know about your nights.”
Faith frowned and Buffy went on, “Slaying… for the most part. And working, yes, working is good.”
“What do you want Buffy?” Faith got up.
“Do you have friends? See people? Do you go to parties or I don’t know, go to the beach or anything… You’re never with the gang so I wouldn’t know all this.”
“I tell you Buffy; I’m not one for crowds. I just… hang around in town and stay in my room. I spend a lot of time slaying.”
“So, that’s what you do. This is your life then, huh?”
“Yes Buffy.” Faith replied firmly, “Sorry if it doesn’t fit your standard.”
“Oh you know my standard, very variable Faith, you should know better. No, my wonder is that it doesn’t fit yours. You don’t seem that good to me. And what was this gaze when I came in? Cause you sure beat Angel on the whole sulking thing.”
“I wasn’t sulking. I was-, and what do you car anyway?!”
“There’s something missing in my life Faith.”
Faith looked aside and sat in her chair again. Buffy moved closer and sat in front of her, “And I know it’s missing from yours too… even more.”
“We’ve been over this already Buffy.”
“Tell me now, Faith, that you don’t regret any of it?”
“Don’t start with it Buffy.”
“Tell me signing this paper is the best thing you’ve ever done in your life? Tell me you don’t think about her every day? Tell me walking away from-“
“It’s done Buffy! Nothing I can do about it anymore. I’ve never been one to cry and mourn on things I can do anything about anymore.”
“You seemed pretty sorrowful when I came in.”
“What if I was? It is DONE Buffy. How long are you gonna punish me for that?!”
“Punish you? You walked away, walked away from me after walking away from her, as if you didn’t suffer enough at that time. And I can’t be sorry enough for letting you go, but you’re right *this*, is done. But I need you to look at me and tell me if you regret or not signing these papers.”
“It won’t change anything, Buffy.”
“Yes it will. For me it will. Now tell me.”
“Look at me Buffy, walking in a seedy nightclub to pay the rent for a shitty motel room. What good do you think I could possibly bring to a baby?” Faith was fighting back some tears.
“You didn’t reply my question Faith.”
Faith remained silent. Buffy got up; she took a piece of paper out of her pocket and put it on the table,
“This is where I’m staying in San Francisco. If you find the answer… come see me. If you haven’t felt like some part of you was missing this year then… forget about it, forget about everything. But if you do… you’ll come. I trust you. I always did.”
Buffy left. Faith remained thoughtfully staring at the paper in front of her.
~~
Almost a month later.
Faith checked the address on her paper once again, there she was. She felt extremely anxious as she stood in front of an open gate. The house looked pretty from the outside. She wondered why Buffy wasn’t living on the campus dorm. She rang the bell but apparently it wasn’t working because she received no answers. She walked in the driveway and very fast caught sight of a brunette woman in the garden, and she heard children’s laughs. She looked at the woman playing with two young kids. Between 3 and 6 and they were laughing, laughing so loud it made Faith’s heart ache at that moment, just like every time she sees a kid since… Since that time.
She stared at the scene for a long while until the woman noticed her, “Hello,”
“Err, hi, I’m-“
“Faith, right?” The woman told her with a genuine smile.
“Yes.”
“I’ll go and get Buffy… They were waiting for you.”
Faith frowned but her attention was on the kids, she couldn’t help it. The woman kept on smiling, “Could you watch them for me,”
“Err, I-I’m not good with kids.” She said with a slight panic.
“You’ll be fine.” The woman told her with an honest grin, “Just make sure they don’t run to the road.”
Faith nodded and the woman walked in.
Faith moved closer, the little girl dropped her toy out of her playing field. Faith knelt and gave it back to her, she was rewarded by a huge grin and then the girl went back to hitting the little boy with it. It made Faith smiled at that.
“I see you’re already making friends.” Buffy said from behind. Faith got up, “You know me, all ab-“
Faith stopped dead in her track when she saw her. She couldn’t breathe suddenly.
“Katrina, say hi to mommy.” Buffy, in her most childish voice told the little girl she was holding in her arms.
Faith felt like she’d been shot with a paralyzing dose and had no reactions, she was stuck, almost looked like she had a heart attack. She looked staggered, to say the less, but tears already ran down her cheeks. As if the tears she’d cried during this year all came back suddenly.
“See baby, I told you mommy would come. After she's killed the bad dragons and the monsters. I told you she would come,” Buffy looked up at Faith as she said the last part. She walked slowly closer to the still motionless brunette who swallowed and tried to remember how to breathe.
Buffy could read so many questions in the brunette’s eyes but right now nothing could come out so she started,
“I saved lots of life in Sunnydale. And social service workers, well, they usually get out of work pretty late so… Ok I admit I hanged around it a lot hoping they would be attacked, but that’s only because I knew I was there to protect them.” She said with a wink before going on, “and sometimes, I accept that I’m owed. Sometimes... it’s good to be owed.”
She gently smiled,
“Katrina never went to the Martins. These papers you signed
never made it to the direction. I had this little favor. Katrina was
here, with us. Ben and Gladys are old friends from Emery. I saved
them too. And I knew they would accept because that’s what they
do here. Justin, the little boy you see here comes from the social
service as well as Rudy who you will meet later. Kitana, the little
girl is their own. They keep children whose parents are having
troubles for a certain amount of time. Mister Spencer at the social
service managed a little compromise; you had 18 months to come pick
her up before she was placed in an adoptive family… For good.”
Faith swallowed hard. She choked; she had to wipe her eyes so much she didn’t see because of her tears. Buffy was trying hard to hold back her own. Faith kept staring at the smiling little girl. Buffy moved closer, Faith almost seemed afraid.
“Buffy I-“ She sounded panicky as Buffy closed the remaining gap and gave her the child. Faith didn’t dare to really hold her, ‘as if she was scared of breaking her’, she seemed so confused but the baby looked at her and then she felt herself melt away in her baby blue eyes, and unable to look anywhere else now. She hesitantly reached the baby’s face and brushed her fingertips on its frail little face and she finally held her close in her arms, more tears fell on her cheeks and Buffy couldn’t hold back hers anymore.
Faith opened her eyes and opened her hand that Buffy immediately took, “I’m so scared, Buffy.” She could barely talk. Buffy squeezed her hand, “I know, but I’m here, remember? I’m always here. And I’m always gonna be here with you. All the way. We can do this Faith. Together.”
Faith held the baby tighter, not too tight though, but just like she would never let go of her anymore. Buffy caressed Faith’s cheek. “It’s gonna be ok now.”
Faith pulled away slightly to look at the baby girl; her baby girl, “She’s so beautiful.”
“Just like her mother.” Buffy said with a gentle squeeze of Faith’s hand. The brunette stared at her and caressed the blonde girl’s face, “Just like her mother.” She whispered with a nod as she pulled Buffy closer into a gentle kiss, while they both held the smiling little girl….
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